The Best 55 Budget Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Budget jokes. There are some budget cfo jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these budget monthly puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Budget Jokes and Puns
So to celebrate the Halloween season...
... I was going to go to a 200 year old building that was apparently set up with shriveled up old corpses, dangerous bandits, bloodsucking vampires, hellbent soulless demons, and the like. But it turns out the Capitol Building is closed for tours until a budget resolution is reached.
My nephew is turning three next week,
but due to budget issues, we're not going to tell him.
Did you hear about the constipated accountant?
He used a pencil to budget
CERN's new budget-priced particle detector can't detect exotic particles
It's just the standard model.
Joke Time 2
To surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office.
When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.
Without hesitating, he dictated, "And in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."
Going to Greece on holiday
So I was planning on going to Greece on holiday this summer, I call the hotel to make a reservation, the guy says it's a nice hotel, close to the beach, a nice swimming pool and that it's going to be 3000 Euros. I tell them that's a bit too much for my budget and they said I can rent it for 60 Euros/month if I don't want to buy it.
Why couldn't the bad financial advisor move the debt?
He couldn't budget.
Brexit must have impacted Game of Thrones' budget really badly… (spoilers)
I heard yesterday they fired half of the cast.
How do you host an amnesia support group on a budget?
The moment they show up, tell them the meeting went great and their speech was inspiring.
What do you call a budget that's cut short from the middle?
A midget.
Trump isn't bad for the economy.
Because of him, Correct the Record increased it's operational budget by 600%.
You can explore budget fiscal reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean budget inflation dad jokes. There are also budget puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
If I had a dollar
If I had a dollar for every time an idea got shot down in the meeting because "We don't have the budget", I would finally have the money to execute that idea.
What do you call a budget circumcision?
A rip off.
I wanted to be a feminist for Halloween...
...but a fat suit is out of my budget.
Why couldn't the accountant keep his car in working order?
Because it broke down and he couldn't budget.
What do you call cheese that ain't yours?
"Camembert", typically. It can be very difficult to budget for the expensive varieties
Whenever my mum tells me to budget wisely, I remind her that she spent £80 on a dog coat.
And we don't even have a dog.
So I heard today...
Trump's wall budget is 3 Billion more than NASA's budget for the year...apparently NASA doesn't deal with as many aliens as trump does.
Trump's wall will cost 21.6 billion, Nasa's budget is only 19 billion
Probably because Mexico has more aliens
Did you hear what NASA's new slogan will be once their budget is cut?
"NASA: The Sky's The Limit"
What do Jamaicans eat when they're on a budget?
Jahmon noodles
NASA just received their budget for the year
The sky's the limit
Trump may be 2 trillion short on his budget...
It's not his fault, though. It's just a Conservative estimate.
My new Rolls Royce
I just bought a vintage Rolls Royce, but the budget didn't cover a driver.
So I spent all that money, and I've got nothing to chauffeur it.
I want to go budget bungee jumping
Im gonna leave this world how I came into It
With a bit of broken rubber
If you budget for food...
... Is that accounting for taste?
Having more kids is like making movie sequels
They require a bigger budget, have a worse plot, and get progressively more difficult to name.
Why is God's cosmetics budget so low?
He's already all made-up.
I can't believe the way they used the Childrens Health Insurance Program during the budget debate...
It was like a bargaining CHIP.
I was frying up these mini Bratwursts I'd bought from a budget supermarket, when my wife asked, 'What are you cooking?'
To which I replied:
'They're Lidl sausages.'
How many teachers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, it's not on the state standardized test and light bulbs aren't in the budget.
A research team offer 50% of their budget to a nosy woman with the condition that she stops being nosy
She responds: What are you going to do with the other 50%??
Where do amputees get prosthetics on a budget?
The Secondhand store.
After installing a personal budget control app, I saw how much money I spend on beer every month. This opened my eyes. Clearly, I shouldn't do this anymore.
I deleted the app.
What does a Jedi on a budget eat for dessert?
Only one Cannoli
Time is like a mountain
It is very difficult to budget
I can't buy any protein powder
Because it's whey out of my budget!
What was the budget for The Room?
Cheap, cheap, cheap!
Why do jails receive more funding than nursing homes?
The politicians who make the budget don't worry about ending up in nursing homes.
It's hard to budget the United States Marine Corps
It's not that they eat too many crayons. It's that they throw away the flavors they don't like.
Why did the Jewish dad cut off his son's gaming budget?
Because his son had four skins already.
All of my sexual escapades are like a big budget Star Wars movie
Solo
A wife decides to surprise her husband at work.
She walks into his office to find him sitting at his desk, on the phone, with his extremely attractive secretary perched on his lap.
Upon catching sight of his wife the husband says into the phone, "And in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with only one chair."
We learned today that Trump blocked a proposed budget change that would have eliminated finding for the Special Olympics.
He must have been pretty mad at the thought of being unable to compete this year.
What do you call a group of federal budget makers?
An add hock committee.
A woman decides to surprise her husband at work, and walks into his office to find him talking on the phone and his very attractive secretary perched on his lap.
As soon as he sees his wife, the husband speak into the phone, "And in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue running this office with only one chair."
After just 2 days.....
...... I have lost my new job as the marketing manager of Nestle.
They gave me a £3 million advertising budget and told me to spend it wisely or lose my job.
I pulled up in my Ferrari this morning and said, I've decided to lose my job.
My friend asked why I never used condoms
I said, "My pull out game is superb and condoms are expensive. You gotta keep a tight budget when you have 14 kids."
What do cannibals on a budget eat?
Raw Men noodles
Which brand of cars can you buy without going over budget?
A Ford!
A preacher's wife comes home from shopping with a very expensive dress.
The preacher cringes when he sees the dress. "We're on a budget, remember?"
"I know we're on a budget," replies the wife, "but the devil himself went shopping with me. He convinced me to try on the dress."
The preacher facepalms. "When that happens, you're supposed to say, 'Get behind me, Satan!'"
"I did. He told me the dress looked even better from the back."
My wife decided to trim our household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry-cleaned she washed it by hand...
Proud of her savings, she boasted We're are five dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand.
I replied, Good, wash it again!
pls laugh
what do COVID-19 and a traveler on a budget have in common?
they travel by delta
what is the difference between COVID-19 and delta airlines?
only one can become airborne.
My wife wasn't too happy when I mentioned that our limited budget meant deciding between improving the kitchen plumbing or replacing the pool pump.
Its either sink or swim.
What do you call a low budget terrorist attack?
7/11
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the budget revenues jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working budget actuary piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.