Bud Light Jokes
49 bud light jokes and hilarious bud light puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bud light that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Bud Light Short Jokes
Short bud light jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bud light humour may include short coors light jokes also.
- Did you know that my alcoholic friend only weighs two pounds? Long story short, my bud light.
- I saw an entire display of beer fall over onto a small child
at the grocery store today. Luckily the kid was okay. It was Bud Light. - Anheuser Busch is using a Georgia brewery to can water for flood victims in Oklahoma and Texas They're labeling very clearly so people don't confuse it with Bud Light
- An astronomer is drinking Bud Light with another astronomer and asks How many of these do you think it'll take for me to get drunk? The other astronomer replies: Approximately 6.5 light beers
- I heard Anheuser Busch is sending 9 truckloads of canned water to the areas affected by Hurricane Matthew. Who knew there was such a demand for Bud Light after a disaster?
- My Halloween costume this year: I'm gonna get drunk and make a space suit out of Bud Light boxes. When people ask who I'm supposed to be, I'll respond, "I'm Buzzed Lightbeer!"
- A Dalmatian walks into a bar and orders a pilsner Actually, maybe it was an Air Bud Light, I don't know, my memory is all spotty
- If your u**... looks like beer, you are likely dehydrated. But if it looks like bud light, you're good.
- They say that Bud Light is like s**... in a canoe If you offer it to a girl in a bar, she's likely to be disgusted.
- What's the difference between a r**... and a s**...? One bud lights and the other lights bud.
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Bud Light One Liners
Which bud light one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bud light? I can suggest the ones about beer brewed and beer brewer.
- Bud light has always been trans... It's water that identifies as beer.
- My dad is a magician. He can turn a Bud Light into domestic violence.
- What do you call a drunk astronaut? Bud-light-beer
- What does a drunk use to turn on women? Bud Lights!
- Why did the Bud Light explode? Beer Pressure.
- Did you know beer makes you lose weight? It made Bud Light.
- Why would two Bud Lights wash up on shore together? They're best buds.
- What's a Jews favorite beer? Bud Light L'Chaim (Pronounced like Lime, guys)
- Why does Bear Grylls love Bud Light? It's sterile and he likes the taste.
- I lost my sense of taste and think I have COVID!!!! Oh s**.... It's just Bud Light, I'm ok.
- It's not r**... if she's holding bud light
Laughable Bud Light Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about bud light you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean beam light jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bud light pranks.
Four CEOs of beer companies are having a meeting and they decide to get a drink.
The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud light.
The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Lite.
The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light.
The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.
The three CEOS then ask him, why aren't you ordering a Guinness?
He replies: "If you guys aren't drinking beer than neither will I."
Woman beater
A woman goes to the doctor all black and blue. Doctor: "What happened?"
Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk on Bud Light he beats me up."
Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk on Bud Light, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth but don't s**.... Just keep swishing and swishing until he goes to bed in his Bud Light stupor."
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
Woman: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband came home drunk on Bud Light, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!"
Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"
BUD LIGHT AND SWEET TEA
A woman goes to the doctor all black and blue. Doctor: "What happened?" Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husbandcomes home drunk on Bud Light he beats me up." Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husbandcomes home drunk on Bud Light, just take a glass of sweet tea andstart swishing it in your mouth but don't s**.... Just keep swishingand swishing until he goes to bed in his Bud Light stupor." Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking freshand reborn. Woman: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea. Every time my husbandcame home drunk on Bud Light, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn'ttouch me!"
Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"
Chunks
A guy walks into a beer store, and asks the employee,
Guy: This is my first time buying beer, what do you recommend?
Employee: Bud Light is popular?
Guy: I'll take a 24 then. Same guy comes into the same beer store a week later and asks the same employee for a 24 of different beer.
Employee: Did you not like the Bud Light?
Guy: No, it made me blow chunks.
Employee: That happens to all of us if we drink to much.
Guy: You don't understand, Chunks is my dog.
A cowboy walks into a bar...
A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado . When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
Beer
This morning I was in luck and was able to buy two boxes of "Bud Light" cheap.
I placed the boxes on the front seat and headed back home. I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a short skirt was filling up her car at the next pump.
She glanced at the two boxes of beer, bent over and leaned in my passenger window, and said in a s**... voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, handsome. Would you be interested in trading s**... for beer?"
I thought for a few seconds and asked, "What kind of beer 'ya got?"
Three CEO's from different beer companies are sitting at a bar...
And the one from Bud light says, "Alright barkeep, give me a tall glass of bud light!"
And then the second one, from Miller light says, "ok barkeep, serve me a nice bottle of cold miller light!"
And then the CEO of Guinness says, well, "I suppose I'll have a glass of Coca-Cola."
The other two turn to him like he's crazy and say, "what, you aren't going to order Guinness?"
To which he replies, "well if you two aren't going to order beer, neither am I!"
The CEOs of Budweiser, Coors, Killian's, and Guinness walk into a bar....
...and the bartender takes orders. The CEO of Budweiser says "I'll take a Bud Light. It's crisp, refreshing, and doesn't hurt the budget!"
The bartender moves down the line. The CEO of Coors says "I'll take a Coors light. It's colder, even more refreshing, and won't give you a beer gut!"
The bartender moves down the line. The CEO of Killian's says "These guys are amateurs, give me a Killian's Irish Red. It's smooth, flavorful, and distinct!"
The bartender moves down the line. The CEO of Guinness says "I'll have a water."
The others give a confused look. The bartender says "but... why aren't you ordering a beer?"
He responds, "well, nobody else did."
At the international beer brewers conference, an American, German and Mexican meet at the bar after a tiring day of meetings.
The American loudly orders, making sure others around him can hear, "I will have the most favorite beer of my nation, thirst quenching, easy-drinking, transparent like the tear of an infant - BUD LIGHT!! The Mexican then yells, "And I will have the pride of all Mexico, oldest drink of civilized men, flavorful, shiny as amber, amazing CORONA!! Then, the German orders, "I will have a glass of coca-cola." He takes the drink and sips the cold fizzing beverage. Everyone is in shock. The American asks him, "Why didn't you order a Heineken?"
"Solidarity," answers the German. "You guys aren't drinking beer, so I'm not either."
A women goes to the doctor all black and blue...
Doctor: "What happened?"
Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk on Bud Light he beats me to a pulp."
Doctor: "I have a remedy for that. When your husband comes home drunk on Bud Light, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth but don't s**.... Just keep swishing and swishing until he goes to bed in his Bud Light stupor."
Two weeks later the women comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk on Bud Light, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished and he didn't touch me!"
Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"
**
A woman goes to her doctor complaining that every time her husband comes home from drinking he beats her......
The doctor says that next time he comes home, open a bud light, take a swig and keep it in her mouth as long as possible without swallowing. Wife says ok and heads home
Two days later she is back and tells the doctor that it work amazingly, her husband came home drunk, so she grabbed the bud light, took as swig and kept it in her mouth for nearly ten minutes, her husband didn't hit her once!
Doctor looks at her and says "amazing what happens when you keep your mouth shut"
Stay neglectful my friends
I adopted 3 kids recently and named them after my favorite beers; Bud Light, Miller Light, and Dos Equis. I work long days and am occasionally allowed to bring one child with me to the office. When faced with the decision of which child to take with me to work I always pick Dos Equis, because I don't always watch my kids but when I do I prefer Dos Equis.
A bunch of beer company CEOs are at a conference and they decide to go get a drink...
The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud Light, the CEO of Miller orders a Miller Light, the CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light, and the list goes on. The bartender makes his way to the CEO of Guiness and he orders a Coke.
His colleagues ask, "why don't you order a Guiness?"
And the Guiness CEO replies, "If you guys aren't going to drink beer, then neither will I."
4 famous beer owners walk into a bar.
The CEO for Budweiser orders a Bud Light. The CEO for Miller orders a Miller Light. The CEO for Coors orders a Coors Light. The CEO for Guinness orders a Coke. They all ask him why he didn't order a Guinness to which he replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer then neither am I."
"Real" Beer
The CEOs of AB InBev, Molson Coors and Guinness are at the bar.
The CEO of AB InBev orders a Bud Light.
The CEO of Molson Coors orders a Coors Light.
The CEO of Guinness orders a sparkling water.
The other two CEOs turn to the CEO of Guinness and ask him why he isn't ordering a Guinness to which he replies:
"If you two aren't drinking beer, then neither will I!"
A joke from a friend.
4 beer company owners walk into a bar. The owners of Bud, Miller, Coors, and Guiness.
The bartender asks for what they want.
The owner of Bud replies with Bud Light.
The owner of Coors replies with Coors light.
The owner of Miller replies with Miller light.
The owner of Guiness replies with water.
All the other owners stare at him and he says if you aren't drinking real beers neither am I.
Two families make a bet on who can be more american
Two families move from Pakistan to America. When they arrive the two fathers make a bet to see, in a years time, which family has become more Americanized.
A Year later they meet again. The first man says,"My son is playing baseball. I had breakfast at McDonalds and im on my way to pick up a case of Bud Light.
How about you?"
The second man replies, "Go back to your sand country, t**..."
4 beer company CEOs walk into a bar
The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud Light.
The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Light.
The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light.
The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.
The first three ask the CEO of Guinness why he didn't order a Guinness, to which he replied:
"I figured if you 3 weren't ordering beer it would be rude for me to."
President Joe Biden announced that he would give a free bottle of Bud Light to anyone who got a vaccine.
Not to be outdone, the next day, the President Obrador of Mexico announced that he would give a bottle of Corona to anyone who got a vaccine.
The day after, the President Higgins of Ireland announced that he'd be giving out free bottles of water.
Biden and Obrador were confused and gave the Irish President a Zoom call. "We kinda expected you to give out free Guiness, being from Ireland and all"
The Irish President replied: "Well, if you guys aren't giving out beer, then neither am I."
