Budget Jokes
73 budget jokes and hilarious budget puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about budget that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of budget jokes. From accountants to politicians, we've got jokes for everyone.
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Funniest Budget Short Jokes
Short budget jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The budget humour may include short expenses jokes also.
- Did you hear what NASA's new slogan will be once their budget is cut? "NASA: The Sky's The Limit"
- After installing a personal budget control app, I saw how much money I spend on beer every month. This opened my eyes. Clearly, I shouldn't do this anymore. I deleted the app.
- How many teachers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, it's not on the state standardized test and light bulbs aren't in the budget.
- My friend asked why I never used condoms I said, "My pull out game is superb and condoms are expensive. You gotta keep a tight budget when you have 14 kids."
- How do you host an amnesia support group on a budget? The moment they show up, tell them the meeting went great and their speech was inspiring.
- How could the footwear exec afford a mansion, a yacht, and a private jet? He was on a real shoestring budget.
- My wife wasn't too happy when I mentioned that our limited budget meant deciding between improving the kitchen plumbing or replacing the pool pump. Its either sink or swim.
- Was going to go to Norway on holiday this year. Ran the numbers through my budgeting spreadsheet and . . . . . . couldn't a-fjord it.
- Did you hear they're making a low-budget version of Dunkirk? They're calling it Dunkirkland
- I can't believe the way they used the Childrens Health Insurance Program during the budget debate... It was like a bargaining CHIP.
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Budget One Liners
Which budget one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with budget? I can suggest the ones about finance and cost.
- What does a Jedi on a budget eat for dessert? Only one Cannoli
- I can't buy any protein powder Because it's whey out of my budget!
- Which brand of cars can you buy without going over budget? A Ford!
- Time is like a mountain It is very difficult to budget
- What do police budgets and children's coin holders have in common? Both are piggy banks
- The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
- I wanted to be a feminist for Halloween... ...but a fat suit is out of my budget.
- NASA just received their budget for the year The sky's the limit
- What was the budget for The Room? Cheap, cheap, cheap!
- What do Jamaicans eat when they're on a budget? Jahmon noodles
- What do you call a group of federal budget makers? An add hock committee.
- Why is God's cosmetics budget so low? He's already all made-up.
- What do you call a budget that's cut short from the middle? A midget.
- Why couldn't the bad financial advisor move the debt? He couldn't budget.
- How do you start a Revolution on a budget? Using a Coup-on.
Low Budget Jokes
Here is a list of funny low budget jokes and even better low budget puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What does SAG-AFTRA call a low-budget foreign production? Scrub-a-dub-dub.
- What do you call a movie with strong story and low budget good actors these day? Flop.
Budget Meeting Jokes
Here is a list of funny budget meeting jokes and even better budget meeting puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If I had a dollar If I had a dollar for every time an idea got shot down in the meeting because "We don't have the budget", I would finally have the money to execute that idea.
- Ad from a printer I will not be doing business with: "We offer a full line of pricing options that will meet or exceed your printing budget."
Amusing Budget Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What funny jokes about budget you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fund jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make budget pranks.
So to celebrate the Halloween season...
... I was going to go to a 200 year old building that was apparently set up with shriveled up old corpses, dangerous bandits, bloodsucking vampires, hellbent soulless demons, and the like. But it turns out the Capitol Building is closed for tours until a budget resolution is reached.
The CEOs of Budweiser, Coors, Killian's, and Guinness walk into a bar....
...and the bartender takes orders. The CEO of Budweiser says "I'll take a Bud Light. It's crisp, refreshing, and doesn't hurt the budget!"
The bartender moves down the line. The CEO of Coors says "I'll take a Coors light. It's colder, even more refreshing, and won't give you a beer gut!"
The bartender moves down the line. The CEO of Killian's says "These guys are amateurs, give me a Killian's Irish Red. It's smooth, flavorful, and distinct!"
The bartender moves down the line. The CEO of Guinness says "I'll have a water."
The others give a confused look. The bartender says "but... why aren't you ordering a beer?"
He responds, "well, nobody else did."
My nephew is turning three next week,
but due to budget issues, we're not going to tell him.
CERN's new budget-priced particle detector can't detect exotic particles
It's just the standard model.
Going to Greece on holiday
So I was planning on going to Greece on holiday this summer, I call the hotel to make a reservation, the guy says it's a nice hotel, close to the beach, a nice swimming pool and that it's going to be 3000 Euros. I tell them that's a bit too much for my budget and they said I can rent it for 60 Euros/month if I don't want to buy it.
Brexit must have impacted Game of Thrones' budget really badly… (spoilers)
I heard yesterday they fired half of the cast.
Trump isn't bad for the economy.
Because of him, Correct the Record increased it's operational budget by 600%.
Why couldn't the accountant keep his car in working order?
Because it broke down and he couldn't budget.
What do you call cheese that ain't yours?
"Camembert", typically. It can be very difficult to budget for the expensive varieties
Whenever my mum tells me to budget wisely, I remind her that she spent £80 on a dog coat.
And we don't even have a dog.
So I heard today...
Trump's wall budget is 3 Billion more than NASA's budget for the year...apparently NASA doesn't deal with as many aliens as trump does.
Trump may be 2 trillion short on his budget...
It's not his fault, though. It's just a Conservative estimate.
My new Rolls Royce
I just bought a vintage Rolls Royce, but the budget didn't cover a driver.
So I spent all that money, and I've got nothing to chauffeur it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I want to go budget bungee jumping
Im gonna leave this world how I came into It
With a bit of broken rubber
If you budget for food...
... Is that accounting for taste?
Having more kids is like making movie sequels
They require a bigger budget, have a worse plot, and get progressively more difficult to name.
I was frying up these mini Bratwursts I'd bought from a budget supermarket, when my wife asked, 'What are you cooking?'
To which I replied:
'They're Lidl sausages.'
A research team offer 50% of their budget to a nosy woman with the condition that she stops being nosy
She responds: What are you going to do with the other 50%??
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Husband: "Can I get a b**...?"
Wife: "I'm too tired for all that Jazz"
Husband: "Sure, why don't you have a good sleep. That was a budget expenditure request anyway"
Why do jails receive more funding than nursing homes?
The politicians who make the budget don't worry about ending up in nursing homes.
It's hard to budget the United States Marine Corps
It's not that they eat too many crayons. It's that they throw away the flavors they don't like.
I had to buy colored toothpicks for a project but I was on a budget
So I had tooth pick only one color
LPT for stretching your food budget
Cut a minute steak into 60 pieces. Then everyone can have seconds.
Why did the Jewish dad cut off his son's gaming budget?
Because his son had four skins already.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
All of my s**... escapades are like a big budget Star Wars movie
Solo
We learned today that Trump blocked a proposed budget change that would have eliminated finding for the Special Olympics.
He must have been pretty mad at the thought of being unable to compete this year.
After just 2 days.....
...... I have lost my new job as the marketing manager of Nestle.
They gave me a £3 million advertising budget and told me to spend it wisely or lose my job.
I pulled up in my Ferrari this morning and said, I've decided to lose my job.
My wife decided to trim our household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry-cleaned she washed it by hand...
Proud of her savings, she boasted We're are five dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand.
I replied, Good, wash it again!
pls laugh
what do COVID-19 and a traveler on a budget have in common?
they travel by delta
what is the difference between COVID-19 and delta airlines?
only one can become airborne.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a low budget t**... attack?
7/11
Agreement
My wife and I have an agreement that works...
She is responsible for the small decisions, and I am responsible for the big ones.
This means that she decides things like where to take our next vacation, the color of our next car, and the construction budget for adding on the new family room.
I decide whether or not the President should extend most favored nation trading status to China, how high the Federal Reserve should go with short term interest rates, and the timetable for the elimination of CFCs from automobile air conditioners.
To surprise her hubby, an executive's wife stopped by his office.
When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.
Without hesitating, he dictated, "And in conclusion, gents, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair.
