The Best 70 Brush Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Brush jokes. There are some brush paintbrush jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these brush basil brush puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Brush Jokes and Puns
Running from a bear...
A hiker surprises a large Grizzly in the woods. The Bruin gives chase and as the man crashed blindly through the brush, he suddenly finds himself standing on a precipice overlooking a deep canyon. The bear is nearly upon him when the man in desperation shouts to the heavens, "Lord, give this bear some religion!" At that moment the bear drops to his knees in earnest prayer, "Our heavenly Father, Thank you for this meal I'm about to receive..."
The Door Prize
Olie went to the neighborhood dance, and he won the big door prize. It was a toilet brush. So he took it home.
A few days later some friends of Olie asked him "Hey Olie how is that toilet brush working out for ya."
Olie said "Oh it works real good but I prefer toilet paper."
A man is sentenced to 15 years in prison, but escapes after only 3 days
He's taken in front of a judge, who orders the prisoner to explain his actions. The prisoner says "Well your honor, the first day, they gave me a comb, then shaved off all my hair. The second day, they gave me a tooth brush, then pulled out all my teeth. The third day, they gave me a jock strap, I went over the wall". "Case dismissed" declares the judge
You can tell the toothbrush was invented in Alabama
if it was invented anywhere else, it would've been called the teeth brush.
What's do broccoli and pubic hair have in common?
You brush them both aside and keep on eating.
Paint it green
A young man shows up for a job at a large house and knocks on the front door. The owner opens the door and gives the young man a gallon of green paint and a brush and tells him to go out back and paint the "porch green." After a few hours the young man comes back and knocks on the front door. The owner opens the door and the young man says, "Sir, I'm done paintin', but that aint no porch you got out back, it's a Ferrari."
How do you know a redneck invented the tooth brush?
We would have called it a teeth brush
Little Johnny and two penises.
Little Johnny went to school and the teacher was teaching human anatomy. She pointed to the private part of a male and asked her class if anyone knew what it was.
Little Johnny raised his hand: "I do, I do! and my daddy has two of them!" Teacher was puzzled.
"My daddy has a small one to pee with and a long one to brush my mom's teeth with!"
So a man gets a job working as a highway stripe painter
The foreman gives the guy a paint brush and a fat bucket of paint and tells the dood where to paint and off the guy goes.
End of the first day the newbie comes back and tells the foreman he did 10 miles. "Outstanding!" The foreman says.
Second day newbie comes back to the shop at the end of the day and tells the foreman he's done 4 miles. 'Not impressive.' The foreman thinks.
End of the third day the newbie tells his foreman he did one mile. The foreman has to ask, "The first day you did 10 miles, the second day you did 4, and today you only accomplished one measly mile? What gives?"
"Well," The newbie says, "Every day the paint can gets farther and farther away.
Contagious
"Right class," said the teacher. "Who can make a sentence with the word 'contagious'?"
Little Johnny threw up his hand excitedly.
"Yes, Johnny?"
"My dad saw our neighbour painting his fence with a little brush, and said, 'Blimey, that'll take the contageous!'"
A Polish guy bought a toilet brush..
three days later he went back to paper..
You can explore brush extraction reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean brush comb dad jokes. There are also brush puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What's the difference between a crocodile and a toothbrush?
You can't brush your teeth with a crocodile.
How is parsley and pubic hair alike?
You just brush them off to the side and keep eating
How do you pick up a jew?
Dust pan and brush
A very old couple is getting ready for bed
The man goes to the bathroom. His wife asks him: "What are you doing?". He replied: "Brushing my teeth". She asks him: "Can you please brush mine too?"
Sorry grandma!!
Did you know the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia?
Anywhere else and it would have been called a teeth brush.
I hate having to brush my teeth in the morning.
I must be the only person in the world with hairy teeth.
Why does Donkey Kong brush his teeth?
To prevent tooth DK.
I couldn't tell if I brushed my teeth with tooth paste or shamoo last night
I hope it was the former, not the lather.
You better brush your teeth everyday...
Oral-B very mad!
Why did Princess Leia take so long to find her hair brush?
She kept looking for it in Alderaan places.
Teacher: "OK Sarah, what's your sentence with contagious?"
Student: "Our neighbour is painting his house with a 2 inch brush and my dad said it will take the contagious."
I just had a brush with Death
Is it weird to name your toothbrush?
How to tell someone they have a bad breath nicely ?
"Oh boy I am bored lets brush our teeth"
Christmas Day accident
Grandpa woke up unusually early yesterday to celebrate Christmas with the family. He was half asleep still when went to the restroom to brush his teeth. In the early morning brain fog, he accidentally got his Polident mixed up with his Preparation H.
His gums aren't itching, but now, he can't get his underwear off!
My mom was always obsessed with dental hygiene...
...she would always take her electric toothbrush to bed and brush her teeth all night!
I used to brag to my grandson about how many girls I picked up at Auschwitz.
He said it doesn't count since I used a dust pan and brush.
An Old Man and His Lake
An old man went down to his lake to clear brush from a recent storm. When he arrived he found 8 beautiful women skinny dipping in the water. Seeing him the women yelled "you get out of here old man. We're staying under the water until you're long gone so you don't see a thing." Quickly the old man replied "I apologize ladies. I'm not here to spy on you. I just came to feed the alligators."
I've been getting anonymous texts from someone telling me to shower, comb my hair & brush my teeth.
I think they may be trying to groom me.
What did the head say to the brush?
Comb over hair.
My thanks to my niece who made this up. She is seven. Pretty good imo.
Why do protesters refuse to brush their teeth?
Because plaque lives matter.
Why did the dentist and the orthodontist get into a fight?
They couldn't brush away their differences.
TIL the tooth brush was invented in Kentucky...
Anywhere else and it would be called a teeth brush.
Did I tell you about the time I was nearly killed with a broom?
It was a brush with death.
The toilet brush
A man walks into a store looking for a toilet brush. The store owner shows him a variety of brushes at various pricepoints. The man thinks for a little while, then buys the cheapest one.
The next day the man is back at the store. "Were you unhappy with your purchase?" asks the shopkeeper. "We have other models that might work better."
The man agrees and buys a little more expensive one.
The next day the man is back yet again. The shopkeeper, visually puzzled on how a toilet brush can be such a big deal, asks "What's the matter, didn't like the new one either?"
"Well" replies the man. "To be honest it *was* pretty effective. But I gotta say, I prefer toilet paper!"
Why did the chemist wear gloves to brush his teeth?
His mouth was 4 molar
Post your favorite nerd chem jokes!
Why couldn't the bee brush its hair?
Because it had honey in it's comb.
Tell the class something interesting about your family.
During class, the teacher wanted the students to say something interesting about their family.
Johnny decided to go first and said: '' My father has two penises ''. The teacher knew that was impossible and asked Johnny to elaborate.
Johnny then said: '' He has a small one he uses to pee and a large one he uses to brush mommy's mouth with! ''
NSFW During a Linguistics lecture today, the teacher demonstrated how nouns can be turned into verbs;
for example "a brush is used to brush some one". My teacher gazed around the class, asking us for another example.
In retrospect, I don't think she liked the word "fist".
Most people don't clean their teeth properly
They just brush past them
I felt a toe brush against me whilst I was out swimming in the lake
I thought 'something must be afoot'
Ghandi spent a lot of time fasting in his life, which made him thin and frail. He chose not to wear shoes often, so when he walked, he toughened up his feet. Rarely did he brush his teeth.
That makes him a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
I bought a toilet brush a few days ago.
My arsehole's red raw, I'm going back to toilet paper.
If you get pulled over and you have some Coke in your car, you're likely to get arrested.
However, if you get pulled over and you have some Pepsi in your car, you're likely to make a new friend.
Remember to always brush your seatbelts, buckle your teeth, and drink Pepsi.®️
What does a gorilla brush his teeth with?
A toothbrush.
A Chinese calligraphy artist passed out after finishing the first brush...
People said that he had one nasty stroke.
I call my toothpaste "Death"....
....then I tell women, "I had a brush with Death this morning."
Just recently I have bought a toilet brush.
Didn't like it and switched back to toilet paper.
A boy asks his mom, When I grow up will I have two penises like daddy?
Mom: Daddy doesn't have two penises son
Son: Sure he does! He has the little one he uses to pee and the big one he uses to brush the babysitter's teeth!
What kind of tooth brush does a Mexican New Yorker use?
Orale-B
Start taking dental hygiene seriously at a young age
It's nothing to brush off lightly
I bought a toilet brush since I saw one in pretty much everyone's bathroom...
but after giving it a try for a week I decided to go back to using toilet paper.
What does a bee use to brush his hair?
A honeycomb
Teacher: So what's your sentence that contains the word contagious?
Student: our neighbour is painting a wall with 2 inch brush, my dad says it will take this contagious.
Kanye West
After a long day of work, Kanye West goes to his Kanye Nest to take his Kanye Rest. He wakes up feeling his Kanye Best. Then he'll get Kanye Dressed on his Kanye Vest to go on a Kanye Quest. He goes to church and becomes Kanye Blessed, then to a hotel room to be a Kanye Guest. Then to school to take his Kanye Test. He forgot to brush his teeth. Did he run out of Kanye Crest? His neighbor stole it, what a Kanye Pest.
Why do all methheads have bad teeth?
They only brush them before sleeping
Toilet brush
Whilst this is a joke, my nan actually told me this yesterday and insists it's a true story from the 60s when she lived in Cornwall...
So, my grandma was was walking down the street and her neighbour, let's call her Beverley, was heading towards her carrying her shopping but was walking kind of funny.
Naturally my Nan asked if everything was okay and if she's alright, had she hurt herself? No she said, I'm okay, I've just bought one of those new toilet brushes, but I think I'm going to switch back to paper
Honey, I cleaned the bathroom!!!
Wife: Thank you
Hubby: Why do we keep the toilet brush in the shower?
Wife: What?!??!
Hubby: Why is the toilet brush in the shower?
Wife: What the hell are you talking about?!?
Hubby: The puffy thing with the handle!!
Wife: MY LOOFA
Hubby: You named the toilet brush?
I was so busy with maths homework that I didn't brush my teeth for a week
The calculus had built up, and it was starting to get quite hard.
Why should you never brush your teeth with your left hand?
Because a toothbrush works better.
A person gets hit by a bicycle.
So this person wakes up, as usual, to get ready to go to work. They do their normal routine: brush teeth, eat breakfast, get dressed, etc... On their way to work, they get hit by a bicycle.
The next day, the same thing happens. Get ready for work, leave, get hit by a bicycle. This goes on for weeks.
It was a vicious cycle.
Just helped a cop sweep up some broken glass.
That was my first brush with the law.
I bought a new toilet brush last week
It is too coarse. I am going back to using toilet paper.
What do we know about Gandhi?
Well, he walked barefoot and was a vegetarian.. he ate very little and practiced yoga, and was a minimalist who likely didn't brush his teeth either, giving him bad breath.
He was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
I just bought a new toilet brush.
Honestly? Not a fan. I think I'll stick with toilet paper.
The first rule of singing in the bathroom!
The toilet brush must never be used as a microphone
A man wins a neighborhood door prize.
it's a toilet brush, and a week later, some of the guys invited him him to their weekly poker game. While there, one of them asks, "Hey Ollie, how's that toilet brush, the one you won from us neighbors?" Ollie responds, "Well, it works real good, but I prefer toilet paper."
I hate people who don't brush their teeth.
They're a plaque on society.
I got abducted by aliens...
I was told to do my all chores, eat my veggies, take a shower and brush my teeth.
It was then I realized I was in the mother ship.
The Grim Reaper and I used to share sweeping duties.
I had a brush with Death.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the brush scrub jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working brush gums piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.