buddhist Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious buddhist puns

A Jew, a Christian, a Muslim, a Buddhist, an Agnostic and an Atheist all walk into a restaurant...

They talk, laugh, drink and become good friends. It's not a joke, it's what happens when you're not a fucking asshole.

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Perfect on the spot SFW joke

What did the Zen Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor?

Make me one with everything.

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A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says: 'Make me one with everything'....

After a brief chuckle at the monks joke the vendor hands him his hot dog with everything and says 'That'll be $4 please'.
The monk hands over a $10 bill and waits whilst the vendor just stares back at him....
Awkwardly the monk ask's 'What about my change'?.

'Ah' replies the hot dog vendor, 'Change must come from within'.

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Why did the Buddhist pull coins from his butthole?

Because change comes from within.

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What does a redneck Buddhist believe in?

Reintarnation.

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First Buddhist: "How's life?"

Second Buddhist: "I've had better."

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One Buddhist asked another Buddhist, "How's life?"

The second Buddhist answered, "I've had better."

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A Buddhist buys a hotdog and gives the vendor a $20 bill..

He takes a bite and then says "wheres my change?"


The vendor replies "change only comes from within"

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Why do Buddhists always buy 1 ply toilet paper?

Because they like to get in touch with their inner self.

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A vegan buddhist...

...decides to jump off the roof of a meat factory as the ultimate form of protest believing that he will be reincarnated. He became a vegetable.

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What did the Buddhist monk say when asked to leave his temple?

'Nah imma stay.'

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Why can't Buddhists learn binary code?

Because they are at one with everything.

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What do you call a Buddhist monk who meditates in the snow?

Fro-zen.

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So a Buddhist goes to a hotdog stand.

And asks the server to "make me one with everything"

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Why was the Buddhist pulling coins out of his ass?

Because change comes from within

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A Buddhist monk walks upto a hotdog stand and says...

"Make me one with everything."

Despite this being an overused statement, the vendor serves him a hotdog as he is a customer. When the monk asks if he has 27 cents, the vendor replies "Change comes from within."

The monk then pulls out a pistol from his robe and shoots the vendor. After this, he states "I have found my inner piece."

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What did the Buddhist ask for when he walked into the pizza place?

One with everything

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What does the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?

"Make me one with everything."

The vendor makes him the hot dog and the Buddhist hands him a $20 bill. The vendor hands him his hot dog and then the Buddhist sits down at a nearby table to enjoy it. Soon after, to the Buddhist's dismay, he realizes the vendor hasn't been forthcoming with the rest of his money. He knows the hot dog couldn't have been $20, so the Buddhist approaches the vendor and says:

"Excuse me, where's my change?"

To which the vendor replies:

"Change comes only from within."

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why do buddhists walk around barefoot

its good for the sole

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A buddhist goes to a hot dog stand and says...

"Make me one with everything."

When the guy hands him his hot dog, the monk pays and asks for his change.

The vendor replies, "Change comes from within."

Then the monk gets angry and pulls out his gun.

The vendor clamors "Whoa, whoa! What about inner peace?"

And the monk replies "this IS my inner piece."

Suddenly a bystander calls out. "I've called the cops! They'll be here any minute!"

The vendor, expecting the monk to flee the scene, is quite surprised to see that the monk makes no motion to leave, even as the sounds of police sirens fill the street.

"Aren't you going to run away?" he asks.

The monk shakes his head and replies, "Namaste."

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What did the Buddhist say when he was reborn as a cowboy?

WHAT IN CARNATION?!

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I went to a Buddhist hotdog stand...

...and they made me one with everything.

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I, too, went to a mixed religion seminar...

...But in the hopes of learning more about charity. First I asked a Buddhist monk: "How do you decide what to give away and what to keep for yourself?" "Child's play", he said. "I draw a small circle in the ground, throw my money into the air, and what falls outside of the circle I give to Buddha". Next I asked a catholic priest. "Easy my son", he told me. "All I do is draw a small circle in earth, throw my money to the heavens, and what falls into the circle I give to God". Finally, I asked a Rabbi. "Simple!" he answered. "I throw my money into the air and what god wants, he takes!"

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A buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog stand

So the buddhist gets his hot dog, one with everything. Pays the hot dog vendor with a 20$ bill. The vendor takes the money, and then nothing. The buddhist is confused for a moment, until the vendor replies.

Change must come from within.

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A Buddhist walks up to a hotdog stand

And says, "make me one with everything"

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A man's fence is broken and he neess to hire someone to fix it

So he goes online to find someone to fix his fence for him but he is unsatisfied with their prices, that is until he finds a Buddhist monk who will do it for free.

He is initially surprised by this and assumes it might be a fake listing, but since it's free he feels like he has nothing to lose so he hires him.

Sure enough a few days later the monk shows up with a toolkit in hand, the man shows the monk that his fence has been ripped out of the ground and that he needs to replace it.

About an hour later the monk walks in and tells the man he is finished, and when the man goes outside he sees that the fence is perfect, thinking he can't just tell the monk to leave after doing such a great job for free he invites the monk inside for a cup of coffee.

The man then starts talking to the monk, "It surprised me to see a monk offering services for fence repair, why do you do it?" he asked

the monk replied "Religious reasons."

The man then says "I don't know much about Buddhism, why do you need to repair fences?"

"Because" the monk replied, "You would be surprised at the amount of karma you get for reposting."

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Why can't Buddhists vacuum under the couch?

Because they have no attachments.

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A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor

and tells him, "make me one with everything."

The vendor gives him a hot dog and the buddhist gives him a twenty dollar bill.
After a moment of waiting, the buddhist asks, "Where's my change?"
The vendor smiles and says, "Ahh, change must come from within."

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Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners of the monastery?

Because they have no attachments.

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What did one Buddhist Master give to the child for his birthday?

Nothing wrapped in Emptiness.

How did the birthday child respond?

You are thoughtless for giving me this meaningless gift.

To which the Buddhist Master replied, "Thank you."

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How do Buddhist monks send emails?

They remove all attachments.

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A Catholic, a Jew, and a Buddhist are on a plane when suddenly the engine brakes down

There are no parachutes on the plane, so the men must rely on their faith to save them from death.

The Catholic says a prayer, jumps off the plane and survives the fall, but dies later in a hospital.

The Jew says a prayer jumps off the plane, and survives the fall, but injures his spinal cord and is paralyzed from the waist down.

The Buddhist says a prayer, jumps off the plane, and is caught by a giant Buddha hand.

The Buddhist, relieved to have been caught, says, "Thank God," and the hand drops him.

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A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vender and says

"Make me one with everything."

He then hands the vender a $20 and starts eating his hot dog. After he's done he asks the vender

"Where's my change?"

The vender replies

"Change only comes from within."

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Hear the one about the Buddhist monk who *almost* achieved total spiritual enlightenment?

He only made it to Nearvana.

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A Buddhist monk goes to a barber

... to have his head shaved. "What should I pay you?" the monk asks. "No price, for a holy man such as yourself," the barber replies. And what do you know, the next day the barber comes to open his shop, and finds on his doorstep a dozen gemstones.

That day, a priest comes in to have his hair cut. "What shall I pay you, my son?" "No price, for a man of the cloth such as yourself." And what do you know, the next day the barber comes to open his shop, and finds on his doorstep a dozen roses.

That day, Rabbi Finklestein comes in to get his *payoss* [sideburns] trimmed. "What do you want I should pay you?" "Nothing, for a man of God such as yourself." And the next morning, what do you know?

The barber finds on his doorstep — a dozen rabbis!

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What are the most funny Buddhist jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Buddhist? Well, here are the best Buddhist dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Buddhist pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes