Brown Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

I call my wife Bambi. She thinks it's because she's cute with big brown eyes...

But in reality it's because I want someone to shoot her mother with a hunting rifle

An Irish man frees a genie

and happy to be released from his confinement, the genie grants him 3 wishes.

The Irishman thinks about it, and says "I want me a pint of Guinness that is never empty."

So *poof* a pint appears, filled to the rim with the rich brown drink. The man drinks it down, and when he places it back on the bar, it's filled up again.

"So, what would you like for your other two wishes, sir?"

"I want two more of these, then!"

Roses are red, Cellos are brown

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down ;)

How did Rhianna find out that Chris Brown was cheating?

She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.

I hope they serve cookies at the Royal Wedding this weekend

Just to show how a touch of brown sugar makes a ginger snap.

A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Indian man were waiting outside the delivery room.

The matron comes out and explains that the hospital has accidentally mixed up the babies.

The Scot goes straight in and picks up the brown baby.

The Indian says "Are you sure that's your baby?"

The Scot says "No, but there's no way I'm going to risk leaving here with an English baby."

Peter is different

A couple have 13 children, 12 of them are blonde and have blue eyes, 1 has black hair and brown eyes, his name is Peter. One day the wife of the couple is dying of illness, her husband is sitting on her bed. The husband says "Our Peter is different from the other kids, does he have a different father?" His wife says yes. And, the man says, "Then, who is his dad?" Upon which his wife says, "You".

Nothing beats a beautiful girl with an amazing voice...

Except Chris Brown

Before Chris Brown did a concert with them, they were just known as "The Peas".

And now they are The ......... Peas

Every N.W.A song

Verse 1: Sellin' crack rocks and shootin' muthafuckas!

Verse 2: Police pull me over just 'cause I'm brown.

Nothing beats a beautiful woman that can also sing

Well, except Chris Brown.

Roses are brown, violets are grey

I just found out I'm colorblind today.

What's the difference between Chris Brown and a Tesla Model S?

The Tesla gets fewer battery charges in a year

What does Chris Brown call a group of his ex-girlfriends?

The punch line

You guys want to play that new Michael Brown drinking game?

It's easy, you just stand there and take eight shots.

I told my girlfriend that brown rice was just white rice with a criminal record...

...she called me a riceist

What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?

Dr. Dre

A mommy mole, daddy mole, and baby mole are together in their burrow

Mommy mole sticks her head out and sniffs the air. She asks, "What's that smell? Is it brown sugar?"

Daddy mole sticks his head out to sniff around, "No I don't think so. Smells like vanilla to me."

The baby mole still in the burrow says "I don't know what you guys are talking about. All I can smell is molasses!"

What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs?

An elephant with diarrhea...

I call my wife Bambi and she thinks it's because she's cute with big brown eyes...

Actually, it's because I shot her mother with a hunting rifle...

How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?

She found another women's lipstick on his knuckles.

What is brown and has got four legs and an arm?

A Rottweiler on a children's playground.

What do you call someone who hates brown rice?

Ricist.

What's brown and sticky?

My Beyonce calendar.

Roses are red, Acorns are brown

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down

Bunny

A little girl walks into a pet shop. She asks the owner for a bunny, to which he responds "what kind of bunny would you like? A cute black one, an adorable brown one or perhaps a sweet little white one?"

The girl looks at the owner and answers: "I don't think my python really cares..."

How to tell whether someone is an idiot

Doctor, how can you tell whether someone is an idiot, even if he looks normal to you?

For that, we have special questions.

Can you name an example?

Mountaineer Brown climbed Mount Everest three times but he was killed during one of these ascents. Can you tell me which one?

But doctor, that surely won't work for people like me who know nothing about mountaineering.

So Chris Brown has quit music...

Unsurprisingly, he has beaten Rihanna to it.

A teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence.

"The sky is definitely blue," said one girl.
"Nice try but the sky can be black or purple or even orange," replied the teacher.
"The grass is definitely green," said a little boy.
"Well... The grass can be brown too."
Little Johnny raised his hand.
"Yes Johnny?"
"Are farts solid?" asked little Johnny.
Finding this an odd question she was slightly shocked, but answered anyway, "No Johnny."
"Well I definitely pooped my pants."

My boss told me not to bring my lunch to work in a brown paper bag.

I told him that I'll drink my lunch how I want.

How did Rihanna know Chris Brown was cheating on her?

She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.

A captain and his crew...

A crew mate runs to his captain "Captain! Captain! There is an enemy ship on the horizon! What do we do?" The captain replies "Grab me my red shirt." "Why?" The crew mate asks. "So that my crew doesn't see me bleeding from the battle." The captain replies. Another guy runs up "Captain! Captain! I have an update there are 7 more ships what should I do?" "Go get me my brown pants."

A teacher receives a phone call shortly before the school day starts

Caller: Mr. Brown, my son James will not come to school today because he is sick.

Teacher: Who am I speaking to please?

Caller: I am my father.

A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, "Excuthe me, but do you thell baby bunnieth?".

The pet store owner smiles and says, "Why, yes, sweetheart! We sell all kinds of baby bunnies. Now... what kind of baby bunny would you like? Would you like a baby grey bunny? Or a baby white bunny? Or would you prefer a pretty brown bunny?"

The little girl replies, "I don't think my python weally gives a thit."

Chris Brown came out as transgendered today

He figures if he can't beat em may as well join em

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Indian man were all in the maternity ward of a hospital ready to collect their babies.

When a midwife comes over to them and explains, "I'm sorry gentlemen, but there's been a mix-up with the babies and we no longer know whose is whose."

The Englishman immediately goes over to the brown baby and picks it up.

The midwife asks, "are you sure that's your baby, sir?"

"No" says the Englishman, "but there's no way I'm going home with a french one!"

WAS BARRY WHITE ? WAS CILLA BLACK ? WAS JAMES BROWN ?

SURE MAKES STEVIE WONDER

The Paper Cowboy

A cowboy walked into a bar and ordered a whisky. When the bartender delivered the drink, the cowboy asked, "Where is everybody?"

The bartender replied, "They've gone to the hanging."

"Hanging? Who are they hanging?"

"Brown Paper Pete," the bartender replied.

"What kind of a name is that?" the cowboy asked.

"Well," said the bartender, "he always wore a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes."

"How bizarre," said the cowboy. "What are they hanging him for?"

"Rustling," answered the bartender.

Do you know how to cook toilet paper?

No, but I do know how to brown it on one side.

Political correctness has reached the level of absurdity

For example, we can't say brown paint. Instead we should say "please paint that wall, Jose"

One time I took a blonde girl to the movies...

We bought our tickets and waited in line for snacks. I got popcorn; she got M&M's. We got a drink to split.

We sat down during the previews. I started eating my popcorn and she opened her M&M's and dumped them all out in her lap. She carefully separated them all by color, took all the brown ones, and threw them in the trash.

"What was that about?" I asked as she returned to her seat.

She smiled and replied "Oh, I'm allergic to chocolate so I always throw the chocolate flavored ones away."

What's the difference between Chris Brown and a radio station?

Radio stations only have 90 minutes of nonstop hits.

My friend told me white rice was better than brown rice...

I stopped talking to him, because I don't associate with ricists.

What was Rihanna's nickname for Chris brown?

Beats me.

I heard we like Native American jokes.

Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with
his ear to the ground.
One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see
that Indian?"
"Yeah," says the other cowboy.
"Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground.
He can hear things for miles in any direction."
Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says,
"about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white.
Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon."
"Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian
knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they
are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!"
The Indian looks up and says, "Ran over me about a
half hour ago."

What do you call it when a blonde dyes their hair brown...

Artifical intelligence.

Confession

Matthew goes into a confessional box and says "Bless me father for I have sinned, I have been with a loose woman."

The Priest says "is that you Matthew?"

"Yes father, it is I."

"Who was the woman you were with?"

"I cannot tell you for I do not wish to sully her reputation."

The priest asks "Was it Brenda O'Malley?"

"No father."

"Was it Fiona MacDonald?"

"No father."

"Was it Ann Brown?"

"No father, I cannot tell you."

The priest says "I admire your perseverance but you must atone for your sins. Your penance will be five Our Fathers and four Hail Marys."

Matthew goes back to his pew and his buddy Sean slides over and asks "What did you get?" Matthew replies "I got five Our Fathers, four Hail Marys and three good leads."

Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?

Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?

Interviewer: Brown one.

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Interviewer: And the black one?

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?

Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?

Interviewer: Black.

Farmer: It eats grass.

Interviewer: And the other one?

Farmer: Grass.

Interviewer(now annoyed) : Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?!

Farmer: Because the black one's mine.

Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?

Farmer: It's also mine.

A blonde goes to buy a TV.

A blonde goes out to buy a TV at a department store.

Blonde: I'd like that TV please.

Clerk: Sorry, we don't sell to blondes.

So the blonde goes out and dyes her hair brown. She then goes back to the store.

Blonde: I'd like that TV please.

Clerk: I'm sorry but we don't sell to blondes.

Amazed she goes out and dyes her hair ginger. She later returns to the store.

Blonde: I'd like that TV please.

Clerk: I'm sorry, we don't sell to blondes.

Blonde: How did you know I'm blonde?

Clerk: Because that's a Microwave.

You ever hear of Randy the Brown Nosed Reindeer?

He was as quick as Rudolph but couldn't stop as fast.

Two cannibals are chatting

and the first cannibal says "I killed and ate a missionary yesterday, but I think he gave me an upset stomach."
The second cannibal says "That's too bad. How'd you cook him?"
The first cannibal says "Oh, I threw him in the giant pot of boiling water like always."
The second cannibal says "Makes sense. And what did he look like?"
The first cannibal says "The usual. Brown robe, rope belt, sandals."
And the second cannibal says "Well there's your problem. You boiled him, and he was a friar."

Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?

Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?

Interviewer: Brown one.

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Interviewer: And the black one?

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?

Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?

Interviewer: Black.

Farmer: It eats grass.

Interviewer: And the other one?

Farmer: Grass.

Interviewer(now annoyed) : Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?!

Farmer: Because the black one's mine.

Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?

Farmer: It's also mine

What is the brown sticky stuff between an elephant's toes?

Slow natives.

Chris Brown is going on tour this year!

He'll be sponsored by Black & Decker.

What animal has two gray feet and two brown feet?

An elephant with diarrhea.

How did Rihanna know Chris Brown was cheating on her?

She found the other girls lipstick on his knuckles.

A Nun walks into a construction site

An older nun, who was living in a convent next to a construction site, noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways.


And so, she decided she would take her lunch and sit with the workers.


She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked to the spot where the men were eating.


Sporting a big smile, she walked up to the group and asked: "And, do you men know Jesus Christ?"
They shook their heads and looked at each other, very confused.


One of the workers looked up into the steelworks and yelled out, "Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"
One of the steelworkers yelled down. "Why?"


The worker yelled back,
"Cause his mom's here with his lunch."

Interviewing a farmer

Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?

Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?

Interviewer: Brown one.

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Interviewer: And the black one?

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?

Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?

Interviewer: Black.

Farmer: It eats grass.

Interviewer: And the other one?

Farmer: Grass.

Interviewer(now annoyed) : Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?!

Farmer: Because the black one's mine.

Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?

Farmer: It's also mine

A blonde and a shepherd.

A blonde, tired of people assuming she's stupid, goes to a salon and has her hair dyed brown. On her way home she sees a shepherd and his flock of sheep. She stops and asks, "if I guess how many sheep you have, can I have one?" The shepherd agrees and the blonde guesses, "237." He does some quick figures in his head, realizes she's right and tells her to grab one. As she comes back with her pick **he** asks, "if I guess what color your roots are, can I have my dog back?"

**

What is brown and sticky?

My BeyoncΓ© calendar

A farmer is being interviewed about his cows

Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?

Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?

Interviewer: Brown one.

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Interviewer: And the black one?

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.


Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?

Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?

Interviewer: Black.

Farmer: It eats grass.

Interviewer: And the other one?

Farmer: Grass.

Interviewer(now annoyed) : Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?!

Farmer: Because the black one's mine.

Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?

Farmer: It's also mine

What's brown, and ryhmes with Snoop?

Dr. Dre......

The black and brown cows

Interviewer: How much milk do these cows produce a day?

Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?

Interviewer: Brown one.

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Interviewer: And the black one?

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Interviewer: I see. What do you give them to eat?

Farmer: Which one? The Black one or brown one?

Interviewer: Black.

Farmer: It eats grass.

Interviewer: And the other one?

Farmer: Also grass.

Interviewer (now annoyed) : Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?!

Farmer: Because the black one's mine.

Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?

Farmer: That's also mine.

I absolutely can not stand Brown people.

It's just that I had an ex graduate from there and she was super pretentious.

I like my girls like I like my gravy

Brown and all over my meat.


(P.S. I can't remember if this is a joke I made up or a joke I heard somewhere else, if anyone has heard it elsewhere could you tell me.)

Jesus

One day, a cop was driving along when a car just whizzed past him. He turns on his siren and chases him down. Once the cop finally pulls over the car, he walks up and sees Pastor Brown, the pastor at his town's church. Upon peering into Pastor Brown's car he notices a suspicious bottle. The cop says "Pastor, what's in that bottle?"
To which the Pastor replies "Just water, officer."
So the cop, being a cop, takes a sip of the liquid to see if he's lying or not. But it's not water...it's wine!
So the cop says "Hey this is wine!"
And the pastor replies "Oh Jesus must be at it again!"

A bear walks into a bar

"Sorry we don't serve bears in here" the barman says

"But I'm a big brown bear"

"Sorry we don't serve big brown bears"

Bear is angry and hits the bar with his claw "give me a beer now!"

"Sorry we don't serve bar bashing big brown bears!"

The bear picks up a barstool and smashes it against the ground "I want a beer!"

"Sorry we don't serve barstool breaking bar bashing big brown bears here"

The bear is getting angry and takes a bite from the counter "Give me a beer!"

"Sorry we dont serve drug addicts here either"

The bear is confused "I've never touched a drug in my life!!"

"What about that barbiturate"

How much milk do these cows give?

Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?

Interviewer: Brown one.

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Interviewer: And the black one?

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?

Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?

Interviewer: Black.

Farmer: It eats grass.

Interviewer: And the other one?

Farmer: Grass.

Interviewer(now annoyed) : Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?!

Farmer: Because the black one's mine.

Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?

Farmer: It's also mine.

A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the bartender delivers it, the cowboy looks around and notices the bar is completely deserted other than himself and the bartender...

"Where is everybody? This place is usually packed this time of day," the cowboy says.

The bartender replies, "They've gone to the hanging."

"Hanging? Who are they hanging?"

"Brown Paper Pete," says the bartender.

"What kind of name is that? Why do they call him Brown Paper Pete?" the cowboy asks.

"Well," says the bartender, "he wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes."

"Weird guy," says the cowboy. "What are they hanging him for?"

"Rustling," says the bartender.

What has two grey legs and two brown legs?

An elephant with diarrhea!

An Englishman, a Welshman and an Indian...

...are at a hospital. All of their wives had given birth that day, but there was mix-up with the babies and the doctors were unsure who's baby was who's, and there was no way to tell so the three fathers had to pick a baby each.
The indian was quite sure which baby was his, because his child had brown skin, so he let the Englishman pick first.
The Englishman goes into the room with the babies and leaves with the brown baby, much to the Indian's terror who says:
"what are you doing? That baby is obviously mine!"
to which the Englishman replies:
"Yeah, but one of those babies is Welsh and I'm not taking any chances."

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

Lucy, Linus, and Charlie Brown are assigned a history project.

Each person was assigned a country to report on.

Wow! Lucy said. I got Italy!

Interesting exclaimed Linus. I got Germany.

With dismay, Charlie Brown said, I got Iraq.

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

What's brown and runny?

Usain Bolt.

What's brown and rhymes with snoop?

Dr. Dre.

Ferguson joke. Too soon?

Black guy walks into a bar in Ferguson. Says to the bartender, "Give me a Michael Brown." Bartender says "Ok. Put up your hands." the gave him six shots.

Are you looking for trouble?!

Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business." Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The boy replied, "Why, yes."

A girl gets home from school and is greetrd by her mother

Mom: "What'd you do in school today?"

Daughter: "We learned all about the male reproductive organs"

Mom: "Oh, and what else?"

Daughter: "Well then we watched as the police came and took Mr. Brown away"

What brand of power tools does Chris Brown use?

Black and Deck Her

The sky was dark, the moon was high, we were together, just her and I.

The sky was dark, the moon was high, we were together, just her and I.
Her hair was brown, her eyes were blue, I knew just what, she wanted to do.
So with my hand, I did my best, I ran my hand across her chest.
Her body was good, her hair was fine, I ran my hand across her spine, I felt a shock, I felt her heart, slowly she spread her legs apart,
I knew she was ready, but I didn't know how, for this was my first time milking a cow.

(A poem by u/loman23.)

A blonde girl...

...wants to know what life is like as a brunette girl, so she goes to the hairdresser and has her hair died brown.

Eager to show the world her newly acquired intelligence, she goes on a walk and meets a shepherd. She walks towards him and says:

"if i can guess how many sheep you have in your pack, can I have one?"

"fair deal" the shepherd says and the blonde guesses "457". The shepherd, really surprised about the ability of the girl, says "a deal is a deal, you guessed the right number, pick a sheep and you can keep it".

After the girl has picked her favourite of the pack, the shepherd says:

"if i can guess, which colour your hair had before you dyed it brown, can i get my dog back?"

40 years ago today, Louise Brown became the first test tube baby...

She had a womb with a view.

I think Chris Brown should be a storm trooper in the next Star Wars.

Maybe he can actually hit somebody.

The teacher, Miss Brown, goes to school in a mini-skirt

At some point, Little Matt whispers to his friend:

'I saw Miss Brown's thighs!'

Miss Brown hears the comment.

'You cheeky brat! Get out of here right now, I don't wanna see you for three days!'

A while later, Little Timmy whispers to his friend:

'I saw Miss Brown's ass!'

Miss Brown hears that too.

'You should be ashamed of yourself, Timmy! Get out of here at once, I don't wanna see you in school for a week!'

As Little Timmy stands up to leave, Little Johnny joins him as well.

'Johnny, where are *you* going?'

'Miss Brown, based on what I saw, I don't think I'm coming to school again this year.'

If Alex Jones and Chris Brown were both on fire and you only had one fire extinguisher...

Where would you hide it?

What did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rhianna?

Hey man, I'd love to hit that.

A Pirate ship is out at sea.

One of the crew runs up to the captain and yells

"There is an enemy ship approaching!"

"Fetch me my red shirt" says the captain.

"Why?"

"Because then they will not know if I am bleeding!"

They fight and fight and win the battle. The next day, the crewmember yells

"two enemy ships are approaching!"

"Bring me my red shirt!" calls the captain once more. So they fight, and once again win.

One day, a crewmember runs up to the captain yet again.

"Sir! There are 10 enemy ships approaching! We're surrounded!"

So the captain yells "Bring me my brown pants!"

Why did Chris Brown stop having long-term relationships?

He wanted 2 hit singles

Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?

Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?

Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?

Interviewer: Brown one.

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Interviewer: And the black one?

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?

Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?

Interviewer: Black.

Farmer: It eats grass.

Interviewer: And the other one?

Farmer: Grass.

Interviewer(now annoyed) : Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?!

Farmer: Because the black one's mine.

Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?

Farmer: It's also mineο»Ώ

What do you call a rich brown person driving an Audi?

A Saudi

What are the funniest brown jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Brown? Well, here are the best Brown puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Brown pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes