The Best 69 Bull Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Bull jokes. There are some bull delicacy jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these bull pasture puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Bull Jokes and Puns
My bullies broke my MP3-Player at school. Luckily, my parents bought me an MP4 for my birthday, but these idiots destroyed it again.
Tomorrow, I'll bring an MP5.
Bullets are so weird
They only do their job AFTER they're fired
What animal has four legs and one arm?
A pit bull on a playground.
What do you get when you cross a border collie with a pit bull?
A dog that is smart enough to bury the bodies.
What do you call a cow with one udder?
A bull.
Mad Cow Disease
There are two cows out in the pasture, watching as the farmer takes a prize bull behind the barn to shoot it.
The first cow looks at the second one and says "Can't believe Joe came down with mad cow disease. Are you scared we might get it too?"
The second cow looks at the first cow with a puzzled look and says "Why should I be scared? We're ducks."
Irish cream
The only cow in a small town in Ireland stopped giving milk. Then the town folk found they could buy a cow in Scotland quite cheaply. So, they brought the cow over from Scotland. It was absolutely wonderful, It produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy. They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, So they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again. They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but no matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull. The people were very upset and decided to go to The Vet, who was very wise, tell him what was happening and ask his advice. " The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this Before asking, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Scotland ?" The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Scotland . "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow from Scotland ? The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye: "My wife is from Scotland "
Don't Bullshit Your Mother
Mrs. Rabin comes to visit her son Bernie for dinner.
He lives with a female roommate, Elaine. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Bernie's roommate is. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Bernie and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Bernie volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Elaine and I are just roommates.''
About a week later, Elaine came to Bernie saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote an email:
*Dear Mom
I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house ; I'm not saying that you "did not" take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Your Loving Son
Bernie*
Several days later, Bernie received a response email from his Mom which read:
*Dear son,
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Elaine, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Your Loving Mother*
A man is very thirsty...
A man is very thirsty. As he is stumbling down the country road he sees a cow grazing in front of a cottage. "I'm saved!", he says to himself as he milks the cow and quenches his thirst.
The man knocks on the door to pay for the milk. "Your cow's milk saved me," he says. The home owner replies, "Cow? I don't own a cow, I just have a bull."
Who Hasn't Read The Grapes of Wrath?
Farm boy John takes the cow to the neighboring farm which has a bull to have her inseminated. The neighboring farm also has neighbor farmer's daughter Sally. John and Sally put the bull and the cow in the same pasture and sit on the back porch and watch as nature takes its course. This gives John ideas so he turns to Sally and says, "I sure wish I was doing that". And Sally says, "Why don't you, John? It's your cow".
A man was walking in Central Park in NYC...
Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says, "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl".
The man says, "But I am not a New Yorker!"
"Oh ,then it will say in newspapers tomorrow morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" the policeman replied.
"But I am not even an American!" Says the man.
"Oh, what are you then?" The policeman asks.
The man replies, "I am a Saudi!"
The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog."
You can explore bull horns reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean bull boar dad jokes. There are also bull puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A Young Bull and an Old Bull
are standing on a hill and see cows in the pasture below.
The young bull eagerly says, "Let's run down there and screw one of those cows!"
"No," the older bull replies, "Let's *walk* down there and screw *all* of them."
My coffee wasn't strong enough.
So, yesterday instead of using water, I brewed with Red Bull. I got halfway to work before I realised I'd forgotten my car.
I didn't sleep so well last night...
So this morning I made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water.
I made it halfway to work before I realized I forgot my car.
A bullet walks into a bar, depressed.
"Why the sad face?" asks the bartender.
"I got fired."
This is Bullshit. Since when is dressing for the job you want, not the job you have considered "impersonating an officer"?
Tried to make my coffee with Red Bull today...
I made it all the way to work before I realized I had forgotten my truck.
Never believe minotaurs...
Half of everything they say is bull.
Rescue attempts are being made to save a bull stranded on Mt. Everest
Reports confirm that the steaks have never been higher.
A man asks a farmer near a field,
A man asks a farmer near a field, Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.
The farmer says, Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you'll even catch the 4:11 one.
A bull was deployed for servicing the cows on a farm
A bull was deployed for servicing the cows on a farm.
Lady asks the farm manager: "How many times can this bull perform?"
Manager replies: "5 to 6 times in a day".
Lady looks at her husband: "You see?"
Husband asks the manager: "Is it the same cow every time?"
Manager: "No sir it's a different cow every time."
Man looks back to wife: "You see!"
Motivation
A bull was deployed for servicing the cows on a farm.
Lady asks the farm manager: "How many times can this bull perform?"
Manager replies: "5 to 6 times in a day".
Lady looks at her husband: "You see?"
Husband asks the manager: "Is it the same cow every time?"
Manager: "No sir it's a different cow every time."
Man looks back to wife: "You see!"
New Sex Position called Raging bull... [NSFW]
1st get your girl in doggy style and slide in real deep.
Now lean forward and wrap your arms around her real deep.
Now here's the bull part, bring your lips near her ear and whisper another girl's name and see how long you can stay on. Good luck.
What's yellow and hurts when it gets in your eye?
Bull dozer
An Indian Chief is sitting under a tree...
An Indian Chief and his son are sitting under a tree, looking out over the plains when his son asks: "Father, why is sister named, Running Deer?"
Chief: "Because, my son, when she was being born I looked out of the teepee and saw a deer running."
Son: "Father, why is brother called Charging Bull?"
Chief: "Because my son, when he was being born I looked out of the teepee and saw a bull running. Why do you ask, Pooping Dog?
What's the difference between a bull and a Samsung Note 7?
I'm not scared when the bull charges
There are two cows standing in a field....
The first cow says to the other, I was artificially inseminated this morning. The second cow replies, No way, I don't believe you. The first says, It's true, no bull.
Someone broke into my local corner shop and stole 30 cases of Red Bull last night
Honestly, I don't know how these people sleep at night
A group of teenagers robbed our local supermarket and stole 180 cans of red bull.
I don't know how these people can sleep at night.
This morning I made my coffee using Red Bull instead of water...
...After 15 minutes on the highway I realized I left my car at home...
"Would you take a bullet for the last person you had sex with?"
"Of course, anything for family!"
Bullies and sperm have in common::
The One-in-a-Million chance of becoming a Human Being.
You see?
A husband and wife visited a farm. They saw a bull having sex with a cow. The wife asked the farm manager.
Wife: "How many times does a bull have sex per day?"
Manager: "4 times a day."
The wife looked at her husband and said ".... you see!"
Then the husband asked the manager.
Husband: "U mean 4 times a day with the same cow?"
Manager: "No, no, with different cows everyday."
Husband looked to his wife and said: " ....you see!"
I once mixed Red Bull and coffee
After 20 minutes on highway I noticed that I forgot my car at home
Injuries during bull fighting are completely avoidable
All you have to do is avoid-a-bull
Bobby told Billy he stopped a stampede.
That was the biggest bunch of bull he ever herd.
One cow says to another, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
The second cow replies, "No way, I don't believe you."
The first says, "It's true, no bull."
I was bullied...
When I was a little kid this other kid in a wheelchair used to bully me but I couldn't do anything about it because I felt bad making fun of him. So for the rest of my life people knew me as the guy who "couldn't stand up for himself" and I think that's ironic considering it all.
I poured Red Bull into my CPAP machine...
Got a full night's sleep in 45 minutes.
A couple of guys stole hundreds of cans of Red Bull from our neighborhood store.
I don't know how they can sleep at night.
Someone stole hundreds of cans of Red Bull from our local store.
I don't know how they can sleep at night.
The bully loomed threateningly over the nerd and said, "You know what snitches get don't you?"
Ummm, "150 points?"
Breaking news: £500,000 worth of red bull stolen in The UK
How do those bastards sleep at night?
Someone stole £5000 worth of Red Bull from a local delivery truck.
How do these people sleep at night?
The Mayor's meal
In Spain, there is a tradition after a bullfight to serve the mayor the bull's testicles.
One day after a bullfight, the mayor asks the waiter: Funny, why are they so small today?
The waiter: Today, sir, the bull won.
What do you call a Bull that has swallowed a grenade?
Abominable.
Thieves stole 30 crates of red bull from our local supermarket
I don't know how they sleep at night
I got really frustrated and my wife warned me not to cuss when the kids were around.
Me: This is such bull-
Wife: Shhh, say snake instead
Me: Oh right.. This is such snakeshit
Close one
I love how Pit Bull announces himself at the beginning of every song
giving us time to change the song.
Ever since I was a kid I wanted to be good enough at skating, biking, surfing, or running to be chosen to represent a brand like Nike, Red Bull, or Under Armour. Recently the pandemic has allowed me to double down on recreation and hone my craft, and I finally got a sponsor.
Thanks Alcoholics Anonymous!
My government is spreading obviously false covid-19 info about x-mas parties
Here in Sweden the government lies and says that we can have Christmas gatherings of up to 8 people without any problems. Such obvious bull! Who knows 8 people without any problems?
I asked my daughter if she knew what today was.
To my suprise she said presidents day.
I asked her if she knew why we celebrate presidents day.
She said that its the day the president walks out of the white house and if he sees his shadow we have one more year of bull shit.
Ferdinand the Bull was on one side of a fence
Elsie the cow was on the other. She winked at Ferdinand. Ferdinand snorted and jump over the fence.
"I'm Elsie the cow. You must be Ferdinand the Bull."
"Just call me Ferdinand. The fence was higher than I thought."
What do you get when you pour Red Bull onto a clock?
A waste of time and energy.
I got bullied by a bunch of redditors after fixing my fence
Apparently, I'm not supposed to repost things
A farmer had a prized bull. Bred 300 times a year.
The farmer's wife said "300 times, isn't that wonderful dear? Maybe you should watch him. Maybe he'll show you how." Farmer said "Yeah... he's a hell of a bull, but it wasn't all with the same cow."
I woke up late one morning so I made my coffee using Red Bull instead of water
I got halfway to work before I realized I forgot my car.
Today I accidentally made my coffee with red bull instead of water.
I got halfway to work before I realised I forgot my car.
Before the bullshit starts
A man comes into a bar and says: "quickly! two beer and two vodka before the bullshit starts!" The barman pours the drinks and the man downs them quickly one after the other.
"Quickly! two more beer and vodka before the bullshit starts!" the barman pours the drinks and the man thows them back like there is no tomorrow
"Quick! Two **more** beer and two vodka before the bullshit starts!"
"Do you have the money to pay for this?"
"Look the bullshit starts already!"
What's worse than a bull in a China shop?
A hedgehog in a condom factory
A farmer has dozens of cows and two bulls, but both bulls are too old to mate anymore.
One day the famer brings a third bull into the field. The new bull is much younger than the other two, and immediately starts mating with cow after cow.
When the old bulls see this, one of them starts huffing, snorting, and scraping the ground with his hoof.
"Don't bother competing with that guy," says the other old bull. "You're too old. He'd laugh at you."
"I'm not trying to compete with him," replies the first old bull. "I just want him to know I'm not a cow."
some tourists are visiting Egypt and they go to see the sacred bull
While they're there the caretaker comes and grabs the bull and says
"sorry I need to take apis".
The tourists are shocked so they ask "on the bull"?!
Late for school
Johnny was late for school one day and when he arrived in his classroom the teacher asked why he was late.
Well replied Johnny, I had to take our cow to the neighbor's farm to mate with his bull . Couldn't your father take care of that? asked the teacher. To which Johnny replied, the cow prefers the bull.
A blonde and a brunette inherit their parent's ranch but they soon run into money trouble
The brunette says "I'll go to town to buy a bull to produce offspring then send you a telegram when I'm done."
So she gets the bull, goes to the telegram office but she only has enough money left for 1 word. She tells the man at the office to send the word "Comfortable" and he says she'll never know what that means.
So the brunette says "My sister's a blonde so she'll read the word very slowly: Com-for-tha-bull."
If you believe in the market...
That makes you a bull.
If you don't believe the market, that makes you a bear.
If you don't care about the market, does that make you un-bear-or-bull?
Note: first joke I've made for reddit, sorry if it's not very good.
what did the bullet say to the man that got shot?
Just passing through
What steps would you take if a bull chased you?
Big ones!
What did the bull say to his calf at 9pm?
It's pasture bedtime!
A bullet is talking to a therapist
The therapist asks the bullet, "So when do you think everything started to go downhill?"
The bullet answers, "Well Doc, it all started back when I got fired. When the hammer finally came down, it hit me really hard. I lost it and blew off my top, and now I feel like a shell of my former self."
thank you to /u/TinyPlaidNinjas for the inspiration for this joke
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the bull red bull jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working bull three bulls piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.