The Best 96 Broken Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Broken jokes. There are some broken shatter jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these broken broken leg puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Broken Jokes and Puns
A man's fence is broken and he neess to hire someone to fix it
So he goes online to find someone to fix his fence for him but he is unsatisfied with their prices, that is until he finds a Buddhist monk who will do it for free.
He is initially surprised by this and assumes it might be a fake listing, but since it's free he feels like he has nothing to lose so he hires him.
Sure enough a few days later the monk shows up with a toolkit in hand, the man shows the monk that his fence has been ripped out of the ground and that he needs to replace it.
About an hour later the monk walks in and tells the man he is finished, and when the man goes outside he sees that the fence is perfect, thinking he can't just tell the monk to leave after doing such a great job for free he invites the monk inside for a cup of coffee.
The man then starts talking to the monk, "It surprised me to see a monk offering services for fence repair, why do you do it?" he asked
the monk replied "Religious reasons."
The man then says "I don't know much about Buddhism, why do you need to repair fences?"
"Because" the monk replied, "You would be surprised at the amount of karma you get for reposting."
"What are the broken condoms doing on the couch?!"
"Our children have names, Harold!"
Hey girl, are you a broken compass?
Because I'm not really sure where I'm going with this
I think my calculator is broken...
The only numbers that seem to work are 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9. It's very odd.
A Broken Watch
A guy is walking down the street and suddenly notices that his watch has stopped working. As he stands there musing over this discovery, he notices that the display window of a nearby shop has several dozen watches and clocks in it.
The man steps inside the door of the shop and asks the proprietor, "Excuse me, my watch has stopped working. I wonder if you can repair it for me?"
The proprietor looks up from his desk and says, "What are you talking about? I'm not a watchmaker--I'm a mohel. I perform circumcisions."
Confused, the gentleman asks, "Well then why do you have so many watches and clocks in your window?"
The mohel calmly replies, "What would you prefer that I display?"
Tom went to the Police Station
Tom went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
You'll get your chance in court. said the Desk Sergeant.
No, no no! said Tom. I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!
Jets Fan
A guy walks into a bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a Jets jersey helmet and is holding Jets pom poms.
The bartender says,"Hey! No pets allowed in here! You'll have to leave!"
The man begs, "Look I'm desperate. We're both big fans, my TV is broken, and this is the only place we can see the game!"
After securing a promise that the dog will behave and warning him that if there is any trouble they will be thrown out, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game.
The game begins with the Jets receiving a kickoff. They march down field stop at the 30,and kick a field goal. With that the dog jumps up on the bar and begins walking up and down the bar giving everyone a high-five.
The bartender says,"Wow that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! What does the dog do if they score a touchdown?"
"I don't know," replies the owner, "I've only had him for four years."
So a man walks into a donut shop on Dagobah...
And he sees a little green alien behind the counter. He asks for a hot donut.
The alien says, "Broken, our fryer is. Yesterday's donuts, I can sell you. Also, donut ingredients, we still have."
But the man is really craving a warm donut, so he asks, "Are you absolutely sure I can't get a freshly-made donut?"
"Only two options have you!" says the alien. "Dough or donut - there is no fry."
Flying Blind
A Frenchman, Englishman, and an American are flying in an airplane on a cloudy, storming night when suddenly the plane is struck by lightning.
The pilot turns to his three passengers and says, "The plane's GPS is broken. I need each of you to stick your hand out the door, feel around, and tell me which city we are flying over judging by what you touch."
The Frenchman goes first. He opens the door, puts his hand outside of the door, and brings it in a minute later. "We're flying over Paris! I could feel the Eiffel Tower!"
The Englishman is next. He sticks his hand outside and draws it back in a minute later. "I just touched Big Ben! We are just over London!"
Finally, it is the American's turn. He shoves his hand outside the plane and brings it back in immediately. "We're flying over Detroit. I know because my watch just got stolen."
A cowboy is riding across the plain one day,
when he sees an Indian chief laying on the ground with his ear pressed firmly to the earth. Never having seen this before, the cowboy says "Hey chief whatcha doin there." The chief in broken english says "Ugg, buffalo come." The cowboy says "That's amazing chief, how can you tell?" The Chief reply's "Ear sticky."
An Amish Woman
Amish woman(riding a horse and buggy) gets pulled over because reflector on her buggy is broken.. cop says, you might want to have your husband look at your reflector He notices a rope wrapped around the horse's balls… and ma'am, some folks might find that rope offensive . The lady later makes it home and tells her husband about the event. cop says the reflector is busted… and he didn't like the emergency brake neither
You can explore broken hurts reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean broken break dad jokes. There are also broken puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
how do you know asians have broken into your home?
the dog is gone, the homework is done and they're still trying to get out of the driveway
Man goes to a doctor
A man goes to the doctor and says "doctor, I have pain all over my body, everywhere I touch hurt". He then proceeds to point to various parts of his body cringing in pain. The doctor gives him a thorough examination and concludes. "Sir, it appears you have a broken finger".
I have a joke about pizza and a broken pencil
unfortunately it's cheesy and pointless
Man visits a dentist with broken teeth
Dentist.:- how did you manage to break these three teeth. .?
Man:- my wife bakeda bread that was too hard.
Dentist.:- you could have refused to eat it
Man:- that's exactly how this happened...
Women Think Differently
Husband's Text Message by cell phone:
"Honey, got hit by car when I was out of office. Paula brought me to Hospital. They're doing tests and X-rays now. Blow to my head very strong, fortunately it didn't cause serious injury, but I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in left leg, and they may have to amputate right foot.
Wife's Text Response by Cell Phone:
"Who's Paula?"
Does anyone want to buy a broken yo-yo?
No strings attached
Steven Hawking came back from his first date in 10 years. His Glasses were smashed, he had a broken wrist, twisted ankle and grazed knees.
Apparently she stood him up.
Kid: Waaaahhhhh! MY TOY IS BROKEN!
Dad: Nothing a little duct tape can't fix.
Kid: mrnm... mmrm.. rnmr...
A husband sends a text to his wife.
Honey, I got hit by a car outside of the office. Tina brought me to the hospital. They have been taking tests and doing x-rays. The blow to my head is very strong, may be serious. Also, I have 3 broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture on my left leg and they may have to amputate the right foot.
Wife's Response:
Who is Tina?
Little Billy started playing organ when he was 5
Little Billy started playing organ when he was 5. He practiced and practiced every day. He had heard of this orchestra from his town that was really hard to get accepted into. This made him want to practice and practice even more. He even got private lessons with a skilled organist. Finally, the day came. He went to the audition room and started to play, but no sound would come out. The organ was broken. The judge immediately arranged for another organ. As Billy began to play, the organ also creaked and then ceased to make a sound. The judge arranged for yet another organ for Billy, but that one broke down as well. The judge suddenly collapsed to the ground.
At the hospital, the doctors pronounced the judge dead and performed an autopsy.
"The cause of death appears to be multiple organ failure."
What do you call a broken square?
A REKTangle
The Way Women Think
Husband's Message (by text):
"Darling, I got hit by a car outside the office. Paula brought me to the hospital. They have been doing tests and taking X-rays. The blow to my head though very strong, should not have any serious or lasting effect but, I have three broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture of the left leg and they may have to amputate my right foot. Fingers crossed!"
Wife's Response:
"Who's Paula?"
75 story hotel
Phil, Jim, and John were at a convention together sharing a large suite at the top of a . After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear the elevators were broken, and they now had to climb 75 flights of stairs.
Phil said to Jim and John,"let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something more interesting. Hmm, I'll tell jokes the first 25 floors, Jim, you can sing songs the next 25 floors and John you can say your collection of sad stories."
The others agreed and they started the climb for their hotel room. At the 26th floor Phil stopped with his jokes and Jim started his songs. At the 51st floor songs stopped and John's sad stories started.
"I guess I'll begin with my saddest story first. I forgot the room key in the car."
(EDIT) FIXED THE GRAMMAR DAMMIT
I would never bungee jump...
I came into this world because of a broken rubber and I'm not going out cause of one.
Husband send a text to his wife
Husband's text:
>Honey, I got hit by a car outside the office.
Paula brought me to the Hospital.
Doctors presently doing tests and taking X-rays.
Severe blow to my head but not likely to have any lasting effects. Wound required 19 stitches.
I have three broken ribs, a broken arm and compound fracture in the left leg. Amputation of my right foot is a possibility.
Love you.
Wife's response:
>Who's Paula?
What do you call an Italian with a broken arm?
Speech impaired.
"Honey, why are there broken condoms on the backyard?"
And that's when his wife replied shouting: "I ALREADY TOLD YOU TO STOP CALLING THE KIDS THAT!"
So, this guy comes home to find his house was broken into and someone stole all his lamps.
He was delighted.
I came across a broken escalator the other day
All I could do was stair.
Husband: Honey why are there broken condoms on the couch?
Wife: Would you please call our children by their real names.
I finally realized I could no longer keep my broken money making machine.
It just didn't make cents.
People are so unreliable
Waited in all day for someone to come and fix my broken doorbell, but they never turned up.
a husband is about to die...
he goes out with his friends to give them the bad news. he tells them he has an announcement to make
-" i wanted to thank you guys for being there for me, i want to inform you that i have AIDS and i will die in a week. "
everyone was devastated cried and left with their heart a little broken.
when the man arrived home, he told his wife everything. after finishing she screamed:
-"AIDS! why did you tell them you have AIDS? you have cancer, not aids!"
the man turns to his wife and says.
-"im going to die, but im going to make sure no one goes to bed with you too".
Dating when your 30 is like finding a seat at a theater one minute before the show.
The perfect seats are already taken by someone who arrived much earlier than you and of the seats available, the ones in the back are an unfulfilling experience, the ones in the front overwhelm you with discomfort, and the ones that are decent substitutes are either broken or next to kids.
Honey, there are broken condoms on the couch
Dear, we've talked about this- call the children by their names
I'm thinking of giving away my broken marionette.
No strings attached
What do you call an Italian with two broken hands?
Mute
Slip of the Tongue
Joe has a broken leg. Mike comes over and asks, "How you doing', Joe?"
Joe says, "Do me a favor: Run upstairs and get my slippers."
Mike goes upstairs and sees Joe's gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters. He says, "your dad sent me up here to have sex with both of you."
One girl replies, "Get out of here. Prove it?"
Mike shouts down stairs -, "Hey, Joe, both of 'em?"
Joe shouts back, "of course, both of 'em!" What's the point of fuckin' one?"
Patient Doctor, I've broken my arm in several places
Doctor Well don't go to those places.
When I awoke from the accident and they told me my fingers were broken...
it was hard to grasp.
I'm never going bungee jumping.
I came into this world due to broken rubber, I'll be damned if I leave because of it.
**
A man goes to the dentist with some broken teeth...
The dentist asks the man what happened, to which the man responds saying:
"My wife cooked some chicken and roti (Indian flatbread) but the bread was very hard and stiff."
The dentist replied: "You should have told her the bread was too hard and refused to eat it"
To which the man responds:
"Man, that's exactly what I did!"
(A joke originally told to me by my grandfather in Urdu)
Today I wanted to make a broken pencil pun
But there's no point.
Why aren't broken bones a problem in India?
Everyone is already in a caste
I yelled at my wife today for keeping broken condoms on the sofa
She answered that I shouldn't call our kids like that
An Inuit man walks into a pet store...
An Inuit man walks into a pet store holding a dead, bloodied seal, he screams at the owner "SOMEONE HAS CLUBBED MY SEAL, I DEMAND A REFUND!" The owner looks at him and says, "Sorry, warranty void if seal is broken."
I called the doctor this morning, "I think my back's broken"
"What makes you say that?"
"I've got a hunch."
Your cat died
A woman went on vacation, leaving her husband behind. Before she left, she told him to take extra special care of her cat.The next day she called her husband and asked if the cat was all right.
Her husband said: The cat just died.
She burst into tears and said: How could you be so blunt? Why couldn't you have broken the news gradually! Today, you could have said that it was playing on the roof; tomorrow, you could have said that it fell off and had broken its leg; then on the third day, you could have said that the poor thing had passed away in the night. You could have been more sensitive about the whole thing. By the way, how is my mom?
Husband: She is playing on the roof.
A brunette goes to the doctor
A brunette goes to the doctor and says, "Everywhere I touch it hurts."
He asks "What do you mean?"
So she showed him what she meant. She touched her knee and said "Ouch!" Then she touched her chest and said, "Ouch!" Then her shoulder, "Ouch!"
The doctor looks at her and asks, "You're really blonde, aren't you?"
She replies "Yes, as a matter of fact I am. How did you guess?"
Doctor says, "Well your finger is broken."
Mother and son in Grocery store.
A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table.
"What are you doing?" his mother asked.
"The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained.
"I'm looking for the seal." - collected
Body Pain
A brunette goes to the doctor, and says, Doctor I'm hurting all over my body.
That's odd , replied the doctor, Show me what you mean
So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and screams in pain. She touches her knee and cries in agony and so on.
The doctor says, You're not a natural brunette are you?
No I'm a blonde , she replies.
I thought so…. your finger is broken. , replies the doctor.
My friend got offended when I insulted his broken lamp...
Then again dark humour isn't his thing
What do you call a broken can opener?
A can't opener.
Four engineers get into a car.. The car won't start
The Mechanical engineer says: "It's a broken starter".
The Electrical engineer says: "Dead battery".
The Chemical engineer says: "Impurities in the gasoline".
The IT engineer says: "Hey guys, I have an idea how about we all get out of the car and get back in".
How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
With a pumpkin patch
My girlfriend dumped me on 9/11.
That's one way of making sure I'll never forget.
^^^This ^^^isn't ^^^a ^^^joke, ^^^I'm ^^^actually ^^^broken ^^^inside.
Some bloke started talking to me in the pub last night.
"My mate came off his motorbike today," he said.
"Oh really?" I asked.
"Yes," he replied. "He has slight brain damage, two broken arms and is completely blind in one eye."
"Blimey," I said. "No wonder he came off it then."
I've broken my arm in 3 places.
I've decided to stop going to those places.
My Mom told me I shouldn't try bungee jumping...
I came into this world because of broken rubber, shouldn't test my luck and go out the same way.
A broken drum is the best gift for Christmas
You just can't beat it.
On the other hand, a wife would be the worst gift because you definitely can...
A man walks into the doctors.
He says dr it hurts when I touch here
And touches his arm
It also hurts here
And touches his ribs
and here
And touches his back
It hurts here too
And touches his calf
It hurts here
And touches his elbow
and here
And touches his head
It even hurts here
And touches his abdomen
And the dr says -
Yeah you have a broken finger.
I'm having some real trouble mending my broken fence.
Can anyone here give me some tips?
I was told you guys are the best at reposting.
Stephen Hawking has his first date in a long time...
When he returned from the date, he had a twisted ankle, a broken wrist, his glasses were cracked and there was dirt all over his clothes.
Apparently she stood him up.
Why did the vet turn away the injured sea animal?
Do not accept if seal is broken.
Huband: There are broken condoms on our couch
Wife: How many times have I told you not to call our children that?
So the Wolf of Wall Street has the f word used 569 times making almost 3 times a minute
That record was broken by my dad this afternoon while trying to assemble an ikea tv stand
A woman's on vacation and calls home
She asks her husband, "How's my cat doing?"
The husband says, "The cat's dead."
The woman's upset and says, "Well, you could have broken the news to me when I got home. I can't enjoy my vacation now. You could've just said a little white lie, like the cat's on the roof and you can't get her down."
"Okay, I'm sorry," says the husband, "I'll remember that."
The woman says, "Anyway, how's my mother doing?"
The husband says, "Your mother's on the roof and we can't get her down."
v
v
EDIT*: Looks like my CTRL key is broken
How many cops does it need to change a broken light bulb?
No idea, but they beat up the room for being black and the bulb for being broke
If any of you can teach me how to fix a broken hinge...
My door is always open.
I am broken when my name is spoken. What am I?
McDonald's ice cream machine
A Man Walks into His Home
He calls out to his wife, "Honey, why are there two broken condoms sitting on the couch?"
His wife replies, exasperated, "For the last time, can you please call our children by their actual names?"
My horoscope said I was going to get my heart broken in 12 years time
So I bought a puppy to cheer myself up!
An Aussie phones an ambulance because his mate's been just hit by a car
Aussie: Get an ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and ears and I think both his legs are broken.
Operator: What is your location sir?
Aussie:On Eucalyptus Street.
Operator: How do you Spell that sir?
Silence..... (heavy breathing) and after a minute or so...
Operator: Are you there sir?
More heavy breathing and another minute later...
Operator: Sir, can you hear me?
This goes on for another few minutes until...
Operator:Sir, please answer me. Can you still hear me?
Aussie: Yes, sorry bout dat... I couldn't spell
eucalyptus, so I just dragged him around to Oak Street.
I will never go Bungee jumping.
A broken rubber brought me into this world, a broken rubber isnt taking me out
I'm absolutely heartbroken. My Girlfriend has broken up with me over my chronic gambling addiction..
.. Desperate to win Her back.
I've getting feedback that my jokes are in broken English, so here's one in Spanish.
Uno.
A man goes to a doctors office, and says Whenever I touch anywhere on my body, it hurts
He touches his arm, and screams in agony. He touches his shoulder, and screams in agony. The doctor observes all this and says, I think you have a broken finger.
A detective story
11:45 - arrived at crime scene
11:45 - Examined body. Signs of struggle
11:45 - Found murder weapon in drain
11:45 - Realised watch was broken
A football player goes to the doctor and says "It hurts when I touch my face, elbow and knee." The doctor says,
"You've broken your finger"
11:45 Arrive at the crime scene
11:45 Examine body, signs of a struggle
11:45 Found murder weapon in storm drain
11:45 Realize watch is broken
The soviet soldier asked the german how to get to Berlin
Soviet soldier:how do i go to Berlin ?
German: two hundred meters later take the third Reich.
(it was my first english joke ever probably it gonna be the last one sorry for my broken english)
Today I asked my daughter for a phone book...
She said "you're such a boomer" and handed me her phone.
So, now, the spiders dead, my daughters phone is broken, and she's really pissed at me now..
Just helped a cop sweep up some broken glass.
That was my first brush with the law.
Man talking to his wife and asks honey, where did you place the broken condoms?
Wife: please stop referring to our kids as broken condoms, and they are at football practice
The best gift I ever received was a broken drum
you can't beat that.
A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
The desk sergeant replied, "You would get your chance in court."
The man replied, "No, no no. I just want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I have been trying to do that for years."
Every dog has its day….
….but only a dog with a broken tail has a weak end.
You shouldn't write with broken pencils
It's pointless
My broken hard drive got sent back to china for repair.
I had to deport it.
I wanted to post a joke about a broken pencil
But, then I realized there was no point.
Why couldn't the athlete listen to music?
Because she'd broken the record
I got a broken vacuum cleaner today
I want to say it sucks, but it really doesn't
I've broken my last three iphones
Does that make me a Sirial killer?
What do you call a broken bulb and a funny guy?
Dark humour
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the broken broken hand jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working broken broken heart piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.