Bullet Wounds Jokes
9 bullet wounds jokes and hilarious bullet wounds puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bullet wounds that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Unearthly Funniest Bullet Wounds Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
What is a good bullet wounds joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
So an old lady's husband dies...
The old lady depressed and wants to kill herself goes to the doctor and asks him "Where is the heart located?" The doctor tells her it is under the left breast. The old lady goes to the gun store and buys a gun, goes home and puts the gun under her left breast and pulls the trigger. The old lady was soon admitted to the hospital with a bullet wound to her left knee.
A blonde was rushed to the hospital
A blonde was rushed to the hospital with a bullet wound in her index finger.
Doctor: how did this happen?
Blonde: I tried to s**....
Doctor: you shot your finger for s**...?
Blonde: No, I shot in my ear. But just before pulling the trigger, I realized that there would be a loud bang, so I closed my other ear with my finger.
A Mexican man was found dead at the bottom of a lake.
He was t**..., had chains wrapped around him, and had seven bullet wounds.
When the local sheriff was asked what had happened, the sheriff replied, It is truly the worst d**... case of s**... I've ever seen.
A Jewish and Russian soldier come under heavy fire...
As both engage the enemy the Jewish soldier is struck with a bullet and mortally wounded.
The Russian soldier continues to return fire and hold back the enemy, eventually however his ammo is spent.
He looks to his Jewish comrade and says I cannot hold them back, I'm out of ammunition
The Jew, struggling to keep his eyes open motions the Russian over. Here he says you can buy some of mine .
Semper Fi, Motherf*****
A Taliban division is patrolling the desert when, over a nearby dune, they hear a voice call out "One Marine is worth 10 Taliban." The Taliban commander sends 10 of his men over the dune, and a gun battle ensues, then silence.
Then the voice laughs and says "One marine is tougher than 100 Taliban." Angered, the commander sends 100 of his troops over the dune. A fierce gun battle breaks out, then silence.
Then the voice once again calls out: "The Taliban are wimps. One Marine can smash 1000 of you cowards!" Enraged, the commander sends 1000 of his best men over the dune. Bullets are flying everywhere, grenades exploding left and right, and then silence again.
Then, through the smoke, one badly wounded Taliban soldier crawls back over the dune. He looks at his commander and says "Don't send any more men, it's a trap. There are actually TWO of them!"
What do you call a black man with a bullet wound?
An ambulance. You call him an ambulance.
An elderly woman wants to join her husband of 60 years after he died two weeks ago.
She finds his old revolver, and calls the doctor. The doctor, having been the family practitioner for nearly their whole marriage, knows the woman is ready to go. So when she asks him how to end it all quickly with as little pain as possible, he tells her one bullet, straight to the heart, directly under your left breast. The elderly woman thanks him, they say their goodbyes, and hang up.
A few hours later the woman was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her left knee.
What do you call a Mexican with bullet wounds?
Spicoli
Two French generals...
... of the Napolean army were watching a battle from a nearby hill. Suddenly, a stray bullet struck one of them in the shoulder. Without an instants' pause, he turned to his aide. "Fetch me my red jacket," he commanded. As the aide rushed to comply, he turned to the other General, and explained that he didn't want the men to be demoralized by knowing he was wounded.
The other General was clearly impressed. At that moment, a cannonball shrieked between them, the wind from its' passing rocking them both back on their heels. After a moment, the second General turned to his aide, and ordered, "Fetch me my brown trousers ... "
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