Brown Bear Jokes
22 brown bear jokes and hilarious brown bear puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about brown bear that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Brown Bear Short Jokes
Short brown bear jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The brown bear humour may include short baby bears jokes also.
- There are three bears a black, a brown, and a white one. Which bear dissolves in water?
The white bear, because it's polar - Unbearable Polar bear in water: Help! Please help! I'm dissolving!
Brown bear: But bears are insoluble...
Polar bear: That's easy for you to say... you aren't Polar. - Little brown bear There was once a little Brown bear who always wanted to be a koala bear. So he went to Australia and asked to join the koala bears union. They told he did'nt koala-ify.
- A brown bear and a polar bear fall into the water. Which one dissolves? The polar bear, because he's polar!
- Many years ago Chuck Norris and a brown bear had a fight.
The loser had to go live in the north pole. - If you drop a brown bear and a white bear into a lake, which one dissolves first? The white one, because it's **Polar**.
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Brown Bear One Liners
Which brown bear one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with brown bear? I can suggest the ones about bears grizzly and grizzly bear.
- How do you keep brown bears off your property? Build a wall.
- Why is a brown bear brown? Because he crawls into his hole every winter.
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Brown Bear Jokes
What funny jokes about brown bear you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bear cub jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make brown bear pranks.
Jon was excited about his new rifle..
... and wanted to try it out, so he went bear hunting. He spotted a small black bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder and he turned round to see a larger black bear. The black bear said "You've got two choices, I either maul you to death or we have s**...." Jon decided to bend over. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Jon soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip, found the black bear, and shot it. Immediately, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a big brown bear stood right next to him. The brown bear said, "That was a huge mistake, Jon. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we'll have rough s**...." Again, Jon thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it was several months before Jon finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the brown bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned round to find a gigantic grizzly bear standing there. The grizzly bear said "Admit it, Jon, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"
The Secret of the Red Shirt
Once upon a time there was a pirate captain. He ran a very successful ship, and rarely lost any battles. He took a boy under him to teach him the trade.
One day, the lookout shouted, "Marine ship to the starboard, bearing down upon us!". The captain immediately shouted to the boy, "Boy, bring me my red shirt!". The ship was boarded, but the captain rallied the pirates and defeated the marines.
Every time a marine ship attacked them, the captain would give the same order to the boy, "Boy, bring me my red shirt!". And they always won. So, one day the boy asked the captain, "What is the secret of the red shirt?". The captain replied, "The secret is that, if I'm injured in the battle, the crew won't see blood and will not falter." The boy was amazed and grew proud about his captain.
Then one day, the came upon an entire fleet of marine ships. Hundreds upon hundreds of marine ships bore down upon them. The boy came running to the captain with the red shirt. The captain shook his head and said, "Bring me my brown pants."
A Czechoslovakian and a Russian go bear hunting.
When they hadn't returned for several days, a search party was dispatched.
The search party followed the two men's tracks until they stopped at two dead brown bears, a male and a female.
They cut open the female, and sure enough, there was the Russian.
They didn't bother with the second bear, because they just assumed the Czech was in the male.
Racing a bear
Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guy drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guy says, 'What are you doing? Sneakers won't help you outrun that bear.' 'I don't need to outrun the bear,' the first guy says. 'I just need to outrun you.'
A Canadian park ranger is giving some ramblers a warning about bears,
Brown bears are usually harmless. They avoid contact with humans so we suggest you attach small bells to your rucksacks and give the bears time to get out of your way. However, grizzly bears are extremely dangerous. If you see any grizzly-bear droppings leave the area immediately.
So how do we know if they're grizzly bear droppings? asks one of the ramblers.
It's easy, replies the ranger. They're full of small bells.
Set up by a 4 year old
True story. This morning my 4 year old granddaughter asked if I new what a baby jumper was. I told told her I didn't know. So she grinned, began jumping up and down, and told me it's a baby that jumps.
Bear with me. I didn't realize her literal answer was just a set up.
She then asked me if I knew what had brown spots and ate leaves. I followed her earlier approach and said a brown spotted leaf eater?
She then really laughed and said in a gotcha voice: No silly! A giraffe!
First trip to the USA
My friend and I visited the USA. We landed at LAX and after an epoch, we cleared Homeland Security and got our luggage.
My friend immediately pulled out a pair of brown, furry, shoulder length gloves and pulled them on. I stared at him. He looked ridiculous - the gloves even had claws.
"What are you doing??" I asked incredulously.
""Exercising my freedom. Now I'm here, I have the right to Bear arms!"
There's a protocol when it comes to bears [Long]
If you go camping, you should carry bells so not to startle a bear and be attacked, and pepper spray in case it does.
It would help to learn the s**... of the bear, so you can avoid areas with dangerous species.
Brown and black bear's is small and dark.
Grizzly's is large, light in color, has bells in it and smells like pepper spray.
A bear walks into a bar
"Sorry we don't serve bears in here" the barman says
"But I'm a big brown bear"
"Sorry we don't serve big brown bears"
Bear is angry and hits the bar with his claw "give me a beer now!"
"Sorry we don't serve bar bashing big brown bears!"
The bear picks up a barstool and smashes it against the ground "I want a beer!"
"Sorry we don't serve barstool breaking bar bashing big brown bears here"
The bear is getting angry and takes a bite from the counter "Give me a beer!"
"Sorry we dont serve drug addicts here either"
The bear is confused "I've never touched a drug in my life!!"
"What about that barbiturate"
I was hiking once with my girlfriend.
Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad.
We must have come close to her cubs.
Luckily I had my 9mm p**... with me.
One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took.
I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
Brown bears vs. grizzly bears
A Canadian park ranger is giving some ramblers a warning about bears, Brown bears are usually harmless. They avoid contact with humans so we suggest you attach small bells to your rucksacks and give the bears time to get out of your way. However, grizzly bears are extremely dangerous. If you see any grizzly-bear droppings leave the area immediately.
So how do we know if they're grizzly bear droppings? asks one of the ramblers.
It's easy, replies the ranger. They're full of small bells.
Brown Bear
A bear walks into a bar and sits down. He bangs
on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.
The bartender approaches and says, We don't
serve beer to bears in bars.
The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.
The bartender tells him again, more forcefully,
We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars.
The bear, very angry now, says, If you don't serve
me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the
end of the bar. The bartender says, Sorry, we don't serve beer to
belligerent, bully bears in bars.
The bear goes to the end of the bar, and as
promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his
seat and again demands a beer.
The bartender states: Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars who are on
drugs.
The bear says, I'm not on drugs.
The bartender says, You are now. That was a
barbitchyouate.