Bruised Jokes
41 bruised jokes and hilarious bruised puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bruised that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Bruised Short Jokes
Short bruised jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bruised humour may include short bruises jokes also.
- My wife got stung by a bee on the forehead. She's at the ER now, her face all swollen and bruised, she almost died. Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel.
- My Girlfriend is always covered in bruises because she doesn't listen.. I'm always like "You're about to run into that lamp!"
- A guy walks into a bar... his face gets bruised, his phone shatters on the concrete, and the Pokemon gets away.
- Breast cancer awareness has pink ribbons, but what does alcoholism awareness have? Bruises.
- Blonde Joke Why did the blonde girl have bruises around her belly button?
Because blonde guys aren't smart either (Sorry if it's a repost.) - Why do blondes have bruises on their bellybuttons? Because blonde guys aren't that smart either
- You seem to like blonde jokes around here. Here is my favorite: Why did the blonde have such a terribly bruised belly button? Her boyfriend was blond as well.
- An Optimist and Pessimist wall into a Bar The optimist orders a drink while the pessimist puts ice on the bruise
- Poison !! Police: ma'am how did your husband die?
Wife: poison (hysterically crying)
Police: but he had bruises all over his body
Wife: I know. He didn't want to take it. - Why did the blonde woman have bruises covering her belly?!? Because her boyfriend was blonde too...
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Bruised One Liners
Which bruised one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bruised? I can suggest the ones about injured and battered.
- Why is the blondes belly button bruised? Her BF is blonde too
- Why do blondes have bruises on their bellybutton? Blonde guys aren't that smart either!
- What do you call Batman when he is injured? Bruised Wayne
- A guy had 6.023*10^23 bruises in his body... Experts are saying he got molested.
- Why do bananas have bruises? Because their peelings got hurt
- What do you call it when Batman gets hurt? Bruised Wayne
- What do you call an accident prone martial artist? Bruise Lee
- What do you call Batman after he has been beaten up? Bruised Wayne
- Why did the blonde have a bruised belly button? Her boyfriend was blonde too.
- What do you call a beat-up Batman? A Bruised Wayne.
- What do you call a prehistoric bruise? A dino-sore
- I like my women like I like my bananas. Cold and covered in bruises.
- Why is Helen Kellers belly button bruised? Her boyfriend is blind too.
- Girlfriends are like apples Even if they're bruised, you can still eat them.
- What is Batman after being beat up by Bane? Bruise Wayne.
Howlingly Hilarious Bruised Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about bruised you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wounded jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bruised pranks.
A cop walks over to a bruised and beaten man outside of a pub.
He asks the man what happened and the man tells him this; "So I walk into the pub and sit down and as im waiting for my drink I overhear two large women talking with a strange accent. So I ask them 'Are you two ladies from Ireland?' One of them scoffs and tells me "it's Wales d**...." So I ask again 'are you two whales from Ireland?' And thats about all I can remember."
I attended a self-defence course.
At the end of it, the person that ran the course said, "Ok, buddy, so for the week you owe me...£380."
"I refuse to pay," I told him.
"You have to," he insisted.
"Well then, you'll have to fight me for it."
So we fought, and he absolutely battered me. Left me b**..., bruised and beaten.
He said, "£380. Cough it up."
"No," I told him, wiping my lip. "Because it was clearly a waste of money."
The CIA, FBI, and the KGB are tasked with finding a rabbit in a forest...
The CIA show up after a few days and release a 6000 word article on the fact that rabbits don't exist.
The FBI show up with a dead rabbit and say in a press release "The rabbit had it coming."
The KGB show up with a bruised and beaten bear. The bear is forced to make a statement "I am a rabbit, my father was a rabbit, and my mother is a rabbit. My whole family are rabbits!" the bear disappears shortly after...
Quasimodo is about to ring the bell for 3pm when the rope snaps.
He knows he has to ring it but doesn't know how. Then he has an idea. He takes a big run up and uses his face to ring it. Bloodied and cut he does it again. Battered and bruised he does it one more time, but the bell swings back and knocks him off the tower down to the floor below.
Lying dead in a b**... heap, he's surrounded by towns people. o**... says "who's that?"
His pal said "I don't know, but his face rings a bell."
A Pakistani boy took...
.... admission in an American school ...
Teacher : Whats your name ?
Boy : Nadir
Teacher : No, now you are in America, your name is Johnny from today.
Boy went home and his mother asked: How was the day Nadir?
Boy : I am an American now, so call me Johnny.
Mom and Dad both got offended and beat him up.
Next day he was back to school all bruised ...
Teacher : What happened Johnny ?
Boy: Ma'm, just 6 hours after I became American, I was attacked by two Pakistani terrorists.
A Pakistani boy took admission in an American school .
A Pakistani boy took admission in an American school .
Teacher : Whats your name ?
Boy : Zain.
Teacher : No, now you are in America, your name is Johnny from today. Boy went home and his mother asked: How was the day Zain?
Boy : I am an American now, so call me Johnny. Mom and Dad both got offended and beat him up. Next day he was back to school all bruised .
Teacher : What happened Johnny ?
Boy: Ma'm, just 6 hours after I became American, I was attacked by two Pakistani terrorists.
Doctor is examining a young women...
and says:
- Everything seems OK, but I am worried about those bruised knees and elbows.
- Oh, it's because of all the d**... s**... I have.
- Don't you know any other position?
- I do, but my doggy doesn't.
Why do blondes have bruised belly b**...?
Because blonde boys aren't all that bright either.
Why do blondes have bruised belly b**...?
Because blonde men are s**... too.
Late one night, Norm answered the doorbell to find a 6 foot tall cockroach standing on the step.
The bug grabbed Norm by the collar, punched him in the eye, threw him across the living room and then ran off.
The next day, Norm went to see his doctor to have his bruised eye examined.
Ah, yes, the doctor said when Norm explained what happened. There's a n**... bug going around.
Mr. O'Malley comes home from the doctor and tells his wife he needs to supply a u**... sample.
Mr. O'Malley is distraught because he has no idea what a u**... sample is. Mr. O'Malley asks his wife to go nextdoor and ask their neighbor for help.
Mrs. O'Malley comes back, beaten, bruised, and bloodied.
"What the b**... h**... happened to you, my love!?" exclaims Mr. O'Malley.
"I asked Mrs. Finnegan how you get a u**... sample," Mrs. O'Malley explains. "She said, 'Go p**... in a cup!' and I said, Go s**... In A Hat! And the fight was on."
Box
I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. What happened to your face? I asked. I'm a Paralympian, he replied. Boxing? No, … hurdles.
People are a lot like Vegetables
Sometimes when you're buying produce you see some that are bruised, dented, misshapen..
Not all of them are perfect on the outside, what really matters is that they're really all the same on the inside and every one is equally edible.
I've been teaching myself to play the piano by ear.
It really bruised the side of my head.
Why was the girl's bellybutton bruised?
Because her boyfriend was blind.
