The Best 90 Budd Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Budd jokes. There are some budd baum jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these budd dog puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Budd Jokes and Puns
The Buddha walks into a pizza joint and says, "Make me one with everything."
The cashier says "That'll be $12.50."
The Buddha gives him a twenty and holds out his hand for the change.
The cashier shakes his head, smiles and says, "Change must come from within."
My buddy told me this one at the bar last night. It's a dark one.
A pedophile is walking a kid into the woods. It's getting darker as they get deeper and deeper into the forest. And the kid says, "Gee mister, it sure is getting dark. I'm scared."
The man replies, "*You're* scared? I have to walk back alone!"
2 old buddies mourning the loss of a friend
2 old friends are catching up at an old pal's funeral. One takes a moment to pause and finally asks the question.
"So... How'd it happen?"
To which the other responds.
"Well, as I understand it, he went to the doctor the other day and the doctor said he was 'as healthy as a horse.' But on the way home he broke a leg."
My buddy tells me he had sex with his GF and her twin the other night.
I asked him how he told them apart.
He says, "well her brother has a mustache"
Why can't Buddhists vacuum under the couch?
Because they have no attachments.
One of my buddies turned 90, so for a birthday surprise I sent a hooker to his apartment. When he opened the door, she introduced herself and informed him that she was there to give him super sex. His response...
I'll take the soup.
What did one Buddhist Master give to the child for his birthday?
Nothing wrapped in Emptiness.
How did the birthday child respond?
You are thoughtless for giving me this meaningless gift.
To which the Buddhist Master replied, "Thank you."
A buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog stand
So the buddhist gets his hot dog, one with everything. Pays the hot dog vendor with a 20$ bill. The vendor takes the money, and then nothing. The buddhist is confused for a moment, until the vendor replies.
Change must come from within.
My buddy has big news...
He comes to me one day and says "Dude, you'll never believe it, I'm banging twins."
"That's awesome" I reply "but how can you tell them apart?"
"Easy" he says "Marys got long blonde hair and Steves got a moustache."
So I've got some buddies...
They just so happen to be a high-ranking officials in Denver,Colorado. They're currently trying to get Republicans and Democrats to both agree to legalize medical marijuana to ease arthritis symptoms. I guess you could say I have friends in high places in high places in high places for joint support for joint support for joint support.
My buddy told me he had a threesome with his girlfriend and her twin.......
I asked how he could tell them apart. He said "Her brother has a mustache."
You can explore budd stand reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean budd fat dad jokes. There are also budd puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A buddy asked if I was pro gay...
I'm not even amateur gay; I didn't even know they had a league!
A Buddhist walks up to a hotdog stand
And says, "make me one with everything"
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor...
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says "make me one with everything".
Sorry if this is a repost. Saw it on an IMDb movie discussion thread a while back, thought it was pretty good
Why do Buddhists always buy 1 ply toilet paper?
Because they like to get in touch with their inner self.
A Buddhist monk walks upto a hotdog stand and says...
"Make me one with everything."
Despite this being an overused statement, the vendor serves him a hotdog as he is a customer. When the monk asks if he has 27 cents, the vendor replies "Change comes from within."
The monk then pulls out a pistol from his robe and shoots the vendor. After this, he states "I have found my inner piece."
What does the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
"Make me one with everything."
The vendor makes him the hot dog and the Buddhist hands him a $20 bill. The vendor hands him his hot dog and then the Buddhist sits down at a nearby table to enjoy it. Soon after, to the Buddhist's dismay, he realizes the vendor hasn't been forthcoming with the rest of his money. He knows the hot dog couldn't have been $20, so the Buddhist approaches the vendor and says:
"Excuse me, where's my change?"
To which the vendor replies:
"Change comes only from within."
A buddy of mine isn't sure whether he believes in creamy holiday beverages or not.
He's eggnogstic.
My buddy joined Christian Mingle... it's going pretty well,
He got nailed three times in one night.
Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners of the monastery?
Because they have no attachments.
My buddy just lost his job at a cinema that only shows Pixar films...
He forgot to show Up
My buddy tells me he doesn't take criticism too well.
I told him he should really work on that.
A buddhist goes to a hot dog stand and says...
"Make me one with everything."
When the guy hands him his hot dog, the monk pays and asks for his change.
The vendor replies, "Change comes from within."
Then the monk gets angry and pulls out his gun.
The vendor clamors "Whoa, whoa! What about inner peace?"
And the monk replies "this IS my inner piece."
Suddenly a bystander calls out. "I've called the cops! They'll be here any minute!"
The vendor, expecting the monk to flee the scene, is quite surprised to see that the monk makes no motion to leave, even as the sounds of police sirens fill the street.
"Aren't you going to run away?" he asks.
The monk shakes his head and replies, "Namaste."
A buddist monk recently became a street vendor
A passerby bought a $1 item from him and gave him a 50 dollar note.
The monk took the note and just sat down afte thanking him.
The guy got slightly angry when there was no change given and the monk answered
"change comes from within"
A Buddhist goes to the hot dog vendor...
And says, "Make me one with everything."
Giving him a fifty, the Buddhist asks for the change and the vendor replies, "Change comes from within."
I saw my buddy dressed as a bowl of soup...
I didn't know if he was friend or pho.
Why can't Buddhists learn binary code?
Because they are at one with everything.
I have a buddy that likes to have sex with inanimate objects.
We don't hang out much. He's always got stuff to do.
My buddy drowned the other day
I placed a life jacket in his coffin
It's what he would've wanted
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor
and tells him, "make me one with everything."
The vendor gives him a hot dog and the buddhist gives him a twenty dollar bill.
After a moment of waiting, the buddhist asks, "Where's my change?"
The vendor smiles and says, "Ahh, change must come from within."
How do Buddhist monks send emails?
They remove all attachments.
A Buddhist buys a hotdog and gives the vendor a $20 bill..
He takes a bite and then says "wheres my change?"
The vendor replies "change only comes from within"
How many buddhists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they enlighten themselves.
My buddy went to get a tattoo of an Indian on his back...
Half way through he said "Don't forget to put a big tomahawk in his hand."
The tattooist said "Hang on pal, I've only just finished his turban."
My buddy, David, had his ID stolen while on a business trip in Prague...
...now we just have to call him Dav.
My buddy just came to me all depressed and said My son flunked the third grade, and I just don't know how to break it to him.
So I said well…probably better tell him pretty slowly, so the little dumbass will get it."
A buddy of mine started dating this girl that plays soccer. I like her a lot.
She's a keeper.
I went to a Buddhist hotdog stand...
...and they made me one with everything.
My buddy said to me yesterday, "If I shagged your wife, would that make us related"?
I said "No man, that would just make us even."
Before my buddy died I asked him if there was football in heaven.
A few days later I saw his ghost. He said
"Good news, there is. Bad news, you're playing in goal tomorrow."
My buddy was really into Beyblades before he died
His tombstone reads:
LET IT
R. I. P.
why do buddhists walk around barefoot
its good for the sole
What did the Buddhist say when he was reborn as a cowboy?
WHAT IN CARNATION?!
What does a Buddhist from the hood say after his friends ask him to leave?
Namaste.
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vender and says
"Make me one with everything."
He then hands the vender a $20 and starts eating his hot dog. After he's done he asks the vender
"Where's my change?"
The vender replies
"Change only comes from within."
A Buddhist monk goes to a hot dog stand
He says, "Make me one with everything."
The hot dog vendor says "That'll be three fiddy" so the monk hands him a five, and gets his hot dog in return, but no change. "where's my change?" asks the monk and the hot dog vendor says
"Change comes from within."
A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says: 'Make me one with everything'....
After a brief chuckle at the monks joke the vendor hands him his hot dog with everything and says 'That'll be $4 please'.
The monk hands over a $10 bill and waits whilst the vendor just stares back at him....
Awkwardly the monk ask's 'What about my change'?.
'Ah' replies the hot dog vendor, 'Change must come from within'.
What did the Buddhist monk say when asked to leave his temple?
'Nah imma stay.'
My buddy has a trophy wife
But from the looks of it she didn't get first place
My buddy gave me a terrible thesaurus.
It was terrible.
First Buddhist: "How's life?"
Second Buddhist: "I've had better."
My buddy set me up on a blind date and he said, "I'd better warn you, she's expecting a baby."
I felt like such an idiot sitting in the bar wearing just a diaper...
One Buddhist asked another Buddhist, "How's life?"
The second Buddhist answered, "I've had better."
My buddy said, "It's me and my wife's tenth wedding anniversary next weekend, so I thought we could go somewhere really nice together."
I replied, "Sounds good to me! What're you going to tell your wife though!?"
My buddy if I'd be interested in going to Bangladesh....
...."Sure!" I said. "Who's Ladesh?"
So a Buddhist goes to a hotdog stand.
And asks the server to "make me one with everything"
My buddy signed up for one of those, "learn to be a plumber in 6 weeks" courses you see on TV and his final exam was at 9am today...
He showed up at 3pm, looked at the test paper and said, "Looks like I'm gonna need a pen for this job. I'll have to pop round to my suppliers for one. Be right back."
Graduated top of his class...
My buddy asked me if he could crash on my couch tonight
I had to explain to him that i am married now, and that's where i sleep
My buddy took a job circumcising elephants at the zoo
The money's not great but the tips are huge
My buddy performs circumcisions, and i was curious how much he got paid
"Oh we dont get paid, we just keep the tips"
What did the Buddhist ask for when he walked into the pizza place?
One with everything
My Buddies bakery burnt down last night....
His business is toast.
3 buddies went camping and stayed in a cabin.
The cabin only had one bed so they decided to share it.
The next morning the guy who slept on the left side of the bed said I had a dream I was getting jacked off.
The guy on the right side of the bed said that's weird I had the exact same dream.
The guy in the middle said you guys are lucky. I had a dream I was skiing.
My buddy David lost his ID
Now we just call him Dav
A buddy of mine is one of those flat Earther's. He said he's angry and going to the edge.
I have a feeling he'll come around.
My buddy is a sex worker and today he came home overjoyed that he made $104.25 that day
I asked, "Wait, who gave you the 25 cents?"
He says, "All of them!"
A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says Make me one with everything .
The hot dog vendor hands over the sausage and bun with all the trimmings, and the Buddhist hands over a twenty. The vendor pockets it.
The Buddhist asks Where's my change? and the vendor replies change must come from within .
A gun then extends from the Buddhist's chest and he asks again.
The vendor says Whoa, man, where did that come from?
The Buddhist replies This is my inner piece .
My buddy told me he was too afraid to grow apples.
I was like, bro, grow a pear.
So my buddy and I were driving down a country road and see a sheep with it's head stuck in the fence.
Now, like any good ol Montana boy I know a good opportunity when I see it. I pull over and walk up to the sheep and unzip my pants and start giving it to her. I'm really give'n her the boots when I look over and my buddy is jacking off. I mean, he's really beat'n his meat. Kinda freaked out I stop and ask 'ya wanna turn?'. He runs over and sticks his head in the fence.
How many Buddhist monks does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one. But its a long process where the monk keeps telling the bulb that change must first come from within, until the bulb attains enlightenment.
Buddhist monk walks into a Pizzeria.
He asks "Can you make me one with everything?"
My buddy who had a stutter died in jail
He couldn't finish his sentence
Buddhist birthday wishes
Forget the past, you cannot change it.
Forget the future, you cannot know it.
Forget the present, I didn't bring you one.
My buddy asked me how my post got so much karma
Simple, piece of cake
I had a buddy in college who always gave us suggestions as to what booze or drugs to try.
He was the original trip advisor.
My buddy got arrested on drug charges and because it was his first offense, he thought he would get off lightly, but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case, so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 40 years without parole!!
Man, that sentence was way too long.
My buddy and I are opening a marijuana dispensary together.
It's a joint venture.
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand.
After contemplating in silence for a time, the Buddhist looks up to the vendor and says, Make me one with everything.
A buddy of mine named is dog "5 miles"
Just to say he walked 5 miles.
But today he ran over 5 miles.
My buddy just saw the Chernobyl documentary. As someone that grew up there he said it was really inaccurate.
He was able to count 6 errors on one hand.
Why did the Buddhist pull a coin out of his butt?
Because change comes from within.
How many Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. It's already enlightened.
A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog cart and the guy asks: "Whattya want?"
The monk says: "Make me one with everything."
My buddies own a yacht together that they keep on the French Riviera.
They have such a beautiful France ship.
My buddy just landed a job as a map explainer...
That dude's a legend
A buddy of mine has two Super Bowl tickets.
40 yard line box seats. He paid $2,500 each but he didn't realize last year when he bought them it was going to be on the same day as his wedding - probably because of the extra game this year. If you're interested, he's looking for someone to take his place...It's at Sacred Heart Catholic church in Los Angeles at 3pm. The bride's name is Nicole, she's 5'4", about 115 lbs, good cook too. She'll be in the white dress.
My buddy once took a date to see the world's oldest lit candle but it didn't go well.
Turns out you really shouldn't take your date to see an old flame.
A Buddhist walks up to a hotdog stand and says to the vendor...
"Make me one with everything."
So the hotdog vendor makes him a hotdog with every topping, and the Buddhist hands him a twenty. He proceeds to eat the hotdog, but gets no change for his twenty dollar bill. He says, "Hey, where's my change?"
The hotdog vendor replies, "Change comes only from within."
(Courtesy of my fifty year old husband, who cant go five hecking minutes without making a dad joke)
My buddy just got a job in marketing with Kellogg's cereals...
I guess you could say his job is Raisin Bran awareness.
A Buddhist says he will be a Tree instead of an animal in his next life.
He really just wanted to branch out.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the budd history jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working budd wagner piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.