The Best 65 Buddies Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Buddies jokes. There are some buddies joe jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these buddies tee puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Buddies Jokes and Puns

Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies...

who worked as airplane mechanics in Atlanta. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

Bud says, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!" Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?" So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed.

The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing! Then the phone rings... It's Jim.

Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"

Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"

Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"

Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often."

"Yeah, well there's just one thing..."

"What's that?"

"Have you farted yet?" "No....."

"Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in PHOENIX!!!"

2 old buddies mourning the loss of a friend

2 old friends are catching up at an old pal's funeral. One takes a moment to pause and finally asks the question.

"So... How'd it happen?"

To which the other responds.

"Well, as I understand it, he went to the doctor the other day and the doctor said he was 'as healthy as a horse.' But on the way home he broke a leg."

The Final Exam

The weekend before their big history final, four college buddies decided to go to St. Louis to party with friends. However, after partying all night, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Springfield until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking their history final then, they decided to find their professor after it was over and explain to her why they had missed it.

They had gone to St. Louis for the weekend, they told her, and had planned to come back in time for the test, but on the way back, they'd taken a short cut down a dirt road and had had a flat tire. They didn't have a spare and couldn't get help for a long time and as a result they missed the final.

The Professor thought about it awhile and then agreed they could make up the final the following day.

The guys were elated. They studied together that evening and, the next morning, arrived for the test. The professor placed them in separate rooms, handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.

They looked at the first problem. It asked:

"(For 5 points) On what date was the Declaration of Independence ratified?"

"Cool," they thought at the same time, each in his separate room. "This test is going to be a breeze."

Each wrote July 4, 1776 and then turned the page.

On the second page was written:

"(For 95 points): Which tire?"

Two long time buddies were having a beer...

... They were talking about their day, when one of them complains about his wife.

The other guy says "Speaking of your wife, I saw her on the bus the other day, she told me a joke so funny I almost fell off the bed!"

jokes about buddies

One of my buddies turned 90, so for a birthday surprise I sent a hooker to his apartment. When he opened the door, she introduced herself and informed him that she was there to give him super sex. His response...

I'll take the soup.


So I've got some buddies...

They just so happen to be a high-ranking officials in Denver,Colorado. They're currently trying to get Republicans and Democrats to both agree to legalize medical marijuana to ease arthritis symptoms. I guess you could say I have friends in high places in high places in high places for joint support for joint support for joint support.

A man gets married and decides to set some ground rules..

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want, and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride thought for a minute and replied, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."

Buddies joke, A man gets married and decides to set some ground rules..

Why did jesus take 3 days to resurrect?

He got hammered with his buddies.

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer...

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said,
"Here'sto spending the rest of me Life,
Between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best
Toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the
Prize for the Best toast of The night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

John said,
"Here's to spending the rest of me life,

Sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking
Buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled
Leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other
night at The pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit
surprised myself. You know, he's only been in
there twice in the last four years. "Once I had to pull him by
the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell
asleep".

I was at the football game the other day...

It was the biggest game of the season, and all the seats were taken. Because of this, my buddies had to sit further away from me

I looked over and saw the two seats to my left were empty. Curious, I asked the guy beside the empty seats if anyone was coming for them.

"My wife was supposed to come, but she passed away recently," he replied.

I apologized and offered my condolences. "And the other empty seat?" I asked him.

"My best friend was supposed to come with us," he answered. I asked him why his best friend didn't come.

The man replied, "Oh, he's at the funeral!".

So my son came home drunk at 2am.

I said, "excuse me, but you are out past curfew and I distinctly smell beer on your breath." "No dad, I'm sorry I'm home late but I wasn't drinking. My buddies and I were eating froglegs." So I looked at him and said, "I have been around for a while I know what beer smells like." He started to panic and said,"dad you're just smelling the hops."

EDIT : Apostrophe

You can explore buddies mates reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean buddies pal dad jokes. There are also buddies puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


DRINKING BUDDIES

Two men are sitting next to each other in an Irish-style pub in New York City and both order pints of Guinness. One of them turns to the other and asks, "So where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland."
"Me too! I'll drink to that."
They both finish their pints and order two more.
"Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin."
"Me too! I'll drink to that."
They both finish their pints and order two more.
"Where in Dublin are you from?"
"The East Side."
"The East Side? Me too! What a coincidence! I'll drink to that!"
They both finish their pints and order two more.
"Where on the East Side are you from?"
"McDonagh Street."
"Me too! This is incredible! I'll drink to that."
As the bartender pours them another two pints, another customer at the bar says to him, "That's amazing! I can't believe they're from the same street in Dublin. What's going on?"
"Oh, it's nothing amazing," says the bartender."It's just the Ferguson twins getting sloshed again."

Why do crows never get hit by cars?

Because their buddies warn them -- caw, caw, caw!!

What did the Hammerhead shark say to his buddies when he got laid?

Nailed it.

Two buddies just got home from working out at the gym...

Guy 1: "Dude, were out of protein powder!"

Guy 2: "No Whey!"

I just had sex with a pregnant girl

and told my buddies I had a threesome

Buddies joke, I just had sex with a pregnant girl

A redneck finds out his girlfriend is a virgin...

A redneck finds out his girlfriend is a virgin. Upon hearing this, he stands up, turns away from her, and leaves without a word.

Later, when his buddies at the bar ask what went wrong, he explains...

"If she ain't good enough for her daddy, her uncle, her brother, and her cousin, she ain't good enough for me!!"

Yet another redneck finds out his girlfriend is a virgin...

A redneck finds out his girlfriend is a virgin. Upon hearing this, he stands up, turns away from her, and leaves without a word.

Later, when his buddies see him sad at the bar they ask what went wrong, he explains...

"My mom just told me I'm adopted"

Hobo Sex

Hobo walks back into the camp where his buddies are having dinner. He is all happy and smiling.

They ask, why are you so happy.

He replies, well, I was walking along the track and found a beautiful woman tied to the tracks. I untied her and we had sex for hours.

One of his buddies asks: "Did you get any head"

"No", he replied, "the train took most of that".


My buddies and I were running a train on this German girl

I had to keep telling her there were only 8 of us.

did you know jesus was irish?

true story, he never held a job, had twelve drinking buddies, and his mum thought he was god.....

How come crows never get hit by cars?

Their buddies are up in the trees yelling caaaawr caaawr caaawr.

A man walks into a bar with his buddies and sees three steaks hanging from the ceiling.

He asks the bartender "Why are there three steaks hanging from the ceiling?"

The bartender replies "It's a contest sort of thing, actually. If you can jump and slap one of the steaks, you and your buddies get free drinks for the night. If not, you have to pay for everyone in the bar's drinks for the next hour. Wanna give it a try?"

The man thinks for a few minutes and makes his decision.

"Bartender, as much as my buddies and I would like free drinks, the stakes are just too high."

A rat along with two of his best buddies walk into a bar

the bar had to be shut down due to health violations.

How do we know Jesus was Irish?

He lived at home til he was 30, had 12 drinking buddies and his mother thought he was God.

What do fat girls and mopeds have in common

They are both fun to ride till one of your buddies sees you on them

Buddies joke, What do fat girls and mopeds have in common

What do you call your buddies who hang out with you while you eat Mexican desserts?

Your Flan-tourage.

What kind of bees make milk, not honey?

Boo-bies (.)(.)

Met a really hot girl last night, but my buddies we're telling me "Forget her, dude, she's way out of your league".

I'm going "Oh, you think she's too pretty for me?". They're saying "No not that, it's just that she's in the Minors".


Doggie Style

Two buddies were drinking while discussing their wives. "Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?" Asked the one.
"Well, not exactly." His friend replied, "She's more into the trick dog aspect of it."
"Oh, I see, kinky, huh?"
"Well, not exactly..."
"I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead."

4 buddies put in together for a joint rental application

They just wanted to pass it around and take a few hits, then give it back.

The best hand of all

Had some buddies over to play poker the night before my colonoscopy.

It was quite a game, flush after flush after flush.

What are Bukkake - buddies called?

Cumrades

There's a Marine in Afghanistan

A marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there, he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him. She also wanted the pictures of herself back.

So, the marine did what any other man would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find. He then mailed about 24 pictures of women (with clothes and some without) to his ex-girlfriend with the following note:

"I don't remember which one you are. Please remove your picture and send the rest back."


Just thought of starting a business where people pay you to be their friend for a dollar an hour.

I'm gonna call it buck buddies.

What do taste buds call their friends?

Taste buddies.

Darth Vader invites all of his sith buddies over for a BBQ,

he tells them that the burgers are made from Wookiee meat, to which someone replies "no wonder these burgers are so Chewie"

It's a man's 80th birthday

His buddies decide to hire him a call girl as a gift. The wheel him into a hotel room and on the bed is a gorgeous blonde. His buddies leave the room and she says "I'm here to give you super sex!". The old man looks at her and says "I'll take the soup".

My Buddies bakery burnt down last night....

His business is toast.

3 buddies went camping and stayed in a cabin.

The cabin only had one bed so they decided to share it.

The next morning the guy who slept on the left side of the bed said I had a dream I was getting jacked off.

The guy on the right side of the bed said that's weird I had the exact same dream.

The guy in the middle said you guys are lucky. I had a dream I was skiing.

I was drinking at a bar and watching my buddies struggle to score for a couple of hours.

I think I am ready for World Cup Soccer.

My son said he has F buddies at school.

I wish he had A* buddies and stopped hanging out with dumbasses.

So there was this rope, and he died and became a rope ghost.

He got bored and decided to go haunt his old rope buddies. So he scared them by saying:

* Be frayed, be very frayed! *

One of my old buddies, James King, named his newborn son Thin.

I'm sure he wasn't thinking, but his son is.

My buddies dad got a sex change and started telling me all about his life's secrets...

He was super trans-parent.

What do you call a boat full of buddies?

A friend-ship

My buddies and I were playing poker with children's story books and I got a good hand.

Read em and sleep boys

A woman wanted to hire a hitman to kill one particular cat that had been messing with her pet squirrel

She asks her friend Rob: "Do you know anyone I could hire to put this cat down?"

Rob: "Yes, I think one of my gaming buddies is in this business, but I would have to confirm"

Woman: "Oh, so what's his name?"

Rob: "I don't know his real name, but his gaming name is xX__PussyDestroyer__Xx"

A 70 year old shows up at the country club with his new wife, a gorgeous 25 year old vixen

His buddies are in awe and terribly jealous. "But you're so much older! How did you ever persuade her to marry you?"

"It was easy... I told her I was 90."

A man is out golfing with a few buddies...

From across the way, the group sees a funeral going on at the church. As the procession goes by, the man takes off his hat and pauses the play for a few moments to pay his respects.

Later in the day, one of his buddies mentions how nice and respectful the man was. The man responds,

"Well she was a good wife of 30 years."

Does anyone want to hang out, chat, and basically just be buddies with a lonely guy?

I'm asking for a friend.

A Computer Science student at MIT showed up at his buddies dorm room with a new bike.

His buddy said sweet bike, where'd ya get it?

You'll never believe this, he said, I was walking across campus and this beautiful blonde on a bike stopped, threw down her bike, tore off all her clothes and said _take whatever you want!_

His buddy stared at him blankly for a minute, then said smart. Her clothes would have never fit you.

Had a great time telling Yo Mama jokes with all my buddies last night.

She's got a great sense of humour.

An original

Two buddies are watching the game. One looks at the score and starts thinking.

"Should they go for 2? They're down 9, does the one point mean anything?"

"What am I, a mathist?" His buddy replies.

"It's *mathematician*.".

"What am I, a linguimatician?"

Fishing Buddies

A Kiwi and an Aussie went fishing one afternoon and decided to have a couple of cold beers.

After a while the Aussie says to the Kiwi, "If I was to sneak over to your house and made wild passionate love to your wife while you were at work, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?"

The Kiwi after a great deal of thought, says, "Well, I don't know about related, but it sure would make us even."

3 reasons Jesus was actually Irish

1. He went out drinking with his buddies the night before he died.
2. He thought his mother was a virgin.
3. His mother thought he was God.

John, a wealthy 60 year old man, shows up at the country club one day with his new wife, a smoking hot 22 year old blonde.

His buddies are amazed. "There is no way someone that young and attractive would agree to marry an old geezer like you. How did you pull it off?"

"It's simple," John says, "I lied to her about my age."

"Did you tell her you were 50?" his friends ask. John shakes his head no.

"There is no way she could believe you were 40". John shakes his head again.

"So how old did you tell her you were exactly??"

John smiles and says "85".

A couple Roman soldiers walk into a bar.

The buddies order drinks and start chatting.

John: I heard somewhere your name is actually Kevin? But I know you as Ken?

Ken: That is correct.

John: How does one get Ken from Kevin?

Ken: Easy, I'm not six anymore.

Trophy Girlfriend

Bill, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the country club with a breathtakingly beautiful 25-year-old blonde on his arm. She's hanging on his every word. His buddies at the club are aghast.

They corner him and ask, "Bill how did you get the trophy girlfriend?" Bill replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!" They're stunned, but continue to inquire about Bill's companion. "So, how did you persuade her to marry you?" Bill says, "I lied about my age." His friends respond, "What do you mean? Did you tell her you were only 50?"

Bill smiles and says, "No, I told her I was 90."

A guy's playing basketball with his buddies...

A guy's playing basketball with his buddies when he injures a finger badly.

He goes to the doctor and explains what happened.

The doctor examines it and says "It's broken, but we'll be able to get it healed up just about as good as new."

The guy gets a concerned look on his face and asks "Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after it's all healed up?"

Noticing his concerned look, the doctor reassures him "Sure you will," with a warm smile on his face.

The guy gets really excited and exclaims "YES! I've always wanted to be able to play the piano!"

A guy with worms up his butt goes to see a doctor.

Guy: Doc, these worms be killing me, what can we do ??

Doc: Get a watermelon, sit on it, once the worm leader gets a taste, He'll call his buddies to join him out.

And sure enough our guy does as instructed, after hours of watermelon sitting, the worm leader crawls out for little taste.

The worm leader: Yo me hearties, on my three, and.. LIFT!

My buddies own a yacht together that they keep on the French Riviera.

They have such a beautiful France ship.

A man from Florida is on vacation in France and looking for a souvenir

He decides to buy a shirt that he can show off when he golfs with his buddies back home, so he finds a golf store.

To his surprise, he finds a golf shirt with a picture of a gator on it! There's gator merchandise from France?? What a perfect shirt!

He checks the tag and it's 100 €! Incensed, he asks the shopkeeper "Hey, why the hell does the tag on this shirt say 100 euro?"

The shopkeeper replies "Monsieur, that is Lacoste."

One of my buddies made a trans girl cry yesterday. So I angrily asked, "How could you..."

"... propose to her without telling me first?"

A farmer complained to me men of his profession had a tough time attracting women.

My buddy's a car showroom salesman and he says him and his work buddies can't keep them away! I just don't get it.

That's life, I said, fact is, a lot of women simply prefer showers over growers.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the buddies biker puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working buddies buddy hackett piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes