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Buddhist Jokes

162 buddhist jokes and hilarious buddhist puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about buddhist that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for a good laugh? Read this article to find out some of the best Buddhist jokes - from Jewish Buddhist jokes to jokes about a monk, a monastery, and even Buddha himself! Laugh until you cry - don't miss it!

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Funniest Buddhist Short Jokes

Short buddhist jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The buddhist humour may include short monastery jokes also.

  1. Glad to see my Buddhist friends join and chant in the protests Everyone knows the more Ohms- the greater the resistance.
  2. Perfect on the spot SFW joke What did the Zen Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor?
    Make me one with everything.
  3. A Buddhist monk sees Jesus' face in a tub of margerine And he exclaimed, I can't believe it's not Buddha!
  4. One Buddhist asked another Buddhist, "How's life?" The second Buddhist answered, "I've had better."
  5. A Buddhist buys a hotdog and gives the vendor a $20 bill.. He takes a bite and then says "wheres my change?"
    The vendor replies "change only comes from within"
  6. Why do Buddhists always buy 1 ply toilet paper? Because they like to get in touch with their inner self.
  7. A vegan buddhist... ...decides to jump off the roof of a meat factory as the ultimate form of protest believing that he will be reincarnated. He became a vegetable.
  8. So a Buddhist goes to a hotdog stand. And asks the server to "make me one with everything"
  9. Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners of the monastery? Because they have no attachments.
  10. Hear the one about the Buddhist monk who *almost* achieved total spiritual enlightenment? He only made it to Nearvana.

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Buddhist One Liners

Which buddhist one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with buddhist? I can suggest the ones about monk and enlightenment.

  1. First Buddhist: "How's life?" Second Buddhist: "I've had better."
  2. What did the Buddhist monk say when asked to leave his temple? 'Nah imma stay.'
  3. Why can't Buddhists learn binary code? Because they are at one with everything.
  4. What do you call a Buddhist monk who meditates in the snow? Fro-zen.
  5. What did the Buddhist ask for when he walked into the pizza place? One with everything
  6. why do buddhists walk around barefoot its good for the sole
  7. Why can't Buddhists vacuum under the couch? Because they have no attachments.
  8. What did the Buddhist say when he was reborn as a cowboy? WHAT IN CARNATION?!
  9. I went to a Buddhist hotdog stand... ...and they made me one with everything.
  10. A Buddhist walks up to a hotdog stand And says, "make me one with everything"
  11. How do Buddhist monks send emails? They remove all attachments.
  12. How many Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb? None. It's already enlightened.
  13. Buddhist monk walks into a Pizzeria. He asks "Can you make me one with everything?"
  14. How many buddhists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they enlighten themselves.
  15. Wanted: Buddhist Monk Enquire within.

Buddhist Monk Jokes

Here is a list of funny buddhist monk jokes and even better buddhist monk puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Did you hear about the Buddhist monk who swallowed a Glock 18? He calls it his inner piece
  • Why did the Buddhist monk refuse Novocaine? Because he wanted to *transcend dental* medication.
  • What does a Buddhist monk say when ordering a subway sandwich? *Make me one with everything*
  • Did you hear about the Buddhist monk who refused anesthesia for his root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
  • What did the Buddhist monk say to the pizza guy? Make me one with everything.
  • A Buddhist Monk goes into a pizza place... and says "Make me one with everything"......
  • A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog cart and the guy asks: "Whattya want?" The monk says: "Make me one with everything."
  • What did the buddhist monk say when he walked up to the hot dog stand? "Make me one with everything"
  • A buddhist monk goes to a hot dog stand "What will it be for you, my friend?" - the vendor asks.
    "Make me one with everything"
  • A Buddhist monk walks into a cafeteria "Good morning Sir what would you like in your sandwich?"
    "Make me one with everything"

Zen Buddhist Jokes

Here is a list of funny zen buddhist jokes and even better zen buddhist puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What did the Zen Buddhist say to his dog ? Nama ! Stay .
  • A novice asked his zen master if it's ok for Buddhists to use email. The master answered: "Yes. But no attachments."
  • I asked a Buddhist how they managed to deal with past hurts. They replied "That was zen and this is now"
  • A Zen Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, Give me a hot dog and put everything on it.
    (My son told me this and honestly, I don't see the humor in it.)
  • How do Buddhist monks compare interests? With zen diagrams!
  • How many Zen Buddhists does it take to screw in a light bulb? There is no light bulb.
Buddhist joke, How many Zen Buddhists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Buddhist Temple Jokes

Here is a list of funny buddhist temple jokes and even better buddhist temple puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why didn't the gorilla join the Buddhist temple? It was too monk-y.
  • Two friends are hanging out at a buddhist temple One says to the other "I think im gonna go man, you coming?"
    The other says "nah-mastay"

Jewish Buddhist Jokes

Here is a list of funny jewish buddhist jokes and even better jewish buddhist puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A Jewish, Catholic, Buddhist, and an atheist each walk into a bar. You'd think the last guy would know not to hurt himself after watching three guys walk into a bar.
  • Some people claim to be both Buddhist and Jewish They disavow all worldly possessions, but keep the receipts
Buddhist joke, Some people claim to be both Buddhist and Jewish

Amusing & Witty Buddhist Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun

What funny jokes about buddhist you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean zen buddhist jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make buddhist pranks.

A man's fence is broken and he neess to hire someone to fix it

So he goes online to find someone to fix his fence for him but he is unsatisfied with their prices, that is until he finds a Buddhist monk who will do it for free.
He is initially surprised by this and assumes it might be a fake listing, but since it's free he feels like he has nothing to lose so he hires him.
Sure enough a few days later the monk shows up with a toolkit in hand, the man shows the monk that his fence has been ripped out of the ground and that he needs to replace it.
About an hour later the monk walks in and tells the man he is finished, and when the man goes outside he sees that the fence is perfect, thinking he can't just tell the monk to leave after doing such a great job for free he invites the monk inside for a cup of coffee.
The man then starts talking to the monk, "It surprised me to see a monk offering services for fence repair, why do you do it?" he asked
the monk replied "Religious reasons."
The man then says "I don't know much about Buddhism, why do you need to repair fences?"
"Because" the monk replied, "You would be surprised at the amount of karma you get for reposting."

A Buddhist Monk goes into a burger place and with a facetious smile on his face he says "Make me one with everything", smirking at his own wit he pays with a $100 Note. The Monk receives his Burger in due course and little else. A touch perplexed he says "I paid with a $100! Don't i get any change?"

To which the The Cashier serenely replies; "Change comes from within."

Yet another really bad joke

A Buddhist goes up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

What did the Buddhist get for Christmas?

Presence.

3 Men's Afterlives

Three men get into a horrible car accident, and all three die together. As they are waiting in limbo, they start talking about the Afterlife. As it turns out, one man is Muslim, one man is Buddhist, the last is Christian.
The Muslim says, "I'm going to enjoy my 40 virgins until my wife shows up!"
The Buddhist says, "Reincarnation is going to be a blast.. until I find my wife again."
The Christian man starts laughing, and the others seem puzzled.
"My wife's an athiest."

A Zen Buddhist and a Christian got in a fight over a neighborhood nativity scene last winter. The Buddhist trashed the 3 Wisemen display right before he went to temple.


They charged him with premeditated myrrhder.

What did one Buddhist Master give to the child for his birthday?

Nothing wrapped in Emptiness.
How did the birthday child respond?
You are thoughtless for giving me this meaningless gift.
To which the Buddhist Master replied, "Thank you."

A buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog stand

So the buddhist gets his hot dog, one with everything. Pays the hot dog vendor with a 20$ bill. The vendor takes the money, and then nothing. The buddhist is confused for a moment, until the vendor replies.
Change must come from within.

Buddhist Pizza

What kind of pizza does Buddha like? One with everything.

Why couldn't the Buddhist hoover the corners of his house?

He had no attachments.

How can i convince my Buddhist friend that he owes me money from 3 lifetimes ago?

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor...

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says "make me one with everything".
Sorry if this is a repost. Saw it on an IMDb movie discussion thread a while back, thought it was pretty good

I, too, went to a mixed religion seminar...

...But in the hopes of learning more about charity. First I asked a Buddhist monk: "How do you decide what to give away and what to keep for yourself?" "Child's play", he said. "I draw a small circle in the ground, throw my money into the air, and what falls outside of the circle I give to Buddha". Next I asked a catholic priest. "Easy my son", he told me. "All I do is draw a small circle in earth, throw my money to the heavens, and what falls into the circle I give to God". Finally, I asked a Rabbi. "Simple!" he answered. "I throw my money into the air and what god wants, he takes!"

A buddhist monk approaches a burger food truck and says. . .

"Make me one with everything."

A Buddhist monk walks upto a hotdog stand and says...

"Make me one with everything."
Despite this being an overused statement, the vendor serves him a hotdog as he is a customer. When the monk asks if he has 27 cents, the vendor replies "Change comes from within."
The monk then pulls out a p**... from his robe and shoots the vendor. After this, he states "I have found my inner piece."

What did the Buddhist say when asked if he'd like to move from Tibet to North Korea?

Nah. I'ma stay.

A Buddhist walks into a 7/11

A Buddhist walks into a 7/11 and gives the cashier ten bucks for a pack of smokes.
The cashier takes the money and says "Thank you. Come again!"
The Buddhist says "Hey, what about my change?"
To which the cashier replies "Change comes from within"

A buddhist monk approaches a burger foodtruck

and says make me one with everything. The buddhist monk pays with a $20 bill, which the vendor takes, puts in his cash box, and closes the lid. Where's my change? the monk asks. The vendor replies, change comes from within

Why don't many buddhists work in the railroad industry?

they have too many ohms to be good conductors.

What does the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?

"Make me one with everything."
The vendor makes him the hot dog and the Buddhist hands him a $20 bill. The vendor hands him his hot dog and then the Buddhist sits down at a nearby table to enjoy it. Soon after, to the Buddhist's dismay, he realizes the vendor hasn't been forthcoming with the rest of his money. He knows the hot dog couldn't have been $20, so the Buddhist approaches the vendor and says:
"Excuse me, where's my change?"
To which the vendor replies:
"Change comes only from within."

A Buddhist and a dualist are in a bar

The Buddhist says to he dualist "I am one"
The dualist replies, "I am, too "

Did you hear about the Buddhist Viking?

He believed he'd be Bjorn again

Why did the Mexican decide to become a Buddhist?

He wanted to become Juan with everything.

A Buddhist walks into a pizza shop

He says can you make me one with everything?

What did the buddhist monk say when he was asked if he was leaving?

Na 'ma stay. (namaste)
Grandfather joke at Easter dinner last sunday. Sorry.

A Buddhist was struggling to complete his jigsaw puzzle

He just needed to find his inner piece.

Don't date a Buddhist.

You'll get too attached.

A buddhist goes to a hot dog stand and says...

"Make me one with everything."
When the guy hands him his hot dog, the monk pays and asks for his change.
The vendor replies, "Change comes from within."
Then the monk gets angry and pulls out his gun.
The vendor clamors "Whoa, whoa! What about inner peace?"
And the monk replies "this IS my inner piece."
Suddenly a bystander calls out. "I've called the cops! They'll be here any minute!"
The vendor, expecting the monk to flee the scene, is quite surprised to see that the monk makes no motion to leave, even as the sounds of police sirens fill the street.
"Aren't you going to run away?" he asks.
The monk shakes his head and replies, "Namaste."

A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says make me one with everything ...

The vendor makes the hot dog and hands it to the Buddhist monk, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. Excuse me, but where's my change? asks the Buddhist monk. The vendor replied, Change must come from within.

A Buddhist goes to the hot dog vendor...

And says, "Make me one with everything."
Giving him a fifty, the Buddhist asks for the change and the vendor replies, "Change comes from within."

What does a r**... Buddhist believe in?

Reintarnation.

How many Buddhists does it take to screw a light bulb?

None. They believe that the enlightenment comes from within.

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor

and tells him, "make me one with everything."
The vendor gives him a hot dog and the buddhist gives him a twenty dollar bill.
After a moment of waiting, the buddhist asks, "Where's my change?"
The vendor smiles and says, "Ahh, change must come from within."

What is a buddhist's favorite pizza?

One with everything

A Buddhist is stopped by a Christian woman in the street

"Will you consider following the word of the Lord Jesus Christ?" She asks.
The Buddhist replied, "Maybe next time round,"

A headline writer tells a joke. "Why Buddhist god so ornery?"

Because Buddha, pest, Hungary.

I got received an e-mail from my Buddhist friend...

...it was free from attachments.

If Christians have the Daily Bread, what do Buddhists have?

The Daily Lama

Buddhist walks up to a hotdog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Hotdog guy gives him a loaded dog, Buddhist gives him $10, gets nothing back. Hotdog vendor explains, "Change comes from within."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says ;

"make me one with everything."
^(If this doesn't work on its own, there is an extension:)
The vendor gives him a hot dog and the Buddhist gives him a twenty dollar bill. After a moment of waiting, the Buddhist asks, "Where's my change?" The vendor smiles and says, "Ahh, change must come from within."

What does a Buddhist from the hood say after his friends ask him to leave?

Namaste.

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vender and says

"Make me one with everything."
He then hands the vender a $20 and starts eating his hot dog. After he's done he asks the vender
"Where's my change?"
The vender replies
"Change only comes from within."

A Buddhist monk goes to a hot dog stand

He says, "Make me one with everything."
The hot dog vendor says "That'll be three fiddy" so the monk hands him a five, and gets his hot dog in return, but no change. "where's my change?" asks the monk and the hot dog vendor says
"Change comes from within."

A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says: 'Make me one with everything'....

After a brief chuckle at the monks joke the vendor hands him his hot dog with everything and says 'That'll be $4 please'.
The monk hands over a $10 bill and waits whilst the vendor just stares back at him....
Awkwardly the monk ask's 'What about my change'?.
'Ah' replies the hot dog vendor, 'Change must come from within'.

What did the depressed Buddhist text his mom?

Commiting s**..., BRB

I heard Steve Jobs was a Buddhist

Due to abusing child labor in asian countries, his karma was getting killed by a PC.

A Hindu, a Christian, A Sikh, an atheist, and a Buddhist walk into a clinic...

One of them is called to see the doctor, he goes in, and after a while leaves the clinic. After that, everyone else was angry because they had not received service from the doctor. They ask the nurse standing outside why this is so, to which she said: "I'm sorry, we only serve the sikh."

A Buddhist monk orders a hot dog

A Buddhist monk orders a hot dog and gives the vendor a 20 dollar bill. After eating the hot dog he is still waiting and asks the vendor for his change. The vendor replied, "Change only comes from within."

Chuck Norris walks into a bar...

He immediately unleashes a vicious roundhouse kick, decapitating a rabbi, a priest, and a Buddhist in one blow. At the next table, he beard-punches a blonde, a brunette and a redhead, killing all three. Three bouncers, an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Pollack, were dismembered in seconds.
Chuck Norris' has only 1 weakness: He can't tell a joke.

The Buddhist at the hot dog stand. . .

paid with a ten dollar bill, and got nothing in return. After waiting for a minute, he said "what about my change?"
The hot dog vendor replied, "change comes from within."

I went to a Buddhist food truck

Me: Make me one with everything!
Them: The one shall always be of many. That will be $12.50
I hand them $20 and I don't get change back.
Me: Uh... Where's my change?
Them: Change comes from within

Buddhist joke, I went to a Buddhist food truck

jokes about buddhist