The Best 22 Bruise Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Bruise jokes. There are some bruise wound jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these bruise forehead puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Bruise Jokes and Puns

An Optimist and Pessimist wall into a Bar

The optimist orders a drink while the pessimist puts ice on the bruise

What do you call an accident prone martial artist?

Bruise Lee

A drunk man walked into a bar.

As a bystander, I couldn't help but laugh as I watched a bruise form on his head.

Bruise joke, A drunk man walked into a bar.

Do you have any bruises, sprains, strains, or broken bones?

No? Good! Now that we've gotten four maladies out of the way, how the heck are ya?

What do you call a prehistoric bruise?

A dino-sore

What is Batman after being beat up by Bane?

Bruise Wayne.

What do you call a Martial Artist in pain?

Bruise Lee

Bruise joke, What do you call a Martial Artist in pain?

Pacifism is a martial art.

Its moves are designed to bruise the opponent's knuckles with your face.

My friend Wayne had a bruise in the shape of a bat...

I went up to him and told him, "That's a sick bruise, Wayne."

What happens when you get punched by Italian Wilderness?

You get A Bruise O' National Park.

What do you call a bruise left from a sex reassignment surgery?


You can explore bruise goo reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean bruise scar dad jokes. There are also bruise puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

I almost bruised myself yesterday

It was a missed ache


One day Boromir was at a cafe meeting up with his old friend Sandra when he noticed a bruise on her face.

"Oh my God Sandra," he says. "How did you get *another* bruise on your face?"

Sandra looked scared. "I...I ran into a door."

"A door, Sandra?"

"I...I'm clumsy."

"Jesus Christ, Sandra." Says boromir, angry. "One does not simply walk into more doors.'

What do bananas have in common with old people?

They both bruise easily. And when you peel the skin, you realize sometimes the bruising goes beyond the surface.

What to bananas and women have in common?

They both bruise easily. And when you peel them you notice the bruising continues under the skin.

A blind man walks into a bar

He now has a bruise on his forehead.

Bruise joke, A blind man walks into a bar

I was wondering why I bruise easily...

and then it hit me.

Killer Tomato

I went to visit my brother Jim
But someone threw a tomato at him
Now tomatoes are soft and they don't bruise the skin
But this one that killed him was wrapped in a tin

I have a bruise in the shape of the Batman Symbol

I call it Bruise Wayne

A guy walks into a bar.

Now he's got a bruise.

Two men walk into a bar...

One of them gets a concussion and the other gets a bruise on his forehead.

A man walks into a bar

Then he has a bruise for like a week

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the bruise gash jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working bruise injuries piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes