The Best 66 Buddhist Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Buddhist jokes. There are some buddhist enlightenment jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these buddhist zen buddhist puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Buddhist Jokes and Puns
A man's fence is broken and he neess to hire someone to fix it
So he goes online to find someone to fix his fence for him but he is unsatisfied with their prices, that is until he finds a Buddhist monk who will do it for free.
He is initially surprised by this and assumes it might be a fake listing, but since it's free he feels like he has nothing to lose so he hires him.
Sure enough a few days later the monk shows up with a toolkit in hand, the man shows the monk that his fence has been ripped out of the ground and that he needs to replace it.
About an hour later the monk walks in and tells the man he is finished, and when the man goes outside he sees that the fence is perfect, thinking he can't just tell the monk to leave after doing such a great job for free he invites the monk inside for a cup of coffee.
The man then starts talking to the monk, "It surprised me to see a monk offering services for fence repair, why do you do it?" he asked
the monk replied "Religious reasons."
The man then says "I don't know much about Buddhism, why do you need to repair fences?"
"Because" the monk replied, "You would be surprised at the amount of karma you get for reposting."
Why can't Buddhists vacuum under the couch?
Because they have no attachments.
What did one Buddhist Master give to the child for his birthday?
Nothing wrapped in Emptiness.
How did the birthday child respond?
You are thoughtless for giving me this meaningless gift.
To which the Buddhist Master replied, "Thank you."
A buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog stand
So the buddhist gets his hot dog, one with everything. Pays the hot dog vendor with a 20$ bill. The vendor takes the money, and then nothing. The buddhist is confused for a moment, until the vendor replies.
Change must come from within.
Perfect on the spot SFW joke
What did the Zen Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor?
Make me one with everything.
What did the Buddhist monk say to the pizza guy?
Make me one with everything.
A Buddhist walks up to a hotdog stand
And says, "make me one with everything"
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor...
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says "make me one with everything".
Sorry if this is a repost. Saw it on an IMDb movie discussion thread a while back, thought it was pretty good
I, too, went to a mixed religion seminar...
...But in the hopes of learning more about charity. First I asked a Buddhist monk: "How do you decide what to give away and what to keep for yourself?" "Child's play", he said. "I draw a small circle in the ground, throw my money into the air, and what falls outside of the circle I give to Buddha". Next I asked a catholic priest. "Easy my son", he told me. "All I do is draw a small circle in earth, throw my money to the heavens, and what falls into the circle I give to God". Finally, I asked a Rabbi. "Simple!" he answered. "I throw my money into the air and what god wants, he takes!"
Why do Buddhists always buy 1 ply toilet paper?
Because they like to get in touch with their inner self.
A Buddhist monk walks upto a hotdog stand and says...
"Make me one with everything."
Despite this being an overused statement, the vendor serves him a hotdog as he is a customer. When the monk asks if he has 27 cents, the vendor replies "Change comes from within."
The monk then pulls out a pistol from his robe and shoots the vendor. After this, he states "I have found my inner piece."
You can explore buddhist buddha reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean buddhist novocain dad jokes. There are also buddhist puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What does the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
"Make me one with everything."
The vendor makes him the hot dog and the Buddhist hands him a $20 bill. The vendor hands him his hot dog and then the Buddhist sits down at a nearby table to enjoy it. Soon after, to the Buddhist's dismay, he realizes the vendor hasn't been forthcoming with the rest of his money. He knows the hot dog couldn't have been $20, so the Buddhist approaches the vendor and says:
"Excuse me, where's my change?"
To which the vendor replies:
"Change comes only from within."
A Buddhist and a dualist are in a bar
The Buddhist says to he dualist "I am one"
The dualist replies, "I am, too "
Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners of the monastery?
Because they have no attachments.
A vegan buddhist...
...decides to jump off the roof of a meat factory as the ultimate form of protest believing that he will be reincarnated. He became a vegetable.
A buddhist goes to a hot dog stand and says...
"Make me one with everything."
When the guy hands him his hot dog, the monk pays and asks for his change.
The vendor replies, "Change comes from within."
Then the monk gets angry and pulls out his gun.
The vendor clamors "Whoa, whoa! What about inner peace?"
And the monk replies "this IS my inner piece."
Suddenly a bystander calls out. "I've called the cops! They'll be here any minute!"
The vendor, expecting the monk to flee the scene, is quite surprised to see that the monk makes no motion to leave, even as the sounds of police sirens fill the street.
"Aren't you going to run away?" he asks.
The monk shakes his head and replies, "Namaste."
A Buddhist goes to the hot dog vendor...
And says, "Make me one with everything."
Giving him a fifty, the Buddhist asks for the change and the vendor replies, "Change comes from within."
What does a redneck Buddhist believe in?
Reintarnation.
Why can't Buddhists learn binary code?
Because they are at one with everything.
How many Buddhists does it take to screw a light bulb?
None. They believe that the enlightenment comes from within.
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor
and tells him, "make me one with everything."
The vendor gives him a hot dog and the buddhist gives him a twenty dollar bill.
After a moment of waiting, the buddhist asks, "Where's my change?"
The vendor smiles and says, "Ahh, change must come from within."
How do Buddhist monks send emails?
They remove all attachments.
A Buddhist buys a hotdog and gives the vendor a $20 bill..
He takes a bite and then says "wheres my change?"
The vendor replies "change only comes from within"
How many buddhists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they enlighten themselves.
What does a Buddhist monk say when ordering a subway sandwich?
*Make me one with everything*
I went to a Buddhist hotdog stand...
...and they made me one with everything.
Did you hear about the Buddhist monk who swallowed a Glock 18?
He calls it his inner piece
What did the Zen Buddhist say to his dog ?
Nama ! Stay .
What do you call a Buddhist monk who meditates in the snow?
Fro-zen.
Wanted: Buddhist Monk
Enquire within.
Hear the one about the Buddhist monk who *almost* achieved total spiritual enlightenment?
He only made it to Nearvana.
why do buddhists walk around barefoot
its good for the sole
What did the Buddhist say when he was reborn as a cowboy?
WHAT IN CARNATION?!
What does a Buddhist from the hood say after his friends ask him to leave?
Namaste.
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vender and says
"Make me one with everything."
He then hands the vender a $20 and starts eating his hot dog. After he's done he asks the vender
"Where's my change?"
The vender replies
"Change only comes from within."
A Buddhist monk goes to a hot dog stand
He says, "Make me one with everything."
The hot dog vendor says "That'll be three fiddy" so the monk hands him a five, and gets his hot dog in return, but no change. "where's my change?" asks the monk and the hot dog vendor says
"Change comes from within."
A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says: 'Make me one with everything'....
After a brief chuckle at the monks joke the vendor hands him his hot dog with everything and says 'That'll be $4 please'.
The monk hands over a $10 bill and waits whilst the vendor just stares back at him....
Awkwardly the monk ask's 'What about my change'?.
'Ah' replies the hot dog vendor, 'Change must come from within'.
What did the Buddhist monk say when asked to leave his temple?
'Nah imma stay.'
Why did the Buddhist monk refuse Novocaine?
Because he wanted to *transcend dental* medication.
First Buddhist: "How's life?"
Second Buddhist: "I've had better."
One Buddhist asked another Buddhist, "How's life?"
The second Buddhist answered, "I've had better."
So a Buddhist goes to a hotdog stand.
And asks the server to "make me one with everything"
The Buddhist at the hot dog stand. . .
paid with a ten dollar bill, and got nothing in return. After waiting for a minute, he said "what about my change?"
The hot dog vendor replied, "change comes from within."
What did the Buddhist ask for when he walked into the pizza place?
One with everything
A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says Make me one with everything .
The hot dog vendor hands over the sausage and bun with all the trimmings, and the Buddhist hands over a twenty. The vendor pockets it.
The Buddhist asks Where's my change? and the vendor replies change must come from within .
A gun then extends from the Buddhist's chest and he asks again.
The vendor says Whoa, man, where did that come from?
The Buddhist replies This is my inner piece .
So there was a police officer and his police dog...
The officer called the dog Joke, as it made him laugh always. Regardless, he loved the dog. However, one day the dog was demoted and reassigned to another Buddhist officer who wanted a dog to help him abstain from material things. The first officer was, of course upset. One of his friends he worked with asked what was wrong, and the first officer said, Well, it should be obvious. My Joke's been reposted for more karma!
Did you hear about the Buddhist monk who refused anesthesia for his root canal?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
How many Buddhist monks does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one. But its a long process where the monk keeps telling the bulb that change must first come from within, until the bulb attains enlightenment.
A Catholic, a Jew, and a Buddhist are on a plane that is about to crash.
The Jew says a prayer and jumps off, survives the landing but dies in the hospital. The Catholic says a prayer, jumps off, and becomes paralyzed for the rest of his life, but survives the fall. The Buddhist says a prayer, jumps off, and is caught by a giant Buddha hand, and says,"Thank God." The hand then proceeds drops him.
Glad to see my Buddhist friends join and chant in the protests
Everyone knows the more Ohms- the greater the resistance.
Buddhist monk walks into a Pizzeria.
He asks "Can you make me one with everything?"
Buddhist birthday wishes
Forget the past, you cannot change it.
Forget the future, you cannot know it.
Forget the present, I didn't bring you one.
I had to return my Buddhist vacuum...
It came with no attachments.
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand.
After contemplating in silence for a time, the Buddhist looks up to the vendor and says, Make me one with everything.
The one about the Buddhist Monk and the Hot Dog Vendor
A Buddhist monk says to a hot dog vendor: "Make me one with everything."
The hot dog vendor hands him a hot dog with the works, and the monk pays $20.
"Where's my change?" asks the monk
"Change comes from within," replies the hot dog vendor.
I got a Buddhist email today
There was no attachment.
A Buddhist monk asked the hot dog vendor. . .
Make me one with everything.
He handed the vendor a $50 and stood waiting for his cash back.
'The vendor looked at him, What else do you need?
Change.
Sorry, but change must come from within.
Why do many Buddhists don't like to use email?
Because they don't like attachments.
Why did the Buddhist pull a coin out of his butt?
Because change comes from within.
Double punchline Buddhist joke.
A Buddhist monk is walking through New York and sees a hot dog cart, he walks up and the vendor asks him what he wants. The monk replies:
Make me one with everything.
The vendor obliges and after handing over the hot dog tells him his total is $3.50. The monk gets out $5 and hands it over, the vendor pockets the money and motions for the next customer; the Buddhist asks why he hasn't gotten any change.
Change must come from within. Replies the vendor.
Somebody may have posted these punchlines before but I doubt ever together, besides; that was zen, this is tao.
A Buddhist goes to a hotdogvender.
He asks him: "Make me one with all"
After the vender give the Buddhist his hotdog, the Buddhist gives the vender 20$. The vender puts it away and goes on with his business.
The Buddhist asks: "and my change?"
The vender replies: "change comes from within"
Credit to the late Christopher Hitchens for this awesome joke
How many Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. It's already enlightened.
A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog cart and the guy asks: "Whattya want?"
The monk says: "Make me one with everything."
A Submarine Captain is walking down the street...
... when he sees a Buddhist monk fixing a fence.
"Hey mister, I'm having some trouble running my submarine. None of my crew like me. You're a wise man, what would you suggest?" asked the Captain.
"Make sure to switch everybody's positions very often" said the monk.
"Why?" said the Captain.
The monk replied "You'd be surprised at the amount of karma you get from reposting."
A Buddhist walks up to a hotdog stand and says to the vendor...
"Make me one with everything."
So the hotdog vendor makes him a hotdog with every topping, and the Buddhist hands him a twenty. He proceeds to eat the hotdog, but gets no change for his twenty dollar bill. He says, "Hey, where's my change?"
The hotdog vendor replies, "Change comes only from within."
(Courtesy of my fifty year old husband, who cant go five hecking minutes without making a dad joke)
A Buddhist says he will be a Tree instead of an animal in his next life.
He really just wanted to branch out.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the buddhist dalai jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working buddhist zen piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.