bucket Jokes

funny bucket pick up lines and hilarious bucket puns

How did the chicken cross the street in the ghetto

In a bucket

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I'll never forget my Granddad's last words before he kicked the bucket.

'How far do you reckon I can kick this bucket?'

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A woman is like a bucket of KFC...

Once you're past the tender breasts and the juicy thighs all you have left is a greasy wet box to put your bone in.

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I'll never forget

I'll never forget what my grandfather said to me right before he kicked the bucket.

"Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

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I'll never forget what my grandad told me before he kicked the bucket

Daniel I'm sick of this bucket

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Lost: bucket of sand, silt, and gravel

Great sedimental value.



(I can't take credit. Read it in a university paper 20 years ago.)

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I remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket...

"Hey, how far do you reckon I could kick this bucket?"

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A man put his charity bucket in my face.

He said, "Do you wish to change the lives of those that are starving?"

I stopped and said, "Do you?"

"Do I?" he hesitated, "Of course I do."

I said, "Get the fuck out my way then, I want to buy my lunch."

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I remember the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket...

"How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

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Why is a bulimic's favorite restaurant KFC?

Cause it comes with a bucket.

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The last thing my father said to me before he kicked the bucket

Hey, son. Check out how far I can kick this bucket

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Grandpas last words before he kicked the bucket

"How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

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I'll never forget my grandfathers last words to me before he kicked the bucket. He looked me in the eyes and said,

"Son, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

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I will never forget that last thing my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket

"How far do you think I can kick this bucket"

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A question for your doctor

During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"

"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup.."

"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

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A rich guy hires an out of work Mexican to do some work.

The guy hands him a 5 gallon bucket of green paint and says, "Go around the side of the house, and paint my porch."

The Mexican knocks on the door a few hours later and says, "I'm finished mister - but I have to tell you, that was no porch, that was a Mercedes."

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Biting

A man was in a bar all day and he had to use the bathroom. He was in there for a while, yelling, so the barmaid reluctantly went to the bathroom to check on him.
"Sir, what are you yelling about? You're scaring the customers."
"Every time I try to flush the toilet something keeps biting my balls!"
"Sir, please get off the mop bucket."

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You know what my grandpa said to me right before he kicked the bucket?

Hey Billy how far do you think I can kick this bucket

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I still remember what my grandpa said right before he kicked the bucket

How far do you think I can kick this bucket?  

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I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket

"Hey son, how far do you think I can kick this thing?"

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Whats red, looks like a bucket, shaped like a bucket and holds water?

A red bucket.

Whats blue, looks like a bucket, shaped like a bucket and holds water?

A red bucket in disguise.

My 8 year old son...the comedian.

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Everyone has these expansive bucket lists

Mine is a little pail in comparison

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An old farmer was picking apples. After filling up a bucket and walking back to the farm, he saw a group of beautiful women swimming in his pond

As he got closer, he realized they were skinny dipping. When the group noticed the old farmer approaching them, one girl shouts to him "we are not coming out until you turn away". The farmer, thinking quick, holds up the bucket of apples and says "I'm just here to feed the gator anyway"

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I'll always remember what my pops said before he kicked the bucket

He said "How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

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I'll never forget the last thing my Grandad said to me before he kicked the bucket...

he said, "Grandson, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

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So a man gets a job working as a highway stripe painter

The foreman gives the guy a paint brush and a fat bucket of paint and tells the dood where to paint and off the guy goes.

End of the first day the newbie comes back and tells the foreman he did 10 miles. "Outstanding!" The foreman says.

Second day newbie comes back to the shop at the end of the day and tells the foreman he's done 4 miles. 'Not impressive.' The foreman thinks.

End of the third day the newbie tells his foreman he did one mile. The foreman has to ask, "The first day you did 10 miles, the second day you did 4, and today you only accomplished one measly mile? What gives?"

"Well," The newbie says, "Every day the paint can gets farther and farther away.

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Four nuns die and appear at the pearly gates.

Four nuns are in a car on a road trip but die in a car accident on the way.

They arrive at the pearly gates in heaven, where St. Peter says "I'm sure you ladies were all good since you're nuns, but you still gotta confess your sins and come clean before I can let you in" as he takes out a bucket of water.

St. Peter asks the first nun "what are you sins?" And the nun confesses that she gave a someone handjob once.

"Which hand?"
"My left hand"
"Place your left hand in this bucket of water and you shall be absolved of your sins"

Then St. Peter asks the 2nd nun the same question.
"I too gave a man a handjob once. With my right hand"
"Place your right hand in this bucket of water and you too shall be absolved of all your sins"

St Peter then asks the 3rd nun about her sins, but the 4th nun cuts him off...

"If you think I'm gargling the water in that bucket after she sticks her ass in it, you're crazy!"

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I still remember what my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket...

"How far do you reckon I can kick this bucket?"

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Mental Asylum

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. "Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

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An engineer, chef, and a mathematician go out drinking

To their favorite bar and grill. Well they're having some drinks and laughing when a fire starts behind the bar.

Seeing the staff panicking, the engineer quickly calculates exactly how much water he'll need to put it out and runs in the back for a bucket.

The chef, from his own experience can tell its a grease fire so he runs in back to find salt.

The Mathematician looks at his friends, then to the fire. Upon realizing there is a solution, he promptly continues drinking.

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One evening an old farmer went down to the pond...

One evening an old farmer went to go down to the pond, as he hasn't been there in a while, he grabbed a five gallon bucket and some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard some voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted at him "we're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or get out of the pond naked". Holding the bucket up he said "I'm here to feed the alligator."

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During a visit to the mental hospital....

..a visitor asks the Director what criterion defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

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Genies need love too

A man and wife decided to take up golf as a new hobby that they could do together. Both complete amateurs, they found a local course and went down with a bucket of balls and a cooler of beers. After driving most of their balls off the course and into the woods they were about to call it quits when the woman takes one more stroke and drives the ball right through a window of a house just outside the links hidden in the woods. Wanting to do the right thing the couple walked over to the house and knocked on the front door hoping to pay for the window. The door creaked open and they walked in. All of a sudden a whirl of dust spun up in the air and a genie appeared. The genie offered them two wishes with the third wish going to him. "I will make your two wishes come true if I can sleep with your wife tonight." the genie said. The couple discussed and decided it would be worth it. They wished for unlimited wealth and bountiful health. "Poof! Done your wish will come true after mine does this evening." That night after hours of sex the genie finally rolled off the wife, looked into her eyes and said, "so how long has your husband believed in genies?"

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A story about a Redneck and a Game Warden.

A redneck with a bucket full of live fish, was approached recently by a game warden in Georgia as he started to leave a lake well known for it's fish.
The game warden asked the man, "May I see your fishing license please?"
"Naw, sir," replied the redneck. "I don't need none of them there papers. These here are my pet fish."
"Pet fish!?!?"
"Yep. Once a week, I bring these here fish o'mine down to the lake and let 'em swim 'round for a while. Then when I whistle, they swim right back into my net and I take 'em home."
"What a line of baloney....you're under arrest."
The redneck said, "It's the truth, Mr. Gov'ment man.
I'll show ya! We do this all the time!!"
"WE do, now, do WE?" smirked the warden. "PROVE it!"
The redneck released the fish into the lake and stood and waited.
After a few minutes, the warden said, "Well?"
"Well, WHUT?" said the redneck.
The warden asked, "When are you going to call em back?"
"Call who back?"
"The FISH," replied the warden!
"Whut fish?" asked the redneck.

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A farmer walks into his barn with a bucket.

He starts milking his cow, while a pesky fly continues to buzz around the cows head. Suddenly the fly goes straight in to the cows ear. The farmer doesn't think much of it, just continues milking, when suddenly it shoots out into the bucket. The farmer, freaked out, exclaimed "it went in one ear and out the udder!"

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What are the best Bucket puns ?

Did you ever wanted to be joking with someone about Bucket? Well, here are the best Bucket dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny pranks and Bucket pick up lines to share with friends.

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