Bullet Jokes
124 bullet jokes and hilarious bullet puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bullet that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the best bullet jokes to entertain your friends! From the silver bullet to the bullet train, we've got jokes about handguns, triplets, and the famous Bullet Bhaskar. So, get ready to fire off some laughs with our collection of bullet-related puns!
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Funniest Bullet Short Jokes
Short bullet jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bullet humour may include short shot jokes also.
- What's the difference between a police officer and a bullet? When a bullet kills someone else, you know it's been fired
- I don't understand why Obama has to give his speeches behind bullet proof glass. I mean, I know he's black and all, but I doubt he'll shoot anyone.
- My uncle got shot by a stray bullet. By some miracle, he had a bible in his jacket pocket. So he had something to read as he bled to death.
- A Man walked into a bar with a gun The man - Which one of you F*cked my wife?!
Random guy in the bar - YOU DON'T HAVE THAT MANY BULLETS! - My professor just said that the particle of light is like a bullet... The black objects absorb more.
- A bullet walks into a bar, depressed. "Why the sad face?" asks the bartender.
"I got fired." - A soldier in wwii was shot but coins in his pocket stopped the bullet. It was his life savings.
- Dodged the bullet A girl asked me today if she is wearing too much make-up. I told her my reply depends on whether or not she intends to kill Batman.
- I told a man I was voting third party He said, "That's wasting your vote! Come on, gun to your head, who would you pick, Clinton or Trump"
"Simple," I replied, "I'd pick the bullet." - This 4th of July, the British should celebrate independence day too. Now they feel like they dodged a bullet.
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Bullet One Liners
Which bullet one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bullet? I can suggest the ones about shoot and balls.
- Bullets are so weird They only do their job AFTER they're fired
- Did you hear about the Irishman who was impervious to bullets? His name was Rick O'Shea
- What do you get when you shoot four bullets into a six pack? A Tupac...
- Looking back, I'm glad I didn't get that YouTube internship I really dodged a bullet
- Chuck Norris was shot today The bullet is in critical condition
- Does anyone know how to draw a very realistic bullet? Because I'm drawing a blank.
- Tony Romo just tried to kill himself The bullet was intercepted
- What would it take to reunite The Beatles? 2 Bullets
- Chuck Norris killed 100 men with just one bullet There was no gun
- What haircut contains bullets? Ammohawk.
- I have a superpower.... I can stop a bullet.... ... once...
- What would reunite the Beatles? 2 more bullets
- Whats the difference between a skeleton with a bullet hole in its skull and Putin Time.
- Why was the NRA presentation not well received? It had too many bullet points.
- What's the difference between everyone and bullets? Everyone misses Harambe
Bullet Wounds Jokes
Here is a list of funny bullet wounds jokes and even better bullet wounds puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a black man with a bullet wound? An ambulance. You call him an ambulance.
- What do you call a Mexican with bullet wounds? Spicoli
Bullet Train Jokes
Here is a list of funny bullet train jokes and even better bullet train puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why don't american have a bullet train? They use the bullets to train the military.
- Why was the bullet train behind schedule? Because it had a bad conductor.
- Why are the cops in Ferguson Steelers fans? Bullet train!
Silver Bullet Jokes
Here is a list of funny silver bullet jokes and even better silver bullet puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I saw a werewolf behind the bus stop last night! Or a really hairy homeless guy.
Either way, the silver bullet worked! - Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning, or possibly just a very hairy guy.... Either way, the silver bullets work.
- Did you hear about the woke mythological creature who brought up gun violence stats when they tried to kill him with a silver bullet? He was aware-wolf
- what's a cheap, tasteless way to kill a werewolf? Coors Lite, the silver bullet
Bullet Lodged Jokes
Here is a list of funny bullet lodged jokes and even better bullet lodged puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The doctors rushed quickly to remove the bullet which was lodged in his artery... But it turns out it was all in vain
Ridiculous Bullet Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about bullet you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean beam jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bullet pranks.
So an old lady's husband dies...
The old lady depressed and wants to kill herself goes to the doctor and asks him "Where is the heart located?" The doctor tells her it is under the left breast. The old lady goes to the gun store and buys a gun, goes home and puts the gun under her left breast and pulls the trigger. The old lady was soon admitted to the hospital with a bullet wound to her left knee.
Guy can tell how any animal was killed
Guy walks into a bar and says: While I am blindfolded, I can feel the pelt of any animal and tell you how it was killed.
People start betting, the guy is blindfolded and given the first pelt (this bar has them for some reason).
the man holds the pelt and fingers the bullet hole, then says: this is a polar bear and it was killed .30-06! He is correct!
the next pelt is handed to him. He feels it and finds the bullet hole. then he says: This is a muskrat and it was killed by a .22! He is correct! Everyone cheers, beers are bought and a good time is had by all.
the next morning, the man wakes up in his own bed next to his wife but he now has a black eye and a headache. He wakes his wife and asks what happened with his new shiner. she says that she gave it to him. he asks why. well, she says, last night you came home drunk, and stuck your hand down my pants. then you yelled in my ear: **SKUNK, KILLED BY AX.**
Whats faster than a speeding bullet?
A Jew with a coupon
Be careful of your aim
A woman was pregnant with triplets.
One day she goes into this bank as it was being held up. She gets shot 3 times in her stomach, but luckily she lives.
She goes to the doctor who tells her that her children will be all right, and that one day the bullets will come out.
So 13 years later, one triplet, a girl, runs out of the bathroom and says "MOM, MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!" So the mother tells her the story.
The next day the second daughter comes out and says the same thing, "MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!"
On the third day the son comes out and says "MOM, MOM!" So she goes, "Let me guess, you were going to the bathroom and a bullet came out?" he replies "No, I was jerking off and I shot the dog!"
What's the difference between George Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin?
Zimmerman can dodge a bullet.
Three boys are bragging about whose dad is the fastest runner...
The first says "My dad is a hunter. He can shoot an arrow, run to where it's gonna land and catch it!"
"That's nothing!" says the second boy "My dad's a police officer. He can shoot a bullet and be at the target before the bullet hits!"
"My dad can run the fastest!" says the third boy. "He's a civil servant. He works till 4 and is always home by 3:30!"
VA Nurse joke
What is the difference between a VA nurse and a bullet?
* A bullet can draw blood
* A bullet can be fired
* A bullet can only kill one person
I see your eight-year-old joke and raise you my nine-year-old joke.
Why didn't the bullet have a job?
It got fired.
Tony Romo was depressed after yesterday's loss.
He was so upset he got his gun, pointed it at his throwing hand, and pulled the trigger.
He's OK, The bullet was intercepted.
Cop: "Did you kill this man?"
Me: "No, a bullet killed him. Bullets are made of lead, which comes from the ground. The ground is part of nature. He died of natural causes. Case closed."
"What happened?" The bullets asked their sad bullet friend...
"I got fired." He replied.
The Washington Bullets are changing their name.
They don’t want their team to be associated with crime. From now on, they’ll just be known as the Bullets.
What's the difference between officer Darren Wilson and Michael Brown?
Officer Wilson can dodge a bullet
If you had one bullet and there was a Lion, a bear and a jaguar. What do you do?
If you were in the middle of the forest and there was a lion, a bear and a jaguar. You had a gun with only one bullet. What do you do?
Shoot the lion, drink the beer and drive away in your jaguar. :)
... Obviously it's better told to someone than read.
FULLY LOADED
Q: What did the mommy bullet say to the daddy bullet?
A: "We're gonna have a BB!"
A blonde was rushed to the hospital
A blonde was rushed to the hospital with a bullet wound in her index finger.
Doctor: how did this happen?
Blonde: I tried to s**....
Doctor: you shot your finger for s**...?
Blonde: No, I shot in my ear. But just before pulling the trigger, I realized that there would be a loud bang, so I closed my other ear with my finger.
The VA Doctors don't appreciate the nurses there. (Overheard this great joke while visiting Grandpa)
What is the difference between a VA nurse and a bullet?
* A bullet can draw blood
* A bullet can be fired
* A bullet can only kill one person
What did the mama bullet say to the papa bullet?
We're going to have a BB!
Two statisticians are out hunting...
Two statisticians are out hunting when one of them sees a duck. The first takes aim and shoots, but the bullet goes sailing pass 6in too high. The second statistician also takes aim and shoots, but this time the bullet goes sailing past 6in too low. The two statisticians then give one another high fives and exclaim "Got him!"
I patented a new bullet that will kill 2 deer at once
You get more buck for your bang!
What's the difference between a Jew and a Bullet?
The Bullet leaves the chamber.
Courtesy of my comrade Ivo
What's the difference between a repost and a bullet?
I don't want to put a repost in my mouth
The Joker is in a room with Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, and has a gun with one bullet, who does he shoot?
Neither. Some men just want to watch the world burn.
What did the Alabama Sheriff call the black man with 20 bullet holes in his back?
The worst case of s**... he's ever seen.
Man, I sure am mad about the rising bullet prices...
Now I get less bang for my buck!
Did you hear about the brain implant that can fix s**...?
It's called a bullet.
A woman pregnant with triplets gets shot 3 times in the gut.
They rush her to the hospital and everything turns out ok. The babies are all fine.
12 years later one of her daughters comes to her worried "mom mom mom i was peeing and a bullet came out!"
"Thats strange." Says the mom.
A few days after that her other daughter rushes up "MOM MOM MOM i was peeing and a bullet came out!"
"Thats really strange" says the mom.
A few more weeks pass without issue, then her son comes up to her "MOM MOM MOM" she cuts him off "let me guess, you were peeing and a bullet came out."
"NO! I WAS JACKING OFF AND I SHOT THE DOG!"
..Trump said "Buy american, Hire american"
Standing on an Ikea podium from *Sweden*, behind bullet proof by Saint Gobain Glass from *France*, smiling at a 4K Sony *Japanese* Video camera, speaking into a Dolby Sennheiser *German* microphone, with vigorous hand gestures giving a glimpse of a Rolex under the cuff made in *Switzerland*
he patriotically said ..*"Buy American, Hire American, Stop Immigrants".* while standing beside a *Slovenian wife*
A guy shoots a random man on the street.
Cop: "Did you kill this man?"
Guy: "No, a bullet killed him. Bullets are made of lead, which comes from the ground. The ground is part of nature. He died of natural causes. Case closed."
Luke cage
In marvels luke cage everyone thinks that luke has super powers because he's bullet proof.
But bullet proof black people isn't a super power it's straight up evolution.
A blonde tried to commit s**...
Police found six bullet holes in her mirror.
The fact that president Obama needs four inches of bullet proof glass at every public speaking event, is proof that racism is still alive
Just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot everyone.
I wonder if JFK ever thought about how he'd die.
At least I know a bullet crossed his mind.
A bank robber just finished his heist
Unfortunately, his mask accidentally dropped for a few seconds. He picked it up, put it back, then asked a guy kneeling next to him.
"Did you see my face?" Asked the robber.
"Yes, but I swear I won't-" A bullet went through the guy's head. Then the robber asked the next guy kneeling next to his wife.
"And you? Did you see my face"
"No, sir. But my wife did"
Post Your Chuck Norris Jokes Here
Chuck Norris got shot. We are now in the hospital, where the bullet is in critical condition.
A mathematician, a physicist, and a statistician all go hunting.
After sitting quietly on a hillside for a few hours, they spot a buck in the field below.
The mathematician measures up his shot and does some rough calculations on bullet drop, then fires. He misses about 5 feet to the left.
The physicist says "you forgot to account for wind!" He lines up his shot, and over-corrects, missing by about 5 feet to the right.
They both look over at the statistician, who proclaims: "We hit him!"
Has anyone else noticed
During most of the speeches Obama gave, he was behind bullet proof glass? I know he was black and all, but I doubt he would of shot anyone.
"Would you take a bullet for the last person you had s**... with?"
"Of course, anything for family!"
TIL: You can use tampons to stuff bullet holes to stall bleeing before getting the person to the hospital.
That's actually what tampons were originally used for. Then nurses were all, "Wait, I've got a bleeding hole too!"
I went hunting with my preacher.
We went hunting in the same spot together. A deer walked out and we both shot at the same time. Upon inspecting the deer, we couldn't find any bullet holes. I said "It must be yours preacher. The bullet was like your sermons. It went in one ear and out the other!"
Did you hear about the new show "Schrodinger's Bullet"?
It'**... and miss.
Someone asked me if I'd take a bullet for the last person I had s**... with
I mean, obviously, anything for family
It's a real shame that, in this day and age, Barrack Obama had to give his speech about Martin Luther King Jr., while standing behind bullet proof glass...
Just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot somebody...
What did the Alabama sherriff say about the black guy with 17 bullet holes in his back?
He said it was the worse case of s**... he's ever seen
A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician goes hunting.
The physicist sees a deer and calculates a trajectory in a vacuum and pulls the trigger.
The bullet falls short.
The engineer, seeing this, adds in some fudge and calculates high, overshooting the deer by a similar amount.
The statistician exclaims, "We got it!"
Things have gotten so bad in The US that during the last parade they surrounded Donald Trump with bullet proof glass.
Just because he's a White guy with mental health issues doesn't mean he's gonna start shooting up the crowd
How do you know a blonde has been trying to commit s**...?
There are bullet holes in the mirror.
BLACK SUPERMAN
I hope they cast a black Superman. It would nice for a brother to finally be faster than a speeding bullet.
Credits:Someones Tweet
A Jewish and Russian soldier come under heavy fire...
As both engage the enemy the Jewish soldier is struck with a bullet and mortally wounded.
The Russian soldier continues to return fire and hold back the enemy, eventually however his ammo is spent.
He looks to his Jewish comrade and says I cannot hold them back, I'm out of ammunition
The Jew, struggling to keep his eyes open motions the Russian over. Here he says you can buy some of mine .
Saw a guy betting anyone $50 to see if he could fire a bullet into a pile of cow dung 30 yards away.
I thought to myself, that's kind of a crapshoot.
A pregnant woman walks into a bank being robbed,
She tried to call the cops and got shot in the stomach three times. Luckily, all her children were safe.
15 years later, one of her daughters came up to her and said, "Mom, I was peeing and a bullet came out." So, she told her daughter the story.
Then, her other daughter walked into the room and she said, "Mom, I was peeing and a bullet came out." So, she told her daughter the story.
Finally, her son came in and she assumed she knew what he was going to say, "Let me guess, you were peeing and a bullet came out?"
The son replied, "No, what? I was m**... and I shot the dog."
Whats the difference between a bullet and a human?
Humans miss JFK
"If they fire me IM GONNA KILL SOMEONE"
Said the bullet
It is WWI. The Germans and the Italians are fighting in trenches.
The Germans have a plan. Since almost all Italians are named Mario, a German would yell, "Hey, Mario!" An unfortunate Mario would pop his head up with "si?" and a German s**... would put a bullet into his forehead. Every day, a few Italians died with "Hey Mario!" "Si?" Boom!
One day, the Italians decide to reciprocate. One of them yells, "Hey-a, Fritz!" No reply. "Fritz!" Nothing. "Hey-a, Fritz!" "Is that you, Mario?" "Si!" Boom!
Before guns were invented
armies had to throw bullets at each other and if a bullet touched you, you had to sit this one out until the next war
Bullets
What is the difference between bullets and humans?.
.
.
.
.
.
.
. Humans miss JFK.
Two soldiers are lost in the desert, thirsty and starving.
Ahead they see a tree with strips of meat hanging from its branches.
"A bacon tree!" the first exclaims and he runs towards it only to be cut down by a s**...'s bullet.
"That's no bacon tree," says the other. " That's a ham-bush!"
What's the difference between an officer and a bullet?
The bullet stops after it hits you once.
There are many kinds of vests that protect you..
Life vests protect you from drowning.
Bullet proof vests protect you from getting shot.
Reflective vests protect you from getting hit when you are near a road.
And sweater vests protect you from women.
I shot a bullet into the air and it hit my hand.
On one hand I'm really happy that it didn't hit my head and kill me, but on the other hand I have a big gaping hole now.
A physicist, engineer and a statistician are out hunting...
A physicist, engineer and a statistician are out hunting. Suddenly, a deer appears 50 yards away.
The physicist does some basic ballistic calculations, assuming a vacuum, lifts his rifle to a specific angle, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards short.
The engineer adds a fudge factor for air resistance, lifts his rifle slightly higher, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards long.
The statistician yells "We got him!"
What's the difference between a bullet and a cop?
A bullet hits you just once.
I have the superpower of stopping a speeding bullet!
But just once.
My girlfriend asked me if I would take a bullet for her
I said of course I would!
But if the intent was so that I could finally die or to actually protect her is a whole 'nother conversation
What's the difference between a bullet and a police officer?
A bullet only hits you once
