Broken Jokes

146 broken jokes and hilarious broken puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about broken that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Have you ever told a joke that fell flat? This article will discuss different types of broken bones, what it feels like to break a bone, and how to repair a broken bone. Learn more about broken arms, broken legs, broken fingers, and more, how to recognize the pain associated with a broken bone, and how to help heal it. Discover why broken bones hurt, how smashing something can cause a broken bone, and how to repair a broken bone.

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Funniest Broken Short Jokes

Short broken jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The broken humour may include short break jokes also.

  1. My horoscope said I was going to get my heart broken in 12 years time So I bought a puppy to cheer myself up!
  2. Husband: Honey why are there broken condoms on the couch? Wife: Would you please call our children by their real names.
  3. Kid: Waaaahhhhh! MY TOY IS BROKEN! Dad: Nothing a little duct tape can't fix.
    Kid: mrnm... mmrm.. rnmr...
  4. Honey, there are broken condoms on the couch Dear, we've talked about this- call the children by their names
  5. I'm having some real trouble mending my broken fence. Can anyone here give me some tips?
    I was told you guys are the best at reposting.
  6. My girlfriend dumped me on 9/11. That's one way of making sure I'll never forget.
    ^^^This ^^^isn't ^^^a ^^^joke, ^^^I'm ^^^actually ^^^broken ^^^inside.
  7. I awoke from an accident and was shocked when the doctor told me that my fingers were broken. It was hard to grasp.
  8. I yelled at my wife today for keeping broken condoms on the sofa She answered that I shouldn't call our kids like that
  9. When I awoke from the accident and they told me my fingers were broken... it was hard to grasp.
  10. I asked my teenage son to pass me the phone book He laughed, called me a dinosaur and handed me his iPhone.

    So, the spider is dead. The iPhone is broken and my son is furious.

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Broken One Liners

Which broken one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with broken? I can suggest the ones about shattered and damage.

  1. "What are the broken condoms doing on the couch?!" "Our children have names, Harold!"
  2. Hey girl, are you a broken compass? Because I'm not really sure where I'm going with this
  3. I am broken when my name is spoken. What am I? McDonald's ice cream machine
  4. What do you call a broken square? A REKTangle
  5. What do you call an Italian with a broken arm? Speech impaired.
  6. v v
    EDIT*: Looks like my CTRL key is broken
  7. Why aren't broken bone a problem in India? Everyone is already in a caste
  8. I've getting feedback that my jokes are in broken English, so here's one in Spanish. uno.
  9. I came across a broken escalator the other day All I could do was stair.
  10. Why did the vet turn away the injured sea animal? Do not accept if seal is broken.
  11. What do you call a broken can opener? A can't opener.
  12. If any of you can teach me how to fix a broken hinge... My door is always open.
  13. I've broken my arm in 3 places. I've decided to stop going to those places.
  14. I have a joke about pizza and a broken pencil unfortunately it's cheesy and pointless
  15. What do you call an Italian with two broken hands? Mute

Broken Back Jokes

Here is a list of funny broken back jokes and even better broken back puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Steven Hawking came back from his first date in 10 years. His Glasses were smashed, he had a broken wrist, twisted ankle and grazed knees. Apparently she stood him up.
  • I called the doctor this morning, "I think my back's broken" "What makes you say that?"
    "I've got a hunch."
  • I'm absolutely heartbroken. My Girlfriend has broken up with me over my chronic gambling addiction.. .. Desperate to win Her back.
  • It wasn't much fun last year having a broken neck. But I can look back now and laugh.
  • I bought a pack of those animal shaped biscuits, but had to take them back as the seal was broken...
  • My dad is like a broken boomerang He never comes back
  • Stephen Hawkins goes on a date.... he comes back a couple of hours later with broken glasses, grazed knees, twisted ankle.
    She'd stood him up.
  • Stephen Hawking went on a date the other day. When he went back to his family, he had a dislocated shoulder, 2 broken ribs, and a popped kneecap. It was because she stood him up.
  • Did you hear about the woman who left a zucchini in her car while she went shopping? When she got back, someone had broken in and left her three more.
  • My broken hard drive got sent back to china for repair. I had to deport it.

Broken Leg Jokes

Here is a list of funny broken leg jokes and even better broken leg puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My friend crashed his motorbike. He's brain-damaged and both his legs are broken.
    You know, I'm really not surprised that he crashed his bike then.
  • Me and my friend had a bet that I couldn't beat him in a race. I'm a big guy, so needless to say, I won.
    His mom wasn't too happy to see both of his legs broken though.
  • Why shouldn't you joke about broken legs? Because it's not Humerus
  • What has broken arms, broken legs and is on the bottom of a river? People who tell jokes about the Mafia.
  • Patient asking... Patient asking: "Doctor, it hurts when I press my leg. It hurts, when I press my arm. It hurts, when I press my head. What's that?"Doctor: "You have a broken finger!"
  • What do you call a guy who has broken all his arms and legs? An Ambulance
  • What do you call a Jamaican with a broken leg? Usain Halt.
  • Did you hear about the race between the horses with broken legs? It was lame.
  • What do you call a deer with one eye and a broken leg? I have no eye-deer
  • Repost A friend of mine posted a joke about an ostrich with a broken leg 2 years ago. so many people have reposted it since then that it's still running.
Broken joke, Repost

Broken Arm Jokes

Here is a list of funny broken arm jokes and even better broken arm puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Patient Doctor, I've broken my arm in several places Doctor Well don't go to those places.
  • I told my doctor that I've broken my arm in 2 places. He suggested that I shouldn't visit these 2 places again.
  • What do you call an Irishman with two broken arms? sober
  • I was involved in a car accident today Got away with a broken arm, no idea who it belonged to but now it's mine.
  • What did the seal with the broken arm say to the shark. Do not consume if seal is broken
  • A man went to the doctors office and said "I've broken my arm in several places".... The Doctor tells him "Well, you should stop going to those places".
  • No matter how hard I try, I always seem to be going round in circles. Having a broken arm while in a wheelchair isn't ideal.
  • What do you call an Italian with a broken arm? Speech impediment.
  • A man goes to the doctor A man goes to the doctor and says "Doctor! I've broken my arm in several places!"
    The Doctor looks at him like he's an idiot and says "Well then, don't go to those places..."
  • A Chemist with a broken arm fell in some lava His splint went up in flames

Broken Finger Jokes

Here is a list of funny broken finger jokes and even better broken finger puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A football player goes to the doctor and says "It hurts when I touch my face, elbow and knee." The doctor says, "You've broken your finger"
  • Patient: Doc, it hurts when I touch here (taps forehead), here (taps nose), here (taps chin), pretty much everywhere. Doctor: You have a broken finger.
  • Always making up excuses isn't a good thing. I wish i could explain why but i have broken my finger.
  • Blonde patient went to the doctor Patient. Everywhere I touch it hurts.
    Doctor. You have a broken finger.
  • A man goes to the doctor and says that everywhere on his body hurts when touched. The doctor says; Your finger is broken.
  • "If I touch myself here, here, here, or here, it hurts!" Doctor: Well, your finger appears to be broken.
  • When it comes to broken digits, who can point a finger as to the cause?
  • 'Doctor, Doctor!' 'If I push my finger down on my knees it hurts, and if I push down near my hips it hurts and it even hurts when I push down on my ankles!'
    'I see. You've broken your finger.'
  • I got hit in the nose by a baseball yesterday Except for the broken finger I'm okay
  • Doctor doctor Doctor doctor when I touch my forehead,shoulder,leg and foot it really hurts!
    (Doctor says) no wonder you have a broken finger!!

Broken Foot Jokes

Here is a list of funny broken foot jokes and even better broken foot puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Ouch! You stepped on my foot, I think it might be broken. Maseltoe.
Broken joke, Ouch! You stepped on my foot, I think it might be broken.

Uproarious Broken Jokes to Share with Friends

What funny jokes about broken you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean breaking bad jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make broken pranks.

A man's fence is broken and he neess to hire someone to fix it

So he goes online to find someone to fix his fence for him but he is unsatisfied with their prices, that is until he finds a Buddhist monk who will do it for free.
He is initially surprised by this and assumes it might be a fake listing, but since it's free he feels like he has nothing to lose so he hires him.
Sure enough a few days later the monk shows up with a toolkit in hand, the man shows the monk that his fence has been ripped out of the ground and that he needs to replace it.
About an hour later the monk walks in and tells the man he is finished, and when the man goes outside he sees that the fence is perfect, thinking he can't just tell the monk to leave after doing such a great job for free he invites the monk inside for a cup of coffee.
The man then starts talking to the monk, "It surprised me to see a monk offering services for fence repair, why do you do it?" he asked
the monk replied "Religious reasons."
The man then says "I don't know much about Buddhism, why do you need to repair fences?"
"Because" the monk replied, "You would be surprised at the amount of karma you get for reposting."

I think my calculator is broken...

The only numbers that seem to work are 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9. It's very odd.

A Broken Watch

A guy is walking down the street and suddenly notices that his watch has stopped working. As he stands there musing over this discovery, he notices that the display window of a nearby shop has several dozen watches and clocks in it.
The man steps inside the door of the shop and asks the proprietor, "Excuse me, my watch has stopped working. I wonder if you can repair it for me?"
The proprietor looks up from his desk and says, "What are you talking about? I'm not a watchmaker--I'm a mohel. I perform circumcisions."
Confused, the gentleman asks, "Well then why do you have so many watches and clocks in your window?"
The mohel calmly replies, "What would you prefer that I display?"

Tom went to the Police Station

Tom went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
You'll get your chance in court. said the Desk Sergeant.
No, no no! said Tom. I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!

Jets Fan

A guy walks into a bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a Jets jersey helmet and is holding Jets pom poms.
The bartender says,"Hey! No pets allowed in here! You'll have to leave!"
The man begs, "Look I'm desperate. We're both big fans, my TV is broken, and this is the only place we can see the game!"
After securing a promise that the dog will behave and warning him that if there is any trouble they will be thrown out, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game.
The game begins with the Jets receiving a kickoff. They march down field stop at the 30,and kick a field goal. With that the dog jumps up on the bar and begins walking up and down the bar giving everyone a high-five.
The bartender says,"Wow that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! What does the dog do if they score a touchdown?"
"I don't know," replies the owner, "I've only had him for four years."

So a man walks into a donut shop on Dagobah...

And he sees a little green alien behind the counter. He asks for a hot donut.
The alien says, "Broken, our fryer is. Yesterday's donuts, I can sell you. Also, donut ingredients, we still have."
But the man is really craving a warm donut, so he asks, "Are you absolutely sure I can't get a freshly-made donut?"
"Only two options have you!" says the alien. "Dough or donut - there is no fry."

Flying Blind

A Frenchman, Englishman, and an American are flying in an airplane on a cloudy, storming night when suddenly the plane is struck by lightning.
The pilot turns to his three passengers and says, "The plane's GPS is broken. I need each of you to stick your hand out the door, feel around, and tell me which city we are flying over judging by what you touch."
The Frenchman goes first. He opens the door, puts his hand outside of the door, and brings it in a minute later. "We're flying over Paris! I could feel the Eiffel Tower!"
The Englishman is next. He sticks his hand outside and draws it back in a minute later. "I just touched Big Ben! We are just over London!"
Finally, it is the American's turn. He shoves his hand outside the plane and brings it back in immediately. "We're flying over Detroit. I know because my watch just got stolen."

A cowboy is riding across the plain one day,

when he sees an Indian chief laying on the ground with his ear pressed firmly to the earth. Never having seen this before, the cowboy says "Hey chief whatcha doin there." The chief in broken english says "Ugg, buffalo come." The cowboy says "That's amazing chief, how can you tell?" The Chief reply's "Ear sticky."

An Amish Woman

Amish woman(riding a horse and buggy) gets pulled over because reflector on her buggy is broken.. cop says, you might want to have your husband look at your reflector He notices a rope wrapped around the horse's b**...… and ma'am, some folks might find that rope offensive . The lady later makes it home and tells her husband about the event. cop says the reflector is busted… and he didn't like the emergency brake neither

how do you know asians have broken into your home?

the dog is gone, the homework is done and they're still trying to get out of the driveway

Man visits a dentist with broken teeth

Dentist.:- how did you manage to break these three teeth. .?
Man:- my wife bakeda bread that was too hard.
Dentist.:- you could have refused to eat it
Man:- that's exactly how this happened...

Women Think Differently

Husband's Text Message by cell phone:
"Honey, got hit by car when I was out of office. Paula brought me to Hospital. They're doing tests and X-rays now. Blow to my head very strong, fortunately it didn't cause serious injury, but I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in left leg, and they may have to amputate right foot.
Wife's Text Response by Cell Phone:
"Who's Paula?"

Does anyone want to buy a broken yo-yo?

No strings attached

A husband sends a text to his wife.

Honey, I got hit by a car outside of the office. Tina brought me to the hospital. They have been taking tests and doing x-rays. The blow to my head is very strong, may be serious. Also, I have 3 broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture on my left leg and they may have to amputate the right foot.
Wife's Response:
Who is Tina?

Little Billy started playing o**... when he was 5

Little Billy started playing o**... when he was 5. He practiced and practiced every day. He had heard of this orchestra from his town that was really hard to get accepted into. This made him want to practice and practice even more. He even got private lessons with a skilled organist. Finally, the day came. He went to the audition room and started to play, but no sound would come out. The o**... was broken. The judge immediately arranged for another o**.... As Billy began to play, the o**... also creaked and then ceased to make a sound. The judge arranged for yet another o**... for Billy, but that one broke down as well. The judge suddenly collapsed to the ground.
At the hospital, the doctors pronounced the judge dead and performed an autopsy.
"The cause of death appears to be multiple o**... failure."

The Way Women Think

Husband's Message (by text):
"Darling, I got hit by a car outside the office. Paula brought me to the hospital. They have been doing tests and taking X-rays. The blow to my head though very strong, should not have any serious or lasting effect but, I have three broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture of the left leg and they may have to amputate my right foot. Fingers crossed!"
Wife's Response:
"Who's Paula?"

75 story hotel

Phil, Jim, and John were at a convention together sharing a large suite at the top of a . After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear the elevators were broken, and they now had to climb 75 flights of stairs.
Phil said to Jim and John,"let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something more interesting. Hmm, I'll tell jokes the first 25 floors, Jim, you can sing songs the next 25 floors and John you can say your collection of sad stories."
The others agreed and they started the climb for their hotel room. At the 26th floor Phil stopped with his jokes and Jim started his songs. At the 51st floor songs stopped and John's sad stories started.
"I guess I'll begin with my saddest story first. I forgot the room key in the car."

Husband send a text to his wife

Husband's text:
>Honey, I got hit by a car outside the office.
Paula brought me to the Hospital.
Doctors presently doing tests and taking X-rays.
Severe blow to my head but not likely to have any lasting effects. Wound required 19 stitches.
I have three broken ribs, a broken arm and compound fracture in the left leg. Amputation of my right foot is a possibility.
Love you.
Wife's response:
>Who's Paula?

"Honey, why are there broken condoms on the backyard?"

And that's when his wife replied shouting: "I ALREADY TOLD YOU TO STOP CALLING THE KIDS THAT!"

I finally realized I could no longer keep my broken money making machine.

It just didn't make cents.

People are so unreliable

Waited in all day for someone to come and fix my broken doorbell, but they never turned up.

a husband is about to die...

he goes out with his friends to give them the bad news. he tells them he has an announcement to make
-" i wanted to thank you guys for being there for me, i want to inform you that i have AIDS and i will die in a week. "
everyone was devastated cried and left with their heart a little broken.
when the man arrived home, he told his wife everything. after finishing she screamed:
-"AIDS! why did you tell them you have AIDS? you have cancer, not aids!"
the man turns to his wife and says.
-"im going to die, but im going to make sure no one goes to bed with you too".

Dating when your 30 is like finding a seat at a theater one minute before the show.

The perfect seats are already taken by someone who arrived much earlier than you and of the seats available, the ones in the back are an unfulfilling experience, the ones in the front overwhelm you with discomfort, and the ones that are decent substitutes are either broken or next to kids.

I'm thinking of giving away my broken marionette.

No strings attached

Slip of the Tongue

Joe has a broken leg. Mike comes over and asks, "How you doing', Joe?"
Joe says, "Do me a favor: Run upstairs and get my slippers."
Mike goes upstairs and sees Joe's gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters. He says, "your dad sent me up here to have s**... with both of you."
One girl replies, "Get out of here. Prove it?"
Mike shouts down stairs -, "Hey, Joe, both of 'em?"
Joe shouts back, "of course, both of 'em!" What's the point of f**...' one?"

I'm never going bungee jumping.

I came into this world due to broken rubber, I'll be d**... if I leave because of it.

A man goes to the dentist with some broken teeth...

The dentist asks the man what happened, to which the man responds saying:
"My wife cooked some chicken and roti (Indian flatbread) but the bread was very hard and stiff."
The dentist replied: "You should have told her the bread was too hard and refused to eat it"
To which the man responds:
"Man, that's exactly what I did!"
(A joke originally told to me by my grandfather in Urdu)

Today I wanted to make a broken pencil pun

But there's no point.

An Inuit man walks into a pet store...

An Inuit man walks into a pet store holding a dead, bloodied seal, he screams at the owner "SOMEONE HAS CLUBBED MY SEAL, I DEMAND A REFUND!" The owner looks at him and says, "Sorry, warranty void if seal is broken."

Your cat died

A woman went on vacation, leaving her husband behind. Before she left, she told him to take extra special care of her cat.The next day she called her husband and asked if the cat was all right.
Her husband said: The cat just died.
She burst into tears and said: How could you be so blunt? Why couldn't you have broken the news gradually! Today, you could have said that it was playing on the roof; tomorrow, you could have said that it fell off and had broken its leg; then on the third day, you could have said that the poor thing had passed away in the night. You could have been more sensitive about the whole thing. By the way, how is my mom?
Husband: She is playing on the roof.

A brunette goes to the doctor

A brunette goes to the doctor and says, "Everywhere I touch it hurts."
He asks "What do you mean?"
So she showed him what she meant. She touched her knee and said "Ouch!" Then she touched her chest and said, "Ouch!" Then her shoulder, "Ouch!"
The doctor looks at her and asks, "You're really blonde, aren't you?"
She replies "Yes, as a matter of fact I am. How did you guess?"
Doctor says, "Well your finger is broken."

Body Pain

A brunette goes to the doctor, and says, Doctor I'm hurting all over my body.
That's odd , replied the doctor, Show me what you mean
So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and screams in pain. She touches her knee and cries in agony and so on.
The doctor says, You're not a natural brunette are you?
No I'm a blonde , she replies.
I thought so…. your finger is broken. , replies the doctor.

My friend got offended when I insulted his broken lamp...

Then again dark humour isn't his thing

Four engineers get into a car.. The car won't start

The Mechanical engineer says: "It's a broken starter".
The Electrical engineer says: "Dead battery".
The Chemical engineer says: "Impurities in the gasoline".
The IT engineer says: "Hey guys, I have an idea how about we all get out of the car and get back in".

How do you fix a broken pumpkin?

With a pumpkin patch

Some bloke started talking to me in the pub last night.

"My mate came off his motorbike today," he said.
"Oh really?" I asked.
"Yes," he replied. "He has slight brain damage, two broken arms and is completely blind in one eye."
"Blimey," I said. "No wonder he came off it then."

My Mom told me I shouldn't try bungee jumping...

I came into this world because of broken rubber, shouldn't test my luck and go out the same way.

A broken drum is the best gift for Christmas

You just can't beat it.
On the other hand, a wife would be the worst gift because you definitely can...

Huband: There are broken condoms on our couch

Wife: How many times have I told you not to call our children that?

So the Wolf of Wall Street has the f word used 569 times making almost 3 times a minute

That record was broken by my dad this afternoon while trying to assemble an ikea tv stand

A woman's on vacation and calls home

She asks her husband, "How's my cat doing?"
The husband says, "The cat's dead."
The woman's upset and says, "Well, you could have broken the news to me when I got home. I can't enjoy my vacation now. You could've just said a little white lie, like the cat's on the roof and you can't get her down."
"Okay, I'm sorry," says the husband, "I'll remember that."
The woman says, "Anyway, how's my mother doing?"
The husband says, "Your mother's on the roof and we can't get her down."

How many cops does it need to change a broken light bulb?

No idea, but they beat up the room for being black and the bulb for being broke

An Aussie phones an ambulance because his mate's been just hit by a car

Aussie: Get an ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and ears and I think both his legs are broken.
Operator: What is your location sir?
Aussie:On Eucalyptus Street.
Operator: How do you Spell that sir?
Silence..... (heavy breathing) and after a minute or so...
Operator: Are you there sir?
More heavy breathing and another minute later...
Operator: Sir, can you hear me?
This goes on for another few minutes until...
Operator:Sir, please answer me. Can you still hear me?
Aussie: Yes, sorry bout dat... I couldn't spell
eucalyptus, so I just dragged him around to Oak Street.

I will never go Bungee jumping.

A broken rubber brought me into this world, a broken rubber isnt taking me out

A man goes to a doctors office, and says Whenever I touch anywhere on my body, it hurts

He touches his arm, and screams in agony. He touches his shoulder, and screams in agony. The doctor observes all this and says, I think you have a broken finger.

A detective story

11:45 - arrived at crime scene
11:45 - Examined body. Signs of struggle
11:45 - Found m**... weapon in drain
11:45 - Realised watch was broken

11:45 Arrive at the crime scene

11:45 Examine body, signs of a struggle
11:45 Found m**... weapon in storm drain
11:45 Realize watch is broken

The soviet soldier asked the german how to get to Berlin

Soviet soldier:how do i go to Berlin ?
German: two hundred meters later take the third r**....
(it was my first english joke ever probably it gonna be the last one sorry for my broken english)

Today I asked my daughter for a phone book...

She said "you're such a boomer" and handed me her phone.
So, now, the spiders dead, my daughters phone is broken, and she's really p**... at me now..

The best gift I ever received was a broken drum

you can't beat that.

A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

The desk sergeant replied, "You would get your chance in court."
The man replied, "No, no no. I just want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I have been trying to do that for years."

A person goes to doctor. He has pain in every part of his body

Doctor: when you touch your leg, does it hurt?
Patient: yes
Doctor: when you touch your arm, does it hurt?
Patient: yes
Doctor: when you touch your head, does it hurt?
Patient: yes
Doctor: i think your finger is broken!

A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time

"How wonderful! I hope you don't mind me asking, but what happened to your first husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."
"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms too, and died."
"Oh, how terrible!
I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."
"He died of a broken neck."
"A broken neck?"
"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."

Broken joke, A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time

jokes about broken