The Best 86 Bucket Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Bucket jokes. There are some bucket dumps jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these bucket mug puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Bucket Jokes and Puns
A rich guy hires an out of work Mexican to do some work.
The guy hands him a 5 gallon bucket of green paint and says, "Go around the side of the house, and paint my porch."
The Mexican knocks on the door a few hours later and says, "I'm finished mister - but I have to tell you, that was no porch, that was a Mercedes."
A Pakistani living in England (offensive)
A Pakistani who had recently moved to England had been feeling extremely ill for a week and so decided to visit the doctor. The doctor asked what was wrong with him and the Pakistani complained of a terrible headache and sickness. Upon hearing this the doctor told him to get a bucket at home and fill it with fish, human faeces and milk and leave it out in the sun for a couple of days before putting it next to his bed as he slept at night and taking it everywhere with him. Astounded, the Pakistani left and did what he was told despite being surprised that he should do such a thing.
Three days later the Pakistani returned to the doctor "It's a miracle!" he exclaimed"I got better overnight! How could have it worked?" to which the doctor replied "It was simple, you were homesick."
A very thirsty man was wandering the desert ...
... when suddenly he spotted a well. With the last of his strength, he neared himself, and started pulling the bucket upwards.
*Water! Water!* he shouted in anticipation
When suddenly, from the bottom of the well, a voice exclaimed
*Where?! Where?!*
An engineer, chef, and a mathematician go out drinking
To their favorite bar and grill. Well they're having some drinks and laughing when a fire starts behind the bar.
Seeing the staff panicking, the engineer quickly calculates exactly how much water he'll need to put it out and runs in the back for a bucket.
The chef, from his own experience can tell its a grease fire so he runs in back to find salt.
The Mathematician looks at his friends, then to the fire. Upon realizing there is a solution, he promptly continues drinking.
Dark Jokes?
What's worse than 18 dead babies in a bucket? 1 baby in 18 different buckets.
What's the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies? I dont have a Ferrari in my Garage.
A question for your doctor
During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup.."
"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
My visit to the patent office
I went into a patent office and told the clerk how I had an idea for a folding bottle, it's called a fottle.
She said that it was ridiculous, so I told her about my idea for a folding carton, it's called a farton.
She said that too is a dumb idea. I said well then I am not even going to tell you about my idea for a folding bucket!
In a Mental Hospital a journalist asked the Doctor
How do u determine whether to admit a patient or not?
Dr: Well, we first fill a BathTub & give a teaspoon, a glass & a bucket to the patient & ask them to empty the Bathtub....
Journalist: Oh, obviously a normal person would use the bucket because its bigger....
Dr: NO, a normal person would pull the drain plug!
Now if you would be so kind as to proceed to bed no.39
Asylum
A reporter is looking for a new story and thought an asylum for the insane would make a nice story. There, his first question is how they know who is sane and who's insane. "Well," the woman working there replied "We give everyone a teaspoon, a tablespoon and a bucket. Then we lead them to the bathroom and ask them to empty the bathtub as fast as they can". "Obviously, the sane people would use the bucket" the reporter says.
"No, the sane people would use the plug..."
A story about a Redneck and a Game Warden.
A redneck with a bucket full of live fish, was approached recently by a game warden in Georgia as he started to leave a lake well known for it's fish.
The game warden asked the man, "May I see your fishing license please?"
"Naw, sir," replied the redneck. "I don't need none of them there papers. These here are my pet fish."
"Pet fish!?!?"
"Yep. Once a week, I bring these here fish o'mine down to the lake and let 'em swim 'round for a while. Then when I whistle, they swim right back into my net and I take 'em home."
"What a line of baloney....you're under arrest."
The redneck said, "It's the truth, Mr. Gov'ment man.
I'll show ya! We do this all the time!!"
"WE do, now, do WE?" smirked the warden. "PROVE it!"
The redneck released the fish into the lake and stood and waited.
After a few minutes, the warden said, "Well?"
"Well, WHUT?" said the redneck.
The warden asked, "When are you going to call em back?"
"Call who back?"
"The FISH," replied the warden!
"Whut fish?" asked the redneck.
I'll never forget
I'll never forget what my grandfather said to me right before he kicked the bucket.
"Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
You can explore bucket dustbin reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean bucket shovel dad jokes. There are also bucket puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why do cowboys always want to die with their boots on?
So they don't stub their toes when they kick the bucket.
I will never forget what my grandad said just before he kicked the bucket.
He looked me dead in the eye and said. "Wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"
A farmer walks into his barn with a bucket.
He starts milking his cow, while a pesky fly continues to buzz around the cows head. Suddenly the fly goes straight in to the cows ear. The farmer doesn't think much of it, just continues milking, when suddenly it shoots out into the bucket. The farmer, freaked out, exclaimed "it went in one ear and out the udder!"
What did grandpa say before he kicked the bucket?
How far do you think i can kick this bucket?
Also, Why did the chicken cross the road?
[He was in the bucket](/spoiler)
Whats the difference between a piano a can of tuna and a bucket of glue...
You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna
(Random person) "what about the bucket of glue?"
(You) "I knew you would get stuck on that"
So a man gets a job working as a highway stripe painter
The foreman gives the guy a paint brush and a fat bucket of paint and tells the dood where to paint and off the guy goes.
End of the first day the newbie comes back and tells the foreman he did 10 miles. "Outstanding!" The foreman says.
Second day newbie comes back to the shop at the end of the day and tells the foreman he's done 4 miles. 'Not impressive.' The foreman thinks.
End of the third day the newbie tells his foreman he did one mile. The foreman has to ask, "The first day you did 10 miles, the second day you did 4, and today you only accomplished one measly mile? What gives?"
"Well," The newbie says, "Every day the paint can gets farther and farther away.
During a visit to the mental hospital....
..a visitor asks the Director what criterion defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger."
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
How did the chicken cross the street in the ghetto
In a bucket
A bucket goes to the doctor
The bucket was feeling ill, and decided to go to a physician.
The doctor, seeing as this was a new patient, asked him, "tell me about yourself first."
"Well, I can hold about 1/2 a gallon of liquid. I'm 3 years old, and I have to tell you, I feel pretty under the weather."
The doctor replied, "I can tell. You seem to be a little pail."
I remember the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket...
"How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
I'll never forget my Granddad's last words before he kicked the bucket.
'How far do you reckon I can kick this bucket?'
Why is a bulimic's favorite restaurant KFC?
Cause it comes with a bucket.
I can finally scratch "murdering an anonymous vagrant" off my bucket list.
I didn't do it, it just doesn't seem all that appealing anymore I guess.
Lost: bucket of sand, silt, and gravel
Great sedimental value.
(I can't take credit. Read it in a university paper 20 years ago.)
Once, a bucket of Sodium Hydroxide slipped out of Skrillex's hands.
He dropped the base.
My new bucket really does its job well.
My old one pails in comparison.
The last thing my father said to me before he kicked the bucket
Hey, son. Check out how far I can kick this bucket
Titanic be like
"I nominate all passengers for the ice bucket challenge!"
I tried to donate blood to the Red Cross the other day...
...but they wouldn't accept it in a 5 gallon bucket.
They also said it had to be mine.
Everyone has these expansive bucket lists
Mine is a little pail in comparison
I'll never forget my grandfathers last words to me before he kicked the bucket. He looked me in the eyes and said,
"Son, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
A man went to water his garden...
He didn't have a hose or a watering can, so he improvised by filling a bucket with water and throwing it all over the garden. However, when he did so, the water only landed on every other plant.
Shocked, the man threw his arms up in the air and shouted "water the odds!?"
How can you tell male from female ants?
Throw them in a bucket of water; if it floats, it's buoyant.
A child with cancer goes skydiving for his bucket list
He's now at terminal velocity.
I'll never forget what my grandad told me before he kicked the bucket
Daniel I'm sick of this bucket
A tub, pail, can, basket, canister, vat, kettle, cask, pot, keg, barrel, and bowl.
I needed to make a bucket list before I die.
I remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket...
"Hey, how far do you reckon I could kick this bucket?"
My girlfriend asked me if I'd ever seen "The Bucket List."
I said no, but I'd like to before I die.
Grandpas last words before he kicked the bucket
"How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
I'll always remember what my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket
Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!
One evening an old farmer went down to the pond...
One evening an old farmer went to go down to the pond, as he hasn't been there in a while, he grabbed a five gallon bucket and some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard some voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted at him "we're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or get out of the pond naked". Holding the bucket up he said "I'm here to feed the alligator."
I still remember what my grandpa said right before he kicked the bucket
How far do you think I can kick this bucket?
A wife went to the beach and didn't return. A husband called the police.
The police came in a week.
- We have 3 news for you: good, bad and great.
- Let's start with the bad one.
- Your wife drowned - we pulled her out of the water.
- And what is the good news?
- We have picked up a bucket of large crabs from her body.
- And what is the great news?
- We'll pull it out again tomorrow. Let's go for a beer!
I will always remember what my Dad told me before he kicked the bucket
He said "Hey. How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
I remember what my dad said before he kicked the bucket
He said, "I'm gonna kick this bucket."
Unfortunately there was a grenade in that bucket
A man goes to an asylum and asks
How do you admit your patients? The psychiatrist says Well, we fill a bathtub full of water then give them a spoon, a cup and a bucket then we tell them to empty the bathtub . The man replies I see, so the sane person would take the bucket , and the psychiatrist replies No, the sane person will pull the drain plug. Would you like your room to have a balcony sir?
Do you want to know what my grandpa told me before he kicked the bucket?
How far do you think I can kick this bucket?
Why do bulimic girls love KFC?
Cause it comes with the bucket
Wanna know the last thing my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket?
"Wonder how far I can kick this bucket".
Whats red, looks like a bucket, shaped like a bucket and holds water?
A red bucket.
Whats blue, looks like a bucket, shaped like a bucket and holds water?
A red bucket in disguise.
My 8 year old son...the comedian.
An old farmer was picking apples. After filling up a bucket and walking back to the farm, he saw a group of beautiful women swimming in his pond
As he got closer, he realized they were skinny dipping. When the group noticed the old farmer approaching them, one girl shouts to him "we are not coming out until you turn away". The farmer, thinking quick, holds up the bucket of apples and says "I'm just here to feed the gator anyway"
What's the difference between a piano, a fish, and a bucket of glue?
You can tune a piano but you can't tune a fish.
What about the bucket of glue, you ask?
I knew you'd get stuck on that part.
I was surprised when a friend said he'll work at KFC right after graduation..
Out of curiosity, I asked him why.
All he said was, "It's in my bucket list."
have you heard about the janitor that died?
yeah, he kicked the bucket
I wrote down my bucket list on a piece of paper, and my crush decided to use it to roll up her joint.
She is now high on the list of things I want to do before I die.
I was fishing when I ran out of bait. I saw a small snake nearby trying to swallow a frog and knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in my bait bucket...
Now, the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit, so I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth.
His eyes rolled back, he went limp.
I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.
A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot.
It was that snake, with two more frogs...
The Bathtub Test
During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. Well said the director, we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.
Oh, I understand, I said. A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup. No. said the director, A normal person would pull the plug, Do you want a bed near the window?
I'll always remember what my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket.
He said "Wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"
Do you know what the last thing my grandfather said to me was before he kicked the bucket?
Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.
I tried donating blood today. Never again!!
Too many stupid questions. Whose blood is it? Where did you get it from?? Why is it in a bucket???
So, this dairy farmer takes his son out to learn about milking for the first time.
After he shows how to pull on the udders and fill the bucket, he says, "Now son, we have to dip your head in the milk to make it safe to drink."
The boy is confused and asks, "You've gotta dunk my whole head in the milk to be safe, Pa?"
The dairy farmer says, "No, son, no..."
"Just past your eyes."
I still remember my father's last words before he kicked the bucket.
"Hey son, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"
What's the difference between racists and bucket of shit?
The bucket.
As a practical joke I arranged a bucket of liquid nitrogen so that it fell on our chemistry teacher when he opened the door.
He must have found it funny. He completely cracked up!
A priest, an imam and a rabbi
A priest, an imam and a rabbi are discussing how they decide how much money goes to god and how much they keep.
The priest goes first: "It's quite simple, we draw a line on the floor and throw the money. Everything beyond the line is for god, the rest is for us."
The imam: "Oh interesting. We do something similar. We put a bucket on the floor and throw the money. Everything in the bucket is for god and we keep what's left. What about you rabbi?"
Rabbi: "Us? Very simple. We throw the money in the air. If it keeps going up, it's for god, if it falls, it's for us."
Skinny dipping
A farmer heads down to the pond carrying a bucket. As he nears the pond he hears voices. It's a bunch of girls skinny dipping. The girls hear him coming and all head down to the deep end. "We see you!" shouts one of them. "We're not coming out until you've gone". The farmer says "What? You think I've come all this way just to see a bunch of naked girls? Sheesh. Nahhh, I just came down here to feed the alligator".
A woman walked up to me holding a bucket
Excuse me, I'm collecting for the local swimming pool
Well it'll take you bloody ages to fill it with that
You know what my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket?
"I'm gonna kick that bucket."
And then he tripped and died.
Tonight I did a delivery to the local mental asylum.
Being curious, I asked the doctor how do they determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the doctor, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the doctor, "A normal person would pull the bathtub drain plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
What did grandpa say before he kicked the bucket?
"Wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"
The Bathtub Test
During a visit to the mental institution, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
i once found a vampire in my hotel so i stabbed it with a wooden stake, shined my flashlight at it and threw holy water at it. died instantly.
still don't know why it had a bucket of candy tho.
My grandfather's last words before he kicked the bucket.
He said
"Watch how far I can kick this bucket!"
What's the difference between a piano, a fish, and a bucket of glue?
You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.
THE BATHTUB TEST: During a visit to my doctors I asked him . . .
"How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"
"Well" he said, "We fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a tea cup and a bucket to the person and ask them to empty the bathtub"
"Oh, I understand" I said "Because a normal person would use the bucket as it's bigger then the spoon or the teacup"
"No" he said "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window or the door?"
I wish I could donate blood, but last time there were so many questions.
"Whose blood is this?"
"Where did you get it?"
"Was the bucket sanitized first?"
I'm never donating blood again.
So many questions. "where did you get this blood from?", "whose blood is it?", "why is it in a bucket?".
I absolutely hate donating blood. As soon as you walk through the door you get bombarded with questions.
I absolutely hate when they ask
Where did you get it?
Why is it in a bucket?
A man stopped me in my path and waved his charity bucket at me.
"You!" he said. "Do you wish to change the lives of those that are starving?"
I stopped and said, "Do you?"
"Do I?" he hesitated. "Of course I do!"
I said, "Please move, then. I want to buy my lunch."
A vacuum salesman knocked on my door this morning
When I opened my door, before I could even talk to him, he dumped a bucket of dog shit on my carpet
He then said if this vacuum cleaner doesn't clean your carpet within 2 minutes, I will personally eat whatever's left of the shit
To which I replied well you better be hungry because my electricity has been cut off since 5am
During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director: "How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?"
"Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient, and then ask them to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would just use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the director, "A normal person would pull the bathtub drain plug....do you want a bed near the window?"
I've been feeling really depressed, and my best friend isn't helping
I try to talk about my feelings with him, but he'll just say vaguely supportive things that really don't help. He'll say things like hey, cheer up buddy. I know things seem tough but at least you're not stuck in one of those, you know, those holes in the ground? The thing with the bucket so you can get water from the hole.
I know he means well.
I remember my Grandpa's last words before he kicked the bucket…
He said Wanna see me kick that bucket?
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are asked to measure the volume of a basketball
The mathematician grabs a cord to measure its circumference and from there works out its volume.
The physicist pushes the basketball into a bucket of water and measures the water displacement.
The engineer looks it up on the catalog.
I'm never donating blood again.
They ask too many questions.
Whose blood is it?
Where did you get it?
Why is it in a bucket?
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the bucket trashcan jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working bucket teaspoon piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.