The Best 86 Bullets Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Bullets jokes. There are some bullets oswald jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these bullets firearms puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Bullets Jokes and Puns

Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One of them sees a tree in the distance that's draped in bacon. "It's a bacon tree! We're saved!" he says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets.

It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.

Bullets are so weird

They only do their job AFTER they're fired

Guy walks into a bar with a gun and snarls who had sex with my wife!!!

A guy in the back replies

You don't have enough bullets

Bullets joke, Guy walks into a bar with a gun and snarls  who had sex with my wife!!!

Q: What happens when you eat bullets?

A: Your hair grows out in bangs.

Joke from my jazz history class: You are stuck on an island with Hitler, Stalin, and Kenny G. You have a gun, but you only have two bullets. What do you do?

You shoot Kenny G. Twice.


Be careful of your aim

A woman was pregnant with triplets.
One day she goes into this bank as it was being held up. She gets shot 3 times in her stomach, but luckily she lives.
She goes to the doctor who tells her that her children will be all right, and that one day the bullets will come out.

So 13 years later, one triplet, a girl, runs out of the bathroom and says "MOM, MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!" So the mother tells her the story.

The next day the second daughter comes out and says the same thing, "MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!"

On the third day the son comes out and says "MOM, MOM!" So she goes, "Let me guess, you were going to the bathroom and a bullet came out?" he replies "No, I was jerking off and I shot the dog!"

A guy walks into a bar with a gun and yelled "Who slept with my wife?"

and in the background someone replied "You ain't got enough bullets."

Bullets joke, A guy walks into a bar with a gun and yelled "Who slept with my wife?"

How many bullets do you need to kill a jew?

Just one if they're all chained up.

Two Mexicans were walking through the desert...

After days without food or water, one of them spot a tree on the horizon.

"Look ese" one of them says. "Is a bacon tree!"

The other Mexican becomes excited, and starts running towards the tree. When he is only a few yards away, a hail of bullets hit him, and he falls to the ground. With his last breath he shouts to his friend.

"Run ese, is no bacon tree. Is a ham-bush"

I'm not saying I hate you...

I'm not saying I hate you, but if I were locked in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and you, and I had 2 bullets, I would shoot Hitler and Bin Laden and then say loads of mean things about your mother.

What would reunite the Beatles?

2 more bullets

You can explore bullets gun reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean bullets ammo dad jokes. There are also bullets puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


BIack man found shot to death. 27 bullets in total.

Police say it was the worst case of suicide they had seen.

What can bring The Beatles back together?

Two more bullets.

So a guy walks into a bar with a gun...

Who had sex with my wife!!?

A man shouts from the back, *you don't have enough bullets bro*!

Cop: "Did you kill this man?"

Me: "No, a bullet killed him. Bullets are made of lead, which comes from the ground. The ground is part of nature. He died of natural causes. Case closed."

"What happened?" The bullets asked their sad bullet friend...

"I got fired." He replied.

Bullets joke, "What happened?" The bullets asked their sad bullet friend...

A couple of unemployed tough guys see a pair of crocodile shoes in a store window.

The one turns to the other and says, "Look at that price tag! I tell you there's money to be made there!"

So they spend the next 4 weeks in Florida hunting crocs. They kill several, eventually running out of bullets and resorting to a knife at first, then their bare hands.

The first one turns to the other and says, "I'll tell you what, if this next croc we see doesn't have shoes on I quit."

Why do they make bullets out of lead?

Don't they know that people die from lead poisoning?

You are being approached by a lawyer, a lion and a gang member.

You are armed with a gun and two bullets. What do you do?

Shoot the lawyer. Twice.


A man walks into a bar with a loaded gun

"All right, anyone here that slept with my wife, please step forward.
A man from the back of the bar shouts,
"You don't have enough bullets!"

What do you get when you shoot four bullets into a six pack?

A Tupac...

This guy was talking to me about bullets.

I try to avoid the subject myself.

A guy walks into a bar with a gun and asks out loud "who had sex with my wife!?"

A voice up the back said, "you don't have enough bullets!"

Yo momma's so ugly...

When the cops shoot her, the bullets come back and ask for blindfolds.

The legionnaires

Two French legionnaires are walking through the desert, lost, when they happen across an oasis. One turns to the other and say "look! Zat tree 'as back on eet!" In excitement they run towards the tree but as they approach bullets start striking the ground around them. As they are running off the second turns to the first and says "zat was no bacon tree, zat was an 'am bush"

Donald Trump is being held hostage...

Guy 1: "Donald Trump is being held hostage by terrorists and they threaten to shoot him unless the US can come up with $5 billion in cash!"

Guy 2: "Oh my God, that's horrible! How much have people donated?"

Guy 1: "So far, 15 rifles, 20 machine guns, 16 shotguns, 8 revolvers, 76 BB guns, 18 Glocks, 15 magnums, 21 bobcats, and $12 million in bullets.

A guy walks into a bar with a gun

A guy enters a bar with a gun and sais "Who's the one that had sex with my wife?!"

A voice was heard in the backround, "You don't have enough bullets on you mate!".

What do bullets and I have in common?

We don't miss Harambe.

You are stuck in a room with Adolf Hitler and Donald Trump. You have a gun with 2 bullets in it, what do you do?

*Shoot myself twice*

What's the difference between everyone and bullets

Everyone misses Harambe.

Don't know if this is a repost or not, just heard it from a friend.

Pneumonia was found dead

In other news, pneumonia was found dead with 2 bullets in the back of his head, the police are ruling it a suicide.

Why do police in the US carry a tazer and pepper spray?

In case they run out of bullets.

Evolution is clearly broken

sinc black people haven't developed immunity against bullets

A man walks into a crowded bar brandishing a gun...

The man yells out "WHOS BEEN SLEEPING WITH MY WIFE???"
A few moments later, a man in the back yells back "YOU DONT HAVE ENOUGH BULLETS!".

What do you call a rifle that fires 3 bullets at once?

A trifle!

A man with a gun enters a bar.

He tells everyone he is there to shoot the man who slept with his wife.

A person from the back of the bar yells "you don't have enough bullets."

Note: I heard this joke a few years ago and it's still the funniest I've ever heard.

A man walks into a bar with a gun

A man walks into a bar with a gun and yells "WHO SLEPT WITH MY WIFE! I'M GONNA KILL 'EM!"

A man calmly stands up and says, "You ain't got enough bullets, mate."

A guy shoots a random man on the street.

Cop: "Did you kill this man?"
Guy: "No, a bullet killed him. Bullets are made of lead, which comes from the ground. The ground is part of nature. He died of natural causes. Case closed."

Why did the black guy have cocaine sprinkled on him?

The cops were out of bullets.

My dating life is a lot like the military

It is just huge intervals of boredom rarely interrupted by dodging some bullets.

I bought a gun and a box of bullets just in case civilization collapses. I may not survive the apocalypse...

But I'll be damned if my ex is going to.

A Man walked into a bar with a gun

The man - Which one of you F*cked my wife?!

Random guy in the bar - YOU DON'T HAVE THAT MANY BULLETS!

How do you know that it really is a post office employee that goes postal?

The bullets hit the wrong building three days late.

How do Putin opponents commit suicide?

Two bullets to the back of the head.

There are several types of vests designed to protect a person...

There's Life Vests - designed to protect a person from drowning.
There's Bullet Proof Vests - designed to protect a person from bullets.
There's High Visibility Safety Vests - designed to protect a person from getting hit while near traffic.
There's Leather Vests - designed to protect a person from road rash when laying down their motorcycle.
And there's Sweater Vests - designed to protect a person from women.

What's the worst kind of riddle?

Being riddled with bullets

What would it take to reunite nirvana?

2 more bullets.

What would it take to reunite the beetles?

Two bullets.

If the proletariat gets to eat the food, what will the bourgeoisie eat?

Bullets

What would it take to reunite The Beatles?

2 Bullets

Our parents had to walk uphill both ways in 2 feet of snow to get to school...

But they didn't have to dodge bullets when they get there.

TIL Bullets are Vegan

saw it on YouTube

How do Russians commit suicide?

With two bullets to the back of the head.

An American goes to a shop.

And asks for a full automatic rifle, 40.000 bullets and a pack of penicillin.

The shop owner says: I am sorry sir, I canΒ΄t sell you the penicillin without a prescription.

Metric system isn't popular in the United States?

Nonsense, just look how popular are two-liter bottles and nine-millimeter bullets

A man burst into a bar with a revolver on his hand

The man yelled at the top of his lungs

"WHICH ONE OF YOU HAVE BEEN SLEEPING WITH MY WIFE?"

The whole bar went silent, one man stood up and replied

"You're gonna need more than six bullets pal!"

Why doesn't Greece have executions with guns anymore?

Because bullets cost money.

For Fathers Day I took my Dad out.

It only took seven bullets.

A man is standing at the office water cooler...

...Talking animatedly telling his coworker he found that his girlfriend was poking holes in his condoms. He elbows the other guy and says "luckily I found out years ago I'm sterile, really dodged a bullet there."

The other guy scoffs "is it really dodging bullets if you're shooting blanks?"

A Russian and a Jew were on the battlefield.

The jew, hurt badly, was in agony:

-Ivan, I'm in a lot of paint. Shoot me and end my suffering.

-I can't, Avraham, I'm out of bullets.

-I'll sell you a few, Ivan.

I've recently been considering decreasing my daily intake of bullets.

They just seem to pass right through me.

What happened when the two bullets got married?

They had a BB.

Ever hear about the Gun that ran a marathon?

It was sweating bullets

Why do the school shooters never run out of ammo?

Because there are a lot of documents with bullets in schools.

How does Max Payne organize his list?

**BULLETS.**

Did you hear about the Irishman who was impervious to bullets?

His name was Rick O'Shea

A politician had recently committed suicide

"It is a very sad day," the Police Chief said, "and we have ruled that he has committed suicide, via 3 bullets to the head"

A guy enters in a bar, angry af, with an assault rifle.

The whole place goes silent as he slams the door.

Angry guy : Who in here slept with my wife?!?

Some random guy at the back of the bar starts to laugh.

Angry guy : What's so funny?!?

Random guy : No chance you have enough bullets in that gun !

The assassination of John Lennon is one of the biggest tragedies in music

Not even one of the five bullets hit Yoko Ono

An angry man with a gun walks into a bar and yells WHO HAD SEX WITH MY WIFE

A man sitting in the corner replies,

You won't have enough bullets

Before guns were invented

armies had to throw bullets at each other and if a bullet touched you, you had to sit this one out until the next war

A man came into a bar with a gun and shouted through the bar: I WILL SHOOT EVERYONE WHO SLEPT WITH MY WIFE.

A guy in the back of the bar shouted back: YOU NEVER HAVE ENOUGH BULLETS.

So what is the difference between People and Bullets?



.

People miss Gandhi

Bullets

What is the difference between bullets and humans?.
.
.
.
.
.
.
. Humans miss JFK.

Rubber bullets are like Batman

They won't kill you, but you'll probably be disfigured for life after encountering one.

If eyes could shoot bullets,

I'd look into a bulletproof mirror.

A panda walks into a bar, orders a burger, downs it in a few bites, pulls out a gun and shoots two bullets into the roof.

On his way to the door the waiter exclaims why the f*ck did you do that?!

To which the tired looking panda rolls his eyes and tosses a torn up wildlife manual across the counter, i'm a panda, look it up... before casually walking out the exit

After finding the relevant chapter the waiter reads:
Panda: Large black and white bear-like mammal; eats, shoots and leaves.

Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One cowboy sees a tree that's draped in bacon. A bacon tree ! We're saved! He says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets.

It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.

I recently bought a gun

It can only shoot NaCl bullets because it's a salt rifle.

A guy walks into a bar

A guy walks into a bar with a gun and said
"Which one of you slept with my wife?"
and a guy in the back stands up and saysΒ 
"Put it down man. You dont have enough bullets."

Two cowboys are lost in the desert.

No food or drink. One of them spots a tree draped in bacon! He shouts A bacon tree, we're saved and runs towards it. As he gets closer it shoots him full of bullets.

Turns out it wasn't a bacon tree.

It was a ham bush

Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning, or possibly just a very hairy guy....

Either way, the silver bullets work.

WHY DOES THE ROCK NOT DIE IN MOVIES?

Because they use rubber bullets instead of paper ones.

Dave was getting robbed in the desert

he gave the robber his money and asked the robber shoot a few bullets in his hat to make it believable to his wife that he was robbed.

he then asked," shoot a few bullets in the coat while you're at it, I want to look like I fought you and not look like a coward"

after the robber shot the coat, he said, "shoot a few holes-"

"please, no more holes, I'm out of bullets"

"that's what I wanted to hear. now give me back the wallet and some more money for the hat and coat you destroyed before I beat you black and blue"

Two men are lost in the desert when they spot a tree covered in bacon.

One of the men exclaims "a bacon tree! we're saved". However as he rushes over to it he dies in a hail of bullets. It turns out that it wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.

Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One sees a tree that's draped in bacon. 'A bacon tree, we're saved!' He says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets

It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the bullets handgun jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working bullets hostages piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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