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Bud Jokes

110 bud jokes and hilarious bud puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bud that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Bud Short Jokes

Short bud jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bud humour may include short gin jokes also.

  1. As I get older, I remember all of the people I lost along the way Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice
  2. What do you call a clever, socially awkward, bisexual hippie with fancy neckwear who streams Star-Trek? A shy, wry, bi guy in a fly tie and tie dye watching sci-fi on wifi.
    Credits: my bud
  3. Why did the flower go to the party on the first day of spring? It wanted to blossom and have a bud-dy good time!
  4. "How much would you say you read the Bible?" "Well, I don't read it religiously."
    Bud-dum tss, I hate myself.
  5. What do you call a dish that makes your taste buds explode? A bomb appetit...

    My friend forced me to tell the world about my dumb joke.
    God, I'm awful, sorry about that!
  6. Did you know that my alcoholic friend only weighs two pounds? Long story short, my bud light.
  7. I saw an entire display of beer fall over onto a small child
    at the grocery store today.
    Luckily the kid was okay. It was Bud Light.
  8. What do you call two life-long best friends that also happen to be food critics? Taste buds.
  9. I was worried that my maple tree died this winter, but its starting to grow new buds. What a re-leaf!
  10. Having a bad day? Just remember that in the movie Air Bud , some kid got kicked off his school basketball team... and replaced by a dog.

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Bud One Liners

Which bud one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bud? I can suggest the ones about daisy and petal.

  1. Bud light has always been trans... It's water that identifies as beer.
  2. This ones for the kids: What did the bee say to the flower? Hey bud!
  3. Does beer make you smarter? I dunno, but it certainly made Bud Wiser
  4. What do you call 2 chefs working together in the same kitchen? Taste Buds
  5. My dad is a magician. He can turn a Bud Light into domestic violence.
  6. My alcoholic friend says beer has made him a psychic He calls himself "Bud the Wiser"
  7. What did the bee say to the daffodil? Hey BUD, when do you open.
  8. Did you know drinking beer makes you smart? It made Bud wiser.
  9. What kind of friend should you always take to dinner with you? Your taste buds
  10. Why do college frat boys drink before bathing? Buds before suds, bro.
  11. If anything happens to me, everything I own goes to my dog He's my Heir Bud
  12. Boss said I can't come to office drunk I said Bud wei ser ?
  13. What do you call a friend who becomes wise after a couple of drinks? Bud-wiser
  14. What do you call a drunk astronaut? Bud-light-beer
  15. Why do flowers and beer get along so well? They're buds

Bud Light Jokes

Here is a list of funny bud light jokes and even better bud light puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Anheuser Busch is using a Georgia brewery to can water for flood victims in Oklahoma and Texas They're labeling very clearly so people don't confuse it with Bud Light
  • An astronomer is drinking Bud Light with another astronomer and asks How many of these do you think it'll take for me to get drunk? The other astronomer replies: Approximately 6.5 light beers
  • I heard Anheuser Busch is sending 9 truckloads of canned water to the areas affected by Hurricane Matthew. Who knew there was such a demand for Bud Light after a disaster?
  • My Halloween costume this year: I'm gonna get drunk and make a space suit out of Bud Light boxes. When people ask who I'm supposed to be, I'll respond, "I'm Buzzed Lightbeer!"
  • What does a drunk use to turn on women? Bud Lights!
  • Why did the Bud Light explode? Beer Pressure.
  • A Dalmatian walks into a bar and orders a pilsner Actually, maybe it was an Air Bud Light, I don't know, my memory is all spotty
  • Did you know beer makes you lose weight? It made Bud Light.
  • Why would two Bud Lights wash up on shore together? They're best buds.
  • What's a Jews favorite beer? Bud Light L'Chaim (Pronounced like Lime, guys)

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about bud can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of bud puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Great Bud Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends

What funny jokes about bud you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean quart jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make bud prank.

Four CEOs of beer companies are having a meeting and they decide to get a drink.

The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud light.
The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Lite.
The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light.
The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.
The three CEOS then ask him, why aren't you ordering a Guinness?
He replies: "If you guys aren't drinking beer than neither will I."

4 beer company CEOs walk into a bar

The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud Light.
The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Light.
The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light.
The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.
The first three ask the CEO of Guinness why he didn't order a Guinness, to which he replied:
"I figured if you 3 weren't ordering beer it would be rude for me to."

President Joe Biden announced that he would give a free bottle of Bud Light to anyone who got a vaccine.

Not to be outdone, the next day, the President Obrador of Mexico announced that he would give a bottle of Corona to anyone who got a vaccine.
The day after, the President Higgins of Ireland announced that he'd be giving out free bottles of water.
Biden and Obrador were confused and gave the Irish President a Zoom call. "We kinda expected you to give out free Guiness, being from Ireland and all"
The Irish President replied: "Well, if you guys aren't giving out beer, then neither am I."

If your u**... looks like beer, you are likely dehydrated.

But if it looks like bud light, you're good.

Arthur Guinness

The leaders of the big beer companies meet for a drink. The president of Budweiser orders a bud, the Ceo of Miller gets a Miller, the head of coors orders a coors, and so on. Until it's Arthur Guinness's turn, he orders a soda. "Why didn't you order a Guinness?" everyone asks. "Nah" Guinness replies. If you guys aren't having a beer,then neither will I.

Two families make a bet on who can be more american

Two families move from Pakistan to America. When they arrive the two fathers make a bet to see, in a years time, which family has become more Americanized.
A Year later they meet again. The first man says,"My son is playing baseball. I had breakfast at McDonalds and im on my way to pick up a case of Bud Light.
How about you?"
The second man replies, "Go back to your sand country, t**..."

A bunch of beer company CEOs are at a conference and they decide to go get a drink...

The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud Light, the CEO of Miller orders a Miller Light, the CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light, and the list goes on. The bartender makes his way to the CEO of Guiness and he orders a Coke.
His colleagues ask, "why don't you order a Guiness?"
And the Guiness CEO replies, "If you guys aren't going to drink beer, then neither will I."

BUD LIGHT AND SWEET TEA

A woman goes to the doctor all black and blue. Doctor: "What happened?" Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husbandcomes home drunk on Bud Light he beats me up." Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husbandcomes home drunk on Bud Light, just take a glass of sweet tea andstart swishing it in your mouth but don't s**.... Just keep swishingand swishing until he goes to bed in his Bud Light stupor." Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking freshand reborn. Woman: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea. Every time my husbandcame home drunk on Bud Light, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn'ttouch me!"
Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"

An Irishman's First Drink With His Son

I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons, and memories came flooding back to the time I took my son out for his first drink.
Off we went to our local bar, which is only two blocks from the house.
I got him a Guinness Stout. He didn't like it - so I drank it.
Then I got him an Old Style. He didn't like it either, so I drank it.
It was the same with the Coors and the Bud.
By the time we got down to the Irish whiskey . . .
I could hardly push his stroller back home.

A woman goes to her doctor complaining that every time her husband comes home from drinking he beats her......

The doctor says that next time he comes home, open a bud light, take a swig and keep it in her mouth as long as possible without swallowing. Wife says ok and heads home
Two days later she is back and tells the doctor that it work amazingly, her husband came home drunk, so she grabbed the bud light, took as swig and kept it in her mouth for nearly ten minutes, her husband didn't hit her once!
Doctor looks at her and says "amazing what happens when you keep your mouth shut"

My first drink with my son

I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons, and memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first drink.
Off we went to our local bar, which is only two blocks from the house.
I got him a Miller Genuine. He didn't like it – so I drank it.
Then I got him a Fosters, he didn't like it either, so I drank it.
It was the same with the Coors and the Bud.
By the time we got down to the Irish whiskey,
I could hardly push the stroller back home.

Beer

This morning I was in luck and was able to buy two boxes of "Bud Light" cheap.
I placed the boxes on the front seat and headed back home. I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a short skirt was filling up her car at the next pump.
She glanced at the two boxes of beer, bent over and leaned in my passenger window, and said in a s**... voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, handsome. Would you be interested in trading s**... for beer?"
I thought for a few seconds and asked, "What kind of beer 'ya got?"

A Jets fan walks into a bar with his dog.

The bartender says, "Hey bud, no pets allowed in here."
The man says, "But wait! This is a special dog, you have to turn on the game to see. When the Jets score, my dog does flips!"
Sure enough, when the bartender turns on the game, the Jets make a few field goals and the dog starts flipping and jumping after each kick.
"Wow," said the bartender, amazed, "that's great! What does he do when they score a touchdown?"
"I don't know, I've only had him for two years."

Buddy's been driving all night, sees a roadside bar and stops for a much-needed cold beer.

Bouncer says "sorry bud, gotta have a tie to get in".
Buddy goes to his car, roots thru the trunk and can't find a tie. Grabs his jumper cables and wraps them around his neck.
Bouncer says "cool man, come on in...just don't start anything".
....I'll see myself out now.

I lost my sense of taste and think I have COVID!!!!

Oh s**.... It's just Bud Light, I'm ok.

A man walks into a bar...

And asks the bartender "Get me a drink. I'll take anything but Bud Lite."
Bartender asks "What do you have against Bud Lite?"
"Well last time I drank that stuff I killed 21 bottles, went home and blew chunks." He answered
"You must be s**...! Drinking 21 of anything will make you blow chunks." Replied the bartender
"I think you misunderstood." Says the man "Chunks is my dog!"

Four beer execs

Four leaders of the big beer companies meet for a drink. The president of Budweiser orders a Bud. Miller's president orders a Miller and the president of Coors orders a Coors. When it is Guinness turn to order he orders a soda.
Why didn't you order a Guinness everyone asks? Nah Guinness replies. If you guys aren't having a beer neither will I

4 famous beer owners walk into a bar.

The CEO for Budweiser orders a Bud Light. The CEO for Miller orders a Miller Light. The CEO for Coors orders a Coors Light. The CEO for Guinness orders a Coke. They all ask him why he didn't order a Guinness to which he replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer then neither am I."

A rope walked into a bar

The rope asked the bartender: "can I get a
Bud Lite?"
The bartender responded: "Sir, we don't serve ropes"
The rope went into the bathroom with a knife and frayed himself, then went back to the bar
The rope asked again: "Can I get a Bud Lite?"
The bartender responded: "weren't you that guy who was here earlier?"
The rope responded: "I'm afrayed not sir"

I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons and memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first pint.

Got him a Bud...... he didn't like it - I had it.
Then I got him Carlsberg, he didn't like it so I had it.
It was the same with Guinness and Cider.
By the time we got down to the whiskey I could hardly push the b**... pram.

A man walks into a bar

He promptly orders 12 shots and starts to drink them as fast as he can "geez bud why are you drinking so fast?" Asked the bartender "if you had what I had you'd be drinking fast too" the man replied "well what do you have?" asked the bartender the man finished his last drink before saying " 75 cents"

The World's Second Oldest Golf Joke

Pete and his buddy go golfing every Saturday. Pete leaves the house about 10 and gets home about four in the afternoon.
One Saturday, he leaves at 10 but doesn't get home until 9 that night.
His wife asks, "Why so late?"
Pete says, "Bud had a heart attack on the second green."
His wife replies, "So, you been at the hospital with him all this time."
Pete answers, "No. No. After the heart attack all I could do was hit the ball and drag Bud, hit the ball and drag Bud"

My 4 year old nieces jokes:

Why did the lobster flush?
Because the sea w**....
Why did the tomato blush?
Because he saw the salad dressing.
What did the little flower say to the big flower?
Hi ya bud.
Knock knock.
Whose there?
Ice cream .
Ice cream who?
Ice cream so you can hear me!

A blonde was walking down the street with headphones in

A friend of hers stops her, and tries to talk to her
The blonde just stares at them, keeping the headphones in her ears, so the friend removes them for her and the blonde stops breathing
The friend quickly puts the earbuds back in and she starts breathing again
The friend tries it again, and the blonde stops breathing
The friend takes out only one ear bud, and sticks it in their ear and hears,
Breathe in, breathe out, breath in...

A bear goes into a bar

walks up to the counter and blops down, doesn't say a word and after a while the bartender asks "what'll it be bud?"
The bear looks up from the counter and yes, "I think ill have..." and after 10 seconds goes, "a gin and tonic"
bartender nods and says, " well alright, but whats up with the pause."
Bear looks down and says, "what these? had em for years"

An American, An Englishman, and A Bavarian walk into a bar

The American orders a bud, the Englishman a pint of ale.
The Bavarian orders a coke and says to the others:
"If you won't drink beer, I won't either."

The CEOS of Budweiser, Miller, Heineken and Guinness sit down for a meal...

The waitress comes by for a drink order, and each orders their own.
Budweiser CEO: I'll have a Bud
Miller: MGD for me
Heineken: I'll have a Heineken
Guinness: Iced tea
Everyone stares.
Guinness replies: what? If you aren't drinking beer, neither am I!

"Real" Beer

The CEOs of AB InBev, Molson Coors and Guinness are at the bar.
The CEO of AB InBev orders a Bud Light.
The CEO of Molson Coors orders a Coors Light.
The CEO of Guinness orders a sparkling water.
The other two CEOs turn to the CEO of Guinness and ask him why he isn't ordering a Guinness to which he replies:
"If you two aren't drinking beer, then neither will I!"

They say that Bud Light is like s**... in a canoe

If you offer it to a girl in a bar, she's likely to be disgusted.

Canadian #1: What can I get for ya there bud?

Canadian #2: Oh I'd like this fancy car please.
Canadian #1: Well how about that, would you like the stock model or can I interest you in some upgrades?
Canadian #2: I'd like all the bells & whistles and upgrades ya got please.
Canadian#1: Well you must be quite wealthy then because that's gonna you an arm & a leg
Canadian #2: Can I pay in two knees?

A man, frantic rushes up to the bar

Gimme twelve shots quick!! He says. The bartender starts pouring them out as the man starts slamming them. After the last shot the bartender says "d**...! You sure drank those fast!! The man says "buddy, you'd drink fast too, if you had what I got!" "Jeeze, what do you have bud?" The bartender says. The man says "about 75 cents".

A r**... was walking down the road carrying a bag...

His friend happened to pass by and asked, "Hey, bud, what's in the bag?"
"Chickens," he answered.
"Say, if I can guess how many chickens you got in there, will you give me one?"
"Heck, if you can guess how many, I'll give ya both of 'em!"

A joke from a friend.

4 beer company owners walk into a bar. The owners of Bud, Miller, Coors, and Guiness.
The bartender asks for what they want.
The owner of Bud replies with Bud Light.
The owner of Coors replies with Coors light.
The owner of Miller replies with Miller light.
The owner of Guiness replies with water.
All the other owners stare at him and he says if you aren't drinking real beers neither am I.

Stay neglectful my friends

I adopted 3 kids recently and named them after my favorite beers; Bud Light, Miller Light, and Dos Equis. I work long days and am occasionally allowed to bring one child with me to the office. When faced with the decision of which child to take with me to work I always pick Dos Equis, because I don't always watch my kids but when I do I prefer Dos Equis.

A guy walks into a liquor store and ask for a case of Heineken.

The gal behind the counter replies, "Sorry. We're out of Heineken."
The guy shrugs his shoulders and says, "Fine. Make it Rolling Rock."
The woman replies, "Sorry, but the only cold beer we have in stock is Budweiser."
The man says, "Nope. No way. Last time I drank a case of Bud, I ended up getting sick and blowing chunks."
The cashier replies, "You drink a case of any beer you're gonna get sick!"
The man retorts, "No, you don't understand. My dog's name is Chunks."

Unfortunately, Verne Troyer passed away at 49, which is pretty young.

But let's be honest, he pretty much always had a short life
Edit; we loved ya, rest in peace bud

New movie coming out about a golden retriever who helps a deaf boy.

It's called "Ear Bud."

3 Women In A Bar

A redhead asks the bartender for a ML:
Bartender - "what's a ML?"
redhead - " Miller Lite - DUH!"
The Brunette asks for a BL:
Bartender - "what's a BL?"
brunette - "Bud Lite - DUH!"
The Blonde asks for a "15"
Bartender - "what's a "15"?"
Blond - " Seven and seven - DUH!"

Chunks

A guy walks into a beer store, and asks the employee,
Guy: This is my first time buying beer, what do you recommend?
Employee: Bud Light is popular?
Guy: I'll take a 24 then. Same guy comes into the same beer store a week later and asks the same employee for a 24 of different beer.
Employee: Did you not like the Bud Light?
Guy: No, it made me blow chunks.
Employee: That happens to all of us if we drink to much.
Guy: You don't understand, Chunks is my dog.

A doctor tells a man..

"Alright bud. I got good news and bad news for you." The man asks "what's the good news?"
The doc tells him"you have 24 hours to live." "And the bad news?" He asks. The doctor hesitates. Then replies "I meant to tell you yesterday"

What's the difference between a r**... and a s**...?

One bud lights and the other lights bud.

I'm trying to remember that movie where the golden retriever becomes an audio technician...

Was it... Ear Bud?

I heard beer can really help your friends with decision making.

It's true. Beer makes a bud wiser.

Hurricane Bud is expected to pass over Mexico and cross the border into the United States.

By the time it reaches us, it'll be Bud Lite.

Beer makes you smarter

It sure did make Bud wiser.

The dog from Air Bud is in a new movie helping deaf kids play sports.

It's called Ear Bud.

While gardening, I accidently unearthed a tulip bulb.

"Whoops." I said "Sorry bud."

A man walks into a bar after a bad car accident.

The man had been in a bad car accident and decided to have a couple of shots before going to the hospital.
The bartender points out to the man, Hey bud, there is a steering wheel in your leg. Gonna do something about it?
The man replies, Yeah. It's driving me nuts

Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies...

who worked as airplane mechanics in Atlanta. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.
Bud says, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!" Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?" So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane h**... and get completely smashed.
The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing! Then the phone rings... It's Jim.
Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"
Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"
Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"
Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often."
"Yeah, well there's just one thing..."
"What's that?"
"Have you f**... yet?" "No....."
"Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in PHOENIX!!!"

Did you hear about the e-guy who couldn't make any friends?

They all told him "I'm not your bud, e-guy"

A man walks into a bar and orders helicopter fries.

The barman replies "Sorry bud, we only do plain"

Bud asks his dad: Why do my 3 brothers have family names while my name is Bud ?

Dad replies: Cause son, the first time I saw you, I told your mom: He's gonna be Big, Ugly, & Dumb!

What's a flowers favorite way to do it?

Bud s**....

Why is it smarter so smoke herb than drink brew?

'Cuz bud wiser.

What seperates black people and white people?

The bars.
Shoutout to my bud Treyvon for this joke from almost 7 years ago.

How do landscapers keep their seams from ripping?

Well let me tell you; They don't beat around the bush! They n**... it in the bud and use Hem-Lock!

Hey, bud. Who's Charles Foster Kane's favourite character in Titanic, bud?

It's Rose, bud.

Did you know beer makes you smarter.

As it made Bud Wieser.

What do you call a bear with no teath?

a gummy bear! bud dum tsst

People always ask me why I prefer the taste of Bud Lite Lime.

because i'm an alcoholic

I call my best bud Mushroom

Because he's a fun guy

Why do seaweeds bud?

Because they are algae

A man walks into a bar and asks for a surprise. The bartender pulls out some ice and a roll of tape.

The man asks: what are you making?
The bartender replies: Scotch on the rocks, bud

Flowertalk

What did the bigger flower say to the baby flower?
"Hi bud"

jokes about bud

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these bud jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.