The Best 22 Brunch Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Brunch jokes. There are some brunch omelets jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these brunch omelettes puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Brunch Jokes and Puns
A mother finds out she has cancer
A mother and daughter visit the doctor to get the results of the mom's pap-smear.
"It's stage-4 cervical cancer. You have 1 month left", the doctor says.
The mother is devastated. She gathers all her girlfriends for one last brunch.
At the brunch she announces, "Bad news, the doctor said I have 1 month to live. I have AIDS."
Her friends are shocked. They offer their condolences and hurriedly depart.
"But mom", the daughter protests "You have cancer. Why did you tell them you have AIDS?"
Mom replies, "Because I don't want any of them sleeping with your father."
Three women decide to compare their husbands to soft drinks.
Three women are out to brunch, and they're talking about who has the best husband. One of them decides they should compare their respective husbands to soft drinks (sodas).
First woman: "My husband is like 7UP, because he's 7 inches and he's always up."
Second woman: "Well my husband is like Mountain Dew, because when he's mountin' me, he knows what to do."
Third woman: "Well my husband is like Jack Daniels."
First woman: "That's not a soft drink!"
Third woman: "I know, but he's a hard licker."
Why did the Catholic chef sanitize his crucifix while preparing Sunday brunch?
To prevent cross-contamination.
Blonde Joke
Three pregnant women were having brunch together, discussing pregnancy matter, and the subject of the baby's gender came up.
Brunette: My baby's going to be a boy because when my husband and I conceived, I was on top.
Redhead: My baby is going to be a girl because I was on the bottom.
Blonde (bursting into tears): "My baby's going to be a puppy."
Three generations were having brunch together
The grandson looks over at his newlywed wife and asks her, "Will you pass the honey, honey?" She giggles and passes the honey.
The father, not to be outdone, looks over to his wife and asks, "Will you pass the sugar, sugar?" She laughs, "You old charmer," and passes the sugar.
The Grandfather looks up, makes eye contact with his wife of 55 years and asks, "Will you pass the tea... bag?"
A man is meeting with his boss and his boss's boss for brunch.
All three of their wives are joining them to eat. Among the conversation, the man's boss's boss asks his wife to pass him the sugar.
"Pass the sugar, sugar."
Then his boss looks at his wife to pass him the honey.
"Pass the honey, honey." He says.
The man thinks he should match his boss's and boss's boss's humor.
He looks to his wife and says, "Pass the tea, bag."
3 women meet for brunch after a wild night...
1st woman says "girls I got so drunk last night, I went home and blew chunks".
2nd woman says "you think that's bad? After I dropped you two off, I drove home. I was so hammered I ended up driving through my garage door and kept going. Destroyed my garage, my husband says it's going to cost 5 grand to fix".
3rd woman goes "When I got home I decided to take a bath and light some candles. I was so drunk, I passed out, knocked over the candles and ended up burning down my whole house".
1st woman exclaims "You don't understand, Chunks is my dog!"
If a combined breakfast and lunch is called brunch. What is combining your breakfast, lunch, and dinner called?
...being poor.
3 guys come back late from a night of drinking...
They met for brunch for the next day.
Guy 1: I drank way to much, first thing I did when I got home I blew Chunks...
Guy 2: That's nothing, I wrapped my car around a tree on my way home.
Guy 3: I beat all of you, I was arguing with my wife and knocked a candle over! It destroyed the whole house.
It went silent for a minute.
Guy 1: I don't think you guys understand. Chunks is my dog.
Jail Time
My daughter hates school.
One weekend she cried and fretted and tried every excuse not to go back on Monday.
Sunday morning on the way home from brunch, the crying, and whining built to a crescendo.
At the end of my rope, I finally stopped the car and explained, Honey, it's a law. If you don't go to school, they'll put Daddy in jail.
She looked at me, thought a moment, then asked, How long would you have to stay?
A gay student complained to his counsellor about bullying
He said he was sick of the other kids taking his brunch money.
You can explore brunch cafeteria reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean brunch toast dad jokes. There are also brunch puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What is the best sport to play before brunch?
Tenish
What do you call a dinosaur having brunch?
Tea-Rex
If combining your breakfast and lunch is called brunch. What is combining your breakfast, lunch, and dinner called?
It's called being poor.
If meal between breakfast and lunch is brunch
Then a meal between dinner and breakfast is defrost.
Grandpa putting cream cheese on Grandma's breast was surprising.
Nobody expected a pap shmear at brunch.
Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner
If Breakfast and Lunch are *Brunch*, and Lunch and Dinner are *Linner*, then Dinner and Breakfast must be *Dickfast*
What do giraffes eat at 11am?
Brunch.
A guy came up to me and asked if I would chuck bacon, eggs, fries, beans and toast at him!
I said; "what do you want a brunch in the face?!"
If the meal between breakfast and lunch is called brunch and the meal between lunch and dinner is called linner, what's the meal between breakfast and dinner called?
Lunch
What did the girl say when she saw a photo on Instagram of an attractive couple at brunch?
Bae-goals
My friend just brought home five new chickens for her chicken coop, and asked for suggestions for naming them...
I suggested "breakfast, lunch, dinner, brunch and supper..."
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the brunch dine jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working brunch midday piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.