Building Plan Jokes
31 building plan jokes and hilarious building plan puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about building plan that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Building Plan Short Jokes
Short building plan jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The building plan humour may include short business plan jokes also.
- Donald Trump's plan to build a wall might actually work. The Chinese built a huge wall, and they have almost no Mexicans in their country.
- TIFU by trying to be witty at the airport... The TSA confiscated my protein powder asking "Are you planning on building any bombs with this substance?"
I replied "No, only guns." - NASA was planning on building a restaurant on the moon They cancelled because they figured it wouldn't have any atmosphere.
- Trump is planning on shifting his efforts to build a wall along the east coast. He thinks it can keep Jose out.
- If you want to keep unwanted people out of America, Instead of building a wall, don't defund Planned Parenthood
- Donald Trump's plan for the first 100 days is going exactly according to plan... Now that he's finished building the swamp he can focus on draining the wall.
- The council have started asking people what they think of their plans to build a wind turbine off the local coastline. I'm not a big fan.
- Tension at work Local engineer was fired after building a road over a creak further up stream then planned. Dispite his long years of service, it was a bridge too far.
- Just finished building the deepest well in England. Got the plans wrong way round, started work on the tallest lighthouse.
- My parents said that I'm immature and have to start planning for the future. So I've started building a rocketship in their basement.
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Building Plan One Liners
Which building plan one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with building plan? I can suggest the ones about planning and plan.
- If you're thinking about building a Velcro wall Plan on sticking to it
- I tried to build a bottomless pit, But there was a floor in my plan.
- I've got plans to build the world's greatest convenience store..
- Planning on using a last generation CPU for your PC build? Might Haswell!
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Building Plan Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about building plan you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean building site jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make building plan pranks.
Vladimir Putin has boasted that Russia is planning to build a base on the moon. The idea is that astronauts will live there permanently. When they were asked if they really wanted to spend the rest of their lives in a barren, lifeless, empty landscape, the Russians said...
"No. That's why we want to go to the moon."
Mexico was pretty livid when Donald Trump announced his plan to build a wall along the southern border of the United States...
...But once it's erected and complete, I'm sure they'll manage to get over it.
Builder
A man with a nagging secret couldn't keep it any longer. In the confessional he admitted that for years he had been stealing building supplies from the lumberyard where he worked. "What did you take? " his priest asked. "Enough to build my own house and enough for my son's house. And houses for our two daughters and our cottage at the lake. " "This is very serious," the priest said. "I shall have to think of a far-reaching penance. Have you ever done a retreat? " "No, Father, I haven't," the man replied. "But if you can get the plans, I can get the lumber. "
A guy walks into a pet shop planning on building his own apiary.
He asks for a dozen bees to get him started. The shopkeeper counts out thirteen bees and puts them in a box for him. Being honest, the guy says there's one too many, but the shopkeeper points at one and says.....
That one's a freebee
Workers are building a brutally tall chimney...
When they are almost finished, a foreman runs to them short of breath and shouts:
We are in deep s**... guys, someone turned over my construction plans...
We were supposed to dig a well!!!
Two patients are trying to escape a mental hospital
They devise a plan to get up to the rooftop and jump from one building to another. When they get there, the first patient jumps across to the next building with ease, but his friend was scared that he wouldn't make it if he jumped. The first patient thinks for a while then comes up with an plan.
P1: "I know! I'll just shine my flashlight to you and you can use the beam to walk towards me."
The second patient thinks for a moment and replies :
"What am I, s**...? You'll just turn the light of when I get halfway across."
An American, a Brit, and a Japanese guy are stranded on a desert Island...
...the American says, "We're great at running the world, so I'll be President of the island." The Brit says, "We do whatever you blokes say, so I'll be Vice President." The American starts drawing out plans to build shelter and explaining them to the Brit. The Japanese guy asks, "Wait, what about me?" "Umm, you can be in charge of supplies."
So the Japanese guy goes off into the jungle and the American and Brit commence building. By the time they finish, the Japanese guy still isn't back. The other two start to get worried, so they decide to go in after them. When they're a good way into the jungle, the Japanese guy jumps out from behind a bush and yells "SUPPLIES!"
The day of prom
The day of prom, a boy goes to pick his girlfriend up early, so they could spend the whole day together instead of just the evening. He asks her what she wants to do, and she tells him she wants to go get something to eat. When they try to find a place, however, they see that everywhere they try to go has an incredibly long line.
"That's okay," says the girl. "I wasn't really that hungry anyway. Do you want to go see a movie?" The boy says yes, and they go to the theater. Unfortunately, there was an immensely long line there as well, so they decided against it.
The day goes on and on like this, with every plan they try to make being blocked by a long line. Eventually, it's time to go to prom, and they make their way into the building.
Exhausted with how their day has gone so far, the girl drops into a nearby folding chair and says, "I'm really thirsty. Can you go get me some punch?"
There was no punch line.
White guy, asian guy and black guy...
A white guy and asian guy and a black guy are in a plane that crashes, and they all end up on a beach on a deserted island. They devise a plan to get prepared, knowing that it could be awhile until they are found. They decide the white guy is going to find food, the black guy is going to build the shelter, and the asian guy is going to find supplies. So the white guy goes off, finds berries and bananas, comes back to find the black guy is finishing off the shelter for them to stay in. They can't find the asian guy anywhere, so they start their search. After a couple minutes and a bit of distance away from the shelter they hear rumbling in the bushes. They take a step back, scared .... and all of the sudden, the asian guy jumps out of the bushes, and yells.... SUPPLIES.
Little Johnny
Teacher: "Children, tomorrow I would like you to give me an example of a development that is currently being built near your home and what are the advantages of this new development. At the end of the class, the teacher asks that all the little girls remain behind for 5 minutes.
Teacher: "Young ladies, I have received numerous complaints from your parents concerning Little Johnny's crude remarks. It is very likely that tomorrow he is going to say something dirty and that is why I am asking you all, to avoid any further problems - that if he says anything that appears rude, I would like you all to get up and leave the classroom."
Everybody agreed to this plan. Next day...
Teacher: "Is everybody ready with their assignment? Go ahead Anita."
Anita: "Near my home, a supermarket is being built. Now my mommy doesn't have to walk so far to get bread and milk." Teacher: "Very good Anita! Yes - Suzie!"
Suzie: "Near my home, they are building a furniture factory. My daddy is a carpenter and this permits him to work near home."
Teacher: "Excellent, thank-you Suzie! At this point, little Johnny's hand shoots up and the Teacher asks: "Oh heavens, Johnny tell me what new development is being built near your home."
Little Johnny: "Near my home, they are building a brothel."
All the young ladies get up and proceed to leave. Little Johnny says, "Hey, relax girls... it hasn't opened yet!"
An American, Russian, and Asian are stranded on a desert island…
… They decide in order to survive they will have to work together and plan on splitting up the day's work.
The Russian was tasked with building a hut, the American was to search for food, while the Asian was to search for supplies.
Each sets off in their separate directions.
The Russian builds an excellent hut, complete with a floor and a waterproof roof. It was sturdy and comfortable.
The American soon returns with enough food for a feast. He has handfuls of fruit, fish, shrimp, coconuts, and all enough to last for weeks.
After complimenting each others work they notice that the Asian is no where to be seen with the supplies. As the night grew on they decided it would be best to search for the man in case he had gotten into some danger.
They searched for hours through the jungle until they came to a large clearing. In the middle was a giant rock, they wonder if he had gone to collect supplies by the rock and approach it cautiously.
Once at the rock the Asian quickly jumps out, raises his hands in the air, and yells, Supplies !
An American, Russian, and Asian are stranded on a desert island...
... They decide in order to survive they will have to work together and plan on splitting up the day's work.
The Russian was tasked with building a hut, the American was to search for food, while the Asian was to search for supplies.
Each sets off in their separate directions.
The Russian builds an excellent hut, complete with a floor and a waterproof roof. It was sturdy and comfortable.
The American soon returns with enough food for a feast. He has handfuls of fruit, fish, shrimp, coconuts, and all enough to last for weeks.
After complimenting each others work they notice that the Asian is no where to be seen with the supplies. As the night grew on they decided it would be best to search for the man in case he had gotten into some danger.
They searched for hours through the jungle until they came to a large clearing. In the middle was a giant rock, they wonder if he had gone to collect supplies by the rock and approach it cautiously.
Once at the rock the Asian quickly jumps out, raises his hands in the air, and yells, "Supplies"!
Obama and his generals in the Pentagon discussed, and they could not agree on, what is the best time for the assault on Russia.
Finally, they decide to ask the French: "When is it best to invade Russia?"
The French answered: "We do not know, but certainly not in the winter, it would go wrong for sure."
Therefore, it would probably be better to ask the Germans: "When is it best to invade Russia?"
The Germans answer: "We do not know, but it certainly would not be in the summer. We have tried, already..."
What to do?
Someone proposes to ask China that is progressive and always comes up with a new idea.
So they asked the Chinese, "When is the best time to invade Russia?"
The Chinese replies: "Right now!"
Russia began to build "The Strength of Siberia" pipeline, "Turkish stream", The Spaceport "Vostochny", The Bridge to the Crimea, and in the near future they will modernize the BAM, they are building new sports complexes for the World Cup in football and athletics, they are planning oil extraction in the Arctic...
Right now they do need a lot of POW as work force.