brothel Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious brothel puns

A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap?

"Because he used to live in a brothel" says the shopkeeper. She pays $15.

When she gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me, a new brothel!" The woman laughs.

When her daughters get home the parrot says: "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!" The girls laughs too.

When the dad gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me Pete, haven't seen you for weeks!"

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What do you call children born in whorehouses?

Brothel sprouts



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A man goes into a brothel

He says to the madam, "Hi, I'm a traveling salesman, I've been on the road for eight weeks. I'll pay $100 for the worst blow-job in the house."

She says, "The worst...? For $100 you can have the *best* blow-job in the house!"

He says, "No, it's all right, I'm not horny, I'm homesick."

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Two drunk men walked in to a brothels m (NSFW)

Two piss-drunk men visited a brothel. The madam takes a look at them and tells her manager: Go and put inflatable dolls in their bedrooms. These guys are too drunk to notice.

After finishing their act, on their way back.........
1st drunk: I think my girl was dead as she never made a noise or made a move. Upon this, the 2nd drunk says: Mine was worse....... I think she was a witch!!!

1st drunk: Why would you say that???

2nd drunk: Well i gave her a little love bite on her bum.....She farted in my face and flew out of the window!

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Not Horny.....

A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!"

The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal."

The trucker replies, "Listen, I ain't horny. I'm homesick."

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A virgin goes to a brothel...

He finds a nice young lady and the two go into a back room. He's never done this type of thing before so the hooker instructs him on what to do, telling him to begin by eating her out.

The man does as he's told, but while orally pleasuring her he comes across a piece of a carrot. He thinks this must be normal so he continues.

Then he comes across a baby pea, again he is somewhat taken aback but he chalks this up to a lack of experience.

Finally he comes across a piece of corn, so he speaks up.

"Miss, are you sick?"

"No, but the last guy was."

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What do you call children who are born into a Whorehouse?

Brothel Sprouts.

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A Portuguese, a Greek, and a Spaniard go into a brothel. Who pays?

Germany.

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A lady walks into a pet store...

She sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 OBO
The lady asks the pet shop owner, "Why so cheap?" The owner says "This bird used to live in a brothel, so he says a lot of inappropriate things." The lady can't pass up the deal and decides to get the bird anyway.
She gets the bird home and the first thing the bird says is "Finally cleaned up this dump, and the new madam isn't bad looking." The lady finds it amusing.
Her two teen daughters get home and the bird says "New whores in the house, business will be booming tonight." The girls are shocked but laugh it off.
A few hours later the woman's husband gets home and the bird says "Hey Jim."

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"Bro, that last chick was hot but...

...I'm still horny as fuck. What can I get with $3?" The Brothel Manager says: "Well, we can give you a Chimp."

Man takes the chimp into a room & gets down to business. Still unsatisfied, he goes back to the manager.

Man: "Hey man, the chimp was alright but I'm still horny as fuck. What can I get for a nickel?

Manager: "Well, we have a live peep show you can jack off to."

The man goes to a corridor where a bunch of dudes were looking thru peep holes. He looks into one and sees a beautiful woman fucking a dog.

Man: "Holy crap. This is insane!"
Another guy next to him said: " No man, this is nothing. Just awhile ago, we saw this dude fucking a chimp!"

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A woman walks into a pet store...

A woman walks into a pet store and sees a handsome bright red parrot. She asks the cashier how much the parrot is. The cashier says, "I'll sell it, but I should warn you, it was donated by a brothel, so it might have picked up some colorful language."

The woman says, "Oh, that's okay." She buys the parrot and takes it home. When she takes the towel off its cage, the parrot looks at her and says, "Awk. New madam. Hello madam."

A few hours later, the woman's two teenage daughters come home from school. The parrot looks at them and says, "Awk. New girls. Hello girls."

A couple hours after that, the woman's husband Phil comes home from work. The parrot looks at him and says, "Awk. Hi Phil."

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Penguin NSFW

A man walks into a seedy brothel. "What can i get for 5 bucks"? he asks. "Not much," the madam replies. "but i suppose you might get a penguin." The man isn't sure what a "penguin" is but, being desperate, he hands over his cash. The madam takes him to a back room and tells him to drop his pants. A prostitute then comes in and starts to give him a fantastic blowjob. He's just about to blow his load when the prostitute gets up and leaves. The man waddles after her with his pants around his ankles. "Hey!" he shouts. "What the fuck is a penguin"?

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A man walks into a brothel...

So a man walks into a brothel. He's a little down on his luck and only has $5. He asks the woman at the front desk, "So what can I get with this?" and hands her the $5. She takes the money and says, "Second door on the left." The man goes to the room and sees a chicken on the bed. He's confused and searches the room for a woman. He fails to do so and looks at the chicken. "Well, I guess it's better than nothing." He proceeds to have sex with the chicken. Turns out it was the best he's ever had.

A week later he comes back with $1. "So, uhh, what can I get for this?" The woman at the front desk says, "First room on the left." He walks into the room and sees a bunch of guys crowded around a hole in the wall. He gets a chance to peek through and sees two sexy lesbians getting it on. "Man, they're really going at it," he says, "This is pretty crazy." One guy from the crowd says, "Oh that's nothing. You should have been here last week, there was a dude fucking a chicken."

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A woman walks into a pet store..

She sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 OBO The lady asks the pet shop owner, "Why so cheap?" The owner says "This bird used to live in a brothel, so he says a lot of inappropriate things." The lady can't pass up the deal and decides to get the bird anyway. She gets the bird home and the first thing the bird says is "Finally cleaned up this dump, and the new madam isn't bad looking." The lady finds it amusing. Her two teen daughters get home and the bird says "New whores in the house, business will be booming tonight." The girls are shocked but laugh it off. A few hours later the woman's husband gets home and the bird says "Hey Jim."

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Sex contest (mildly NSFW)

An Englishman and a Spaniard are in a bar in Amsterdam at midnight when they start bragging to each other about their sexual escapades. After several minutes of back and forth, the Englisman challenges the Spaniard to a contest.

"We'll go to the nearest brothel and see how many times we can shag a girl between now and dawn. Winner gets 100 euros."

So they go down to a brothel and each of them gets a girl and a room. The Englishman screws his girl, makes a tally mark on the headboard, then dozes off. He wakes up a bit later, screws her again, makes another tally mark, and dozes off again. An hour later he wakes up, pounds the girl a third time, and passes out, dead to the world.

At dawn the Englisman is awoken by the Spaniard bursting into the room. He sees at the headboard and says, "One hundred and eleven? Damn it, you beat me by three!"

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Phrase of the day

An American businessman is in Japan for an important contract. Feeling stressed out, he goes to a brothel and finds a cute, young girl. Although shy at first, soon she starts moaning and panting, and keeps on screaming "Soko janai! Soko janai!". While he couldn't speak or understand Japanese, the man is glad to know that he managed to please her so much.

The next day, he strikes the deal, and is invited to play golf with his Japanese associates. On the hardest hole of the course, one Japanese businessman manages to score an impressive hole-in-one. His colleagues start cheering him in Japanese, and the man, not wanting to be left out, starts chanting "Soko janai! Soko janai!". Suddenly everyone goes quiet, and one of them turns to him and says "No sir, I'm sure that's the right hole."

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What does the sign of an out of business brothel say?

Beat it. We're closed.

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So a woman walks into a pet store...

and sees a parrot on sale for 50 bucks. Now, a parrot is a pretty expensive bird, so she asks the man behind the counter why the bird was on sale, and he tells her; "Well the bird used to live in a brothel, so sometimes it says some pretty vulgar things." The woman thinks for a minute, and says, "I guess that's fine. I'll take him". So she brings the bird home and sets its cage up near the front door. When he knows what's going on he says, "new house, new madame!" The woman thinks to herself, "it came from a brothel, so I guess it's just learning". The woman's daughters get home from school and the bird says, "new house, new girls, new madame!". "It will just take time" she thinks. Then the woman's husband gets home and the bird says, "hi Jeff!"

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Man walks into a brothel...

...slaps down $500 on the counter, and tells the Madam that he wants the ugliest, nastiest, most toothless old broad she has, plus a rotten egg sandwich.

The Madam looks back at him, confused, and says "Sir, for this much money, you could have one of our most beautiful women and a steak dinner."

The man replies "I'm not horny, I'm homesick."

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What do you call children that are born into a Whorehouse?

Brothel Sprouts

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My 2nd Parrot joke!

A woman goes to a pet store and buys a parrot. Before she leaves the owner warns her that the Parrot had previously lived in a brothel and might have picked up some salty language. When she gets the bird home he looks around and says "New house."
She puts the bird down in the house and the parrot observes her for a moment before saying "New Madam."
The woman shrugs and thinks that it's not so bad.
Shortly after the woman's two daughters return from school and see the new pet. The Parrot looks at them and says "New girls."
Then her husband comes home from work and the parrot looks over at him and says: "Hi Bill."

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A Scotsman goes into a brothel

in Amsterdam one night and finds himself a nice-looking prostitute.

He asks her, 'How much dae ye charge for an hour?' '€100,' she replies.

So he asks, 'Okay, dae ye dae it Scottish style?' She says 'No!'

He then says 'I'll gie you €200 to dae it Scottish style'. She didn't even know what 'Scottish style' was, but again says, 'No',

He then offers her $300, but she declines his offer, so finally he says, 'Last chance. I'll gie ye €500 to go Scottish style wi' me!'

Finally she agrees, thinking, 'Well, I've been in the game for over 10 years now. I've been there and done that, had every kind of request from weirdos from every corner of the world. How bad could 'Scottish style; be?'

So she goes ahead and has sex with him, doing it in every kind of way and in every possible position. Finally, after several intense hours they finish. Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says, 'That was really fantastic. I've never enjoyed it so much. But I was expecting something perverted and disgusting. Where does the 'Scottish style' come in?'

The Scotsman replies, 'I'll pay ye next week'

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A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks decided to have a pit stop at a brothel...

A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks decided to have a pit stop at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!"

The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal."

The trucker replies, "Listen, I ain't horny. I'm homesick."

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Would the person who schedules the girls at a brothel...

...be called the whore-ganizer?

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A dwarf walks into a brothel with a honeycomb and a donkey.

The brothel keeper asks how she can help him. He says, "I need a woman, because mine has left me."

The keeper says "Why? And what are the honeycomb and donkey for?"
The dwarf says, "My wife found a genie in a bottle, and he granted her three wishes. The first, she asked for a house fit for a queen, so he gave her this honeycomb, the second she asked for the nicest ass in all the land, so he gave her this lovely donkey..."


The keeper asked, "What was the third wish?" "She asked the genie for my cock to hang down past my knees."
"That's not so bad."
"Not so bad?" Spluttered the dwarf, "I used to be six foot three!"

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A man walks into a brothel. NSFW

He goes to the first floor to find a sign that says "slow fucks"

Then he goes to the second floor to find another sign that says "fast fucks"

When he reached the third floor he found a paper on the ground he bend over to pick it up, only to find someone fucking him,he reads the paper, it said "sudden fucks".


Note :Egypt translated joke, sorry for any wrong grammar.

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Barack and Trump found themselves at a local barbershop. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Trump reached for the aftershave. Donald was quick to stop him, saying, "No thanks. My wife, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel."

The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama?" Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like.

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I'm building a brothel for lesbians.

No studs in the building, it's all tongue and groove.

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The Irish brothel

Three Irishmen are sitting in the pub window seat, watching the front door of the brothel over the road.
The local Methodist pastor appears and quickly goes inside.
"Would you look at that!" says the first Irishman, "Didn't I always say what a bunch of hypocrites they are?"
No sooner are the words out of his mouth than a Rabbi appears at the door, knocks, and goes inside.
The second Irishman says "Another one trying to fool everyone with pious preaching and stupid hats!"
They continue drinking their beer, roundly condemning the vicar and the rabbi, when they see their own Catholic priest knock on the door.
"Ah, now dat's sad." says the third Irishman. "One of the girls must have died."

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Three Irishman

Three Irishmen are sitting in the pub window seat, watching the front door of the brothel over the road.

The local Methodist pastor appears, and quickly goes inside.

"Would you look at that!" says the first Irishman.

"Didn't I always say what a bunch of hypocrites they are?"
No sooner are the words out of his mouth than a Rabbi appears at the door,

Knocks, and goes inside.

"Another one trying to fool everyone with pious preaching and stupid hats!"

They continue drinking their beer roundly condemning the vicar and the rabbi

When they see their own Catholic priest knock on the door.

"Ah, now dat's sad." says the third Irishman.

"One of the girls must have died.

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Honest Guy

A truckie who has been out on the road for three weeks steps into a brothel outside Kalgoorlie.
He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, I want your ugliest woman and a burnt chop.!!
The Madam is astonished. 'But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a lovely three-course meal.
The truckie replies, 'I'm not horny . . . . ... I'm homesick.

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What do you call 4 sheep tied to a fence in Wales?

A Brothel :D

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The singing blowjob

A man is at work and here's his coworkers talking about their wild weekend. Apparently the local brothel has a new prospect who can sing while performing falacio. The man must see this so he goes to the brothel and asks for the service. The maiden agreed told him to go in the room put on a blindfold and not to take it off and sit down in and his escort would be in shortly. The escort comes in sees he is ready and starts doing her thing. The escort starts singing and he can't believe it and takes off his blindfold looks down and sees her trickery. The escort, embarrassed, puts on her eyepatch on and leaves.

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I went to a brothel and met a prostitute

I asked her what are the prices?
She said:

Β£20 for a hand job


Β£50 for a blow job


Β£80 for sex


And for Β£120, i'll do anything!


Anything hmmm....


She's now fitting my downstairs bathroom and repainting my living room.

You can ge some real bargains if you shop around!

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"IT'S A BOY!" I shouted. "A BOY! I DON'T BELIEVE IT, IT'S A BOY!"

And with tears streaming down my face, I swore I'd never visit another Thai Brothel...

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What's the difference between a preschool and a brothel?

You mean you don't know the difference? You sick fucks.

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I tried to go to the brothel today but there was a sign on the door

It said "Beat it, we're closed."

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Two guys meet at a bar ...

Says the one: "I am now the proud owner of a brothel!"

Says the other: "Oh nice, how much do you charge?"

"$30 for oral and $50 for anal."

"And how much for normal sex?"

"Well i don't have any employees yet."

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What does the sign on an out of business brothel say?

Beat it, we're closed!

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A married truck driver goes into a brothel

He says to the madam "I'll give you $500 for your ugliest girl and baked beans on burnt toast."

The madam replies "For $500 I'll give you my best looking girl and a 3 course meal."

The truck driver replies "You don't understand, I'm not horny, I'm homesick."

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What do you call children born in Whore Houses?

Brothel Sprouts

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Dirty: A boy was dragging his frog

A 10 year old boy walked into his local brothel dragging a dead frog on a string. The madam answered the door and asked the boy what he wanted.
"I want to have sex with one of your ladies", Said the boy.
"Well we have a fine selection, take your pick son", replied the madam.
"I hear the men in town talk about Alice, that she has a disease", said the boy.
"Why yes, but wouldn't you want a girl who is clean?", inquired the madam.
"No, Alice will do just fine", Said the boy.
So, the boy went back with Alice, and ten minutes later came out happy as a clam, dragging his dead frog on a string.
Upon seeing this, the madam had to ask why he requested Alice, who had a disease.
"Well said the boy, I had sex with her, so I have the disease. When I go home, my dad will come into my room tonight and molest me, so he'll catch the disease. Then, he will go to my mom and give it to her. Finally, when dad goes to work the next morning and the milk is delivered, mom will have a quickie with the milk man in the kitchen....
...and that's the son of a bitch who ran over my frog!

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In hard times, a young woman becomes a prostitute...

For obvious reasons, she tries to keep this hidden from her only relative, her old grandma.

One cold evening, the brothel that the prostitute works in is raided by police. All sex workers are forced to wait in a line outside to show identification and documents.

As luck would have it, nan was in this bad area in town saw her granddaughter in the queue. She asked "Why are you standing in line here dear, are you not cold?". Trying to think of a good alibi, the grand daughter told her that the policeman were handing out free oranges.
Excited by the prospects of free oranges, the old lady said "Why how awfully nice of them, I might get some myself" and went to the back of the line.

A policeman, going down the line for more information looks very suprised when he comes to the four foot eight female yoda. "Wow, how do you keep at it at your age?".

"Well darling, I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back, and suck them dry".

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Two Irishmen were digging a ditch directly across from a brothel.

Suddenly, they saw a rabbi walk up to the front door, glance around and duck inside. 'Ah, will you look at that?' One ditch digger said. 'What's our world comin' to when men of th' cloth are visitin' such places?'Β 

A short time later, a Protestant minister walked up to the door and quietly slipped inside. 'Do you believe that?' The workman exclaimed. 'Why, 'tis no wonder th' young people today are so confused, what with the example clergymen set for them.'Β 

After an hour went by, the men watched as a Catholic priest quickly entered the whore house. 'Ah, what a pity,' the digger said, leaning on his shovel. 'One of th' poor lasses must be ill.'

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A man is new in town

A man is new in town and asks the next passerby for directions:
"Excuse me, could you please tell me where the church is?"
"Yeah, it's on 3rd street."
"What, right next to the brothel?"
"What? No! The brothel is on 17th street."
"Oh, I see. Thank you very much!"

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What do you call a prostitute's children?

Brothel Sprouts

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I caught my husband going to a brothel and I'm not sure what to do now.

On the one hand he is unfaithful, but on the other hand it was nice that he visited me at work.

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What does the sign on an out of buisness brothel say?

Beat it. We're closed

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Two drunk men visit a brothel

The madame takes a look at them and tells her manager: Go and put inflatable dolls in their bedrooms.These guys are too drunk to notice.

After finishing their act ,on their way back ...

1st drunk: I think my girl was dead as she never made a noise or made a move. Upon this the 2nd drunk says: Mine was worse....... I think she was a witch!!!

1st drunk: Why would u say that???

2nd drunk: Well i gave a little love bite on her bum.....She farted in my face and flew out of the window.

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Just looking for a good time.

Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town.

After a few beers they end up at the local brothel.

The madam takes one look at the two old geezers (Art and Gary) and whispers to her manager,
"Go up to the first bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. These two are so old and drunk,
I'm not wasting two of my girls on them. They won't know the difference."
The manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business.

As they are walking home the first man says "you know, I think my girl was dead!"

"Dead? says his friend, "why would you say that?"

"Well, she never moved or made a sound all the whole time I was loving her!"

His friend says "I think mine was a witch!"

"A witch?" says the first" "why the hell would say that?"

"Well " the first man replies "I was making love to her, kissing her neck and when I gave her a little bite
on the neck, she farted and flew out the window!"

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Dishonorable Discharge

A Marine gets into his dress uniform and goes to a brothel. The madam says to him "Hello there soldier, show me what you got".
The marine proceeds to drop his pants and says "watch this... TEN HUT!" and his unit becomes fully erect. He then says "at ease" and it drops. The madam is quite impressed and takes him into the parlor saying "You have got to show this to the other girls"
Arriving in the parlor with about 20 beautiful women in various stages of undress, the marine drops his pants again and says "TEN HUT". once again his manhood stands to attention "at ease" and once again it drop.
The girls start laughing and pointing "do it again, do it again"
Once again the marine says "TEN HUT" and the unit rises. "at ease"... nothing happens "AT EASE"... still rock hard "AT EASE GOD-DAMMIT" ... nothing. So the marine begins masturbating.
"What the fuck are you doing??" shout the women.
The marine replies "any soldier that doesn't follow orders deserves a dishonorable discharge."

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What did the sign on the out of business brothel say?

Beat it, we're closed.

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[NSFW] I went by a brothel and there was a sign in the window

it said "We're closed, so beat it."

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A guy walks into a brothel...

tells the Madame I only have $20 what the best I can get? Madame says go to room 7. Guy goes to room - opens door and sees a chicken - figures ok, whatever, I'll fuck the chicken. Afterwards he thinks to himself - not bad actually. Shows back up 2 weeks later - tells Madame I've only got $10 - what's the best I can get? she sends him to room 8. He Walks in and sees a bunch of men watching a couple having sex on floor - he turns to the guy beside him and says "not bad for 10 bucks eh?" the guy turns to him and says you think this is good you should've been here two weeks ago they had some idiot in there fucking a chicken.

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A man knocks on the door of a supposed to be 'exclusive' brothel

A man knocks on the door of a supposed to be 'exclusive' brothel.

Through a small window in the door,the madam says,"What can I do for you,sir?"

"I'd like to get screwed," he answered.

"This is an exclusive club,"she explains."To join,you must slip a thousand dollars under the door."

The man does so,but the door doesn't open.

So he knocks again and the madam re-appears

The man says,"Hey, I'd like to get screwed."

The madam : "Again ?"

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What does the sign on an out of business brothel say?

Beat it. We're closed

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I went to the brothel the other day but it was closed...

The sign said "Beat it, we're closed."

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What do you call a vegetarian child that was born in a whore house?

A brothel sprout

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Where is the most extravagant brothel in Switzerland, with the most expensive hookers?

The FIFA headquarters.

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A man walks into a brothel

And asks for the madame.

The host says to him "Are you sure? She is our most expensive"

He replies "Yes, I have $1000 ready!"

Shocked at the amount, the host quickly runs up the stairs and grabs the madame and prepares a room for them.

The man walks into the room with the madame and 30 minutes later walks out with a smile on his face and leaves.

The next day, at the exact same time the man returns again with $1000 and only asks for the madame.

Again, the next day the man walks in and asks for her. This time, the madame asks the man "you've been in here 3 times now and have spent a lot of money. Where are you from?"

The man replies "I'm from Berlin. Here for a vacation"

The madame, excited says "My sister is from Berlin!"

To which the man says "I know! I work with her! I told her I was coming here and she wanted to give you $3000!"

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Original joke. Hey! I tried.

I got this friend, he and I can't agree on anything. It's a constant battle.
We go on a trip together every year and this year, after much debate, we decided to take a trip to Las Vegas.
So, we're enjoying our first night in Vegas, we're both a little drunk and my buddy says, "Hey, let's get a hooker." I'm pretty drunk too, so I agree.
We go to a brothel and of course it takes us forever to agree on a girl, but we finally do. A nice young girl named Paige.
So, we go to the room, we all get undressed and start going at it. My buddy and I are both pounding away, I finally catch his eye and I say, "Hey! I'm glad to see we're finally on the same Paige!"

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A woman wish to buy a Parrot. The prices are $50, $100, $400 and $15.Then she asks why the last one is so cheap?

"Because he used to live in a brothel" says the shopkeeper.Then she pays $15.
When she gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me, a new brothel!" The woman laughs.
When her daughters get home the parrot says: "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!" The girls laughs too.
When her husband gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me Pete, haven't seen you for weeks!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?

Beat it. We're closed.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Dragging a dead frog

A thirteen year old boy walks into a brothel dragging a dead frog along behind him by a piece of string. He approaches the head mistress and says, "I want the dirtiest, nastiest, most rotten bitch you have here." She looks at him bewildered and begins to say that he's a bit too young for this when he pulls a huge wad of cash from his pocket and repeats himself, "I want the dirtiest, nastiest, most rotten bitch you have here." Convinced, the head mistress takes him to a back room and accommodates his request. After he and the prostitute finish and she takes the money, she asks, "If you don't mind me asking, I'm the dirtiest, nastiest, most rotten bitch they have here... what did you want with me?" The boy looked up at her while tying his shoes and said, "I just gave you all the savings I have in the world. The way I figure it, you've probably got herpes, hepatitis, who knows, maybe even AIDS. I don't know. What I do know is that tomorrow after school the babysitter is going to molest me. She always does. Later on, when my dad drives her home, he's going to fuck the babysitter in his car. He always does. Then my dad's going to get drunk and fuck my mom. But then, sooner or later, the mailman is going to pay my mom a visit... and that's the motherfucker who ran over my frog!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What do you call children born in a whorehouse?

Brothel sprouts.

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A koala walks into...

a brothel, and chooses one of the ladies of the evening. They go to her room and the koala asks if he can eat her out. The prostitute says "yes", after the koala is done he gets off the bed and starts to leave. The prostitute stops him and says "where are you going, you have to pay me", the koala says "why". The prostitute gets a dictionary and opens it up to the word prostitute, and shows the koala. The description reads "gets paid for having sex". The koala then takes the dictionary and opens it to the word koala. He tells the lady of the evening to read what the description for koala says out loud. "Eats bushes and leaves".

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Koala bear and prostitute

This is the first dirty joke I ever learned.

A koala bear walks into a brothel picks out the best looking girl and heads upstairs with her.

While up there he eats her out like a madman doing things she's never even heard of.

After about an hour he gets up heads out the door.
The girl stops him and demands payment.

The bear doesn't understand. She has him look up prostitute in the dictionary, a person who trades sex for money. Still a little confused he asks what does it say about me.

Koala bear, an Australian native animal that eats bushes and leaves.

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You walk into a brothel...

and you see one man coming down the stairs, another man running up the stairs, and you hear another man in the room with his whore. What nationality are these men?

Well, the man coming down the stairs is Finnish, the man running up the stairs is Russian The man in the room? Himalayan.

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Little Johnny walks in to brothel dragging a dead frog behind him.

Little Johnny walks in to brothel dragging a dead frog behind him., he goes up to the madam sat behind the front desk and says "I need a whore"
"Im sorry" replies the madam "but you're too young."
Jonny slaps down 200 quid on the table.
"Hang on" the madam quickly says "I mite have someone for you"
"Ok but I need her to have syphilis!" states johnny.
... "Im sorry but all our girls are clean"
Again Johnny puts 200 quid on table.
The madam remembers she does have a women with syphilis. She gives Johnny directions, so of he pops dragging the dead frog behind him. Ten minutes later Johnny walks past front desk and thanks the madam.
"Hang on" shouts the madam "can I ask you a couple of questions?""Sure" says Johnny
"First, why did you want a women with syphilis and second why you dragging that dead frog round with you?"
"Well" answers Johnny "Ive shagged the whore and caught syphilis, Ill go home and shag the babysitter so she'll get syphilis, my Dad will take the babysitter home shag her and he'll get syphilis , Dad will come home and shag my mum she will get syphilis, then in the morning my mum will shag the milkman and hes the fucker that ran over my frog!"

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A beautiful young lady works in a brothel [NSFW]

But she would never tell her family or friends about it.

One night during a police raid, all the girls need to get in line outside the brothel.

And while in line, the grandmother of the young lady walks by: "Julie, what are you doing here in the middle of the night?" "Well grandmother, at the front the line they give away free oranges!"
"Free oranges! I'll better get me some." And the grandmother steps in line.

Meanwhile the line gets processed and every girl gets interrogated.
When the cop comes at the end of the line his eyes widen: "What? You? At your age? What are you doing here?"

"Ah it's no problem, I just take it my teeth and suck them dry!"

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What's the difference between

A circus and a brothel?

One has a cunning array of stunts..

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A virgin goes to a brothel for his first time.

The woman takes him into a room and says, "We're going to try this position called 69. I think you'll like it."

He lies down on the bed. She gets on top and they start going at it. Everything is fine for the first few minutes, and then she lets out a huge fart, right in the guy's face. She apologizes and they get back to business.

A few minutes later, she rips another fart, bigger than the first one.

"Oh my god! I'm so sorry! Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," he says. "I don't think I can take another 67 of those, though."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Past& Sees Her.

Susie is a prostitute who doesn't want her gran to know. One day Police raid the brothel & line up the girls outside.The gran walks past& sees her.Quick thinking Susie tells her its a queue for free oranges, so her gran joins the queue. When the Police get to gran, they're surprised& ask her 'how do u do it at your age?'she replies ,I take my teeth out, peel back the skin& suck 'em until they're dry.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

'It's a boy!', I shouted.....

.. and at that moment, I regretted visiting a Thai brothel.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My friend works at a brothel...

One day a japanese man came in. He said: 'I will pay you double for an hour, but I will get an orgasm about 52 times. When I do I go outside take a quick brake and come back.' My friend agrees and the man pays two times the normal prices.

The man goes up and in less then 60 seconds he comes down and runs outside. This happens about 50 times when the japanese man doesn't come back. My friend decides to run after him and he sees and old woman. 'Did you see a japanese man?' He asks. The woman answers: 'No, but a just saw a bus full of japanese driving away.'

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Guy goes to a brothel... (NSFW)

He chooses a girl and they retreat to a room. He goes down on her. A moment later, he lifts his head and spits out a mouthful of corn. A bit perturbed, he resumes anyway. A moment later, he bolts up and spits out a mouthful of carrot bits. Now he's pretty freaked out, but still he resumes. Finally, he lifts his head and spits out a mouthful of English peas.
At this point, he's disgusted, and says, "damn, girl. Are you sick or something?"
"No," she says, "but the guy before you was."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Whats the difference between a brothel and a circus?

The latter is a cunning array of stunts.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What do you call the side door of a brothel in Westeros?

Hodor

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What do you call children who are born into whorehouses?

Brothel sprouts.

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A woman buys a talking parrot that belonged to a brothel house before.She takes the parrot home:

"Oh, new brothel, new dames...cooool ".After a while the daughters come home. The parrot:" Oh, new brothel, new hookers...cooool. "After a while husband comes home. The parrot: "oh, new brothel, new hookers, old friends...hello Bob."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

ITS A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, ITS A BOY".

And with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai Brothel!

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An old man goes into the brothel

He asks for a blowjob, gets it, and leaves unsatisfied after 30 minutes as he couldn't get an erection.
A week later he does the same again. And this repeats week for week.
The fifth time the prostitute asks: "Why are you doing this? You could spare the money as you clearly can't get an erection anymore at your age!"
He replies: "I knew this from the beginning, but I'm not able to clean it anymore by myself".

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What does the sign outside an old brothel say?

Beat it, we are closed.

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Three Irishmen were sitting in a pub, across the road from a brothel...

Three Irishmen were sitting in a pub across the road from the local brothel. As they watched through the window, they saw the Methodist minister creep up to the door of the brothel and slip inside.

"Ah, now - didn't I tell you? They're all a bunch of hypocrites, that lot. Such a shame, a man o' the cloth, giving way to temptation like that."

A few minutes later, the rabbi also entered the brothel.

"Would you look at that? Always acting so pious, but look at 'im now - dirty hypocrite. Givin' way to sins o' the flesh."

As they continued drinking, complaining all the while about the lack of moral standards of the minister and the rabbi, they saw the Catholic priest creep up to the brothel and knock on the door.

"Ah, now - ain't that a shame! One o' the poor girls must be dyin', and the good Father's come to give 'er the last rites!"

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Three Woodcutters & The Whorehouse

Three woodcutters were finishing up a hard, four-month stint in the forest. They had not seen or heard anything other than the trees and the sound of their axes that entire time. They packed up, and headed to the nearest town.

After getting sufficiently drunk, they decided to visit the town brothel. Upon entering, the madam became nervous at the sight of the three men because she had only two girls working that night. She thought on her feet, and decided to bed the drunkest looking woodcutter with a blow-up doll.

After all was done they met downstairs to compare notes. The drunkest woodcutter said: "She was okay at first, but a little too quiet. So I bit her nipple, then she let out a huge fart and flew out the window."

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A man walks into a brothel..

The attendant behind the desk says "Beat it. We're closed".

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A businessman had been away from home for a looooong time.

So, he goes to a brothel and tells the head madam: Listen, I'll give you $200 if you find me a decent girl who can give me an average fuck. The madam told him that for that amount of money she would get him a hot girl who would give him a helluva fuck to which the businessman says: but you don't understand. I'm not horny. I'm just homesick

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[NSFW] The coal-miner's lust

On his payday, coal-miner Joe wanted to get laid, especially now since he was just paid. He goes to a brothel and asks for the finest broad there. The manger says to him "sorry, we don't have any women right now, but you can have sex with a chicken for free." Wanting sex so badly, Joe thinks for a minute and says "well... alright." So he goes into a room with the chicken and business gets done.

He loved the sex so much that he went to the same brothel the next day. He asks the manager "I'd like to have sex with chicken again." The manager says "Sorry pal, no chickens today, but for 5$, you can watch three guys have sex with a woman.' Joe, thinking about how it was cheap and it would probably be fun to watch, agrees. He enter a room full of people watching and sits next to one of the men. Joe leans over to the man and says "Wow! This is pretty weird." The man replies saying "You think that's weird?! Just yesterday we saw a guy fuck a chicken!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Two midgets walk into a brothel.

Determined to get their freak on, they are put in rooms adjoining each other.

The first one walks in to find a beautiful woman naked and willing on the bed. He tries all night to get an erection but fails miserably, meanwhile hearing his mate in the next room going "1, 2, 3, urgh. 1, 2, 3, urgh".

Annoyed that his mate is getting it on in such great fashion, he gives up and goes to sleep.

In the morning he wakes up, leaves the room and bumps into his mate on the lobby. His mate asks him how his night was. "Oh it was terrible, I spent all night trying to get an erection and failed. What about you?" he replies "You think you had a bad night? I spent all night trying to get on the bed!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A koala goes to a brothel

So a koala goes to a brothel and does the deed with the prostitute. When they are finished, he gets up and starts to head out the door. The prostitute stops him and says "Hey! The definition of prostitute is we have sex for money!" The koala looks at her and says, "Well the definition of koala is eats bushes and leaves."

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NSFW I held up a brothel last night...

I told them to give me all their fuckin money.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What is the difference between a coffee shop and a brothel?

My girlfriend never asks for a large black at the coffee shop.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Two Irishmen are doing roadwork outside a brothel.

They see a rabbi approach. The rabbi looks around carefully and then slips inside.



"Ah, would'ya look at that!" says one man to the other. "A man o' the cloth even! Damned shame..."



Shortly after this, a Protestant minister walks up to the brothel before surreptitiously going in.



"Outrageous!" the road worker says. "No wonder our kids today are so confused!"



Finally, a Catholic priest approaches, looks over his shoulder, then darts in.



"Ah, will ya look at that!" says the road worker. "One o' the poor lasses must be sick."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A truck driver stops at a brothel...

He walks up to the Madame, hands her $1000 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a dry turkey sandwich!"

The Madame responds, "Well my dear, for that amount of money you can have two of my best girls and a three-course meal."

The trucker replies, "Listen woman, I ain't horny. I'm homesick."

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What does a sign on an out of business brothel say?

Beat it. We're closed

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A man goes to a brothel

... and picks out a beautiful woman to be with. She leads him upstairs, perfume trailing behind her, long dark hair swishing against her perfect body. They get to a room decorated with velvet and candles and paintings of 18th century ships and she closes the door behind them. She stands in front of the door with one hand on her hip, and the other dangling loosely to her side, her satin robe open in the front and revealing a lacy corset that pushes up the most perfect breasts the man has ever seen.

Nervously, the man asks, "So... how much?"

Her voice dripping with sensuality and desire, she replies, "It's eight hundred dollars for the first hour. You can do whatever you want to me, within reason."

The man blinks, gulps, and stutters, "Eight...eight hundred dollars? Peter Minuit bought the entire island of Manhattan for only *twenty four* dollars!"

The woman replies, "Yeah, but... Manhattan just lies there."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Dead Hooker

A man enters a brothel with only 5$. He asks the madam what he can get for his 5$. She tells him he can fuck the dead hooker in the attic. Seeing as how he doesn't have much choice he agrees. 10 minutes later he comes downstairs and goes back to the madam. He says, "I don't think she was dead. Just as I finished she got a runny nose!". The madam smiles and says, "No, she's dead. That just means she's full."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What's the best part of a redneck brothel?

The family discount

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The town brothel recently closed and left a single sign in the window.

Beat it; we're closed.

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When his brothel went out of business, what sign did the owner hang on the door?

Beat it, We're closed.

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Tyrion walks into a brothel with a honeycomb and a jackass...

Madame: What can we do for you?

Tyrion: I need a woman to lay with, for mine has left me.

Madame: Whatever for? And what's with the honeycomb and the mule?

Tyrion: My woman found a genie in a bottle, and he granted her three wishes. The first was for a house fit for a queen, so he gave her this damn honeycomb. The second wish was that she have the nicest ass in all the land, so he gave her this damn donkey...

Madame: And what about the third wish?

Tyrion: Well... she asked the genie to make my cock hang down past my knee.

Madame: Well that one's not so bad eh?

Tyrion: Not so bad!? I used to be six foot three!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What is the difference between a brothel and a circus?

One is an array of cunning stunts!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Why did the brothel run out of money?

Why did the brothel run out of money? Because all of the investors pulled out.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What does the sign on an out of business brothel say?

Beat it. We're closed.

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I asked God whether or not to open a brothel

He replied "build it and they will come".

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What do you call an entrance to a brothel?

Hodor.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Guy walks into a brothel and says

"I will pay 50.000$ to any woman who can give me a blowjob and sing at the same time" and one woman way in the back says "I can do it but you must turn off the lights".
So the guy agrees and they go to the room where the woman turns off the lights making the room completely dark.
The woman starts to please the guy and while she's doing it the guy can hear her beautiful voice singing and quite good actually.
In the middle of this, someone walks into the room and turns on the lights.
When the guys eyes adjust, he looks around and spots a glass eye on the table.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A small business.

"Hey Jim! Long time no see, how are you?"

*"I'm great John, thanks. I started a small business."*

"Really? In this financial climate? Pretty risky. What kind?"

*"A brothel actually"*

"Cool! What services do you offer?"

*"The usual. Blowjobs, handjobs, and anal."*

"What, no pussy?"

*"Well, as I said its a small business.... I'm a freelancer."*

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I really must get some glasses....

Today I walked into a brothel instead of a barbers!

I asked for a number 2 all over

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A priest, a rabbi, and a pastor are sitting in a bar, across the street from a brothel.

They are sipping their drinks when they see a rabbi walk in to the brothel. "Oy! It's awful to see a man of the cloth give into temptation", says the rabbi.
A short while later, they see a pastor walk into the brothel. "Damn! It's terrible to see a man of the cloth give into such temptation", says the pastor.
In a little bit, they see a priest enter the brothel.
"It's nice to see the ladies, who have been used so poorly, have time to confess their sins", says the priest.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What do you call the babies born in a whorehouse?

Brothel sprouts.

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An 80 year old man visits a brothel looking for a "date"...

but all of the girls are busy, so the madame takes him to her room. Eventually, after the lights go out, the unmistakable sounds of a great and furious copulation are heard. He was huffing and puffing, she was screaming and pleading, the floor was creaking ,and the bed was squeaking, until at last, the act was complete.
After a few minutes the old man caught his breath and said "my God, had I known your pussy was so dry and tight I would have brought some lubrication or something" She starts to pick at her crotch and says "If I had known you could actually get it up I would have taken off my panties!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

"It's a boy!"

I shouted, as I ran from the Thai brothel.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Three parrots are in a pet shop for sale

Priced at Β£170, Β£150 and Β£10.

A woman asks the shopkeeper "Why is that parrot so cheap?"

The shopkeeper replies "Because it used to live in a brothel."

The woman finds this amusing so she buys the parrot. On returning home the parrot takes in its new surroundings and says "Fuck me, a new brothel!". The woman laughs.

A few hours later, her two daughters come home and the parrot pipes up once more "Fuck me, new girls!". The woman and her daughters both laugh.

Later that evening, the woman's husband comes in from work and once more the parrot ejaculates, this time saying "Fuck me Keith, long time no see!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I went to a brothel that took deer as payment

They described it as the best bang for your buck

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What do you call a baby born in a whore house?

A brothel sprout.

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I bumped into my dad in a brothel yesterday, I was speechless…

I thought he worked in a bank.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A guy opens the door to a brothel

And asks, "What can I get for five dollars"

One of the girls looks at him and says, "why don't you go jack off in your car?"

Guy closes the door and comes back 10 minutes later,

'Who do I give the 5 dollars to?'

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A guy walks into a brothel with a donkey and a honeycomb

The brothel owner says "Why do you have an jackass? " Guy says, "I have a big farm, I want to trade it for some time with your girls."

Brothel owner says "Okay, why do you have a honeycomb?" Guy says "I have a lot of bees, was hoping to trade it for some food."

Brothel owner says "Why don't you just eat the honeycomb?"

Guy says, "Same reason I brought the jackass, tired of it."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

It's a boy!

"It's a boy!"

I shouted, as I ran from the Thai brothel.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Yesterday's brothel joke reminded me of this.

So a broke dude goes to the brothel and approaches the bouncer. He tells the bouncer that he is very horny but all he has is $2.

The bouncer tells him that it's enough but he'd have to settle for the dead hooker on the third floor.

The man agrees.

After the deed, the bouncer asks him "how was it?"
"It wasn't bad at all" the man says "but for some reason she had a very runny nose."

"Oh, she must be full"

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What song did the man who lived next door to a brothel sing on his way to work?

Hi ho, Hi ho, it's off to work I go!

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Sign at a Brothel

A sign post at a brothel reads
'DON'T DIE A VIRGIN, THERE ARE TERRORISTS WAITING FOR YOU UP THERE'.

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What do you call a sexy soup kitchen?

A brothel

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A married man on a business trip walks into a brothel.

He walks up to the cashier, puts 500 dollars on the counter and says "I want your worst looking girl and a cold ham and cheese." Shocked, the woman behind the counter says "but sir, for this much you could have one of our best girls and our most expensive dish!" The man nods his head, "I know", he says "I'm not horny lady, I'm homesick"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Man goes into a brothel...

He asks for the best and most experienced prostitute there. He tells her he has been having boring sex with his wife and he needs something new. She asks him "have you had sex in every orifice?" He thinks about for a bit... "yeah" he replies.

So she takes out her eyeball and says "go on, fuck me there". He fucks her eyeball, cums and he loves it. He says "that was great, im coming back next week!"

She says "okay, i will keep an eye out for you."

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What did the pirate say when he walked into the brothel?

arggg! thar she blows

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A truck driver from Alabama who has been driving around the country for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Kansas City.

He walks straight up to the madam, drops $300 and says, I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich.

The madam is astonished. For that kind of money you could have one of my best girls and a three-course meal.

The driver replies, I'm not horny, I'm just homesick.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

If a woman at a brothel accidentally gets pregnant and has a baby,

Is it a brothel sprout?

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A 90 year old man walks into a brothel

Says missy, I want your most beautiful girl

Lady at the counter says mister, get out of here, you've had it

He says I did?, well then how much do I owe you?

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A man walks into a brothel looking for something cheap...

...and the owner tells him, "One of our best prostitutes died a week ago. She's still in her room and I can let you have your way with her for only $2." The man is hesitant at first but ultimately decides to do it because of his lack of funds for anything else. He hands the owner his money and walks into her room.

After an hour or so the man comes back excited and tells the owner, "That was some of the best sex I have ever had! There was no awkwardness whatsoever, she didn't complain in any way, the smell wasn't too unbearable, and she was still warm and juicy. Everything was perfect except for the fact that her nose kept running."

The owner chuckled a little bit and said, "Her nose was running? Don't worry, she's just full."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Where does lonely soup go?

To a brothel.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

An old widower goes into a brothel

An old widower goes into a brothel.

"I want someone who reminds me of my deceased wife," he says.

"Certainly," the madam replies. "Now, was she blonde or brunette?"

"I don't remember." Says the widower.

"Well, was she short or tall?"

"I don't remember."

"Was she petite or voluptuous?"

"I don't remember."

Growing impatient, the madam asks, "What the hell *do* you remember?"

To which he replies "Nothing-that's why I want someone who reminds me!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I got kicked out of a brothel for breaking the "no pets" rule...

I was just trying to get more bang for my buck.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

After a hard and long night's wait, he finally broke down to his knees and began to cry "It's a boy! it's a boy!"

..he was too emotionally drained to leave the Thai brothel.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

After doing 50 years each in the penitentiary, Jim and Joe were finally free.

The first thing they did was head straight to a brothel. The madam noticing that both men were really old and half blind decided she would just pair them each with a blow up doll and hope they wouldn't notice.

After it all went down, the first man tells the other... "I got a bad one Joe, she basically just laid there", to which he replied "better than me, I just poked her and she farted and flew out the window".

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A man walks into a brothel with $100

He comes out with $200 and shows his friends.
"How did you make money in a brothel?" his friends ask.
"It turns out if you can give one of the pros working there an orgasm they'll pay you" he brags.

Over the next few weeks his friends try their hands at it over and over again, but they never succeed in making any money.

Finally one of his friends says "I give up I've spent all my money. You must be a sex PhD."

The man says "Sex PhD just what it says on my business card. But I don't really have a degree I just own this brothel."

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A wife goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot for the family pet

The wife is given an option and since she doesn't have too much money goes for the cheapest one and wonders why it is cheap. The owner tells her it is because it is from a brothel.

When she arrives home the parrot says: "Another new brothel for sex"
Then when the daughter arrives the parrot says: "A new face has come"

Then when the father comes home, the parrot says: "John, I haven't seen you in weeks, would you like the usual?"

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What did the owner of the brothel say to the guy who tried to come in after hours?

"We're closed. Beat it."

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What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?

Beat it. Were closed.

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High class brothel

About a month ago the President of the United States decided he had to get laid. Going to a high-class whorehouse, he found a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette waiting in the downstairs lounge.

"I'm the President of the United States," he said to the blonde. "How much will it cost me to spend a little time with you?"

"Three hundred dollars." was her answer.

To the redhead he posed the same question. She replied, "Five hundred dollars."

He made the same proposition to the brunette.

She replied, "Mr. President, if you can raise my skirt as high as my taxes, lower my panties as far as my wages, get your dick as hard as the times, keep it hard for as long as I have to wait in line at the store, keep me warmer than my apartment in the winter, and screw me like you do the public, believe me, Mr. President, it isn't going to cost you a dime!"

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Herpes

A little boy walks into a brothel dragging a dead frog behind him. He asks for a prostitute with herpes. The lady says "Ok, whatever turns you on" and takes him upstairs. On his way out the lady says "why did you want one with herpes?" the boy says "Well, if I shag her then I get herpes, I go home and shag the babysitter and she gets herpes, my dad comes home and shags the babysitter and he gets herpes, my mum comes home and shags my dad and she gets herpes, the milkman comes round and shags my mum - and THAT'S THE BASTARD THAT KILLED MY FROG!"

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Only 3 inch's

-A guy went to a brothel and he said for the first girl " I have 3 inch penis" .

-she said "Ew.. that gross".

-He went for another girl and said " I have 3 inch penis" .

-She looked disgusted and said "And you call yourself a man".

-He went for the last girl in the brothel and said " I have 3 inch penis" .

-The girl thought for moment and said "A girl gotta make a living..follow me to the bedroom"

-After while the girls heard screams of lust coming from the bedroom and the girl came out from the room totally exhausted and limping , One of them said "What the Fuck happened , he only have 3 inch penis" the girl replied "The Son of bitch measured it by the width ".

*This is a Egyptian Joke and I tried to translate literally "

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ON THE ROAD TOO LONG

A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!"
The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal."
The trucker replies, "Listen, I ain't horny. I'm homesick."

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joke my uncle told me as a kid

so 3 men go into a brothel what are their ethnic backgrounds the guy coming out........ finnish. the guy going in.......... russian. the guy currently in there........ himalayen

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A kinky guy goes into a brothel...

Walks up to the front desk and explains that he's got particular tastes, but he's prepared to pay extra.

The madame reassures him that all their girls are very well trained, and directs him to a room where she promises he will find everything he needs. If not, let the girl know and she can send down for more equipment.

Entering the room, there is a large rack of gear on one wall and a sumptuous bed upon which lounged a voluptuous young woman - he directed her first to don a full body rubber suit. He then selected a medium length whip from the rack, and told the girl to lie down.

Moving back to the door, he flicked the light on and off, intoning in a deep voice, "Lightning!"

He then cracked the whip several times, before chanting the word "Thunder!" The girl was quite bemused by this, then a little startled when he leapt up onto the bed, unzipped and started urinating all over her...

"Rain!" he droned sonorously, before bouncing back to the light switch, cracking the whip, and repeating his chant...

"Lightning, Thunder, Rain!"

This went on for some time, and eventually the girl got fed up, and asked, "well, are you going to fuck me?"

And he says, "what, in this weather?"

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What does the sign out side of a closed brothel say?

Beat it. We're closed.

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A carpenter goes to a brothel.

Had a threesome with two bi whores.

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A woman goes to a pet store to buy a parrot, and notices the price is only $5. She asks the shopkeeper why its so cheap

"Because he used to live in a brothel" says the shopkeeper. She pays $5.

When she gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me, a new brothel!" The woman laughs.

When her daughters get home the parrot says: "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!" The girls laughs too.

When the dad gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me Pete, haven't seen you for weeks!"

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A very lonely, poor man goes to a brothel.

He sheepishly asks for their cheapest prostitute, admitting that he doesn't have much money. "That's no problem," he's told, "go down the corridor to the door at the end." Following the instructions, he finds himself in a dark room with a girl already in bed waiting for him. He strips off and starts having sex with her, but she spits in his face. He's taken aback, but figuring she's cheap for a reason he carries on. She keeps spitting on him though, and after a few minutes he's had enough, leaves the room and complains to the madam. Apologising, she leans into her office and yells "Dave, the corpse is full."

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What are the best Brothel puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Brothel? Well, here are the best jokes about Brothel to have fun with.

Joko Jokes