Building Jokes

167 building jokes and hilarious building puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about building that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you a building site professional looking for some light-hearted humour? This article explores the funny world of building site jokes, ranging from puns relating to the building inspector, through to those involving a building surveyor and building code. Whether you are a building apprentice or contractor, this article is sure to get you laughing at the quirkiness of a building site, from a building permit to a building block, from a rooftop to a multistorey floor.

Quick Jump To

Funniest Building Short Jokes

Short building jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The building humour may include short built jokes also.

  1. My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning It's a girl and weigh 7lbs 12 oz
  2. My friend claims he can build a gun using his new 3D printer, but I'm not impressed. I've had a Canon printer for years.
  3. We should use Hillary Clinton's emails to build a wall Because a lot of people can't seem to get over it.
  4. My favourite childhood memory with my grandad is when i was building a sand castle with him... ...until my mom took the urn back.
  5. A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building... He yells "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
  6. My favourite childhood memory is building sand castles with my grandfather Until my mother took the urn from me
  7. I think the wife's got me a build-it-yourself scale model of a horse for my birthday next month. I've just found a big piece of it hidden in her bedside drawer.
  8. My mom laughed at me when I said I was going to build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face as I drove pasta.
  9. My favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandmother until my mom took the urn from me.
  10. Donald Trump's plan to build a wall might actually work. The Chinese built a huge wall, and they have almost no Mexicans in their country.

Share These Building Jokes With Friends

Building One Liners

Which building one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with building? I can suggest the ones about construction and brick.

  1. science builds planes and skyscrapers but faith brings them together.
  2. Why did the console player cross the road? To render the buildings on the other side.
  3. I have a phobia of over-engineered buildings. It's a complex complex complex.
  4. They should build the wall with Hillary's emails Because nobody can get over them.
  5. Just one. How many scientists does it take to build a time machine?
  6. I was offered a job building Egyptian tombs Turned out to be a pyramid scheme
  7. What's the highest story of any building? Floor 20
  8. I have a fear of over-designed buildings. I have a complex complex complex.
  9. Why did the Egyptians build the pyramids? To get to the other side.
  10. Why don't dentists display their awards? Because they want to prevent plaque build-up.
  11. Just finished building doors for my fish. I'm highly skilled in the field of carp-entry.
  12. I tried teaching my mom how to build a PC But all it did was make my motherboard
  13. What happened when I jumped off a famous building in France? Eiffel
  14. Who build King Arthur's round table? Sir Cumference
  15. How many ants does it take to fill an apartment building? Ten ants.

Bridge Building Jokes

Here is a list of funny bridge building jokes and even better bridge building puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I wanted to make a joke about a bridge but I thought I might need to build the suspense first
  • Why is building a bridge better than building a tunnel? One is riveting, the other is boring.
  • Anyone can build a bridge that stands, but you need an Engineer if... ... you want one that just barely stands.
  • Why were the Roman soldiers so good at making friends? Because of their frequent bridge building exercises.
  • My brother works as a part time civil engineer and part time relationship therapist He's an expert at building bridges
  • A boss is about to fire his engineer after a bridge collapses. But after seeing the engineer weeping, tells him "oh cry me a river, just build a new one and get over it."
  • TIL I've been lied to about lemmings Turns out the don't use umbrellas or build bridges!
  • I saw some people building a new bridge near me. Every lunch break they would sit down for afternoon tea complete with tablecloth and napkins. It was very civil engineering.
  • I was going to build a bridge for karma but I got over it.
  • One day if I become a millionaire One day if I become a millionaire I am going to build a giant bridge so that all the homeless have a place to sleep.

Apartment Building Jokes

Here is a list of funny apartment building jokes and even better apartment building puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I told my psychologist I am scared off living in tall buildings Apparently it's an Apartment Complex
  • The Homophobics in my apartment building have been boycotting the elevators. They found out elevators go both ways.
  • I joked about how bad our apartment building's foundation was Even the walls started cracking up
  • I have a difficult time living in buildings near many neighbors I think I have an apartment complex.
  • How do bees let guests into their apartment building? They *buzz* them in
  • There's an apartment building in my neighborhood that's full of guys who think they're Jesus It's a Messiah Complex
  • For years I was addicted to the idea of building my own apartments. The idea consumed me and I eventually developed a complex.
  • I hear they're building apartment buildings for detectives only They're calling them Sherlock Homes.
  • A Chinese man fell down the stairs of his 10-story apartment building. It was Wong on so many levels.
  • The pathway next to my apartment building has never been cleaned, it's made out of garbage Litteralley.
Building joke, The pathway next to my apartment building has never been cleaned, it's made out of garbage

Empire State Building Jokes

Here is a list of funny empire state building jokes and even better empire state building puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course the Empire State Building can't jump
  • Why did King Kong climb the Empire State Building? He had a plane to catch
  • How can a flea jump higher than the Empire State Building? The Empire State Building can't jump.
  • If Darth Vader lived in America, where would he live? The Empire State Building
  • I passed the empire state building yesterday What confuses me the most is I didn't feel a thing.
  • I can jump higher than the empire state building I rely on the fact that the building can't jump.
  • What do you get when you drop an egg off the Empire State Building? New Yolk
  • A man falls from the top of the Empire State building. When he hits the ground, a woman walking by screams "oh my God what happened"!!
    The man looks up and says "I don't know, I just got here"
  • What did the physicist say to the young man who was about to jump off the Empire State building?

    Don't do it. You have so much potential.
  • What's the difference between your mom and the Empire State Building? Not everyone's been up the Empire State Building

Sided Building Jokes

Here is a list of funny sided building jokes and even better sided building puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I was walking past a prison the other day, and I saw a dwarf in an orange jumpsuit shimmying down the side of the building.
    I thought to myself, now that's a little con descending.
  • If you factor in Trumps ancestry, his policies make perfect sense. The German side says "Build a wall!"
    The Scottish side says "Well im not paying for it!"
  • What's the best side of the house to build a deck on? The outside
  • If while building a wood project you find that many of your nails are pointed on the wrong end Don't throw them away. Save them for the opposite side of the project.
  • Q: What is crazy and walks along the sides of buildings?
    A: A walnut.
  • A company is building a tower with diffrent floors The first floor will be a hexagon the 2nd pentagon, ah you dont need to hear it from me, each story has diffrent sides anyways
  • Why did the console peasant cross the street? To render the building on the other side!
  • Q: What is crazy and walks along the sides of buildings?
    A: A walnut.
  • Told my mother-in-law that she should leaving the building through the fire exit. Sadly there wasn't a single flame on the other side.
  • I was driving by the prison the other day... And I saw a midget in a jumpsuit climbing down the side of the building. And I thought to myself, *now that's a little condescending...*

Building Site Jokes

Here is a list of funny building site jokes and even better building site puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A man walks into a bar. He goes "I really shouldn't be walking through a building site" and leaves.
  • I worked with a guy on a building site... I once worked with a guy on a building site who never wore steel toe caps. When I asked him why, he said he didn't them. Turns out he was lactose intolerant.
  • To commemorate the disaster in Mecca where a crane fell and crushed pilgrims, Saudi Arabia will build a restaurant at the site. An IHOP: International House of Pancakes.
  • I forgot my hard hat when I went to the building site... Health and safety came down on me like a tonne of bricks.
  • Why is Donald Trump so intent on building a wall with Mexico? To stop the workers at his construction site from running back!
  • I work on a construction site, and we're building a new apartment block. The ground floor has turned out pretty good. But the first floor? That's a whole other storey.
Building joke, I work on a construction site, and we're building a new apartment block. The ground floor has turned

Rib-Tickling Building Jokes that Bring Friends Together

What funny jokes about building you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tower jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make building pranks.

The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some w**... with her

I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women

The female janitor in my building asked if I would smoke some w**... with her.

I said no; I can't deal with high maintenance women.

My wife texted "I'm leaving you"

And followed with "after lunch to go shopping with my sister."
I asked why in the world she sent the message that way. "I just wanted you to realize how good you have it with me."
I texted her back "Remind your sister she said she would come over later to give me a h**..."
A minute later I finished the message "-searching and resume building."

I was at a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said

"I want you to try to sell this to me."
So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building, and went home.
Eventually he called me and said "Bring my laptop back here right now!"
I said "$200 and it's yours."

I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try and sell this to me."

So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home.
Eventually, he called me on my phone and said, "Bring it back here right now!"
I replied, "£100 and it's yours."

I told my girlfriend that the milkman said he had shagged every woman in our building except one!!

I bet it's the snooty b**... at number twenty three, she replied.

A Muslim, a Buddhist and a Christian are forced to jump off a building

So the Buddhist man jumps first. He prays: Buddha, Buddha, Buddha, Buddha... When he reaches the ground, he lands safely.

The next one is the Muslim. He jumps, and prays: Inshallah, Inshallah, Inshallah... Upon reaching the ground, he smashes so hard and dies instantly.

The last one is the Christian man. He jumps and starts praying: O u r F a t h e r i n H e a v e n, hallowed be your name. YOUR KINGDOM COME! YOUR WILL... BUDDHA, BUDDHA, BUDDHA, BUDDHA!

An elderly gentleman was on his deathbed as his wife and three children and nurse stood close by

Then he spoke: Bill, you take the Beverly Hills houses. Mary, you take the offices in the Center Center. Debra, the apartments over the L.A. Plaza are yours. To my dear wife, take all the residential buildings near downtown.
The nurse was really impressed. She said, Your husband must have been quite a man, amassing so much property to leave to all of you.
And the wife responded, What property? … the s**... had a paper route!!

What does "Secure the Building" mean to veterans?

If you're a veteran, I can tell what branch of the military you were in based on how you understand the phrase "secure the building."
If you were a Marine you think it means to hit the building with mortar and machine gun fire.
If you were in the Army you think it means to go from room to room clearing them of enemy combatants.
If you were in the Navy it means to turn out all the lights and lock the door.
If you were in the Air Force it means to take out a five year lease with an option to buy.

o**... Bin Laden's son comes home from school crying...

He asks him: "What's wrong son, what happened?"
"The teacher asked the class what the tallest building in New York is, and I got the answer wrong."
"Why, what did you answer?"
"The Empire State Building."
"Don't worry son, daddy will take care of it."

Two retired business men sitting on a beach.

Mike: Nice to meet you. I'm a retired businessman. When my store burned down, rather than rebuilding I took the insurance money and retired here.
John: You know, I'm a retired businessman, too. When a flood washed away my store I took the insurance money and retired here, too.
Mike is silent for a while then he asks John, "How do you start a flood?"

I bet you $20 that you won't be able to push the same thing back in my wheelbarrow.

Two workers - one big and strong, the other small and weak - are on a building site.
The small chap says "I bet you $20 that I can push something to the end of the yard in my wheelbarrow and you won't be able to push the same thing back."
"You're on," says the big guy.
"Righto," says the small fellow, "Jump in."

A physicist goes to the top of the empire state building and sees a man about to leap to his death

He runs up to him and says, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
Relieved, the man climbs off the edge and follows the physicist down to the street. The physicist then looks at him again and says: "ah... Never mind".

My wife accused me of achieving nothing...

So I told her "well I won the Leslie Neilsen award at school."
"What's that?" she said
"It's a big building with kids in it"

Who says building a border wall won't work?

The Chinese built one over 2,000 years ago and they still don't have any Mexicans.

I was recently asked if I believed faith could move mountains.

Apparently "No, but I've seen what it can do to buildings," is the wrong answer.

A physicist sees a person on the top of a very tall building.

"Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

I just turned on nickelodeon and saw bob the builder building a wall...

... to keep Dora from exploring.

My friend got jailed 6 months for pulling 4 people out of a burning building.

Turns out they were firefighters.

So to celebrate the Halloween season...

... I was going to go to a 200 year old building that was apparently set up with shriveled up old corpses, dangerous bandits, bloodsucking vampires, hellbent soulless demons, and the like. But it turns out the Capitol Building is closed for tours until a budget resolution is reached.

As a Canadian, the Presidential Debate feels like...

As a Canadian, the Presidential Debate feels like overhearing your downstairs neighbours debating about whether or not to set the building on fire.

My wife just recently completed a 40-week body building course...

It's a boy and he weighs 11lbs 4oz

Three burglars break into a building and are confronted by a soldier, a cop, and a politician.

The politician tells the soldier to kill Burglar #1, and the two stab each other to death.
The politician then tells the cop to arrest Burglar #2, and the two beat each other unconscious.
The politician then walks up to Burglar #3 and says "I just saved your life, your freedom, and tripled your share of the loot. I think 20% is a fair cut."

Interviewer : "Just imagine you're in the 20th floor of a building and it's on fire. How will you escape?"

"It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination."

What did the physicist say to the man about to jump off a building?

"Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

My dad told me this is why different branches of the military have so much trouble communicating.

They all have different vocabulary. For instance; "Secure that building."
Tell a marine that and he'll go kill everyone inside.
Tell a soldier and he'll put up razor wire, sandbags, and machine gun nests.
Tell a sailor and he'll go in and close and lock all the windows and doors.
Tell an airman and he will take out a lease with an option to buy.

The Mandalorian fell on hard times and had to take a job in a body building and health food shop. Turns out he was unexpectedly great at it and smashed the commission targets. He'd just direct people to the protein powder section, and say...

..."This is the whey"


I was at a job interview today...

When the manager handed me a laptop and said,
I want you to sell this to me.
So I put it under my arm, left the building and went home.
Eventually he called me and said, Bring my laptop back now.
I said, £200 and it's yours.

Some species of frog can jump higher than a 3-story office building.

It's because of their immensely powerful hind legs, and the fact that office buildings cannot jump.

A scientist dropped a burger and a broccoli from the top of a building to see which one of them would hit the ground first. Which one hit the ground first?

The burger. This is because burger is a Fast food. Thank you.

Now that Donald Trump is actually building the wall, I hear Mexicans are depressed

I'm sure they'll soon get over it

Two pieces of Road walk into a bar

They order two large beers and talk loudly, they are the toughest pieces of road in the building.
15 minutes later, a small piece of pavement walks through and asks for a small orange juice. When the roads see him, they move into the corner and stay quiet.
The bartender notices this and goes over to them and says I thought you two were the toughest they come, why are you scared of that small, quiet guy? They respond with:
You should be careful with him, He's a Cycle Path

My next job, I want to be the security guard at the philosophy building of a university...

I will spend my days asking philosophy students Who are you, and why are you here?

I s**... at building fences. Anyone have any tips?

Oh. I put this post in the wrong place, didn't I?

A man was walking down the street when he heard a distant voice say, "Climb the ladder to success."

The man then noticed a ladder leaning up against the building to his right. Again, he heard the voice: "Climb the ladder to success." The man shrugged and began to climb. The voice kept repeating itself and grew louder as the man approached the top. "Climb the ladder to success." Finally, the man reached the top of the building, where he found a fully n**... man. "Hi, I'm Sess."

I'm building a brothel for l**....

No studs in the building, it's all tongue and groove.

What did the physicist say about the child that jumped off a building?

He had so much potential

I just recently finished building a model of Mt. Everest and a friend asked, "Is it to scale?"

"No," I said.
"It's to look at."

Frankenstein enters a bodybuilding competition

And was promptly left in embarrassment when he realized that he'd severely misunderstood the objective.

Frankenstein enters a bodybuilding competition

and finds he has seriously misunderstood the objective...

I used to love building sandcastles with my grandma

But my parent's eventually found it creepy and glued the urn shut

Whats the difference between engineering and religion?

Engineering build planes and buildings. Religion brings them together.

I was angry at my friend and he sarcastically asked "what would Jesus do?"

So I flipped over the table and chased him from the building with a whip.

The janitor of my apartment building asked if I wanted to smoke some w**... with her

I told her no. I can't stand high maintenance women.

A physicist notices a man about to jump of a really tall building, he yells:


Why were all Roman buildings made of stone?

They crucified the carpenter.

Dr. Frankenstein went to a body-building competition...

There was a terrible misunderstanding.

I accidentally dropped my phone from a 20-story building.

It's a good thing I had it on Flight Mode.

A guy goes in for a job interview...

A guy goes in for a job interview.
The manager hands the guy his laptop and says, "I want you to try and sell this to me."
So the guy puts it under his arm, walks out of the building, and goes home.
Eventually, the manager calls the guy and says, "Bring it back here right now!"
The guy says, "$200 and it's yours."

A physicist sees a man about to jump from a building

'Don't do it! ' he shouts 'You have so much potential! '

What's the difference between a man falling from a 40 story building and a 4 story building?

One goes: Ahhhhhhhhh.... Splat
And the other goes: Splat....Ahhhhhhhhh

The janitor lady in our apartment building wanted me to hang out with her and smoke p**.... I said no.

I tend to avoid high maintenance women.

A rich, young man walks into a bar.

He sits down and orders a few drinks. As he is enjoying his beer, he sees a mentally r**... man outside the building.
Poor Old fool, thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched the old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he'd humor the old man and asked, So how many have you caught today?
The old man replied, You're the eighth.

I knew a guy who had an irrational fear of overly intricate clusters of commercial buildings.

He had a complex complex complex.

A man lost at sea is found on an island 20 years later.

The sailors that find him are surprised to see three large buildings on the island. They ask the man why he built the buildings. "This first building is my house" he says. "I was able to set up a crude aqueduct to create some form of indoor plumbing". The sailors are impressed and ask about the second building. "This second building is my church" he says "I am a Christian and my faith is very important to me". The sailors nod in understanding and ask about the third building. "Oh, that one" the man says. "That's the church I USED to go to".

What do you call a fear of overly engineered buildings?

A complex complex complex.

I have an irrational fear of large intricate corporate buildings.

You could say I have a complex complex complex.

What's the difference between the foundation of a building and the average Redittor?

The foundation's been laid.

I'm playing Monopoly with Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton...

Trump grabbed Community Chest as fast as he could, is building hotels on properties he doesn't really own and is refusing to pay income tax
Clinton started out with a house on Illinois Ave, somehow always has a "Get out of jail free" card and keeps saying she respects any opponent holding Vermont Ave
However, in the end, I have a feeling neither will be satisfied until they get a house on Pennsylvania Ave

Little Johnny is walking down the street and sees a construction site building new houses

He has a look at what's going on and he's amazed and in awe of it all. He rushes home as fast as he can. He runs in and shouts ''Dad, dad, can we play builders?'' His dad says ''Sure Johnny''
Johnny runs to the top of the stairs and shouts ''Oi, get them bricks up here now you c**...''

A Muslim enters a building

Along with 500 passengers and an airplane.

After the waters receded, Noah commanded all the animals to "Go forth and multiply!"...

The ark quickly emptied, except for two small snakes, who stayed behind.
When Noah asked them why, they replied, "We can't multiply. We're adders."
Noah, being the resourceful man he was, immediately got busy cutting down trees and building a large table with the unfinished lumber therefrom.
And he saw that it was good.
The snakes were overjoyed when Noah picked them up and placed them on it. Noah and the snakes both knew that even adders could multiply on a log table.

Saw some kids building sandcastles on the beach so I ran and jumped on one of them.

Then I wrecked his sandcastle.

A physicist is walking along a road when she looks up at a tall building...

She sees a man on the roof getting ready to jump and shouts out to him, "Don't do it, you have so much potential!"

TIFU by trying to be witty at the airport...

The TSA confiscated my protein powder asking "Are you planning on building any bombs with this substance?"
I replied "No, only guns."

Late one night in the USSR there is a knock at the door.

Everyone leaps out of bed. Papa goes shakily to the door.

'It's all right,' he says, coming back. 'The building's on fire.'

My favorite childhood memory was building sand castles with my grandpa.

Then my mom hid the urn from me.

I don't know why people say building a wall doesn't work

The chinese did it 2000 years ago and they still don't have any mexicans.

Building joke, I don't know why people say building a wall doesn't work

jokes about building