The Best 82 Built Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Built jokes. There are some built build jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these built razed puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Built Jokes and Puns
Do you know why, all around the world, parlaments' roof are built as a dome?
Have you ever seen a circus with a flat roof?
A Greek and an Italian are arguing over whose culture is superior.
he Greek says "We built the Parthenon." the Italian says "We build the Colosseum." The Greek says "We came up with advanced Mathematics" The Italian says "We made the Roman Empire." The Greek is getting frustrated finally realizes how he can win the argument. "We invented sex." The Italian replies "True, true, I can't argue with that, but we thought of having it with women."
There once was a man who made dead houses.
There once was a man who made dead houses; Stored them under his home with the bugs and the mouses; The coffins he made were of rich sleek wood; He built them as big, yet as fast as he could; For his caskets were haunted and were said to walk; one night he went to his basement, and one started to rock; It moved towards him, his insides began to soften; So he pulled out some Halls, cause Halls stops the coffin.
2 Irishmen, 2 Scotsmen, and 2 Englishmen
There were 2 Irishmen, 2 Scotsmen, and 2 Englishmen stuck on a deserted island. In one year, the two Irishmen made a still and was brewing beer, the two Scotsmen built a pub and were selling it. The two Englishmen still weren't talking to each other because they weren't properly introduced.
A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job...
...advertised in the Manchester Evening News. He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch. "I need someone with an accounting degree," says the man, "but mainly I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"How do you mean?" says the accountant. "I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money matters."
"OK," says the accountant. "How much are you offering?"
"You can start on seventy-five thousand," says the owner.
"Seventy-five thousand pounds. How can a business like this afford to pay so much?"
"That," says the man, "is your first worry."
If the NSA built the website for healthcare...
Americans would have been signed up before they knew it...
Who built King Arthurs round table?
SIRcumference
Who was King Arthur's knight who built the round table?
Sir Cumfrence
What was built after the Indian sandwich maker's shop burned down?
A New Delhi
If smiling is contagious...
...then Russian Women must have a vaccine or built an immunity or something.
The US is having so many disasters and tragedies
Youd almost think it was built on top of thousands of ancient indian burial grounds.
You can explore built construction reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean built builder dad jokes. There are also built puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Guys I think Trump's immigration policies just might work.
China built a wall and they have like, no Mexicans.
Today's joke from Russian-language Internet
"You know, they've built a George Orwell memorial in Russia!"
'What? Where?"
"Pretty much everywhere."
Where are average things built?
In a satisfactory
I built a staircase using an online tutorial!
When I finished I thought something looked wrong so I went back to look at the instructions. I missed a step.
3 blonde girls is at the side of a river
And they're trying to get to the village on the other side
1 blond girl ask god to make her smart,so god turn her into a brunette and she swims across the river
the other girl ask god to make her smarter than the girl that just swam,so god make her into a redhead and she built a raft and paddle across
The last girl ask god to make her smarter than the other two girls,so god make her a man and he uses the bridge
A group of engineering proffesors got in a plane...
Before closing the doors, the flight attendants told them that the plane had been built by their own students. Scared, all of the teachers ran out of the plane, except one. The pilot came to him and asked him why he was so relaxed. The proffesor said "I know my students very well. And I'm sure that if this plane is really built by them, the thing won't even start!"
Who says building a border wall won't work?
The Chinese built one over 2,000 years ago and they still don't have any Mexicans.
A man and his wife built a boat...
They called it the *Alfred1*, after a friend of theirs. However, it was poorly constructed and sank immediately.
They continued to try to build seaworthy vessels, but the same thing happened over and over. With the *Brian2*, the *Chris3*, and the *Daniel4*.
"We're really not very good at this," the man said in disgust. "How do boats even work?"
"I don't know, but we'll figure it out," replied his wife. "We need an *ELI5*."
A man throws a dollar coin into a wishing well...
and a genie pops out. The genie tells him "You have thrown the largest money value into this well since it has been built. You may have one wish."
"I want a dragon."
"Are you sure? That's... pretty big, and would probably give me away. Anything else?"
"I want to learn how to fold a fitted sheet."
"...what color dragon do you want?"
Donald Trump's plan to build a wall might actually work.
The Chinese built a huge wall, and they have almost no Mexicans in their country.
The government just built an underground prison. They call it Concave.
It's full of convex.
So much has been going wrong in the USA
You would think it had been built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.
With all the bad luck that the US has seen this year...
You'd almost think this country was built on an ancient Indian burial ground.
America sure is having some bad luck
It's almost like it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground.
It seems highly unlikely that the Romans would have built a new cross for every execution, which means...
Jesus was a repost.
An American and a Mexican are sitting at the beach when a genie offers both of them one wish.
The American says:
"I'd like a 5-mile-high wall around the US so that no foreigners or illegal Chinese goods can enter without our government's permission." And voilá the wall is built.
The genie then asks the Mexican what he wants:
"Fill it with lava."
Not everything Donald Trump says is stupid.
The Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago - and they still don't have any Mexicans!
TIL that back in the 1940s, as a result of failed communications between engineers and builders, the Soviet Union built thousands of submarines based on recalled 1850s schematics, resulting in millions of dollars in military funding being wasted.
Whoops, wrong sub.
As a new yorker i was excited about a wall that keeps foreigners from taking our jobs
Then I learned the wall wasn't being built around New Jersey.
Bilbo was surprised to wake one morning, and find that a Tesco had been built right next to his house
It was an unexpected item in the Baggins area
My wife has been keeping secrets from me.
I just built a fence and put down some paving. Turns out not only is she a master carpenter she's also an expert brick layer. If only I had known earlier I could have sought her advice before I did the work. It would have saved me from making all the obvious mistakes she pointed out after the work was done.
I built an electric fence around my property yesterday…
My neighbor is dead against it…
So, there are two men.
They know each other for years now. Frank, a brain surgeon from new york and Ahmad a former refugee from syria.
Both men want to build an house and decide to build their houses in the very same street, next to each other. They even ask the architect to just copy the first house!
And when the houses are built Ahmad says to Frank: "My house is worth more than yours."
"How can that be? We both live next to each other!"
"Yes"
"Our houses were built identically, with the same materials."
"True."
"So how can it be, Ahmad?"
"Very simple: I live next to a brain surgeon and you live next to a refugee!"
The titanic was built to last......
let that sink in.
All neighborhoods are predominantly Mexican.
Until they're done being built.
What did Tyrion call the passage he built to smuggle whores into Casterly Rock?
Hoe-door.
With all these natural disasters happening,
Its almost as if the USA was built over thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.
Science built skyscrapers and airplanes
But only religion can bring the two together.
My boss came over today to tell me how I built my house wrong.
I'm not good with taking constructive criticism.
So there was a tribal chief who decided he needed the biggest hut in the village...
so he gathered the grass he needed and built the only two story hut in the village. He placed his throne on the second story and held audiences there. One night while he slept the throne fell through the floor and crushed his head. The moral of this story is that people who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
Arthur: "That's a nice round table. Who built that?"
Knight: "Sir Cumference"
America is going through such bad luck at the moment
It's as if the whole country were built on haunted Indian burial grounds...
What do Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey have in common?
The House of Cards they had built in Hollywoodland has now made them The Usual Suspects in Sin City. This was supposed to be LA Confidential but apparently they couldnt find Consenting Adults. The American Beauty of this is that they will now forever be Inglorious Basterds.
Louis C.K. is the hardest working comedian in the business
He literally built and ended his own career with his bare hands.
All I'm saying is the Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago
...and they still don't have any illegal Mexicans.
I don't know why everyone thinks the wall won't work.
China built one over 2000 years ago and they STILL don't have any Mexicans.
A Christian man ends up on a deserted island...
He is stranded there for a few years until a rescue boat finds him. When the rescuers get onto the island, they are amazed to see what the man has built to survive. The man had built three different structures out of bamboo and leaves. They asked the man what the first structure was. The man said, That's my house. They then asked about the second structure. That's where I go to Church. The man replied. Then they asked about the third structure. A scowl came over the mans face as he told the rescuers, That's where I used to go to Church.
Some inmates were complaining about the prison they're in
The walls aren't built to scale
A guy walks into a bike store with his overweight wife
He tells the clerk, I'd like a bicycle built for two, and one for me.
Do you know what Elon Musk could've called his submarines if they were built in time to save those children?
Thai Pods.
A man walks into his doctor's office and says: My nose just keeps on running,
But that's not even the worst part about me either, doc. My feet smell an awful lot! Surely you must have a remedy for both.
The doctor replies: Well I'm sorry to tell you there's nothing I can do. It doesn't seem like you need a medical professional, but rather a bio-mechanical engineer!
After a confused look from the man the doctor explains: You've been built upside down.
I built a 1:1000000 model of a German submarine.
It's a pretty good µ-boat.
Did you hear about the house the lesbians built?
It was all tongue and groove, and not a stud in sight.
My grandpa said he was built upside down
He said his nose runs and his feet smell.
I remember when I was a little boy, an old man suddenly stepped out of a time machine and punched me for no reason.
So I've spent all my life working on a time machine, and now that I've built it, I'm going back in time to when he was a little boy, and I'm going to punch him and see how he likes it!
If we did build a wall, it definitely would work
China built a wall, do you see any Mexicans there?
You know what, I'm starting to think the wall might be a good idea.
I mean, China built one and I don't see any Mexicans over there.
An Irishman and an Englishman find a lamp
Upon rubbing it a genie pops out and says For freeing me, I will grant you each one wish!"
The Englishman says "I love my country, but it's being ruined by foreigners. I wish a wall to be built around it so that no one else can get in."
The genie says, "Done. And you, Irishman?"
The Irishman looks thoughtful for a moment and says, "Tell me more about this wall."
The genie responds, "It is twenty miles tall, a hundred feet thick and made of granite. Nothing can get in or out."
The Irishman says, "Fill it with water."
The Greatest Sex Culture . . .
A Greek and an Italian were talking one day, discussing who had the superior culture.
Over coffee, the Greek says, "Well, we built the Parthenon."
The Italian replies, "We built the Coliseum.
The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to mathematics."
The Italian, nodding, says, "But we built the Roman Empire ".
And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion.
With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"
The Italian replies, "That may be true, but it was the Italians who included women."
With all the bad things happenning in america right now,
you woulda thought the whole thing was built on some Indian burial ground.
Darth Vader built an entire Galactic Empire...
Wearing protective gear in sanitary environment.
But it was all destroyed by a whiny brat without a mask who refused to stay home with his aunt and uncle.
It's a shame nothing is built in the USA anymore....
Just bought a T.V. and it said, "Built in Antenna".
I don't even know where that is!!
A man is doing a crossword and asks his wife for help.
Husband: Body of water, three letters.
Wife: Bay.
Husband: Flying insect with stinger, three letters.
Wife: Bee.
Husband: To hush someone, four letters.
Wife: shhh.
Husband: Boat Noah built, three letters.
Wife: Ark.
Husband: DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO
A man lost at sea is found on an island 20 years later.
The sailors that find him are surprised to see three large buildings on the island. They ask the man why he built the buildings. "This first building is my house" he says. "I was able to set up a crude aqueduct to create some form of indoor plumbing". The sailors are impressed and ask about the second building. "This second building is my church" he says "I am a Christian and my faith is very important to me". The sailors nod in understanding and ask about the third building. "Oh, that one" the man says. "That's the church I USED to go to".
My husband commented on the new store that is being built nearby: That's a nice looking Aldi!
I told him it just looks like Aldi others.
...
Sorry y'all. It's been such a bad day, and this little exchange my hubby and I had earlier had us both laughing probably more than we should have. Hope it makes one of you out there smile too.
Why is America cursed
It was built on an ancient Indian burial ground
I watched a documentary on how they built the hull of the Titanic last night....
It was riveting.
Nothing is built in the USA anymore...
Just bought a new TV...says "Built in Antennae"
Hell, I dont even know where that is....
Did you hear about the house the lesbians built?
Not a stud in the place, it's all tongue 'n' groove
If Germans are so efficient and productive, why hasn't Germany built an unsinkable ship yet?
Because why would we waste our time building a ship if nobody has ever sought of it yet?
I swear, nothing is made in America anymore.
My new TV says "Built In Antenna," and I don't even know where the hell that is!!!
America has been having a lot of bad luck lately
It's almost like it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground
I told my mate I'd built a model of the Himalayas.
He said "To scale?"
I said "No, just to look at"
Do you need a boat of biblical proportions built?
Because I Noah guy. I hear he's a fantastic Arkitect.
Did you know most reptiles can tell exactly what you weigh just by looking at you?
They have built in scales
Some Engineering Teachers Sat In a Plane
A group of engineering teachers were invited to sit in a plane. Once everyone was comfortably seated, they were informed that the plane was built by their engineering students. Immediately, all the teachers scrambled to get out of the plane- all but one. When asked why, the teacher responded:
"I have been watching my students closely and understand their ability. I can say with confidence that if they were the ones to build this plane, **this hunk of metal won't even take off.**"
My grandfather built a clock that was ahead of its time
That's why no one used it
Did you know cats can jump higher than houses?
It's due to they way their hind legs are built and they can generate so much forced with them and also because house can't jump.
Noah and the snakes
According to the Bible, Noah built an ark and brought a pair of each animals on board to survive a flood. When the ark ran aground Noah told the animals to go forth and multiply.
The snakes told Noah We can't multiply, we're adders.
Noah gathered some driftwood tree trunks and built a platform for the snakes. Even adders can multiply when given a log table.
You might have to be older than me to understand this. People on reddit who are older than me are rare, but they exist.
A group of engineering students and their professor were given free airline tickets to go on a holiday...
Once they boarded the plane, the captain announced that they would be flying on a plane that the students had built.
Every one of the students panicked and left the plane, except for the professor. When the flight attendant asked the professor why he hadn't left the plane too he responded "I know the abilities of my students quite well... this shit won't even start".
Why did the Japanese name a car Datsun?
The Japanese built a new car but they could not agree on a name. They knew the Germans were really good at naming cars so they called them up on Friday and told them they need a name by Monday. The Germans said Dat soon?!
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the built made puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working built piled piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.
