Buddhists Jokes
35 buddhists jokes and hilarious buddhists puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about buddhists that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Buddhists Short Jokes
Short buddhists jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The buddhists humour may include short zen buddhist jokes also.
- Glad to see my Buddhist friends join and chant in the protests Everyone knows the more Ohms- the greater the resistance.
- Perfect on the spot SFW joke What did the Zen Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor?
Make me one with everything. - Why do Buddhists always buy 1 ply toilet paper? Because they like to get in touch with their inner self.
- So a Buddhist goes to a hotdog stand. And asks the server to "make me one with everything"
- Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners of the monastery? Because they have no attachments.
- Hear the one about the Buddhist monk who *almost* achieved total spiritual enlightenment? He only made it to Nearvana.
- Buddhist birthday wishes Forget the past, you cannot change it.
Forget the future, you cannot know it.
Forget the present, I didn't bring you one. - Did you hear about the Buddhist monk who swallowed a Glock 18? He calls it his inner piece
- A Buddhist says he will be a Tree instead of an animal in his next life. He really just wanted to branch out.
- What does a Buddhist monk say when ordering a subway sandwich? *Make me one with everything*
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Buddhists One Liners
Which buddhists one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with buddhists? I can suggest the ones about vacuum and hoover.
- First Buddhist: "How's life?" Second Buddhist: "I've had better."
- What did the Buddhist monk say when asked to leave his temple? 'Nah imma stay.'
- Why can't Buddhists learn binary code? Because they are at one with everything.
- What do you call a Buddhist monk who meditates in the snow? Fro-zen.
- What did the Buddhist ask for when he walked into the pizza place? One with everything
- why do buddhists walk around barefoot its good for the sole
- What did the Buddhist say when he was reborn as a cowboy? WHAT IN CARNATION?!
- How do Buddhist monks send emails? They remove all attachments.
- How many Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb? None. It's already enlightened.
- Wanted: Buddhist Monk Enquire within.
- What does a Buddhist from the hood say after his friends ask him to leave? Namaste.
- I had to return my Buddhist vacuum... It came with no attachments.
- I got a Buddhist email today There was no attachment.
- What did the Zen Buddhist say to his dog ? Nama ! Stay .
- Buddhists never write R.I.P on the gravestones All of them just say BRB
Ridiculous Buddhists Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about buddhists you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean christian jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make buddhists pranks.
A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says: "Make me one with everything."
After a brief chuckle, the vendor makes the hot dog and gives it to the monk, saying "That will be $4 please". After the monk hands over a $10 bill, he finds himself waiting uncomfortably while the vendor does nothing except stare back at him.
Awkwardly the monk asks "What about my change?" "Ah," replies the hot dog vendor, "Change must come from within."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Muslim, a Buddhist and a Christian are forced to jump off a building
So the Buddhist man jumps first. He prays: Buddha, Buddha, Buddha, Buddha... When he reaches the ground, he lands safely.
The next one is the Muslim. He jumps, and prays: Inshallah, Inshallah, Inshallah... Upon reaching the ground, he smashes so hard and dies instantly.
The last one is the Christian man. He jumps and starts praying: O u r F a t h e r i n H e a v e n, hallowed be your name. YOUR KINGDOM COME! YOUR WILL... BUDDHA, BUDDHA, BUDDHA, BUDDHA!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a r**... Buddhist believe in?
Reintarnation.
A man's fence is broken and he neess to hire someone to fix it
So he goes online to find someone to fix his fence for him but he is unsatisfied with their prices, that is until he finds a Buddhist monk who will do it for free.
He is initially surprised by this and assumes it might be a fake listing, but since it's free he feels like he has nothing to lose so he hires him.
Sure enough a few days later the monk shows up with a toolkit in hand, the man shows the monk that his fence has been ripped out of the ground and that he needs to replace it.
About an hour later the monk walks in and tells the man he is finished, and when the man goes outside he sees that the fence is perfect, thinking he can't just tell the monk to leave after doing such a great job for free he invites the monk inside for a cup of coffee.
The man then starts talking to the monk, "It surprised me to see a monk offering services for fence repair, why do you do it?" he asked
the monk replied "Religious reasons."
The man then says "I don't know much about Buddhism, why do you need to repair fences?"
"Because" the monk replied, "You would be surprised at the amount of karma you get for reposting."
A buddhist goes to a hot dog stand and says...
"Make me one with everything."
When the guy hands him his hot dog, the monk pays and asks for his change.
The vendor replies, "Change comes from within."
Then the monk gets angry and pulls out his gun.
The vendor clamors "Whoa, whoa! What about inner peace?"
And the monk replies "this IS my inner piece."
Suddenly a bystander calls out. "I've called the cops! They'll be here any minute!"
The vendor, expecting the monk to flee the scene, is quite surprised to see that the monk makes no motion to leave, even as the sounds of police sirens fill the street.
"Aren't you going to run away?" he asks.
The monk shakes his head and replies, "Namaste."
I, too, went to a mixed religion seminar...
...But in the hopes of learning more about charity. First I asked a Buddhist monk: "How do you decide what to give away and what to keep for yourself?" "Child's play", he said. "I draw a small circle in the ground, throw my money into the air, and what falls outside of the circle I give to Buddha". Next I asked a catholic priest. "Easy my son", he told me. "All I do is draw a small circle in earth, throw my money to the heavens, and what falls into the circle I give to God". Finally, I asked a Rabbi. "Simple!" he answered. "I throw my money into the air and what god wants, he takes!"
What does the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
"Make me one with everything."
The vendor makes him the hot dog and the Buddhist hands him a $20 bill. The vendor hands him his hot dog and then the Buddhist sits down at a nearby table to enjoy it. Soon after, to the Buddhist's dismay, he realizes the vendor hasn't been forthcoming with the rest of his money. He knows the hot dog couldn't have been $20, so the Buddhist approaches the vendor and says:
"Excuse me, where's my change?"
To which the vendor replies:
"Change comes only from within."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why can't Buddhists vacuum under the couch?
Because they have no attachments.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Catholic, a Jew, and a Buddhist are on a plane that is about to c**....
The Jew says a prayer and jumps off, survives the landing but dies in the hospital. The Catholic says a prayer, jumps off, and becomes paralyzed for the rest of his life, but survives the fall. The Buddhist says a prayer, jumps off, and is caught by a giant Buddha hand, and says,"Thank God." The hand then proceeds drops him.
