The Best 69 Building Jokes

Following is our collection of Building jokes which are very funny. There are some building edifice jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these building empire state building puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Building Jokes and Puns

The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some weed with her

I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women

My wife texted "I'm leaving you"

And followed with "after lunch to go shopping with my sister."

I asked why in the world she sent the message that way. "I just wanted you to realize how good you have it with me."

I texted her back "Remind your sister she said she would come over later to give me a hand job"

A minute later I finished the message "-searching and resume building."

I was at a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said

"I want you to try to sell this to me."

So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building, and went home.

Eventually he called me and said "Bring my laptop back here right now!"

I said "$200 and it's yours."

So to celebrate the Halloween season...

... I was going to go to a 200 year old building that was apparently set up with shriveled up old corpses, dangerous bandits, bloodsucking vampires, hellbent soulless demons, and the like. But it turns out the Capitol Building is closed for tours until a budget resolution is reached.

A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building...

He yells "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"


What was Viktor Frankenstein's favorite sport?

Body building.

What's the difference between the foundation of a building and the average Redittor?

The foundation's been laid.

A man is standing on the top of a tall building about to commit suicide...

...when a physicist at the bottom shouts up, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

What did the physicist say to the man about to jump off a building?

"Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

A man was walking down the street when he heard a distant voice say, "Climb the ladder to success."

The man then noticed a ladder leaning up against the building to his right. Again, he heard the voice: "Climb the ladder to success." The man shrugged and began to climb. The voice kept repeating itself and grew louder as the man approached the top. "Climb the ladder to success." Finally, the man reached the top of the building, where he found a fully naked man. "Hi, I'm Sess."

Lately I've found my job, building kitchen work surfaces, to be counter productive.

You can explore building floor reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean building sided building dad jokes. There are also building puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I was offered a job building Egyptian tombs

Turned out to be a pyramid scheme

What did the optimist say as he jumped off the building?

So far, so good.

My friend got jailed 6 months for pulling 4 people out of a burning building.

Turns out they were firefighters.

A physicist notices a man about to jump of a really tall building, he yells:

DONT JUMP YOU HAVE SO MUCH POTENTIAL

Saw some kids building sandcastles on the beach so I ran and jumped on one of them.

Then I wrecked his sandcastle.

TIFU by trying to be witty at the airport...

The TSA confiscated my protein powder asking "Are you planning on building any bombs with this substance?"

I replied "No, only guns."

Just finished building doors for my fish.

I'm highly skilled in the field of carp-entry.

Little Johnny is walking down the street and sees a construction site building new houses

He has a look at what's going on and he's amazed and in awe of it all. He rushes home as fast as he can. He runs in and shouts ''Dad, dad, can we play builders?'' His dad says ''Sure Johnny''

Johnny runs to the top of the stairs and shouts ''Oi, get them bricks up here now you cunt''


Three burglars break into a building and are confronted by a soldier, a cop, and a politician.

The politician tells the soldier to kill Burglar #1, and the two stab each other to death.

The politician then tells the cop to arrest Burglar #2, and the two beat each other unconscious.

The politician then walks up to Burglar #3 and says "I just saved your life, your freedom, and tripled your share of the loot. I think 20% is a fair cut."

Muslim artists threw some paint bombs at a local building...

They blue it up.

Who says building a border wall won't work?

The Chinese built one over 2,000 years ago and they still don't have any Mexicans.

I don't know why people say building a wall doesn't work

The chinese did it 2000 years ago and they still don't have any mexicans.

2 men are robbing an apartment...

...when they hear sirens outside the building.

"We need to jump!" says the first man.
The second man replies "But we're on the 13th floor!"

"This is no time to be superstitious!" exclaims the first man.

Osama Bin Laden's son comes home from school crying...

He asks him: "What's wrong son, what happened?"

"The teacher asked the class what the tallest building in New York is, and I got the answer wrong."

"Why, what did you answer?"

"The Empire State Building."

"Don't worry son, daddy will take care of it."

I'm playing Monopoly with Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton...

Trump grabbed Community Chest as fast as he could, is building hotels on properties he doesn't really own and is refusing to pay income tax

Clinton started out with a house on Illinois Ave, somehow always has a "Get out of jail free" card and keeps saying she respects any opponent holding Vermont Ave

However, in the end, I have a feeling neither will be satisfied until they get a house on Pennsylvania Ave

What's the highest story of any building?

Floor 20

A physicist sees a man about to jump from a building

'Don't do it! ' he shouts 'You have so much potential! '

I accidentally dropped my phone from a 20-story building.

It's a good thing I had it on Flight Mode.

Now that Donald Trump is actually building the wall, I hear Mexicans are depressed

I'm sure they'll soon get over it

I just turned on nickelodeon and saw bob the builder building a wall...

... to keep Dora from exploring.

A rich, young man walks into a bar.

He sits down and orders a few drinks. As he is enjoying his beer, he sees a mentally retarded man outside the building.

Poor Old fool, thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched the old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he'd humor the old man and asked, So how many have you caught today?

The old man replied, You're the eighth.

A guy goes in for a job interview...

A guy goes in for a job interview.

The manager hands the guy his laptop and says, "I want you to try and sell this to me."

So the guy puts it under his arm, walks out of the building, and goes home.

Eventually, the manager calls the guy and says, "Bring it back here right now!"

The guy says, "$200 and it's yours."

Depression in Mexico

There are been a sharp increase in depression in Mexico since Trump got into office on the platform of building a wall between the two countries.

Leading mental health experts have said that sadly many Mexicans will never get over it.

What kind of building is the tallest?

Libraries, because they have the most stories!

Interviewer : "Just imagine you're in the 20th floor of a building and it's on fire. How will you escape?"

"It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination."

I'm building a brothel for lesbians.

No studs in the building, it's all tongue and groove.

My dad told me this is why different branches of the military have so much trouble communicating.

They all have different vocabulary. For instance; "Secure that building."

Tell a marine that and he'll go kill everyone inside.

Tell a soldier and he'll put up razor wire, sandbags, and machine gun nests.

Tell a sailor and he'll go in and close and lock all the windows and doors.

Tell an airman and he will take out a lease with an option to buy.

What happened when I jumped off a famous building in France?

Eiffel

I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office building

20 minutes later my boss caught me and two kids smoking outside the office building.

A Muslim enters a building

Along with 500 passengers and an airplane.

A physicist sees a person on the top of a very tall building.

"Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

A physicist goes to the top of the empire state building and sees a man about to leap to his death

He runs up to him and says, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

Relieved, the man climbs off the edge and follows the physicist down to the street. The physicist then looks at him again and says: "ah... Never mind".

My next job, I want to be the security guard at the philosophy building of a university...

I will spend my days asking philosophy students Who are you, and why are you here?

I was walking past a prison the other day, and

I saw a dwarf in an orange jumpsuit shimmying down the side of the building.

I thought to myself, now that's a little con descending.

What's the difference between a man falling from a 40 story building and a 4 story building?

One goes: Ahhhhhhhhh.... Splat
And the other goes: Splat....Ahhhhhhhhh

Some species of frog can jump higher than a 3-story office building.

It's because of their immensely powerful hind legs, and the fact that office buildings cannot jump.

The janitor lady in our apartment building wanted me to hang out with her and smoke pot. I said no.

I tend to avoid high maintenance women.

Fred is a hippo who goes to a University where everyone is a hippo

One day, someone asked Fred where to find the medical building. Fred replied, "Its over there and to the left. I do brain research in there."

Fred is an expert on the hippocampus.

The janitor of my apartment building asked if I wanted to smoke some weed with her

I told her no. I can't stand high maintenance women.

My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning

It's a girl and weighs 7lbs 12 oz

I suck at building fences. Anyone have any tips?

Oh. I put this post in the wrong place, didn't I?

The female janitor in my building asked if I would smoke some weed with her.

I said no; I can't deal with high maintenance women.

A physicist is walking along a road when she looks up at a tall building...

She sees a man on the roof getting ready to jump and shouts out to him, "Don't do it, you have so much potential!"

What's the difference between a person falling off 10th floor and 1st floor of a building?

The person falling of the 10th floor would sound like "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" *THUD*

The person falling of the 1st floor would sound like *THUD* "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

After the waters receded, Noah commanded all the animals to "Go forth and multiply!"...

The ark quickly emptied, except for two small snakes, who stayed behind.

When Noah asked them why, they replied, "We can't multiply. We're adders."

Noah, being the resourceful man he was, immediately got busy cutting down trees and building a large table with the unfinished lumber therefrom.

And he saw that it was good.

The snakes were overjoyed when Noah picked them up and placed them on it. Noah and the snakes both knew that even adders could multiply on a log table.

My favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandmother

until my mom took the urn from me.

Two pieces of Road walk into a bar

They order two large beers and talk loudly, they are the toughest pieces of road in the building.

15 minutes later, a small piece of pavement walks through and asks for a small orange juice. When the roads see him, they move into the corner and stay quiet.

The bartender notices this and goes over to them and says I thought you two were the toughest they come, why are you scared of that small, quiet guy? They respond with:

You should be careful with him, He's a Cycle Path

As a Canadian, the Presidential Debate feels like...

As a Canadian, the Presidential Debate feels like overhearing your downstairs neighbours debating about whether or not to set the building on fire.

My fondest memory when I was a kid was building sandcastles with my grandpa.

I really enjoyed it until the day my mom hid the urn from me.

A man lost at sea is found on an island 20 years later.

The sailors that find him are surprised to see three large buildings on the island. They ask the man why he built the buildings. "This first building is my house" he says. "I was able to set up a crude aqueduct to create some form of indoor plumbing". The sailors are impressed and ask about the second building. "This second building is my church" he says "I am a Christian and my faith is very important to me". The sailors nod in understanding and ask about the third building. "Oh, that one" the man says. "That's the church I USED to go to".

My favorite childhood memory was building sand castles with my grandpa.

Then my mom hid the urn from me.

I just recently finished building a model of Mt. Everest and a friend asked, "Is it to scale?"

"No," I said.
"It's to look at."

Just finished building an Ikea shelf. I'm going to name it Joe.

It's a bit shakey and leans slightly to the left.

How do you get a trump supporter to wear a mask?

Convince them to storm the capitol building

I asked my wife if she wanted to role play tonight.

She could be the Capitol building, and I'd be a Trump protester.

Don't use Cops to protect the Capitol building!

Use barbers and hairdressers, the threat of a shave, shampoo and haircut should have most of them running for the hills!

Why did the chicken go inside the Capitol Building?

There was supposed to be a coop

Sven and Oli went to the lumber store

Sven went in and Oli stayed in the truck. Sven said to the lumberman, I need a four-by-two . The lumberman said, Do you mean a two-by-four? . Sven said, let me ask my brudder . Sven came back and said, yup we need a two-by-four . The lumberman said, How long? . Sven said, huh? . The lumberman said, How long do you need it? Sven just stood there, not understanding. The lumberman said, Go ask your brother. Sven went out to the truck, and came back and said, We need it quite a while, we're building a garage

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the building tallest building jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working building burning building piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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