Broke Neck Jokes
29 broke neck jokes and hilarious broke neck puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about broke neck that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Broke Neck Short Jokes
Short broke neck jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The broke neck humour may include short broken neck jokes also.
- It wasn't fun when I broke my neck in an accident a few months ago. But now I can look back and laugh.
- Best year of my life! Last year was the best year of my life. Broke my neck and I have never looked back since.
- My girlfriend broke up with me after I snapped her neck She'd prefer if I snapped pictures of her face, but either way, "snapchat is dead like our relationship so goodbye."
- People always keep making jokes about how people died in the Holocaust, my grandpa died during the Holocaust. He fell off of a guard tower and broke his neck.
- Bush Senior broke his neck He was trying to show Jeb Bush how to dodge wrenches, hey Jeb if George can dog a shoe then I can dog wrench!
- Did you hear about the guy that broke his neck at the golf course? .... he slipped and fell off the ball washer
- Alpo I told you that feeding your husband all that dog food would finally kill him!
It wasn't the Alpo, he broke his neck trying to lick his b**....
Share These Broke Neck Jokes With Friends
Broke Neck One Liners
Which broke neck one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with broke neck? I can suggest the ones about breaking neck and broke.
- Yo mama so fat... I pictured her in my head and broke my neck.
- How did the guitarist die? He crashed his pickup into a bridge and broke his neck.
- Yo mama so fat I thought of her in my head and I broke my neck.
Howlingly Hilarious Broke Neck Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about broke neck you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean no neck jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make broke neck pranks.
I'm getting really sick of all the Holocaust jokes...
My great grandfather died at Auschwitz, so I find these jokes really offensive. Granted, he fell out of a guard tower and broke his neck, but I think that still counts.
"Could we change the topic, please?"
Two german friends chat and soon they come to the topic of the Holocaust. One of them then looks very sad and asks his friend: "Could we change the topic, please? I've never told you, but my grandpa died in Ausschwitz."
The other responds: "Sure, man, no problem. But may I ask you, how did your grandfather die?"
"Well, one day he got really drunk, fell from a watchtower and broke his neck..."
I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before he kicked the bucket. He said: "Hey, I wonder how far I can kick this bucket."
Yep, he really put his whole body weight into that kick. So when I moved the bucket last second he fell and broke his neck.
Mother in law and stairs
Two old friends meet each other after a long time:
A: Oh hey, what's new?
B: Nothing much, my mother in law died.
A: Oh really, d**..., how?
B: She went downstairs to the basement to get some potatoes for lunch, fell and broke her neck.
A: That's tragic, what did you do then?
B: We ordered pizza.
George HW Bush fell and broke his neck today
It's in the news. Today George HW Bush fell and broke his neck at home in Maine. Fox news is blaming it on Hillary. Donald Trump said his Mexican Maid pushed him down the stairs.
"Hey Joe, I heard your mother-in-law died!"
"Well yes, that's true, Bob."
"What'd she have?"
"Just a small amount of money and a lot of old books"
"No, I mean, what was wrong?"
"Well, she hadn't written her will and testament yet."
"Not that! I mean, how'd she die?
"Ooh... Well, we were having dinner at her place, she went to the basement to get some potatoes, she fell down, and she broke her neck."
"Ouch. And what did you do when that happened?"
"We got pizzas."
A man relaxing on a nudist beach...
... when a little girl comes up to him and asks "What's that?" pointing at his c**.... The man replies "Well that's my bird". The little girl runs off to play and the man falls asleep.
A little while later the man wakes up screaming in pain. He looks around and see the little girl standing there. "What'd you do?" he shouts. The little girl replies "Well I was playing with the birdy and it spat at me. So I broke its neck, crushed its eggs, and set its nest on fire."
Prices
So I'm sitting there, talking to my friend about the price of buying new York city. When out of nowhere, this girl screams out "OH MY GOD ITS A GOLF CLUB" now naturally, being the s**... person I am, immediately snap my neck 90° and feel my bones shatter. So I scream "gosh darn I broke my neck over a golf club".
Turns out someone got a golf club stabbed through their chest.
I guess it was a real shattering experience for me!
I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about blondes
A blonde got really tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom.
As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, *"I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being s**...!"*
Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe.
The husband said, *"I thought you were hanging yourself."*
She said, *"Yes, I am!"*
The husband replied, *"Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?"*
She said, *"I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."*
s**... Blonde Jokes
A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being s**...!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."
A convict imprisoned for 1st degree m**... escaped from prison.
On the run, he broke into a young couple's house and tied each of them up on opposite sides of the room. He went over to the wife and bent over beside her, appearing to be kissing her neck. He suddenly got up and left the room. Quickly, the husband rushed to his wife and whispered, "This guy probably hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw him kissing your neck and he probably wants to have s**... with you. Just cooperate with him and pretend to enjoy it because our lives depend on it. Be strong and I love you."
His wife whispers back, "You're right, he hasn't seen a woman in years, but he wasn't kissing my neck...he was whispering in my ear. He thinks that you're really cute and asked if there was any l**... in the bathroom. Be strong and I love you too."
Little Girl Walking on the Beach
There was a little girl walking on the beach when she saw a n**... man with nothing but a newspaper covering up his g**.... The little girl walked up to the man and asked "What's under the newspaper?" The man replied " A bird now go away." The girl left and he fell asleep and suddenly woke up in excruciating pain. The doctors asked if anything weird happened to him or if he new, but he couldn't recall anything but the girl so the police found the girl if she new and she replied " I played with the bird under the newspaper until it spit on me then I broke its neck,crushed its eggs, and set its nest on fire."
Sunbathing...
A man was sunbathing n**..., when a little girl came along. He quickly covered himself with a hat and the girl asked him "What's under the hat?" The man said "It's my little bird, but he's shy so move along." The girl compile and moved along while the man went to sleep. He later woke up in a hospital with his groin in pain. He asked the doctor what happened and the doctor brought him to the little girl he had saw before. She explained the story to him. She said "I came back and you were asleep, so I said hi to your bird. I played with him for awhile, but he spat at me! So I broke its neck, burned it's nest, and cracked it's eggs!"
Suzy asked her big sister Samantha how babies are made.
Samantha explains it to her.
"I still don't get it? Can you show me."
Suzy says.
"OK. Tonight, I will let you watch will my boyfriend, Jack and I screw."
That night, Jack laid Samantha 5 times but Suzy still didn't understand.
The next night Jack was tired of Suzy watching so he offered to have s**... with her.
"OK but I don't want Samantha to watch"
So Samantha went outside.
They are in there for almost an hour and when they come out Jack is smiling like crazy.
"That was fun but I still don't get it."
Says Suzy
The next day the same thing happened.
And the next day.
Finally 2 weeks later Samantha comes home crying.
"Whats wrong," Suzy says.
"Jack dumped me. He said there was someone better."
Said Samantha.
"Let's go talk to him maybe we can change his mind," said Suzy.
When they got there Jack said he made up his mind and there was nothing they could do to change it.
Then he asked to speak to Suzy privately.
He pulled off all of Suzy's clothes and started to screw her.
"OK," Jack said kissing Suzy's neck "I broke up with Samantha now tell me how you got to be so good in bed."
"Fine." She replied, "I asked all my other sisters how babies are made."
A n**... guy was sunbathing at the beach, a little girl comes to him, he covers his private parts with a newspaper.
The little girl asks, "hats under there?"
So the man answers , "A bird..."
The girl goes away & the man falls asleep. When he wakes up, he finds himself in a hospital & in alot of pain.
A doctor comes up to his bed & asks, 'What happened?'
The man answers, "I don't know. I was at the beach & fell asleep after talking to a little girl."
So the doctor tells this to the Police, and they go to the beach to find any witnesses.
When they got there, they see the little girl the man was talking about.
So they ask her if she did anything to the man...?
She answers, "I din't do anything to the man, but he was sleeping, I played with his bird, After a while, it spat at me, so i broke its neck, burnt its nest, and smashed all its eggs!"
Once upon a time, there was a guy sunbathing in the n**.
...
He saw a little girl coming towards him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading.
The girl came up to him and asked "What do you have under the newspaper, mister?"
"A bird," the guy replied.
The little girl walked away and the guy fell asleep.
When he woke up, he was in a hospital in tremendous pain.
When the Police asked him what happened, the guy replied, "I don't know.
I was lying on the beach, this girl asked me about my privates, and the next thing I know is I'm here."
Police went back to the beach, found the girl, and asked her "What did you do to that n**... fellow?"
After a little pause, the girl replied, "To him?
Nothing.
I was playing with the bird and it spit on me, so I broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and set its nest on fire."