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Bruises Jokes

46 bruises jokes and hilarious bruises puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bruises that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Popular Bruises Short Jokes

Short bruises jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bruises humour may include short bruised jokes also.

  1. My wife got stung by a bee on the forehead. She's at the ER now, her face all swollen and bruised, she almost died. Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel.
  2. My Girlfriend is always covered in bruises because she doesn't listen.. I'm always like "You're about to run into that lamp!"
  3. A guy walks into a bar... his face gets bruised, his phone shatters on the concrete, and the Pokemon gets away.
  4. Breast cancer awareness has pink ribbons, but what does alcoholism awareness have? Bruises.
  5. Blonde Joke Why did the blonde girl have bruises around her belly button?
    Because blonde guys aren't smart either (Sorry if it's a repost.)
  6. Why do blondes have bruises on their bellybuttons? Because blonde guys aren't that smart either
  7. You seem to like blonde jokes around here. Here is my favorite: Why did the blonde have such a terribly bruised belly button? Her boyfriend was blond as well.
  8. An Optimist and Pessimist wall into a Bar The optimist orders a drink while the pessimist puts ice on the bruise
  9. Poison !! Police: ma'am how did your husband die?
    Wife: poison (hysterically crying)
    Police: but he had bruises all over his body
    Wife: I know. He didn't want to take it.
  10. Why did the blonde woman have bruises covering her belly?!? Because her boyfriend was blonde too...

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Bruises One Liners

Which bruises one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bruises? I can suggest the ones about scars and trauma.

  1. Why is the blondes belly button bruised? Her BF is blonde too
  2. Why do blondes have bruises on their bellybutton? Blonde guys aren't that smart either!
  3. What do you call Batman when he is injured? Bruised Wayne
  4. A guy had 6.023*10^23 bruises in his body... Experts are saying he got molested.
  5. Why do bananas have bruises? Because their peelings got hurt
  6. What do you call it when Batman gets hurt? Bruised Wayne
  7. What do you call an accident prone martial artist? Bruise Lee
  8. What do you call Batman after he has been beaten up? Bruised Wayne
  9. Why did the blonde have a bruised belly button? Her boyfriend was blonde too.
  10. What do you call a beat-up Batman? A Bruised Wayne.
  11. What do you call a prehistoric bruise? A dino-sore
  12. I like my women like I like my bananas. Cold and covered in bruises.
  13. Why is Helen Kellers belly button bruised? Her boyfriend is blind too.
  14. Girlfriends are like apples Even if they're bruised, you can still eat them.
  15. What is Batman after being beat up by Bane? Bruise Wayne.

Bruises joke, What is Batman after being beat up by Bane?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about bruises can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of bruises puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Hilarious Bruises Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about bruises you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean stretch marks jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make bruises prank.

A blind woman got on a bus. Sadly, all the seats were taken.

A man noticed that no one else on the bus was willing to give up their seat for the blind woman, so he kindly guided her to his seat and took a standing spot. As the bus started up, the man frowned at the others for their selfishness.
Later that day, the man came home in tears, covered in bruises.
"What's the matter?" asked the man's wife.
"I lost my job as a bus driver."

Why did the blonde woman have bruises on her belly button?

Because blonde men are s**... too.

A sloth named Herman is walking through the forest one day.

A gang of snails approach him and beat him up. Herman is left at the bottom of a tree with several cuts and bruises. Several hours later he gathers up enough strength to go to a local police station. Herman walks into the Sergeant's office.
"What happened to you? the officer asks.
"A gang of snails beat me up," Herman replied.
"Can you describe what they looked like?"
"I don't know," the sloth says. "It all happened so fast."

Why do blonde girls have bruises around their belly b**...?

Because blonde guys are s**... too.

Why do blonde girls have bruises around their belly b**...?

Because blonde guys aren't that smart either.

Kindness

A blind old lady gets on a bus. All the seats are taken. An old man sees how nobody is willing to give up their seat for her. After a bit of hesitation, he gets up, takes her by the hand, and brings her to his seat. As she sits, he looks at the crowd and scowls as the bus leaves the stop.
Later, the old man comes home with bruises all over his face, crying. His wife comes up and asks "What happened?" To which he replies "I lost my job as a bus driver"

A Classic joke from India

Ajay comes crying to his father after school. His father noticed he is covered in bruises, just completely beaten black and blue. So he asked his sone what happened. Ajay tells him the teacher pointed pointed a ruler at me and said At the end of this ruler is an idiot.
So His dad said
So I said which side

I just buried my mother-in-law.

John: You're late, where have you been?
Fred: I just buried my mother-in-law.
John: What's with all the cuts and bruises?
Fred: Well, she put up a really good fight.

An employee at a supermarket

An overworked and underpaid employee was stocking shelves at his local supermarket. Naturally, he was very tired and didn't care about anything going on around him. Out of nowhere, an old woman with a Karen haircut comes up to him and says "hey you, tell me what those little green things in the pods are called before I hit you so hard your children have bruises. I need these for my diet." The employee, wanting nothing to do with this lady, simply rolls his head around, makes direct eye contact with the lady and says, "b**..., peas".

I can't find a title for this joke, still here it is

"So, you say that your husband hanged himself?" asked the judge.
"Exactly", said the widow.
"Then, how can you explain the bumps and bruises all over his head?"
"Well, he used an elastic."

I am proud to announce that I have developed a foundation to aid abused women

It's real thick to hide the bruises

Dead husband

A detective asks a woman, "So, your husband hanged himself?"
Woman replies, "Yes, that is correct."
The suspicious detective continues, "But why does he have all those bruises on his head?"
"The old fool used an elastic rope!"

A football fan appears in court for battery

The judge says to the fan: So you are very sure you only threw tomatoes at the referee?
The fan: yes, your honour. I'm very sure.
The Judge: Then how do you explain the deep cuts and bruises on the referees face?
(The judge points at the refs battered face.)
The fan: yeah... they were canned tomatoes...

Giving a man his physical, a doctor noticed several dark, ugly bruises on his shins,

so he asked, "Do you play hockey?"
"No."
"Do you play soccer?"
"No."
"Do you play any other physical sport?"
"Not at all. I just play bridge with my wife."

When Gandhi was on his first hunger strike

People would routinely bring him flattened bread in an attempt to get him to eat. What people don't understand though is that Gandhi was actually a very temperamental man, and prone to anger. So even when his friends and family were the ones bringing him bread, he would take it and hurl it at them, sometimes leaving bruises and welts. He justified it by saying it was all a part of his philosophy of naan-violence.

I think my sister's boyfriend is beating her.

Now I don't have any physical evidence. I don't see any scratches or bruises. But I had dinner at her place last weekend and her cooking has gotten WAY better!

There a man in the Soviet Union who always complained about the constant shortages

One day the KGB went to the apartment he lived and arrested him. The occupant of the apartment knew that he was gonna die so they didn't make a fuss out of it. But after a week much to the apartment's occupant surprise, the man returned relatively unharmed except for some bruises so the occupant asked him why he wasn't shot despite his constant criticism of the state. The man answered, "The Gulags have the same problem as we do, they've ran out of bullets!"

A amnesiac woman covered in bruises walks into a police station...

A amnesiac woman covered in bruises walks into a police station. The police are trying everything to learn where she came from and how she got the bruises but with no results.
Finally one of the detectives notices she has a wedding ring.
"Oh! You have a husband! What does he do?"
"I dunno, beats me."

Why did the blonde have bruises around her bellybutton?

'Cuz blond men aren't that smart, either.

Do you have any bruises, sprains, strains, or broken bones?

No? Good! Now that we've gotten four maladies out of the way, how the heck are ya?

A man went to the doctor's in an awful state. Cuts and bruises to his face and a suspected broken arm.

What happened to you? asked the doctor.
It's my wife, she had one of her dreadful nightmares.
Do you mean she did this to you while she was asleep?
Oh no, doctor, it was when she shouted out in her sleep, 'Quick, get out, my husband's coming home,' that, without thinking, I jumped out of the window.

Bruises joke, A man went to the doctor's in an awful state. Cuts and bruises to his face and a suspected broken ar

jokes about bruises

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these bruises jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.