Brotherly Love Jokes
63 brotherly love jokes and hilarious brotherly love puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about brotherly love that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Brotherly Love Short Jokes
Short brotherly love jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The brotherly love humour may include short brother and sister jokes also.
- Yesterday my brother uploaded a status on Facebook. He wrote in his facebook status "I love my girlfriend <3"
I knew that he liked them young but this is getting out of hand. - When I professed my love to a female friend she told me she loved me like a brother... We are from the south so things are going good.
- A girl from Alabama asked me if I found her attractive. I said, "You've got a face only a brother could love."
- My brother's still single on star wars day. Apparently he's been looking for love in Alderaan places.
- "Dad, why's my brother named Cameron?" "Because your mother loves romance and it's an anagram."
"Thanks dad."
"Sure thing Alan." - If the love between men is referred to as "brotherly love," what do you call the love between women? Scissorly love
- My brother has been writing a stage drama about a dictionary and a thesaurus. I'm really looking forward to it. I love a play on words.
- Question: What is a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet? Answer: Arrrrghhh!
Response: Nay! 'Tis the SEA we love!!
*My brother-in-law told me this one! - If you really like a girl and you ask her out, and she says I love you like a brother Suggest a weekend in Alabama.
Unless you are from Alabama, in which case she is your sister. - Big Brother can see every single facet of our lives, we truly have no privacy and no control over own lives. But can Big Brother see why kids love the taste of cinnamon toast crunch?
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Brotherly Love One Liners
Which brotherly love one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with brotherly love? I can suggest the ones about brother and brothers and sisters.
- I love Al Pacino. But it's his brother Cap that really gets me going.
- She told me she loved me like a brother But it was okay.....she was from Alabama
Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Brotherly Love Jokes and Friends
What funny jokes about brotherly love you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean brothers day jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make brotherly love pranks.
One day a farmer wakes up to go check on his cheese cow. He walks up and finds her dead in the grass. The man is so upset he kills himself. Then his wife wakes up. She finds her husband dead and goes to the lake and kills herself. Next the first son wakes up and notices everybody is dead. He goes down to the river and sees a mermaid. She swims up to him and says, "Having a bad day, huh? I'll tell you what. If you make love to me ten times in a row without stopping, I'll bring everyone back to life. But if you don't, I will kill you." He tries to do it, but doesn't make it. She kills him. Then the second son wakes up and after seeing his dead parents, also goes to the river where he sees his dead brother. The same mermaid swims up and tells him what she told his brother. He asks, "If I make love to you 20 times, what will you do?" She tells him, "If you are able to perform 20 times in a row, I will bring everyone back and make you the richest man alive." He then asks, "Well if I do it 20 times in a row, what's stopping you from dying? That's what happened to the cow."
One day a farmer wakes up to go check on his cheese cow. He walks up and finds her dead in the grass. The man is so upset he kills himself. Then his wife wakes up. She finds her husband dead and goes to the lake and kills herself. Next the first son wakes up and notices everybody is dead. He goes down to the river and sees a mermaid. She swims up to him and says, "Having a bad day, huh? I'll tell you what. If you make love to me ten times in a row without stopping, I'll bring everyone back to life. But if you don't, I will kill you." He tries to do it, but doesn't make it. She kills him. Then the second son wakes up and after seeing his dead parents, also goes to the river where he sees his dead brother. The same mermaid swims up and tells him what she told his brother. He asks, "If I make love to you 20 times, what will you do?" She tells him, "If you are able to perform 20 times in a row, I will bring everyone back and make you the richest man alive." He then asks, "Well if I do it 20 times in a row, what's stopping you from dying? That's what happened to the cow."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man and his son were walking through a field, and saw two dogs mating.
The little boy asked his Dad what was happening.
The father replied, “Well, son, they’re making a puppy.”
The following evening, the little boy was thirsty, so he went from his bed to get a glass of water.
Not being able to reach the glasses, he walked unannounced into his parents bedroom, who were making love in their usual m**....
Confused, the boy asked what were they doing.
The dad responded very slowly and caringly to his impressionanle little boy, “Well, son, we are making you a little brother.”
The little boy replied ,”Please turn Mom over, Dad, I’d rather have a puppy!”
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"
The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million
dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."
So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
The mother replied, "Of course, I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university!"
The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
The girl replied, "Oh, good heavens! I LOVE Brad Pitt and I would sleep with him in a heartbeat. Are you nuts?"
The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
"Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?"
The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"
The boy replied, "Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three million dollars, but 'realistically', we’re living with two h***s and a future congressman."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Meaning of... 'potentially' and 'realistically'
A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the
difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"
The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother
if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask
your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars,
and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million
dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."
So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars?"
The mother replied, "Of course, I would! We could really use that
money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university!"
The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars?"
The girl replied, "Oh, good heavens! I LOVE Brad Pitt and I would
sleep with him in a heartbeat. Are you nuts?"
The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with
Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
"Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million
bucks would buy?"
The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between
'potentially' and 'realistically'?"
The boy replied, "Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three
million dollars, but 'realistically', we're living with two h**...
and a future congressman."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jewish Business
A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was trudging through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried towards it, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling ties.
The Taliban asked, "Do you have water"
The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5"
The Taliban shouted, "Infidel! I do not need an over-priced tie! I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!"
"OK, OK" said the old Jewish man, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom."
Muttering, the Taliban staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead, and said "Your f***ing brother won't let me in without a tie!"
A young Russian hockey star comes to America...
After joining a team in the NHL, he quickly establishes himself as a prodigy, and leads them to the Stanley cup in his first year.
He calls his mother to tell her the good news, but she replies; "Don't call here anymore, you're no son of mine."
"But mother, I'm a star, the people in town love me!"
She replies; "Alright, mister star, let me tell YOU something. Last week, your younger brother got jumped by hoodlums just walking home from school. Yesterday, your sister got assaulted right in our front yard. And there's gunshots all around us every night."
She sighs and says "I'll never forgive you for moving us to Detroit."
Susie Lee Done Fell In Love
Susie Lee done fell in love;
She planned to marry Joe.
She was so happy 'bout it all
She told her Pappy so.
Pappy told her, Susie gal,
You'll have to find another.
I'd just as soon yo' Ma don't know,
But Joe is yo' half brother.
So Susie put aside her Joe
And planned to marry Will.
But after telling Pappy this,
He said, There's trouble still...
You cain't marry Will, my gal,
And please don't tell your Mother,
But Will and Joe and several mo'
I know is yo' half brother.
But Mama knew and said, My child,
Just do what makes you happy.
Marry Will or marry Joe,
You ain't no kin to Pappy.
Racist St. Peter
Saint Peter is sitting at the Pearly Gates when two guys wearing dark hoodies, and sagging pants, arrive.
St. Peter looked out through the Gates and said, "Wait here. I'll be right back."
St. Peter goes over to God's chambers and tells him who is waiting for entrance.
God says to Peter:
"How many times do I have to tell you?
You can't be judgmental here. This is heaven. All are loved.
All are brothers. Go back and let them in!"
St. Peter goes back to the Gates, looks around, and lets out a heavy sigh.
He returns to God's chambers and says, Well, they're gone."
The guys wearing hoodies?" asked God.
"No. The Pearly Gates."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
GOD ENJOYS A GOOD LAUGH!
There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He didn't get a fair trial.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a v**... and his Mother was sure He was God.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with His hands.
2. He had wine with His meals.
3. He used olive oil.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut His hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:
1. He was at peace with nature.
2. He ate a lot of fish.
3. He talked about the Great Spirit.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.
But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:
1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. And even when He was dead; He had to get up because there was still work to do.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
God enjoys a good laugh!!
(found on my FB newsfeed)
**There were three good arguments that Jesus was Black:**
* He called everyone brother;
* He liked Gospel;
* He didn't get a fair trial.
**But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:**
* He went into His Father's business;
* He lived at home until he was 33;
* He was sure his Mother was a v**... and his Mother was sure He was God.
**But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:**
* He talked with His hands;
* He had wine with His meals;
* He used olive oil.
**But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:**
* He never cut His hair;
* He walked around barefoot all the time;
* He started a new religion.
**But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:**
* He was at peace with nature;
* He ate a lot of fish;
* He talked about the Great Spirit.
**But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:**
* He never got married;
* He was always telling stories;
* He loved green pastures.
**But the most compelling evidence of all - three proofs that Jesus was a woman:**
* He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food;
* He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it;
* And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do.
Can I get an AMEN!!
A rancher and his family have a milk cow...
A rancher and his family have a milk cow, and not much else to their name. The milk is the sweetest, toppest grade dairy around.
One day, the rancher wakes up and finds his milk cow dead. Unable to face life with his sole source of income gone, he sets up a noose in the barn and takes his life.
The rancher's wife wakes up that same day, and goes to find her husband. When she sees the cow dead, and her husband hanging beside it, she goes to the nearby river and drowns herself.
The rancher's eldest son wakes up, finds the cow, his dad, and his mother all dead. He is approached by a beautiful woman who says that if he can make love to her 10 times in a row, that she will revive his parents and the cow. If he failed, she would kill him.
The eldest son, of course eager, immediately agrees. He doesn't make it, and she kills him on the spot.
The second eldest son wakes up, finds his family dead along with the cow, and is approached by this same mysterious beautiful woman, who proposes the same arrangement. This son, also eager, quickly jumps at the opportunity.
Again, the son falls short and is killed.
The third and youngest son wakes up and finds his family and cow dead, and is approached by the woman.
"Rough day, huh?" She said, offering him the same deal as her brothers.
"So I make love to you 10 times without stopping... and you bring everyone back... What if I make love to you 15 times?"
"Well... I'll bring everyone back, even the cow, and put a mansion where your little ranch is."
"Ok... well what if I make love to you 20 times without stopping?"
Laughing, the mysterious woman says, "Well, I'll give you a great big bag of gold, jewels, and money. So much that you and your family will be set for life."
"Fine, fine... but last question. If I make love to you 20 times without stopping, what's to stop you from dying from it? The milk cow did."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man committed s**... leaving this note:
I married a widow with a grown daughter. My father fell in love with my step daughter and married her, thus becoming my son in-law. My stepdaughter became my stepmother because she was my fathers wife. My wife game birth to a son, who was, of course, my fathers brother in-law and also my uncle for he was the brother of my step mother. My fathers wife also gave birth to a son, who was, of course my brother and also my grandchild, for he was the son of my step daughter, accordingly, my wife was my grandmother because she was my stepmothers mother. I was my wife's husband and grandchild at the same time. And, as the husband of a persons grandmother is his grandfather I am my own grandfather.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Alright, d**.... Native American jokes it is.
"Father, tell me again about how we get our names."
"Well, in our tribe we name our children after the cause of their birth. You sister is named 'Beautiful Doe' because your mother saw a deer so lovely that she came to me passionately. Your brother is named 'Deep Snow' because the storm was so bad your mother and I needed to share our bodies to stay warm."
"Okay father, I understand."
"I'm glad you understand, but why do you ask me this question so often, Broken c**...?"
Mixed Signals
Ben is sitting at home reading a magazine or something, I dunno, and his phone rings. He answers, "Hey, who's this?"
"Sup, Ben. It's Frank," is the reply.
B: "Hey, what's up, man?"
F: "Listen, I need some relationship advice. Can you help me?"
B: "Sure."
F: "Cool, thanks. Anyway, I've been seeing this girl lately. I'm really starting to like her, but I don't know what she's thinking. She's giving me mixed signals."
B: "How so?"
F: "Well, she said that she 'loved me like a brother.'"
B: "That seems pretty clear to me. She obviously just doesn't have a romantic attraction to you."
F: "Yeah, well that's the thing: she's from Kentucky."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two friends join the SAS.
Two friends, Pat and m**..., are trying to join the SAS. After doing all the training their commanding officer in charge tells them, "Now you two must realise that you have to do anything your commanding officer says no question asked, so m**... go into that room there", so m**... walks in. The officer then says to Pat, "Do you think you could kill a friend Pat?", to which Pat replies, "oh no I love all my friends"
"WHAT DID I JUST SAY PAT!"
"Yes sir!" Pat exclaims.
The officer then says, "Do you think you could kill m**..., Pat?"
"Oh never sir m**... is like a brother to me I have kno..."
"WHAT DID I JUST SAY!!"
"Oh right, yes sir"
"Well then take this gun, and walk into that room, where you shall kill m**...", so Pat goes in and 5 minutes later he goes back to his commanding officer and he says, "I've done it sir"
"Well you'll be glad to know that gun was fake Pat and just call m**... back in"
Pat then replies, "I can't sir"
"Why?"
"I strangled him"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two beggars are sitting in the Vatican...
There were two beggars sitting next to each other on the street in Vatican city, one had a large cross around his neck, the other had the star of David.It was a lovely day, the sun was shinning, there were thousands of people walking past the two beggars, but everyone was giving the man with the cross around his neck money, while the man with the star of David got nothing. One morning a high priest walked by the beggars and said the the beggar with the star of David " my friend, you are in Vatican city, all these people that pass you by will give to the man with the cross, they will never give money to a man with a star of David, in fact they will give to the man with the cross just to spite you... The beggar with the star of David, turned the the beggar with the cross and said " hey, Moshe, this s**... is trying to teach the Cohen brothers about marketing"
Brooke Gladstone told this on "On The Media" today. Told it to several people and no one else thought it was nearly as funny as I did except for my brother and my wife.
Okay. So a guy is going down the street and he sees his friend. He hasn't seen him for I don't know how long. And he has this big orange head. And, and he goes up to him and he goes, hey, what's with the big orange head? And he goes, you know, it's a funny story. I was, I was in an antique shop and I found this lamp and I, I rubbed it and a genie came out, it gave me three wishes. And so, I wished for a gorgeous house and, and you see behind me this huge mansion. Yeah, it's really nice. That's the house. And then I wished for a beautiful wife, and, and you see that really lovely blonde coming down the street. That's my wife! And, and then here's where I think I went wrong. I wished for a big orange head.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So, a little boy comes home to hear his sister bawling her eyes out.
...and he goes up stairs, sets his back pack down and goes into his sisters room. "What's the matter sis? What's wrong?" To which the sister replied "Dad just broke the news to me that I am adopted. Paperwork and all." So the boy says "Well, I still love you as my sister. Nothing will ever change that." The sister found that comforting, and gave her brother a kiss. Well, one kiss turned into a few and they end up having s**..., with the revaluation that they are not related and after the funs over, the boy pulls out and sees the c**... is just destroyed. So they talk about what to do, and decide on going to their father. They put their clothes on, walk down the stairs hand in hand and before they could break the news to their dad he jumped out from around the corner and yelled APRIL FOOLS!
A woman pregnant with twins goes into labor unexpectedly.
Her brother drove her to the hospital, since her husband was away on business. It was a very risky delivery, and the doctors had to put her under during the procedure.
The woman woke up and immediately asked, "Are my babies okay?"
The nurse on call said reassuringly, "Oh yes, your children were born healthy, a boy and a girl. However -- your brother had to name them because we needed to get the birth certificates filled out."
Nervously, she asked, "What did he name my daughter?"
"Denise," the nurse replied.
Relieved, the woman said, "That's a lovely name! I was worried he'd come up with something truly awful. And my son?"
"Denephew."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dating a r**...
The only thing worse than the friend zone is the family zone. But when a r**... says she loves you like a brother, its go time.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One morning my gorgeous 18 year old sister came
into my room crying. Dad had finally told her that her real parents were unknown - she was adopted.
I was a good big brother. I put a comforting arm around her, and told her that it doesn't matter, that we'll always love her, and that I thought she was the most wonderful sister in the world. Then, I dunno how it happened, but we kissed, and soon things got really passionate - clothes came off, and... we had the most amazing s**....
Sadly, it didn't last. After I came, I found out the c**... had split. She started crying again, and I got the shakes. We went downstairs, hand in hand, to break the news to dad that his adopted daughter was probably pregnant.
I have never been less amused by the words "April Fools".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
St. Peter...
Saint Peter is sitting at the Pearly Gates when two young b**... from da hood
arrive wearing dark hoodies and sagging pants.
St. Peter looks out through the Gates and said, "Wait here, I'll be right back."
St. Peter goes over to God's chambers and tells him who is waiting for entrance.
God says to Peter, "How many times do I have to tell you? You can't be judgmental here.
This is heaven. All are loved. All are brothers. Go back and let them in!"
St. Peter goes back to the Pearly Gates, looks around, and lets out a heavy sigh.
He returns to God's chambers and says, "Well, they're gone."
"The guys wearing the hoodies?" asked God.
"No. The Pearly Gates."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is walking through the park with his son...
Suddenly the boy exclaims, "Dad! Dad! Look!"
And the man turns to see two dogs h**... wildly.
"What are they doing?" the boy asks.
The man hesitates for a moment and says, "Ah, well son... *They're making puppies!*"
"Wow! Neat!" the boy says, rather astonished.
Later that night – thinking their son is asleep – the man and his wife begin some very passionate love making.
"What are you doing?" they suddenly hear from their doorway. It's their boy!
Shocked and embarrassed they stop. "Well son," the man begins, "Mommy and I were, ah, just making a new little brother or sister for you!"
The boy looks at his dad for a moment, and says, "Well, turn her around! I want a puppy!"
True Story.
My wife and I were shopping with her parents. Lovely people, who had just booked a holiday to New York to visit my brother in-law, who is expecting his first child. In preparation for this they needed to buy new luggage. We were walking around the shopping centre and had a few bags by the time the luggage was bought so we decided to fill the suitcase with them, which my father-in-law rolled about with ease. As the day came to a close and we headed for the car my wife turned and said, 'You know what Daddy? We should take you and that bag with us every time we go shopping.' To which he replied, 'Don't talk about your mother like that.'
Why did the white bassist refuse to play the show?
He had a bass only a brother could love.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman goes into labor with twins.
She all alone, no husband, but excited to meet her son and daughter. Unfortunately, she has a massive s**... during delivery and falls into a coma*.
She wakes up, miraculously, five years later! She has a million questions: are her babies ok? Who has them? How long has it been?! When she learns her brother took guardianship of her children, she's instantly worried. Her brother is an IDIOT! What kind of mess has he made with them?! God, what did he even name them?!
They bring in her kids. She tentatively asks the little girl, "What's your name?"
"Denise." The little girl offers. The woman is relieved. That's not so bad. It's actually kind of lovely. "And you?" she asks the boy.
"Denephew."
What goes 99 clonk, 99 clonk, 99 clonk?
A centipede with a wooden leg!
*^^Joke ^^I ^^found ^^in ^^the ^^Tokyo ^^Ghoul ^^tag ^^on ^^Tumblr, ^^my ^^brother ^^loves ^^this ^^one!*
Grandpa's joke last night.
Two heavy set women are talking by the bar.
The bartender says "You ladies have a lovely accent. Are you from Scotland?" One of them women goes "No, Wales."
The bartender replied "Are you whales from Scotland?"
Then grandpa precedes to explain the joke about them being whales. We were in my younger brothers school for a basketball game and everyone was in earshot.
What is Cersei Lannister's favorite American city?
Philadelphia, the city of brotherly love.
Vincent Van Gogh's Relatives
His Obnoxious brother: Please Gogh.
His Dizzy aunt: Verti Gogh.
His prune-loving brother: Gotta Gogh.
His Convenience-Store-Owner cousin: Stop'n'Gogh
His Constipated uncle: Can't Gogh
The Ballroom dancer aunt: Tan Gogh
His Nephew psychoanalyst: E Gogh
His Fruit Loving cousin: Man Gogh
His sister who loves disco: Go Gogh
His bouncy little Nephew: Poe Gogh.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I am terrible at English...
But I love m**....
**Note: As far as I know my brother came up with this joke and I can't find it on the internet so.**
My brother in jail will send text messages
They're full of prison slang. I think he's trying to say he's sorry and he loves us but I just don't get the con text.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman passes out after giving birth to twins...
She wakes up after two days and panics.
"Where are my babies?!" she yells.
"Your babies are safe and healthy," the nurse says. "You have been asleep for two days, and the hospital has a policy for naming newborns that says they need to be named within 24 hours of birth."
"But I was passed out! Can't I name them now?"
"We had to let your nearest relative, your brother, name them."
The woman freaks out, "My brother! He's such an idiot!... What did he name them? What did he name my daughter?"
"Denise."
"Oh, I love that name! What did he name my baby boy?"
"Denephew."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young boy asked his mother,
"Mom, when was the last time you and dad make a love?"
Mom answered,
"I don't know honey, how old is your older brother?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mamma, why my brother was named Barc?
-Because Barc in reverse is crab. And your mommy loves c**....
-Ah, I see. Thanks for explaining, mom.
-No problem, Lana.
"Dad, how did you come up with my brother's name, 'Legab'?"
"Is it a variation of 'Gabriel' or something?"
"Ah... no sweetie. As you know, your Mom loves bagels so we decided to play with that word".
"Oh... ok. Thanks, Dad!"
"You're welcome, Lana".
A man and a woman are making love...
...when the man notices a picture of another man on the lady's bedside.
The man panics and asks, "Who is this? Is this your husband?"
The woman smiles and says, "No... You're so hot when you're jealous!"
The man is still panicked and asks, "Boyfriend?"
The woman shakes her head.
The man is slightly relieved and asks, "Then who is it? Your father? Brother?"
The woman replies, "No..." She leans into his ear and whispers, "That was me before the surgery."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Becky was on her deathbed...
Becky was on her deathbed.
Her husband, Jake, was maintaining a vigil by her side. He held her fragile hand, tears ran down his face. His praying roused her from her slumber.
She looked up and her pale lips began to move slightly.
My darling Jake," she whispered.
"Hush, my love," he said. "Rest. Shhh.Don't talk."
She was insistent. "Jake," she said in her tired voice. " I have something I must confess to you."
"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Jake. Everything's all right, go to sleep ."
"No, no. I must die in peace, Jake. I slept with your brother, your best friend and your father." "I know," he replied. "That's why I poisoned you"
Two Boll Weavels
There were once two brothers that happened to be boll weavels. They lived in Nashville, TN and both loved country music. One brother desired more than just to destroy crops and listen to the radio, so he learned to play guitar. He got so good, he became a successful country music star. Fame and fortune were no longer a stranger to him.
His brother went to school, where he met his wife, and became a CPA and found a modest job at a local tax firm. The locals often say he is the lesser of two weavels.
A boy was asking out a girl when she replied to his affection with the line "I love you too, but like a brother!"
Saddened by her apparent refusal, he started walking away, until the girl said, "Wait. from where I'm from, that's good."
Confused, the boy asked, "Well, where is that?"
"Alabama."
A brother and sister fell in love and got married....
Guess you could say they were made for each other.
I told my crush I love her but she said I'm more like a brother to her
I decided to take her on a vacation to Alabama.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend told me that she loves me like the way she loves her brother
Only time that I wasn't happy being invited to a t**...
A Guy Caught His GF With Another Man
He went to confront his GF.
Guy : I thought you say I'm the only one you dating.
GF : Ya, the rest are all nine and ten.
Guy : .....bu...but that's your brother.
GF: Sorry but love has no boundaries.
Guy : ...That's what my ex-wife said when she left me.
GF: I know. Mom told me.
When we were kids me and my brother loved to eat salat.
But for some reason our mom didnt lettuce
A girl and her mom are in a car.
Girl: "Why is my name Rose?"
Mom: "Your dad loves roses."
Girl: "Why is my brother named Robin?"
Mom: "Your dad loves the bird."
Girl: "Then why is my sister named Secretary?"
Mom: "That's why we are driving away from home."
Orse?
"Dad, I've always found my brother's name a bit odd. How did you come up with the name 'Orse'?"
"Well, you see, your Mom really loves roses, but we wanted to find a more original name, so we picked an anagram instead: Orse"
"Oh, that's very cool! Thanks, Dad!"
"You're welcome, Lana"
My girlfriend hated that I told blind jokes
Years ago I dated a girl for about 6 months. We got along super well. I met her family, and she met mine. Things were getting pretty serious between us.
The only thing that we really argued about was my blind jokes. I loved saying them and she hated them. In her defense, she had a blind brother so that's why it bothered her. One day I got a call, and found out that she got in a car accident and lost her sight.
After that she just stopped seeing me.