Buddhist Jokes
157 buddhist jokes and hilarious buddhist puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about buddhist that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a good laugh? Read this article to find out some of the best Buddhist jokes - from Jewish Buddhist jokes to jokes about a monk, a monastery, and even Buddha himself! Laugh until you cry - don't miss it!
Quick Jump To
Funniest Buddhist Short Jokes
Short buddhist jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The buddhist humour may include short monastery jokes also.
- Glad to see my Buddhist friends join and chant in the protests Everyone knows the more Ohms- the greater the resistance.
- Perfect on the spot SFW joke What did the Zen Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor?
Make me one with everything. - Why do Buddhists always buy 1 ply toilet paper? Because they like to get in touch with their inner self.
- So a Buddhist goes to a hotdog stand. And asks the server to "make me one with everything"
- Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners of the monastery? Because they have no attachments.
- Hear the one about the Buddhist monk who *almost* achieved total spiritual enlightenment? He only made it to Nearvana.
- Buddhist birthday wishes Forget the past, you cannot change it.
Forget the future, you cannot know it.
Forget the present, I didn't bring you one. - Did you hear about the Buddhist monk who swallowed a Glock 18? He calls it his inner piece
- A Buddhist says he will be a Tree instead of an animal in his next life. He really just wanted to branch out.
- What does a Buddhist monk say when ordering a subway sandwich? *Make me one with everything*
Share These Buddhist Jokes With Friends
Buddhist One Liners
Which buddhist one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with buddhist? I can suggest the ones about monk and enlightenment.
- First Buddhist: "How's life?" Second Buddhist: "I've had better."
- What did the Buddhist monk say when asked to leave his temple? 'Nah imma stay.'
- Why can't Buddhists learn binary code? Because they are at one with everything.
- What do you call a Buddhist monk who meditates in the snow? Fro-zen.
- What did the Buddhist ask for when he walked into the pizza place? One with everything
- why do buddhists walk around barefoot its good for the sole
- What did the Buddhist say when he was reborn as a cowboy? WHAT IN CARNATION?!
- How do Buddhist monks send emails? They remove all attachments.
- How many Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb? None. It's already enlightened.
- Wanted: Buddhist Monk Enquire within.
- What does a Buddhist from the hood say after his friends ask him to leave? Namaste.
- I had to return my Buddhist vacuum... It came with no attachments.
- I got a Buddhist email today There was no attachment.
- What did the Zen Buddhist say to his dog ? Nama ! Stay .
- Buddhists never write R.I.P on the gravestones All of them just say BRB
Buddhist Monk Jokes
Here is a list of funny buddhist monk jokes and even better buddhist monk puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Nobody understands except the Buddhist monks... ...that it is not about how fast you get karma, but how long you wait to repost for it.
- A priest, an imam and a rabbi walk into a Buddhist monastery and ask the first monk they find: Whats going om?
- Why didn't the gorilla join the Buddhist temple? It was too monk-y.
- How much resistance can a Buddhist monk endure? Ohmmmmmm............?
- What did the buddhist monk say when he was asked if he was leaving? Na 'ma stay. (namaste)
Grandfather joke at Easter dinner last sunday. Sorry. - How does a Buddhist monk do electrical work? He grabs a wire and measures its ohms.
- What did the Buddhist monk say to the dog that ran off with his dinner? NAMA-STEAK
- Why couldn't the Buddhist monk send his mother a birthday card via email? He had no attachments.
- What did the Buddhist monk say to the Canadian Soccer Mom? Near van, eh?
- Why did the Buddhist Monk leave the monastery? Too much dharma
Zen Buddhist Jokes
Here is a list of funny zen buddhist jokes and even better zen buddhist puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I asked a Buddhist how they managed to deal with past hurts. They replied "That was zen and this is now"
- A Zen Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, Give me a hot dog and put everything on it.
(My son told me this and honestly, I don't see the humor in it.) - How do Buddhist monks compare interests? With zen diagrams!
Buddhist Temple Jokes
Here is a list of funny buddhist temple jokes and even better buddhist temple puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Two friends are hanging out at a buddhist temple One says to the other "I think im gonna go man, you coming?"
The other says "nah-mastay"
Jewish Buddhist Jokes
Here is a list of funny jewish buddhist jokes and even better jewish buddhist puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Some people claim to be both Buddhist and Jewish They disavow all worldly possessions, but keep the receipts
Amusing & Witty Buddhist Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about buddhist you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean zen buddhist jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make buddhist pranks.
A man's fence is broken and he neess to hire someone to fix it
So he goes online to find someone to fix his fence for him but he is unsatisfied with their prices, that is until he finds a Buddhist monk who will do it for free.
He is initially surprised by this and assumes it might be a fake listing, but since it's free he feels like he has nothing to lose so he hires him.
Sure enough a few days later the monk shows up with a toolkit in hand, the man shows the monk that his fence has been ripped out of the ground and that he needs to replace it.
About an hour later the monk walks in and tells the man he is finished, and when the man goes outside he sees that the fence is perfect, thinking he can't just tell the monk to leave after doing such a great job for free he invites the monk inside for a cup of coffee.
The man then starts talking to the monk, "It surprised me to see a monk offering services for fence repair, why do you do it?" he asked
the monk replied "Religious reasons."
The man then says "I don't know much about Buddhism, why do you need to repair fences?"
"Because" the monk replied, "You would be surprised at the amount of karma you get for reposting."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why can't Buddhists vacuum under the couch?
Because they have no attachments.
What did the Buddhist get for Christmas?
Presence.
3 Men's Afterlives
Three men get into a horrible car accident, and all three die together. As they are waiting in limbo, they start talking about the Afterlife. As it turns out, one man is Muslim, one man is Buddhist, the last is Christian.
The Muslim says, "I'm going to enjoy my 40 virgins until my wife shows up!"
The Buddhist says, "Reincarnation is going to be a blast.. until I find my wife again."
The Christian man starts laughing, and the others seem puzzled.
"My wife's an athiest."
A Zen Buddhist and a Christian got in a fight over a neighborhood nativity scene last winter. The Buddhist trashed the 3 Wisemen display right before he went to temple.
They charged him with premeditated myrrhder.
What did one Buddhist Master give to the child for his birthday?
Nothing wrapped in Emptiness.
How did the birthday child respond?
You are thoughtless for giving me this meaningless gift.
To which the Buddhist Master replied, "Thank you."
Why are Buddhists so good at King cake
Because they are great and finding their inner piece
Buddhist Monk
So the buddhist pulls a gun out of his coat and the vendor says, "Whoa whoa whoa, what about inner peace?". The Buddhist responds "This is my inner piece".
Why couldn't the Buddhist hoover the corners of his house?
He had no attachments.
The Walk
I went to a mixed religion seminar.
The Christian Priest came, laid his hands on my hand and said, By the will of Jesus Christ, you will walk today!
I smiled and told him I was not paralysed.
The Rabbi came, laid his hands on my hand and said, By the will of God Almighty, you will walk today!
I was less amused when I told him there was nothing wrong with me.
The Mullah came, took my hands and said, Insha Allah, you will walk today!
I snapped at him, There's nothing wrong with me
The Buddhist Monk came, held my hands and said, By the will of The Great Buddha, you will walk today!
I rudely told him there was nothing wrong with me.
After the sermons, I stepped outside and found my car had been stolen.
What did the Buddhist order from a hotdogs vendor? (and two other Buddhist jokes)
One with everything
What kind of vacuum cleaner did the Buddhist buy?
One with no attachments
What did the Buddhist eat for breakfast?
Omellete
[credit to my friend Geoff for first two]
How can i convince my Buddhist friend that he owes me money from 3 lifetimes ago?
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor...
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says "make me one with everything".
Sorry if this is a repost. Saw it on an IMDb movie discussion thread a while back, thought it was pretty good
I, too, went to a mixed religion seminar...
...But in the hopes of learning more about charity. First I asked a Buddhist monk: "How do you decide what to give away and what to keep for yourself?" "Child's play", he said. "I draw a small circle in the ground, throw my money into the air, and what falls outside of the circle I give to Buddha". Next I asked a catholic priest. "Easy my son", he told me. "All I do is draw a small circle in earth, throw my money to the heavens, and what falls into the circle I give to God". Finally, I asked a Rabbi. "Simple!" he answered. "I throw my money into the air and what god wants, he takes!"
I heard about Buddhist monks who lit themselves on fire to protest prosucution
Certainly one way to reach enlightenment
A Buddhist walks into a 7/11
A Buddhist walks into a 7/11 and gives the cashier ten bucks for a pack of smokes.
The cashier takes the money and says "Thank you. Come again!"
The Buddhist says "Hey, what about my change?"
To which the cashier replies "Change comes from within"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
China and Russia are having a friendly discussion...
Russia: "I bet you couldn't kill that group of Buddhist monks over there"
China: "Do you want Tibet?"
I consider myself a buddhist
Because I worship da buddhy.
Why did the Buddhist photographer fail at taking pictures?
Bad cam'ra
What does the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
"Make me one with everything."
The vendor makes him the hot dog and the Buddhist hands him a $20 bill. The vendor hands him his hot dog and then the Buddhist sits down at a nearby table to enjoy it. Soon after, to the Buddhist's dismay, he realizes the vendor hasn't been forthcoming with the rest of his money. He knows the hot dog couldn't have been $20, so the Buddhist approaches the vendor and says:
"Excuse me, where's my change?"
To which the vendor replies:
"Change comes only from within."
What's a buddhists favourite curry?
Chicken karma
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you get if you cross a Buddhist monk and a 16 year old blonde cheerleader?
Arrested for procurement of a minor. Trust me on this one.
A Buddhist and a dualist are in a bar
The Buddhist says to he dualist "I am one"
The dualist replies, "I am, too "
What's a Buddhist's favorite physics law?
Om's Law.
The Buddhist idea of Nirvana literally translates to "Blown Out"
Typically in reference to something like a candle, but occasionally to Kurt Cobain's brains.
Why did the Mexican decide to become a Buddhist?
He wanted to become Juan with everything.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Stereotyping people because of their religion is not nice.
Whether they be a Christian, a Jew, a Buddhist, a Hindu, an Atheist, or a t**....
My dentist is a buddhist...
He uses Transcendental Meditation to help us Transcend Dental Medication.
What happens when a Buddhist becomes totally absorbed with the computer he is working with?
He enters Nerdvana.
A Buddhist was struggling to complete his jigsaw puzzle
He just needed to find his inner piece.
Why did the Buddhist go to the lan party?
Because everything was connected.
A buddhist goes to a hot dog stand and says...
"Make me one with everything."
When the guy hands him his hot dog, the monk pays and asks for his change.
The vendor replies, "Change comes from within."
Then the monk gets angry and pulls out his gun.
The vendor clamors "Whoa, whoa! What about inner peace?"
And the monk replies "this IS my inner piece."
Suddenly a bystander calls out. "I've called the cops! They'll be here any minute!"
The vendor, expecting the monk to flee the scene, is quite surprised to see that the monk makes no motion to leave, even as the sounds of police sirens fill the street.
"Aren't you going to run away?" he asks.
The monk shakes his head and replies, "Namaste."
A buddhist monk is watching TV
Another monks come in and says, "What are you watching?"
The monk replies, "Nothing."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a r**... Buddhist believe in?
Reintarnation.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Jewish, Catholic, Buddhist, and an atheist each walk into a bar.
You'd think the last guy would know not to hurt himself after watching three guys walk into a bar.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many Buddhists does it take to screw a light bulb?
None. They believe that the enlightenment comes from within.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many buddhists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they enlighten themselves.
A Buddhist is stopped by a Christian woman in the street
"Will you consider following the word of the Lord Jesus Christ?" She asks.
The Buddhist replied, "Maybe next time round,"
A headline writer tells a joke. "Why Buddhist god so ornery?"
Because Buddha, pest, Hungary.
Three Buddhists walks into a
Meditative state . Om
I got received an e-mail from my Buddhist friend...
...it was free from attachments.
A Buddhist walks into an ice cream shop
and says make me one with everything.
Why was the Buddhist sad when he was asked to send his resume to the company as a word document via email?
Attachment leads to suffering.
If Christians have the Daily Bread, what do Buddhists have?
The Daily Lama
You're playing poker like a Buddhist...
...you're working on the eight fold path
A story about an abandoned Buddhist school and the lost kids who live there...
Children of the Koan
Where does a Buddhist hide for a surprise party?
In The Present.
I heard Pete Townshend is a Buddhist now. I went to his concert the other night.
He was talking about regeneration.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The World's Most Politically Correct Joke
THE WORLD'S MOST POLITICALLY CORRECT JOKE
A Christian, a Jew, a Hindu, a m**..., a Sikh, a Hare Krishna, a Buddhist, a Pagan, an Atheist, a 3rd wave feminist, a non-binary gender neutral otherkin, a transgender Black Lives Matter activist, a Jehovah's Witness and a Muslim walk into a bar that only serves gluten free, dairy free, eco friendly, carbon neutral, halal, kosher, non GM, fair trade, free range, vegan, recycled water.
Nobody said or did anything and an acceptable time was had by all.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the depressed Buddhist text his mom?
Commiting s**..., BRB
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Hindu, a Christian, A Sikh, an atheist, and a Buddhist walk into a clinic...
One of them is called to see the doctor, he goes in, and after a while leaves the clinic. After that, everyone else was angry because they had not received service from the doctor. They ask the nurse standing outside why this is so, to which she said: "I'm sorry, we only serve the sikh."
What Does a Buddhist and a Communist Have in Common?
They're both willing to starve themselves
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A monk had s**... with a practically decomposed corpse.
It was considered a grave offense.
(True story in the Buddhist "Book Of Discipline volume 1")
In winter, I'm a Buddhist.
In summer, I'm a nudist.
Did you hear about the buddhist monk who lit himself on fire?
I was told he had a bright future
I went to a Buddhist food truck
Me: Make me one with everything!
Them: The one shall always be of many. That will be $12.50
I hand them $20 and I don't get change back.
Me: Uh... Where's my change?
Them: Change comes from within
