Bullet Jokes
117 bullet jokes and hilarious bullet puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bullet that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the best bullet jokes to entertain your friends! From the silver bullet to the bullet train, we've got jokes about handguns, triplets, and the famous Bullet Bhaskar. So, get ready to fire off some laughs with our collection of bullet-related puns!
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Funniest Bullet Short Jokes
Short bullet jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bullet humour may include short shot jokes also.
- What's the difference between a police officer and a bullet? When a bullet kills someone else, you know it's been fired
- I don't understand why Obama has to give his speeches behind bullet proof glass. I mean, I know he's black and all, but I doubt he'll shoot anyone.
- My uncle got shot by a stray bullet. By some miracle, he had a bible in his jacket pocket. So he had something to read as he bled to death.
- My professor just said that the particle of light is like a bullet... The black objects absorb more.
- A bullet walks into a bar, depressed. "Why the sad face?" asks the bartender.
"I got fired." - A soldier in wwii was shot but coins in his pocket stopped the bullet. It was his life savings.
- Dodged the bullet A girl asked me today if she is wearing too much make-up. I told her my reply depends on whether or not she intends to kill Batman.
- This 4th of July, the British should celebrate independence day too. Now they feel like they dodged a bullet.
- I saw a werewolf behind the bus stop last night! Or a really hairy homeless guy.
Either way, the silver bullet worked! - What's the difference between the police and a bullet? At least when a bullet kills someone, it's fired
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Bullet One Liners
Which bullet one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bullet? I can suggest the ones about shoot and balls.
- Bullets are so weird They only do their job AFTER they're fired
- Did you hear about the Irishman who was impervious to bullets? His name was Rick O'Shea
- What do you get when you shoot four bullets into a six pack? A Tupac...
- Looking back, I'm glad I didn't get that YouTube internship I really dodged a bullet
- Chuck Norris was shot today The bullet is in critical condition
- Does anyone know how to draw a very realistic bullet? Because I'm drawing a blank.
- Tony Romo just tried to kill himself The bullet was intercepted
- What would it take to reunite The Beatles? 2 Bullets
- What haircut contains bullets? Ammohawk.
- I have a superpower.... I can stop a bullet.... ... once...
- What would reunite the Beatles? 2 more bullets
- Why was the NRA presentation not well received? It had too many bullet points.
- What's the difference between everyone and bullets? Everyone misses Harambe
- Man, I sure am mad about the rising bullet prices... Now I get less bang for my buck!
- Whats faster than a speeding bullet? A Jew with a coupon
Bullet Train Jokes
Here is a list of funny bullet train jokes and even better bullet train puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why don't american have a bullet train? They use the bullets to train the military.
- Why was the bullet train behind schedule? Because it had a bad conductor.
- Why are the cops in Ferguson Steelers fans? Bullet train!
Silver Bullet Jokes
Here is a list of funny silver bullet jokes and even better silver bullet puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the woke mythological creature who brought up gun violence stats when they tried to kill him with a silver bullet? He was aware-wolf
Ridiculous Bullet Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about bullet you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean beam jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bullet pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Guy can tell how any animal was killed
Guy walks into a bar and says: While I am blindfolded, I can feel the pelt of any animal and tell you how it was killed.
People start betting, the guy is blindfolded and given the first pelt (this bar has them for some reason).
the man holds the pelt and fingers the bullet hole, then says: this is a polar bear and it was killed .30-06! He is correct!
the next pelt is handed to him. He feels it and finds the bullet hole. then he says: This is a muskrat and it was killed by a .22! He is correct! Everyone cheers, beers are bought and a good time is had by all.
the next morning, the man wakes up in his own bed next to his wife but he now has a black eye and a headache. He wakes his wife and asks what happened with his new shiner. she says that she gave it to him. he asks why. well, she says, last night you came home drunk, and stuck your hand down my pants. then you yelled in my ear: **SKUNK, KILLED BY AX.**
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Be careful of your aim
A woman was pregnant with triplets.
One day she goes into this bank as it was being held up. She gets shot 3 times in her stomach, but luckily she lives.
She goes to the doctor who tells her that her children will be all right, and that one day the bullets will come out.
So 13 years later, one triplet, a girl, runs out of the bathroom and says "MOM, MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!" So the mother tells her the story.
The next day the second daughter comes out and says the same thing, "MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!"
On the third day the son comes out and says "MOM, MOM!" So she goes, "Let me guess, you were going to the bathroom and a bullet came out?" he replies "No, I was jerking off and I shot the dog!"
What's the difference between George Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin?
Zimmerman can dodge a bullet.
VA Nurse joke
What is the difference between a VA nurse and a bullet?
* A bullet can draw blood
* A bullet can be fired
* A bullet can only kill one person
I see your eight-year-old joke and raise you my nine-year-old joke.
Why didn't the bullet have a job?
It got fired.
Cop: "Did you kill this man?"
Me: "No, a bullet killed him. Bullets are made of lead, which comes from the ground. The ground is part of nature. He died of natural causes. Case closed."
"What happened?" The bullets asked their sad bullet friend...
"I got fired." He replied.
The Washington Bullets are changing their name.
They don’t want their team to be associated with crime. From now on, they’ll just be known as the Bullets.
What's the difference between officer Darren Wilson and Michael Brown?
Officer Wilson can dodge a bullet
What's the difference between Michael Brown and Darren Wilson?
Only one of them knows how to dodge a bullet.
If you had one bullet and there was a Lion, a bear and a jaguar. What do you do?
If you were in the middle of the forest and there was a lion, a bear and a jaguar. You had a gun with only one bullet. What do you do?
Shoot the lion, drink the beer and drive away in your jaguar. :)
... Obviously it's better told to someone than read.
FULLY LOADED
Q: What did the mommy bullet say to the daddy bullet?
A: "We're gonna have a BB!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde was rushed to the hospital
A blonde was rushed to the hospital with a bullet wound in her index finger.
Doctor: how did this happen?
Blonde: I tried to s**....
Doctor: you shot your finger for s**...?
Blonde: No, I shot in my ear. But just before pulling the trigger, I realized that there would be a loud bang, so I closed my other ear with my finger.
The doctors rushed quickly to remove the bullet which was lodged in his artery...
But it turns out it was all in vain
What did the mama bullet say to the papa bullet?
We're going to have a BB!
I saw a synopsis and some abstracts shot down in a hail of bullet points.
I guess it was a summary execution.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a Jew and a Bullet?
The Bullet leaves the chamber.
Courtesy of my comrade Ivo
What's the difference between a repost and a bullet?
I don't want to put a repost in my mouth
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Joker is in a room with Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, and has a gun with one bullet, who does he shoot?
Neither. Some men just want to watch the world burn.
What do bullets and I have in common?
We don't miss Harambe.
Netflix's new show is Marvel's Luke Cage, whose "Superpower is unbreakable skin.
Bullet proof skin on a black man isn't a super power its straight up evolution!
-Danish Anwar
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I told a man I was voting third party
He said, "That's wasting your vote! Come on, gun to your head, who would you pick, Clinton or Trump"
"Simple," I replied, "I'd pick the bullet."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the brain implant that can fix s**...?
It's called a bullet.
I still remember the gorilla who became super famous really quickly
Dang, the fame hit him like a bullet.
A woman pregnant with triplets gets shot 3 times in the gut.
They rush her to the hospital and everything turns out ok. The babies are all fine.
12 years later one of her daughters comes to her worried "mom mom mom i was peeing and a bullet came out!"
"Thats strange." Says the mom.
A few days after that her other daughter rushes up "MOM MOM MOM i was peeing and a bullet came out!"
"Thats really strange" says the mom.
A few more weeks pass without issue, then her son comes up to her "MOM MOM MOM" she cuts him off "let me guess, you were peeing and a bullet came out."
"NO! I WAS JACKING OFF AND I SHOT THE DOG!"
..Trump said "Buy american, Hire american"
Standing on an Ikea podium from *Sweden*, behind bullet proof by Saint Gobain Glass from *France*, smiling at a 4K Sony *Japanese* Video camera, speaking into a Dolby Sennheiser *German* microphone, with vigorous hand gestures giving a glimpse of a Rolex under the cuff made in *Switzerland*
he patriotically said ..*"Buy American, Hire American, Stop Immigrants".* while standing beside a *Slovenian wife*
A guy shoots a random man on the street.
Cop: "Did you kill this man?"
Guy: "No, a bullet killed him. Bullets are made of lead, which comes from the ground. The ground is part of nature. He died of natural causes. Case closed."
Why did Obama have to say his speeches behind bullet proof glass?
I mean, I know he's black and all, but I'm pretty sure he won't shoot anyone
I went on a trip and my girlfriend called. She told me she missed me
So THAT explains why I saw a random bullet hole on my car
Disclaimer: I never actually had a girlfriend to begin with.
Superman: "I'm faster than a speeding bullet, and more powerful than a locomotive"
Batman: "I fight a penguin and a really persistent clown"
I wonder if JFK ever thought about how he'd die.
At least I know a bullet crossed his mind.
What tastes better than 20 Chicken McNuggets?
A bullet.
A stray bullet just flew through my window and broke my monitor.
I think there are better ways to take a screenshot...
Post Your Chuck Norris Jokes Here
Chuck Norris got shot. We are now in the hospital, where the bullet is in critical condition.
Has anyone else noticed
During most of the speeches Obama gave, he was behind bullet proof glass? I know he was black and all, but I doubt he would of shot anyone.
TIL: You can use tampons to stuff bullet holes to stall bleeing before getting the person to the hospital.
That's actually what tampons were originally used for. Then nurses were all, "Wait, I've got a bleeding hole too!"
What is oscar pistorius' favourite band?
Bullet for my valentine.
I went hunting with my preacher.
We went hunting in the same spot together. A deer walked out and we both shot at the same time. Upon inspecting the deer, we couldn't find any bullet holes. I said "It must be yours preacher. The bullet was like your sermons. It went in one ear and out the other!"
Did you hear about the dyslexic chef who wanted to cook with MSG?
He ate a bullet.
There are several types of vests designed to protect a person...
There's Life Vests - designed to protect a person from drowning.
There's Bullet Proof Vests - designed to protect a person from bullets.
There's High Visibility Safety Vests - designed to protect a person from getting hit while near traffic.
There's Leather Vests - designed to protect a person from road rash when laying down their motorcycle.
And there's Sweater Vests - designed to protect a person from women.
My girlfriend asked me one night if I had protection
I told her of course and proceeded to unbutton my shirt. She asked, Why are you wearing a bullet proof vest?
Protection
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the new show "Schrodinger's Bullet"?
It'**... and miss.
Hey EA, are you a stormtrooper?
Cause by not pre-ordering/buying the game I feel like I've dodged a bullet.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Someone asked me if I'd take a bullet for the last person I had s**... with
I mean, obviously, anything for family
It's a real shame that, in this day and age, Barrack Obama had to give his speech about Martin Luther King Jr., while standing behind bullet proof glass...
Just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot somebody...
What did the gun say to the bullet?
Go ballistic!
Things have gotten so bad in The US that during the last parade they surrounded Donald Trump with bullet proof glass.
Just because he's a White guy with mental health issues doesn't mean he's gonna start shooting up the crowd
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you know a blonde has been trying to commit s**...?
There are bullet holes in the mirror.
My friend was telling me about gun safety
I guess I didn't get it, the bullet went right over my head.
A man is standing at the office water cooler...
...Talking animatedly telling his coworker he found that his girlfriend was poking holes in his condoms. He elbows the other guy and says "luckily I found out years ago I'm sterile, really dodged a bullet there."
The other guy scoffs "is it really dodging bullets if you're shooting blanks?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
BLACK SUPERMAN
I hope they cast a black Superman. It would nice for a brother to finally be faster than a speeding bullet.
Credits:Someones Tweet
For Sale: Soviet Wool Sweater
Worn in Stalingrad, good condition.
Bullet holes in back.
Saw a guy betting anyone $50 to see if he could fire a bullet into a pile of cow dung 30 yards away.
I thought to myself, that's kind of a crapshoot.
Rumor has it that distraught Chicago Bear's field goal kicker Cody Parker tried to end his life recently.
The bullet went wide right.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pregnant woman walks into a bank being robbed,
She tried to call the cops and got shot in the stomach three times. Luckily, all her children were safe.
15 years later, one of her daughters came up to her and said, "Mom, I was peeing and a bullet came out." So, she told her daughter the story.
Then, her other daughter walked into the room and she said, "Mom, I was peeing and a bullet came out." So, she told her daughter the story.
Finally, her son came in and she assumed she knew what he was going to say, "Let me guess, you were peeing and a bullet came out?"
The son replied, "No, what? I was m**... and I shot the dog."
My bullet proof vest is...
Going ballistic
Whats the difference between a bullet and a human?
Humans miss JFK
Friend Told Me An Alabama Joke
Person: Would you take a bullet for the last person you slept with?
Alabaman Dude: Sure, anything for my sister.
What is Marvel's new, SPIDER-MAN themed trophy?
A box of uncle Ben's rice with a bullet inside.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It is WWI. The Germans and the Italians are fighting in trenches.
The Germans have a plan. Since almost all Italians are named Mario, a German would yell, "Hey, Mario!" An unfortunate Mario would pop his head up with "si?" and a German s**... would put a bullet into his forehead. Every day, a few Italians died with "Hey Mario!" "Si?" Boom!
One day, the Italians decide to reciprocate. One of them yells, "Hey-a, Fritz!" No reply. "Fritz!" Nothing. "Hey-a, Fritz!" "Is that you, Mario?" "Si!" Boom!
Before guns were invented
armies had to throw bullets at each other and if a bullet touched you, you had to sit this one out until the next war
What's the difference between an officer and a bullet?
The bullet stops after it hits you once.
There are many kinds of vests that protect you..
Life vests protect you from drowning.
Bullet proof vests protect you from getting shot.
Reflective vests protect you from getting hit when you are near a road.
And sweater vests protect you from women.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My brother thought it would be funny to pretend to s**... a bullet, but it got stuck in his windpipe.
He was just choking a round.
My girlfriend asked me if I would take a bullet for her
I said of course I would!
But if the intent was so that I could finally die or to actually protect her is a whole 'nother conversation
