Buddha Jokes
71 buddha jokes and hilarious buddha puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about buddha that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Take a break from the serious and learn to laugh at the absurd with these Buddha jokes! From laughing Buddhas to crucifixion tales and Buddhists from Tibet, you'll find something to make you chuckle in these funny stories.
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Funniest Buddha Short Jokes
Short buddha jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The buddha humour may include short crucifixion jokes also.
- A Tibetan monk sees the face of Jesus in a tub of margarine. He raises his eyes to the heavens and exclaims "I can't believe it's not Buddha!"
- What did the Tibetan monk say when he saw the face of Jesus in a tub of margarine? "I can't believe it's not Buddha."
- My friend says he has the body of a Greek God... I had to explain to him Buddha wasn't greek
- A Tibetan monk was making his morning toast when he saw, in the margarine, the face of Jesus. He gasped and said, "I can't believe it's not Buddha."
- A Buddhist monk sees Jesus' face in a tub of margerine And he exclaimed, I can't believe it's not Buddha!
- A Muslim man sees the face of Muhammad in a tub of margarine one day His neighbor from Nepal looks over and says "I can't believe it's not Buddha"
- A Tibetan monk sees the face of Jesus in a tub of margarine. I can't believe it's not Buddha, he says.
- Priest and a Hindu are making breakfast.. The priest is spreading on margarine and exclaims, "Look! It's Jesus in the spread!"
Shocked, the hindu replies, "Wow, I can't believe it's not Buddha." - Jesus Crust A priest and a Zen master are making toast.
The priest says "look, there's an image of Jesus in my margarine!"
The Zen master replies "I can't believe it's not Buddha!" - Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.
*-Anthony Jeselnik, Shakespeare*
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Buddha One Liners
Which buddha one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with buddha? I can suggest the ones about friar and enlightenment.
- My friend told me he had the body of a Greek God... I informed him Buddha was not Greek.
- I have the body of a god! Unfortunately it's buddha.
- What do you call a rat that has reached enlightenment? A Buddha-Pest
- What did the Buddha say to the hotdog vendor? "Make me one with everything"
- Did you hear about the new low fat religion? "I Can't Believe Its Not Buddha"
- What do you call a hungarian insect who won't leave siddhartha alone? A Buddha-pest.
- The Buddha walks up to a hot dog stand He says, Make me one with everything.
- Why does the Buddha float in water? Because he's enlightened
- Why did the Buddha quit gmail? Because of the attachments.
- I have the body of a god: Sadly, it's Buddha.
- I have a bag with a crucifix, Buddha, and the Quran inside. Is this sacrilegious?
- What do you call a religious termite in Hungary? Buddha-pest
- Why didn't Buddha vacuum under the chair? He had no attachments.
- What kind of hotdog did the Buddha order from the street vendor? One with everything
- Body of a God I have the body of a God. Unfortunately, itʻs Buddha.
Charming Humor Buddha Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about buddha you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean crucifix jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make buddha pranks.
The Buddha walks into a pizza joint and says, "Make me one with everything."
The cashier says "That'll be $12.50."
The Buddha gives him a twenty and holds out his hand for the change.
The cashier shakes his head, smiles and says, "Change must come from within."
A Dolphin meets the Buddha...
The Buddha says you may ask me any question young dolphin and I shall answer for you.
The Dolphin thinks about what he should ask and after several minutes of soul searching he ask the Buddha "What is my Porpoise in life?"
Muhammad, Jesus and Buddha walks into a bar...
The bartender asks each of them what they want.
Muhammad orders a glass of cranberry juice.
Jesus orders a glass of water, and promptly turns it into wine.
Then the bartender asks Buddha, "what do you want?"
Buddha replies, "Make me one with everything."
Buddhist Pizza
What kind of pizza does Buddha like? One with everything.
Muhammad walks up to the Buddha and says "Guess what a mosque and 9 year old have in common."
I've been in both.
Said Jesus to Buddha...
"... You're not taking your self very seriously."
I, too, went to a mixed religion seminar...
...But in the hopes of learning more about charity. First I asked a Buddhist monk: "How do you decide what to give away and what to keep for yourself?" "Child's play", he said. "I draw a small circle in the ground, throw my money into the air, and what falls outside of the circle I give to Buddha". Next I asked a catholic priest. "Easy my son", he told me. "All I do is draw a small circle in earth, throw my money to the heavens, and what falls into the circle I give to God". Finally, I asked a Rabbi. "Simple!" he answered. "I throw my money into the air and what god wants, he takes!"
There was an indecisive buddha...
...his mantra was 'ummmm'
What do you call a Zen master from eastern Europe who's been bugging you all day?
A Buddha Pest.
What's a monk's favorite kind of cheese?
Smoked buddha.
Why couldn't the Buddha hoover under the sofa?
Because he had no attachments
Gods Vacation
The gods were planning on where to spend their next vacations; Shiva suggested: "what about Neptune?", then Ala said: "It's too cold!"; Zeus then suggested: "Let's go to Mars!", then Buddha replied "Nah, we went there last time!". So someone spoke "What about Earth?", for God to reply: "no way, Earth people like to gossip too much. I went there 2000 years ago, had a thing with a v**... and they're still talking about it!"
JOKE BANK
My friend told me he had the body of a Greek god. I had to explain to him that Buddha is not Greek.
Q: Why didn't the melons get married?
A: Because they cantaloupe.
Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: Because chickens weren't around yet.
Q: What do you call a sad coffee?
A: Depresso.
What did the cremated Buddha who was placed in a cardboard box say?
'I'm in light urn.'
A headline writer tells a joke. "Why Buddhist god so ornery?"
Because Buddha, pest, Hungary.
Buddha sits under the christmas tree..
"I am present"
The Buddha walked up to a hotdog vender...
And said "make me one with everything"
Where do Jesus, Buddha, and their friends go to lose weight?
The deitician.
"Don't dwell on the past,don't dream about the future", is one of the most beautiful thoughts, was it Buddha?
Naw, it's just Congressman Roy Moore's Republican campaign slogan.
I had a dream last night...
In my dream I was watching a band play. Buddha was playing guitar, Jesus was playing bass, Mohammed was singing, and Zeus was playing the drums. After the show, Zeus came down and gave me a large metal disc. I think it was a cymbal from god.
Someone sent the Buddha a gift box tied with a ribbon.
Buddha opened it to find it empty. Aha! , he said, Just what I wanted. Nothing!
What did the Buddha say to the hotdog vendor?
"Make me one with everything."
Credits go to the Netflix show 'Maniac (S01E04)'.
A Buddhist finds a Genie in a lamp
The genie says "I can grant you one wish." The Buddha says with tears in his eyes "I've always wanted to be Hispanic, and I have also lived this life of poverty. What I would really like is for you to make me Juan, with everything."
I was really confused about Buddha statues and why a lot of people revered them so much, So I asked a Hinduist about them. He was very knowledgeable, and after he finished explaining he asked,
"So now does it make sense to you at all?
And I said "Yeah, idol makes sense to me now."
A Catholic, a Jew, and a Buddhist are on a plane that is about to c**....
The Jew says a prayer and jumps off, survives the landing but dies in the hospital. The Catholic says a prayer, jumps off, and becomes paralyzed for the rest of his life, but survives the fall. The Buddhist says a prayer, jumps off, and is caught by a giant Buddha hand, and says,"Thank God." The hand then proceeds drops him.
Jesus and Buddha are sitting in Heaven.
Buddha: "I should've made one of those rules where people aren't allowed to depict me."
Jesus: "Why?"
Buddha: "They keep making me look fat!"
Jesus: "Tell me about it. I've been a blond white guy for two thousand years!"
Why was Buddha a terrible sous chef?
He spent too long contempt plating inert peas
Jesus is in heaven, telling everyone about the time he rose from the dead
That's nothing said Buddha. When I died, I stayed dead!
Muhammed, Confucius, and Buddha walk into a bar
The bartender spots them and says "aw, Christ!"
Muhammed says, "nah, it's Saturday, Jesus don't drink on the Sabbath."
A Priest and a Hindu
A Priest and a Hindu are having breakfast. The priest exclaims, "Look at my toast! It's the face of Jesus!"
The Hindu replies, "I can't believe it's not Buddha!"
Getting spiritual at the bar
A guy walks into a bar and notices a framed picture of a cat hanging behind the bar. "What happened to the picture of Buddha you used to have hanging back there?" he asks the bartender. The bartender replies, "That was Zen, this is Meow."
A Muslim, a Buddhist and a Christian are forced to jump off a building
So the Buddhist man jumps first. He prays: Buddha, Buddha, Buddha, Buddha... When he reaches the ground, he lands safely.
The next one is the Muslim. He jumps, and prays: Inshallah, Inshallah, Inshallah... Upon reaching the ground, he smashes so hard and dies instantly.
The last one is the Christian man. He jumps and starts praying: O u r F a t h e r i n H e a v e n, hallowed be your name. YOUR KINGDOM COME! YOUR WILL... BUDDHA, BUDDHA, BUDDHA, BUDDHA!
Monk who claims he saw face of Jesus in his margarine tub...
... said: "I can't believe it's not Buddha"
Have you heard of the n**... guy who insults people for not being devoted to Buddha?
Talk about the rudest nudist Buddhist
