The Best 95 Bucks Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Bucks jokes. There are some bucks elks jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these bucks buck teeth puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Bucks Jokes and Puns

Two deer walk out of a gay bar

One turns and says to the other, "I can't believe I just blew thirty bucks in there."

I saw a homeless guy on the streets and I had 50 bucks on me...

I thought, This'll be wasted on drugs and booze. So I just gave it to the homeless guy.

A gay deer goes into a bar.....

A gay deer goes into a bar, hangs out for a couple of hours, blows 42 bucks.

Bucks joke, A gay deer goes into a bar.....

Hooker

Bubba was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the shadows.

"Twenty dollars", she whispers.

Bubba had never been with a hooker before, but decides what the heck, it's only twenty bucks, so they hide in the bushes.

They're in there for only a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It's a police officer. "What's going on here, people?", asks the officer.

"I'm making love to my wife!", Bubba answers sounding annoyed.

"Oh, I'm sorry", says the cop, "I didn't know."

Bubba says, "Well, neither did I, till ya shined that light in her face."

What did the gay deer say after leaving the club?

I can't believe I blew ten bucks in there.


What do you get when you have 50 female pigs and 50 male deer?

One hundred sowsand bucks

So the other day I got pulled over by a policeman with Alzheimer's…

He made me roll the window down and says, "Do I know why I pulled you over?"

Me: "Uhhh, you owe me 20 bucks?"

He pulled me over three more times, and I made $80 that day.

Bucks joke, So the other day I got pulled over by a policeman with Alzheimer's…

"Mr. Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully,"

...and I've decided to give your wife $275 a week," said the divorce court judge.

"That's very fair, your honor," the husband replied, "and every now and then I'll try and send her a few bucks myself."

Two out-of-work Mexicans knock on a rich guy's door - looking for odd jobs

The rich guy feels for them, so he says, "I'll give you 100 bucks to go out back and paint my porch."

The Mexicans can't believe their luck - and agree. The rich guy gives them a few gallons of paint and some brushes.

About an hour later, they knock on the door. The guy answers, and the Mexicans tell him they are done. He says, "I can't believe you're done so fast. That should have taken at least 5 hours."

One of the Mexicans says, "We are done, Senor. But I have to tell you - that wasn't no porch. That was a Mercedes."

Jar Full of $10 Bills

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of $10 bills on the bar. He goes to the barkeep and says "Hey, what's up with that jar?"
The bartender responds "Well, you put in 10 bucks, do 3 challenges, and if you do them you get the whole jar."
The man says "Wow that's pretty cool, what are the challenges?"
The barkeep lists "Well, first ya gotta drink a whole bottle of hot sauce, and no nursing. Second, there's a dog out back who has a sore tooth and he's real grouchy, and you gotta take out the bad tooth bare handed. Last, there's this old lady upstairs who's never done the hokey pokey, if ya know what I mean, and you gotta fix that."
The man replies in disgust "I can't do any of those!" So the man gets drunk. Being drunk, he decides he can do anything and says "Hand me the bottle of hot sauce." So the bartender hands the man the bottle and the man drinks the whole, straight down. He then goes outside to deal with the dog. As the door shuts you hear yelping and screaming and hollering and growling and then.... dead silence... The door creaks open and the man walks in. He's all covered in blood, his shirts torn, he's missing hair... and in a drunken slur he asks "Where's the old lady with the tooth problem?"

Meet your newest employee. My salary shall be 5000 bucks.

(TKZS = a state-run commie collective farm.)

A man walks in the TKZS' boss office and says: "Meet your newest employee. My salary shall be 5000 bucks."

The boss laughs straight at his face: "Comrade, the average salary here is 150 bucks. I don't make 500. Why would I pay you 5000?"

β€žCuz I can talk to animals. Don't believe me? Let's walk around the farm.

They reach the cow, she says "Moo!" and boss asks cockily "What'd she say?"

β€žShe said she gives 30 litres of milk daily. She also says you and the mayor split 10 litres between you and book only 20. The boss looks a bit worried now and says β€žCome with me, I wanna show you the pigsty. They get there, the sow says β€žOink! and boss waits for our guy's answer.

β€žPiggy says she gave birth to 6 piglets, but you and the mayor got one each, and booked only 4.
TKZS boss sizes up our guy and then says β€žWelcome aboard, let's go sign the papers.
They make their way to the office building and while they pass the goat, the goat goes β€žMeeh!

Boss says β€žDon't listen to her. Me and the mayor were a bit drunk.

You can explore bucks pennies reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean bucks pennsylvania dad jokes. There are also bucks puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What did the Doe say when she walked out of the bushes?

I'll never do that for two bucks again.

So a deer walks into a gay bar...

Two hours and several drinks later, he walks out and says to himself, "Wow. I can't believe I blew fifty bucks back there..."

A doe walks out of the woods....

A doe walks out of the woods, shakes herself off and says, "Well. I'll never do THAT for two bucks again.".

What did the doe say when she came out of the woods?

I'm never doing that for two bucks again!

Two deer walk out of a gay bar.

One looks to another and says,."I must've blown 20 bucks in there."

Bucks joke, Two deer walk out of a gay bar.

two deer are leaving a gay bar

one turns to the other and says "I cant believe I blew 40 bucks in there"

Pinocchio is walking down the street...

...and he runs into a wizard, who says, "Hey, Pinocchio, give me five bucks and I'll turn you into a real boy."

"What's the catch?" Pinocchio asks suspiciously.

"No catch," the wizard replies, "Just give me five bucks and I'll turn you into a real boy, no strings attached."

A man walks into a bar...

... Approaches the bartender and asks for ten shots of his finest Scotch. The bartender pours the shots and the man drinks them, one after the other, in under ten seconds.

The bartender says "My god, I've never seen anyone take so many shots so fast!"

To which the man replies "Bartender, if you had what I have you'd drink fast too."

"What do you have?" asks the bartender.

"Four bucks."


2 deer walk out of a bar

1st deer: Man that was crazy in there
2nd: ya I can't believe I just blew 40 bucks!

So this redneck in New York is getting mugged...

and he fights like a wildcat, but eventually the three toughs overcome him. Two hold him down while the third grabs his wallet and opens it.
"Ten dollars??!!? You fought like a madman for *15 minutes* for a lousy ten bucks?"
"Oh no!" replied the redneck. "I thought you were going after the $500 in my shoe!"

A deer walks out of a gay bar...

"Wow. I can't believe I just blew sixty bucks!"

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class:



"What do you want to be when you grow up?"





Little Kevin says: "I wanna start out as a Marine Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest hooker, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."



The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Kevin, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson . .. . ..



And how about you, Sarah?"



"I wanna be KevinΒΉs hooker."

A husband and wife are arguing...

"What would you do if I won the lottery?" he demands.

"I'd take half the money and be gone so fast you'd be dizzy," she replies.

"My scratch ticket won ten bucks. Here's five. Let me get the door."

A blonde woman waves a cab

She asks the cab driver
"How much do you charge to drive me to the nearest airport?"

The cab driver answers
"Around 20 bucks"

The woman then says "I'm carrying luggage, do these get charged?"

Driver: "No, i don't charge for luggage"

The woman smiles, leaves her luggage in the cab and then says
"see you at the airport then, ill take the bus"

"You look like a million bucks",

said Bill Gates disappointedly to his wife.

So i met a hooker today who said she would do anything for five bucks

Guess who got their homework done!

What does a hooker get from Santa?

50 bucks

What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?

Last night I didn't pay 20 bucks to have a garbanzo bean on my face.

A naive young priest is sent to New York City...

... and while waking through the park is approached by a scantily-clad prostitute.

"Hey father, how about some head, only ten bucks!"

He doesn't understand but is so embarrassed he just mumbles "no thank you" and hurries Back to the church.

Thinking about the encounter later he asks one of the nuns, "hey sister what's 'head'?

"Ten bucks same as in the park."

"I bet you 20 bucks I can bite my eye."

An old man is sitting quietly at a bar drinking whisky. After an hour of steady drinking, he leans over and says to the young man next to him, "I bet you 20 bucks I can bite my eye."
Obviously this is impossible, and seeing an opportunity to take an easy 20 off a drunk, the young man says, "Okay. You're on."
The old man, whips his artificial eye out and bites it.
The young man sighs at being so easily fooled and hands over $20.
The old man finishes another drink and then leans over again and say, "I bet you 100 bucks I can bite the other eye."
Now the young man knows the man can see him and doesn't have two artificial eyes. So again he says. "You're on."
The old man then whips off his dentures and bites the other eye.

Two deer are leaving a gay bar...

and one say to the other in disappointment "man, I can't believe I blew 20 bucks in there"

What did one deer say to the other after leaving the bar?

I can't believe you just blew 50 bucks in there

A man is walking home late at night when he hears a woman's voice….

...from the shadow call out, Twenty bucks?

The man takes the mystery woman up on the offer. They've been going at it for a few minutes when a police officer points his flashlight at them and demands to know what's going on.

Do you mind? I'm making love to my wife, replies the man.

Sorry, says the cop, I didn't know.

The man replies, Neither did I, until you turned on the flashlight.

I asked a road-kill removal specialist if he would donate to my charity.

He said he might be able to scrape together a few bucks.

A gay deer walks into a bar

After a long night he comes stumbling out and says, "I can't believe I just blew 50 bucks in there"

What do Rudolph and your mom have in common?

They'll both let fat men with eight bucks ride behind them.

Johny the Fighter Pilot

A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you
grow up?"

Little Johnny says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest Prostitute, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while bang her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."

The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Johnny, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson. "And how about you, Sarah?"

"I wanna be Johnny's Prostitute."

If I got a dime every time I exaggerated...

I'd have a jillion, gazillion bucks!

A boy asks his dad the difference between theory and reality..

Dad: "Go ask your sister and your mom if they'd sleep with the neighbor for a million bucks".

The boy returns awhile later...

Dad: "Well, what'd they say?"

Son: "They said that they would, but I still don't understand the difference between theory and reality".

Dad: "Son, in theory we could be millionaires but in reality we live with a couple of whores".

If I had 1,000,000 dollars, I would pay to have sex with your mom.

And then I would invest the other 999,995 bucks.

What does a sick billionaire say?

"I feel like a million bucks"

Four Chinese brothers....

...named Chu, Bu, Hu, and Fu decided to go to the United States of America. They had to Americanize their names in order to get a Visa... so Chu became CHUCK, Bu became BUCKS, HU became HUCK, and FU decided to remain in China...

"I feel like 790,000 bucks!!"

Said a woman feeling like a million bucks.

A Jewish kid goes to his dad and says, "Dad, I need to borrow fifty bucks".

The dad says, "Forty bucks? I don't have thirty bucks, what do you need twenty bucks for?"

Two deer walk out of a gay bar

As they are leaving one says to the other, "I can't believe you blew forty bucks in there!"

A man went to visit his doctor because his arm is hurting.

"Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?" the man pleads.

The doctor rolls up the man's sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk.

"Hello, Doctor," says the arm. "Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I'm desperate!"

"Aha!'' says the doctor. ''I see the problem. Your arm is broke!"

What do you call 50 female pigs and 50 male deer?

A hundred sows and bucks.

Did you hear about the prolific male deer molester?

He felt like a million bucks.

Bill Gates wakes up one morning, hungover, after a late night soirΓ©e at the foundation.

Melinda looks at him and says, "Wow, Bill, you don't look so good."

Bill replies, "Yeah I know, I feel like a million bucks..."

A guy walks into the bar and looks the bartender in the eye and says "I need 10 shots"

The bartender lays them out and the man takes all 10 shots back to back.

In shock the bartender says, "I've never seen anyone drink like that before."

The man replies, "You'd drink like that too if you had what I had."

Sounding concerned, the bartender asks "Oh I'm sorry to hear that, what do you have?"

Man quickly says "2 bucks" and ran out of the bar.

Boy: I'll pay you 10 bucks to climb up the flagpole.

Girl: ok.(climbs the flagpole) Girl: Mommy Mommy a boy paid me 10 bucks to climb the flagpole. Mom: He just wanted to see your underwear! ...Next Day... (Same boy): I'll pay you 20 BUCKS to climb the flagpole! Girl: OK thanks! (climbs the flagpole) Girl: Mommy Mommy today the boy paid me 20 BUCKS for climbing the flagpole, but today I tricked him this time I wasn't wearing underwear.

A young man goes up to his father and asks him, "Can i have twenty bucks for a blow job?"

Father replies, " i don't know, are you any good?"

A deer walks into a gay bar

He comes out wasted, saying "I can't believe I blew fifty bucks back there!"

A hunter went out on a hunting trip. He took his sons cigarettes by mistake.

He had an excellent day. He shot 2 bucks, a boar, a black bear, and a unicorn.

What type of currency they use in outer space?

Star Bucks

What did the gay deer say when he left the bar?

I can't believe I blew fifty bucks in there.

10-inch BIC

Two guys are out fishing on a boat when one of them wants to have a smoke.

1: You got a lighter?

2: Yes. *pulls out a 10 inch long BIC lighter*

1: Woah, where'd you get that!?

2: I have a personal genie.

1: Cool! Can I make a wish?

2: Sure, just be very clear, he's a bit hard of hearing. *Summons genie*

1: I wish for a million bucks!

*The genie snaps his fingers and a million ducks fly overhead.*

1: Wow, your genie really sucks at hearing.

2: I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC?

A priest was confronted by a prostitute.

"Do want a quickie for ten bucks?"

Not knowing what it was, he said no. When he got back to the monastery, his curiosity got the better of him. So he asked a nun, "what's a quickie?"

The nun replied "Ten bucks same as in town."

Two deer walk out of a gay bar.

The one deer turns to his friend and says "Man, I blew like 30 bucks in there."

This past week I made a couple bucks selling fake eclipse glasses

I'm not to worried though, those suckers will never see me again.

A beggar asks a man for 5 bucks.

Man: "What do you need 5 bucks for?". Beggar: "I need it to buy drugs". Man: "Oh yeah? And how do i know you won't spend it on food?"

Boy: I'll pay you 10 bucks to climb up the flagpole.

Boy: I'll pay you 10 bucks to climb up the flagpole.
Girl: ok.(climbs the flagpole)
Girl: Mommy Mommy a boy paid me 10 bucks to climb the flagpole. Mom: He just wanted to see your underwear!
...Next Day...
(Same boy): I'll pay you 20 BUCKS to climb the flagpole!
Girl: OK thanks! (climbs the flagpole)
Girl: Mommy Mommy today the boy paid me 20 BUCKS for climbing the flagpole, but today I tricked him this time I wasn't wearing underwear.
Mom:...

What did the gay deer say leaving the nightclub?

I can't believe I just blew 50 bucks!

How much does it cost to run Santa's sleigh every Christmas?

Eight bucks

Nine bucks if the weather is bad.

What does it cost to get Santa's sleigh around the world?

8 or 9 bucks

A gay deer walks out of a bar and says,

"Man I can't believe I blew 50 bucks in there!"

What do female reindeer do for fun?

Go into town and blow a couple hundred bucks.

A woman was arrested for bringing her own popcorn, candy, and soda to the movie theater.

She was fined and had to pay court fees, but the good news is she still came out a few bucks ahead from if she would have bought the popcorn at the theater.

Two deer walk out of a gay bar

One looks at the other and says, man, I blew like, twenty bucks in there!

Last week I took my grandma to the spa

For 20 bucks they have this tiny fish that eat off your dead cells. It was way cheaper than funeral

A Guy walks in an Irish Pub

I guy on vacation in Ireland walks into a pub and says
"I hear you Irish can drink, I'll give a thousand bucks
to the guy who can drink 10 pints of Guinness in under 5 minutes"
Everyone is quiet but one of the Irishmen gets up and leaves.
In a few minutes the Irishmen walks back in and says
"Line me up 10 pints of Guinness" and he drinks them in 4 minutes flat.
As the guy is paying him the $1000 he asks the Irishmen
"If ya dont mind me askin, when you left earlier, where'd ya go"
The Irishmen says "I had to go to the pub next door
cuz I wanted to make sure I could do it"

A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder....

The man says to the bartender, "I bet you $100 bucks my parrot can recite the Gettysburg Address!" The parrot squawks a bit and flaps its wings. Furious, the man pays the bartender and returns home.

When they get home the man berates the parrot for failing to perform and the parrot responds, "You fool! Just think of the odds we can get next time!"

A dear walked into a gay bar

A dear walked into a gay bar, blew 10 bucks, and left.

Guys, I need a favor.

I want you to recommend me a present with a cost of 200 bucks to give to my girlfriend.

I also want you to find me a girlfriend to give her the present.

Last thing..

I need 200 bucks.

A man is walking home late at night.

When he sees a woman in the shadows.

Twenty bucks, she says.

He's never been with a prostitute before, but he decides what the hell.

They are going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on themβ€” it's a policeman.

What's going on here, people? asks the officer.

I'm making love to my wife, the man answers indignantly.

Oh, I'm sorry, says the cop, I didn't know.

Well, said the man, to tell the truth neither did I until you flashed that light on her face.

A man asked his wife what she would do if he won the lottery

I would take my half and leave you , his wife said.

The man pondered for a minute before reaching into his pocket. He then handed his wife a $5 bill. She gave her husband a confused look and he said, I won 10 bucks on a scratch off today. See you around.

Three rich guys bury a friend

First throws a thousand bucks into the coffin, saying "I want you to never need anything in the next life".

Second one, richer than the first, throws 5000 behind it.

All look to the third who is even richer than the other two. He writes a check over 100 grand, throws it in the coffin and remarks "Cash it if you need any".

Three rich guys bury a friend.

First guy throws a $1000 bucks into the coffin, saying "I want you to never need anything in the next life".
Second one, richer than the first, throws $5000 behind it.
All of them look to the third who is even richer than the other two. He writes a check for over 100 grand, throws it in the coffin and remarks "Cash it if you need anything".

A man is sitting in a train

and watches the guy on the other side of the aisle take an apple out of his pocket, cutting it open, picking out the seeds and chewing them.

Why are you chewing the seeds?
They make me smarter
Really? Could I have some?
Sure, dollar a piece

The man agrees and gets three apple seeds for three bucks. He chews them for a while, then says Wait a minute, for three bucks I could've bought two pounds of apples!

See, it's already working

Two deer walked out of a gay bar

One exclaims to the other

"Man, I can't believe I just blew thirty bucks!"

Two deer walk out of a gay bar.

One says to the other, I can't believe I blew 20 bucks in there!

Five Hundred Bucks

A trucker who has been on the road for three weeks stops into a brothel outside Vegas. He walks straight up to the madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich!" The madam is astonished. "But, sir, for that kind of money, you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal."

The trucker replies, "Listen sweetheart, I ain't horny, I'm homesick."

Woman stopped me at the station and said for twenty bucks she'd do things my wife would never dream of ...

I gave her twenty bucks and she ironed three shirts.

A man walks into a bar

And pulls out a small piano, a small chair, and a small man. Theman walks over to the piano and starts playing it.

Everyone in the bar is amazed. They ask the man how he did it.

There's a genie outside granting wishes, says the man.

Upon hearing this, one of the bar patrons runs out of the bar and asks the genie, Are you granting wishes?

The genie says yes, so the man asks, give me a million bucks! And bam! A million ducks appear.

The guy goes back into the bar and says, hey! That genie is deaf!

The other guys replies, yeah, I know. Do you think i'd ask for a 12-inch pianist?

A man walks into a bar.

He sees his friend there, holding a ten inch bic lighter. So naturally, he asks his friend - Where did you get that bic?

The friend replies - I got it from my genie.

You have a genie?

Yes - says the friend, and puts him on the counter.

Can I make a wish?

Yes.

I wish for a hundred bucks.

After some time, the sound of quacking is heard and a hundred ducks enter the bar.

Confused, the man turns to his friend, asking- What is this? I asked for a hundred bucks, not a hundred ducks.

Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, he is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked for a ten inch bic?

How does Jeff Bezos tell his doctor that his Covid symptoms are horrible?

Doc, I feel like a million bucks.

I traded some deers in exchange of a car.

This car costed me a couple of bucks.

Sophie asks a taxi driver:

"How much does it cost to take me to the airport?"

\- 250 bucks

"What if we take my husband too?"

\- Same 250 bucks.

Sophie turns to her Husband:

"Haven't I told you, you are actually worthless."

How much does it cost for a deer threesome? Two bucks.

That's not a lot of doe..

A Man Rushes Into A Bar And Says

Quick! Give me a pint of lager, and then a whisky, then another pint and another whisky, then a pint and a whisky, a pint and a whisky, a pint and a whisky, another pint, another whisky, and finally a pint and a whisky

As fast as the bartender is pouring the drinks, the man is knocking them back, one after the other.

The bartender says You okay mate? What's brought this on?

The man replies Man, I should *NOT* be drinking all this with what I've got…

My god replies the bartender, what have you got??

Man replies About five bucks..

Funny husband in court

A divorce court judge said to the husband, I have reviewed this case very carefully, and I've decided to give your wife $800 a week.

That's very fair, your honor, he replied. And every now and then, I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.

Today I donated my watch, phone and 90 bucks to a poor guy. You don't know the happiness I felt ....

... as I saw him put his knife back in pocket.

I know a man who is so good at taxidermy, the level of detail is incredible and he really brings the animal to life, especially deer...

That's why he makes the big bucks.

My wife came home from the store tonight with deer food

She was trying to save a few bucks

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the bucks hundred bucks jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working bucks pence piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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