Brother In Law Jokes
53 brother in law jokes and hilarious brother in law puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about brother in law that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Brother In Law Short Jokes
Short brother in law jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The brother in law humour may include short sister in law jokes also.
- My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.
- I told my brother in law, David, to name his son Harley that way I can introduce him as Harley, David's son.
- A new law recently passed in Arkansas. When a man and woman are divorced, they can still be brother and sister.
- My Brother-in-law was addicted to the Hokey Pokey. It was a rough couple of years but he eventually turned himself around.
- My sister-in-law said her friend was studying abroad... My brother quickly replied, "what's her name?"
- In the court: The judge: So is it true you saw your brother beat his mother in law?
Yes, sir
Then why didnt you try to help?
I could see he could handle her himself - Question: What is a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet? Answer: Arrrrghhh!
Response: Nay! 'Tis the SEA we love!!
*My brother-in-law told me this one! - In-laws A son would be a son-in law
A mother would be a mother-in law
A brother would be a brother-in law
But your wife, is the law. - My brother in law was trying to explain something, and was trying to think of a word for the opposite of verbally And I said: oh you mean Nounally!
- What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A Lickalottapuss!
*credit goes to my brother-in-law who recently told me that one
Share These Brother In Law Jokes With Friends
Brother In Law One Liners
Which brother in law one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with brother in law? I can suggest the ones about father in law and son in law.
- What does a black man call a black lawyer? A brother in law
- Turns out my brother-in-law has some kind of psychosis Turns out I'm married to her.
- My dyslexic brother-in-law eats shellfish for anxiety... He says it clams him down.
- My brother-in-law got hit by a truck Now he's semi-conscious.
- My sister married a black man He's a lawyer. So now I have a brother in law.
- Nothing can bring brothers in law closer than a mother-in-law.
- I was with my brother and sister-in-law
- Jesse James married my sister. He's know my brother out-law
Delightful Fun Brother In Law Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about brother in law you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean brother jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make brother in law pranks.
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.
You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took.
You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
You ever cut your grass and found a car.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.
You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.
You own a homemade fur coat.
The people on j**... Springer's show remind you of your neighbors.
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.
The beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction.
People hear your car a long time before they see it.
While my brother-in-law was tapping away on his home computer, his ten-year-old daughter sneaked up behind him.
Then she turned and ran into the kitchen, squealing to the rest of the family: "I know Daddy's password! I know Daddy's password!"
"What is it?" her sisters asked eagerly.
Proudly she replied: "Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk!"
When asked for his name by the coffee shop clerk, my brother-in-law answered, "
Marc, with a C."
Minutes later, he was handed his coffee with his name written on the side: Cark.
Depressed race car mechanic.
Scene: a psychiatrists practice:
'Doc, I'm a mechanic I work for a racecar driver. It's utterly depressing ... I get to fix his car up, maintain it, tune it to perfection. But never -not once- have I been allowed to take it for a spin. It's crushing a depressing to think that such a wonderful thing is out there purring, but I'll never get to enjoy it. ...'
'Well sir, I think I understand just fine, my brother in law has the exact same problem.'
'Is he a mechanic too doc?'
'No, a gynecologist'
A man committed s**... leaving this note:
I married a widow with a grown daughter. My father fell in love with my step daughter and married her, thus becoming my son in-law. My stepdaughter became my stepmother because she was my fathers wife. My wife game birth to a son, who was, of course, my fathers brother in-law and also my uncle for he was the brother of my step mother. My fathers wife also gave birth to a son, who was, of course my brother and also my grandchild, for he was the son of my step daughter, accordingly, my wife was my grandmother because she was my stepmothers mother. I was my wife's husband and grandchild at the same time. And, as the husband of a persons grandmother is his grandfather I am my own grandfather.
Giving up golf
Arthur is 90 years old. He's played golf everyday since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. "That's it," he tells his wife, "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I couldn't see where it went." His wife sympathises with him and makes a cup of tea.
As they sit down, she says, "Why don't you take my brother with you and give it one more try?"
"That's no good," sighs Arthur, "your brother is 103, he can't help."
"He may be 103, but his eyesight is perfect." says the wife.
So the next day Arthur heads of to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway.
He turns to the brother-in-law and says, "Did you see the ball?"
"Of course I did, " replied the brother-in-law, "I have perfect eyesight."
"Where did it go?" asked Arthur.
His brother-in-law looks at him for a full minute and says, "I can't remember!"
A billionaire goes for a drive
... and his Rolls Royce pulls up next to a stoplight, and he notices someone on the side of the road picking grass and eating it. He orders his driver to turn right, and park on the side of the road next to the man. He exits the vehicle and walks up to the man, and asks him, "sir, why are you eating grass?" The man says, "I am hungry, and have no money to eat with, so all I have to eat is grass." The billionaire says to the man, "well then, come with me to my mansion and I'll feed you." The man replies with, "I have children, and a wife." The billionaire replies with, "that's fine, bring them too." The man replies with, "we also live with my brother in law, his wife, and his kids." The billionaire replies, "Bring them all, I'll send to have them picked up." The man asks the billionaire, "why sir are you so kind to us?" The billionaire replies with, "my last lawn crew quit, and the grass in the front acre is nearly 2ft tall."
We are not spinsters
A man has a heart attack and gets rushed to the catholic hospital. Before he is released a nun approaches him about how the hospital will be paid. He states that he has no money no insurance and no job.
The nun asks "Do you have any wealthy family members?" The man says "the only family I have is and old spinster nun just like you.". The nun is offended and snaps "sir, we are not spinsters we are married to our lord Jesus Christ!" The the man snaps back "then send the bill to my brother in law!"
True Story.
My wife and I were shopping with her parents. Lovely people, who had just booked a holiday to New York to visit my brother in-law, who is expecting his first child. In preparation for this they needed to buy new luggage. We were walking around the shopping centre and had a few bags by the time the luggage was bought so we decided to fill the suitcase with them, which my father-in-law rolled about with ease. As the day came to a close and we headed for the car my wife turned and said, 'You know what Daddy? We should take you and that bag with us every time we go shopping.' To which he replied, 'Don't talk about your mother like that.'
Hospital Bill
A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerk called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor.
The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms & a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.
"Do you have health insurance?" she asked.
He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"
He replied, "No money in the bank."
'Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun.
He said, "I only have a spinster sister & she's a nun."
The nun became agitated & announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."
The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law".
:D
"I'm 29 years old today..."
"I'm 29 years old today," said Ralph, setting a box of donuts on the table in the office. His coworkers all wished him a happy birthday.
Next day, Ralph's secretary answers the phone...
"Hello, my name is Carl. I'm Ralph's brother in law, and I'd like to wish Ralph a happy birthday," says the man on the line.
"Birthday? You're a day late. He just told us yesterday he turned 29."
"No," says Carl. "He *was* 29 yesterday. *Today* he's 30."
(based on a true story)
TIFU by telling my brother-in-law I s**... my beard.
He wondered why I would want his sister to be bald.
My brother-in-law, a retired farmer, collects antique tractors.
He has an entire barn full of them, absolutely amazing, not even any room to walk, and all in perfect working order. He confided in me the other day what his worst fear is. "A barn fire?" I asked. "No, not at all. I'm afraid that when I am gone, my wife will sell all my tractors for what I told her I paid for them."
My brother in law just threw this one at me - an original. How do Vulcans keep from getting injured?
Spock absorbers.
My brother-in-law is missing half of his hand due to a horrific logging injury,
so I asked him do you get half off when you get your palm read?
When you get married...
If you have a father, he becomes a father-in-law
If you have a mother, she becomes a mother-in-law
If you have a brother, he becomes a brother-in-law
If you have a sister, she becomes a sister-in-law
But, your wife, she becomes the law.
My brother wants people to be free to rate their pastries however they choose
He's against anti-pie-rating laws
Two guys are drinking in a bar and one says, "Man, I've really had it with my brother in law."
The 2nd guy asks what happened, and the 1st guy tells him, "He had to go to jail last night and he went nuts. He fought, kicked, screamed, and flung a handful of f**... on the wall." The 2nd guy says, "Man he really sounds like a piece of work." The 1st guy says, "Yeah, that's the last time we invite him over to play Monopoly."
I said to my son, "You will be forced into an arranged marriage."
He said no. I replied with, "It is Bill Gates' daughter in law." He said yes.
I called up Bill Gates and said, "Your daughter will marry my son." He said no. I replied with "I am the CEO of the World Bank." He said yes
I called up the world bank and said, "Make me CEO." They said no. I replied with, "Bill Gates is my brother-in-law." They said yes.
I used to think I was the king of being lazy, until I met my brother in law...
I would try to get the title back from him, but honestly I just can't be bothered.
Sophie turner (sansa stark) in brother in law's wedding
Aunties in Indian wedding can be more brutal than Frey's in Red Wedding.
Did she move the painting of Jesus?
Brother: Did your mother in law move the painting of Jesus??
Me: I guess she did but that's weird.
Brother: Why??
Me: I had him nailed up there pretty good!
My Family was mourning the recent loss of my Brother in Law
"I can't believe he's gone" my Wife said
"Me Neither, and to think i just ran into him the other day". i said
"Oh Dear, I cant believe he's just gone all of the sudden, he was always such a stubborn person"
"Yeah i know, He didn't move an inch when i ran into him at the crosswalk".
Two guys who just met at a training class are driving through the city looking for a place to have lunch.
The guy driving is running every red light. The other guy is starting to freak out and says, "Dude?! What the h**... are you doing going through those red lights??" The guy driving says, "Its okay, my brother in law does it all the time." The passenger says, "Well its not okay with me, let me out up here!" They drive a little further up the road and the driver stops at a green light. The passenger says, "Why are you stopped? The light is green." The driver says, "My brother in law might be coming through."
Morris had died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Morris' Last Will and Testament.
Morris had died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Morris' Last Will and Testament.
"To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 150 acres of land, and 1 million dollars.
To my son Barry, I leave my Big Lexus and the new Jaguar.
To my daughter Shirley, I leave my yacht and $250,000.
And to my brother-in-law Aaron, who always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave my treadmill."
They banned talking on mobile phones while driving in Germany
With the new law, a man went to an electronics shop looking for something that would help him to answer his calls, but still keep his focus on driving. The store employee offered to have his brother Hansel ride with him and put the phone up to his ear when it rang.
The man said "No, that won't work. Do you have a Hans-free device?"
After a night of heavy drinking, when I woke up n**... in my sister's bed on New Year's day, I feared the worst.
When my brother-in-law kissed me on the cheek, those fears were realized.
