Budget Jokes
75 budget jokes and hilarious budget puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about budget that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of budget jokes. From accountants to politicians, we've got jokes for everyone.
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Funniest Budget Short Jokes
Short budget jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The budget humour may include short expenses jokes also.
- Trump's wall will cost 21.6 billion, Nasa's budget is only 19 billion Probably because Mexico has more aliens
- Did you hear what NASA's new slogan will be once their budget is cut? "NASA: The Sky's The Limit"
- After installing a personal budget control app, I saw how much money I spend on beer every month. This opened my eyes. Clearly, I shouldn't do this anymore. I deleted the app.
- How many teachers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, it's not on the state standardized test and light bulbs aren't in the budget.
- My friend asked why I never used condoms I said, "My pull out game is superb and condoms are expensive. You gotta keep a tight budget when you have 14 kids."
- How do you host an amnesia support group on a budget? The moment they show up, tell them the meeting went great and their speech was inspiring.
- How could the footwear exec afford a mansion, a yacht, and a private jet? He was on a real shoestring budget.
- My wife wasn't too happy when I mentioned that our limited budget meant deciding between improving the kitchen plumbing or replacing the pool pump. Its either sink or swim.
- Was going to go to Norway on holiday this year. Ran the numbers through my budgeting spreadsheet and . . . . . . couldn't a-fjord it.
- Did you hear they're making a low-budget version of Dunkirk? They're calling it Dunkirkland
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Budget One Liners
Which budget one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with budget? I can suggest the ones about finance and cost.
- Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He used a pencil to budget
- What does a Jedi on a budget eat for dessert? Only one Cannoli
- What do cannibals on a budget eat? Raw Men noodles
- What do you call a budget circumcision? A rip off.
- I can't buy any protein powder Because it's whey out of my budget!
- Where do amputees get prosthetics on a budget? The Secondhand store.
- Did you hear about the constipated accountant? They couldn't budget
- Which brand of cars can you buy without going over budget? A Ford!
- Time is like a mountain It is very difficult to budget
- What do police budgets and children's coin holders have in common? Both are piggy banks
- The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
- I wanted to be a feminist for Halloween... ...but a fat suit is out of my budget.
- NASA just received their budget for the year The sky's the limit
- What was the budget for The Room? Cheap, cheap, cheap!
- What do Jamaicans eat when they're on a budget? Jahmon noodles
Low Budget Jokes
Here is a list of funny low budget jokes and even better low budget puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why is God's cosmetics budget so low? He's already all made-up.
- What does SAG-AFTRA call a low-budget foreign production? Scrub-a-dub-dub.
- What do you call a movie with strong story and low budget good actors these day? Flop.
- What do you call a low budget t**... attack? 7/11
Budget Meeting Jokes
Here is a list of funny budget meeting jokes and even better budget meeting puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If I had a dollar If I had a dollar for every time an idea got shot down in the meeting because "We don't have the budget", I would finally have the money to execute that idea.
- Ad from a printer I will not be doing business with: "We offer a full line of pricing options that will meet or exceed your printing budget."
Amusing Budget Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What funny jokes about budget you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fund jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make budget pranks.
So to celebrate the Halloween season...
... I was going to go to a 200 year old building that was apparently set up with shriveled up old corpses, dangerous bandits, bloodsucking vampires, hellbent soulless demons, and the like. But it turns out the Capitol Building is closed for tours until a budget resolution is reached.
My nephew is turning three next week,
but due to budget issues, we're not going to tell him.
Joke Time 2
To surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office.
When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.
Without hesitating, he dictated, "And in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."
Going to Greece on holiday
So I was planning on going to Greece on holiday this summer, I call the hotel to make a reservation, the guy says it's a nice hotel, close to the beach, a nice swimming pool and that it's going to be 3000 Euros. I tell them that's a bit too much for my budget and they said I can rent it for 60 Euros/month if I don't want to buy it.
Why couldn't the bad financial advisor move the debt?
He couldn't budget.
Brexit must have impacted Game of Thrones' budget really badly… (spoilers)
I heard yesterday they fired half of the cast.
What do you call a budget that's cut short from the middle?
A midget.
Trump isn't bad for the economy.
Because of him, Correct the Record increased it's operational budget by 600%.
Why couldn't the accountant keep his car in working order?
Because it broke down and he couldn't budget.
What do you call cheese that ain't yours?
"Camembert", typically. It can be very difficult to budget for the expensive varieties
So I heard today...
Trump's wall budget is 3 Billion more than NASA's budget for the year...apparently NASA doesn't deal with as many aliens as trump does.
Trump may be 2 trillion short on his budget...
It's not his fault, though. It's just a Conservative estimate.
My new Rolls Royce
I just bought a vintage Rolls Royce, but the budget didn't cover a driver.
So I spent all that money, and I've got nothing to chauffeur it.
I want to go budget bungee jumping
Im gonna leave this world how I came into It
With a bit of broken rubber
Having more kids is like making movie sequels
They require a bigger budget, have a worse plot, and get progressively more difficult to name.
I can't believe the way they used the Childrens Health Insurance Program during the budget debate...
It was like a bargaining CHIP.
I was frying up these mini Bratwursts I'd bought from a budget supermarket, when my wife asked, 'What are you cooking?'
To which I replied:
'They're Lidl sausages.'
A research team offer 50% of their budget to a nosy woman with the condition that she stops being nosy
She responds: What are you going to do with the other 50%??
Why do jails receive more funding than nursing homes?
The politicians who make the budget don't worry about ending up in nursing homes.
All of my s**... escapades are like a big budget Star Wars movie
Solo
A wife decides to surprise her husband at work.
She walks into his office to find him sitting at his desk, on the phone, with his extremely attractive secretary perched on his lap.
Upon catching sight of his wife the husband says into the phone, "And in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with only one chair."
We learned today that Trump blocked a proposed budget change that would have eliminated finding for the Special Olympics.
He must have been pretty mad at the thought of being unable to compete this year.
What do you call a group of federal budget makers?
An add hock committee.
A woman decides to surprise her husband at work, and walks into his office to find him talking on the phone and his very attractive secretary perched on his lap.
As soon as he sees his wife, the husband speak into the phone, "And in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue running this office with only one chair."
After just 2 days.....
...... I have lost my new job as the marketing manager of Nestle.
They gave me a £3 million advertising budget and told me to spend it wisely or lose my job.
I pulled up in my Ferrari this morning and said, I've decided to lose my job.
A preacher's wife comes home from shopping with a very expensive dress.
The preacher cringes when he sees the dress. "We're on a budget, remember?"
"I know we're on a budget," replies the wife, "but the devil himself went shopping with me. He convinced me to try on the dress."
The preacher facepalms. "When that happens, you're supposed to say, 'Get behind me, Satan!'"
"I did. He told me the dress looked even better from the back."
My wife decided to trim our household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry-cleaned she washed it by hand...
Proud of her savings, she boasted We're are five dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand.
I replied, Good, wash it again!
pls laugh
what do COVID-19 and a traveler on a budget have in common?
they travel by delta
what is the difference between COVID-19 and delta airlines?
only one can become airborne.
Agreement
My wife and I have an agreement that works...
She is responsible for the small decisions, and I am responsible for the big ones.
This means that she decides things like where to take our next vacation, the color of our next car, and the construction budget for adding on the new family room.
I decide whether or not the President should extend most favored nation trading status to China, how high the Federal Reserve should go with short term interest rates, and the timetable for the elimination of CFCs from automobile air conditioners.
To surprise her hubby, an executive's wife stopped by his office.
When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.
Without hesitating, he dictated, "And in conclusion, gents, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair.
