The Best 97 Broke Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Broke jokes. There are some broke dictaphone jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these broke dated puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Broke Jokes and Puns

I broke my finger yesterday...

... on the other hand, I'm okay.

My bullies broke my MP3-Player at school. Luckily, my parents bought me an MP4 for my birthday, but these idiots destroyed it again.

Tomorrow, I'll bring an MP5.

My girlfriend broke up with me so I took her wheelchair

Guess who came crawling back

Broke joke, My girlfriend broke up with me so I took her wheelchair

A mormon was having an affair with a 15 year old girl who had lied about her age, when he learned the truth he broke it off and over the next few week guilt set in and he confessed to his wife. She screamed at him,

"How could you cheat on me like that with an older woman!?!?!?".

"What are the broken condoms doing on the couch?!"

"Our children have names, Harold!"


My girlfriend broke up with me because she says I'm too 'controlling'.

Funny thing is, I don't remember giving her permission to speak.

I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend but she keeps calling me

Seems like I have to drop the bomb twice.

Broke joke, I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend but she keeps calling me

I broke up with a Japanese girl last week...

It sucked, because I had to drop the bomb twice before she got the message.

I told my doctor that I recently broke my arm in two places.

He told me to stop going to those places.

I broke up with my girlfriend, who is an Optometrist

She meant well, but she was just too annoying in bed. She was always saying, "So, do you like it better like this.... or like this?"

What do you call the drummer that just broke up with his girlfriend?

Homeless.

You can explore broke unbreakable reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean broke shatter dad jokes. There are also broke puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


My telescope broke the other day and I was hoping the local observatory could repair it

They said they'd look into it.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.

It's ok though, she always comes crawling back.

I broke up with this cross eyed girl...

I thought she was seeing someone else.

What did Stephen Hawking say when his computer broke?

The best jokes also teach you something.

In 1954 John Stapp broke a huge record. Using a rocket powered sled that was going 632 mph, he came to a full stop in just over 1 second. He experienced 46.2 G's making his 168 pound body feel for an instant like it was 7,700 pounds and he STILL only felt half as fat as yo mamma.

Broke joke, The best jokes also teach you something.

I don't know why I broke up with my girl at the gym...

I guess we just weren't working out.

What did Mario tell his girlfriend when he broke up with her?

...It's not a you, it's a me, Mario!

"Push harder" I shouted at my wife while she was in labor...

"Push harder" I shouted at my wife while she was in labor.
"Screw you" she screamed back at me.

Bit harsh I thought...... it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to the hospital!


I broke my finger today...

But on the other hand I am completely fine.

A thief

A thief broke in to my house last night........He started searching my house for money so I woke up and searched with him.

I just broke up with my girlfriend who had a lazy eye.

Turns out she was seeing someone on the side.

My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday ..

My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday because of my obsession.
She said, "I'm sick of it. You actually believe that you're a Transformer. It's stupid. I've had enough and I'm leaving you."
I said, "But, Baby, I can change."
She said, "There you go again!"

An 18 y/o boy getting a BJ from and 80 y/o woman and a tightrope walker have the same thought...What is it?

Don't look down!

My Dad broke this one out this morning thought I would share.

I'm really annoyed, my wifes sister sat on my glasses and broke them!

to be fair, it was probably my fault for leaving them on

Broke up with my girlfriend today

It's cool though, she said we can still be cousins.

If I had a dollar for every time I read "OP is a racist"

I'd still be broke. Because I am black and can't read

My mom told me that I objectify women.

When she asked me why I broke up with my last girlfriend I said "it didn't work out." She said "be more specific." I said "I just told you she didn't exercise."

What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?

It was given two consecutive sentences.

I came across a broken escalator the other day

All I could do was stair.

My wife saw her ex high school boyfriend, drunk in the street. She said he started drinking when she broke up with him after graduation decades ago. I said....

....Impressive. .. I've never seen anyone celebrate that long before.

My girlfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much...

What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.

I lost my watch at a party once...

An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was sexually harassing some woman at that party. Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.

My girlfriend and I broke up because of a difference in religious beliefs.

She didn't believe I was God.

If I had $1 for every time I read a racist comment on the internet

I'd still be broke. Because I am black and can't read.

I broke my finger last week.

On the other hand everything is fine.

I told my doctor I broke my arm in 2 places today

He told me not to go back to those places

My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp,

I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again.

My girlfriend just admitted she used to be a Christian, so I broke up with her.

It might seem judgemental, but I have only known her since she was Christine.

A man went to visit his doctor because his arm is hurting.

"Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?" the man pleads.

The doctor rolls up the man's sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk.

"Hello, Doctor," says the arm. "Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I'm desperate!"

"Aha!'' says the doctor. ''I see the problem. Your arm is broke!"

An ugly, broke, single man stood in my way

So I moved the mirror

Why aren't broken bones a problem in India?

Everyone is already in a caste

My girlfriend broke up with me cause I stole her wheelchair

But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.

My sister sat on my glasses and broke them...

I suppose it's my fault for not taking them off first

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to beat the room for being black and one to arrest the bulb for being broke.

My in-laws couldn't cope when their cat unexpectedly had 9 kittens, so my wife told me to put them in a sack and throw them in the river…

I did it but it broke my heart.

I quite liked her dad…

I dated a girl in a wheelchair

She broke up with me because I kept pushing her around.

I said, "why don't you stand up for yourself?"

My girlfriend broke up with me because I'm obsessed with Linkin park

But in the end it doesn't even matter

Thieves broke into my house last night looking for money...

I quickly got up and started looking with em!

How many LAPD officers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They shoot the room for being black and beat up the bulb for being broke.

Yo mama so fat...

I pictured her in my head and broke my neck.

What happened when the escalator broke down?

Everyone stopped and staired! πŸ₯

If someone broke into my house and stole all the lights...

I'd be absolutely delighted

Growing up, my dad said we should treat him like a god...

...so we pretty much ignored him until we were sick, hurt, or broke.

I waved the waitress over to our table.

I said, "Could you get the bill for us?"

She said, "Absolutely."

I said, "Thanks. We're kind of broke."

My girlfriend broke up with me because she said I was too mysterious

Or did she?

So I broke my waterproof speaker, by throwing it into a pool.

I filed a request for a new speaker, but the company responded "it's not our fault the pool was empty".

My friend told me that onions are the only food that makes you cry

So I broke his nose with a coconut.

I broke up with my girlfriend yesterday

**She said:** You'll never find someone like me.

**I said:** That's the point.

My girlfriend broke up with me for stealing her wheelchair

But I'm not bothered, I know she'll come crawling back any day now

I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places...

He said to stop going to those places.

Some girl texted me the space button on her phone is broke

She texted "thespacebuttononmyphoneisbrokencanyoupleasegivemeanalternative" Can someone please tell me what ternative means.

What did Mario say to Peach when they broke up?

It's not you, it's a me a Mario!

When I was in the army, I broke my rifle and had to pay 600$.

I guess that's why the captain always goes down with the ship.

Why did Elon Musk go broke?

Because his car insurance rates were astronomical.

My girlfriend and I broke up today

Her: "I just need time."

Me: "Okay. Yeah, I understand."

Her: "And distance, as well."

Me: "Fine. But can I ask you one last question?"

Her: "Go ahead."

Me: "What are you calculating the velocity of, anyway?"

A robber broke into my house last night looking for money

So I woke up to look with him.

My wife broke up with me yesterday because I'm a compulsive gambler and ever since, all I can think about is...

...how to win her back.

My roommate's cellphone broke

He wants me to let you guys know he's vegan

During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?"

He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now."

I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."

He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."

Someone broke into my house last night and stole my Limbo stick..

How low can you get?

I broke one of my fingers at work today.

On the other hand, everything is OK.

How many cops does it need to change a broken light bulb?

No idea, but they beat up the room for being black and the bulb for being broke

I used to date my english teacher

but she broke up with me due to incorrect use of the colon

My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women, I think she is overreacting.

She asked why I broke up with the last girl and I said

"It didn't work out."

She told me to be more specific so I said

"I just told you, she didn't exercise."

I am broken when my name is spoken. What am I?

McDonald's ice cream machine

I broke up with my Thai girlfriend today.

She was a little bit too cocky for my taste.

Can't believe someone broke into my shed and stole my limbo stick

How low can ya go

My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!

It's not my birthday but a scary looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house

Last week someone broke into my house and stole 20% of my couch.

Ouch.

Your Girlfriend Is Pregnant !

Guy: But doctor that can't be right. We use condoms everytime we have sex.

Doctor: Well, the test result would suggest otherwise. Maybe the condom broke?

Guy: No I'm sure it didn't.

Doctor: Alright then. Let me tell you a story. A guy was wandering in the forest where he encountered a tiger. The tiger looked really ferocious and the guy knew that he was doomed. Cornered, the guy then points his umbrella's tip at the tiger and shouts Bang at the tiger. The tiger died.

Guy: That can't be right. Someone else must have shot the tiger.

Doctor: Exactly.

I broke up with my girlfriend after 5 years, after I found she was a communist.

I should have known, there were red flags everywhere

A guy is having a check up at the doctor's...

"Do you think I will have a long and healthy life?"

"I doubt it" sais the doctor shaking his head "Mercury is in Uranus right now"

"I don't believe in that astrology crap, doc"

"Yeah, neither do I. My thermometer just broke"

How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a lightbulb?

The real question is: who broke the lightbulb and why are they keeping us in the dark?

My girlfriend just broke up with me due to my linkin park obsession.

...But in the end, it doesn't even matter.

Broke my finger today

On the other hand I am ok

I lost my watch at a party

I lost my watch at a party once. An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing some woman at the party. Infuriated I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.

My girlfriend broke up with me for being too un-American

I saw it coming from a kilometre away

My career as a street fighter didn't last very long...

I broke my hand punching a curb.

I broke up with my girlfriend over the internet.

She's now my webex

Everybody call me ugly until they saw my wallet.

They call me ugly and broke.

A young woman goes to a fortuneteller. The fortuneteller tells her that she will be broke and unhappy until she turns fifty.

What happens when I turn fifty? the young woman asks, staring down at the cards.

Oh, nothing, said the fortuneteller. You'll just be used to it by then.

My girlfriend broke up with me. So I took her wheel chair and...

Guess who came crawling back.

My can opener broke.

Now its a can't opener.

My ex broke up with me because she said I was too old fashioned

I thought we had good alchemy

I lost my watch at a party once.

An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing some woman at that party. I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.

I loaned my girlfriend $100 sometime soon after we met. After 3 years, when I broke up with her, she returned exactly $100.

I guess I just lost interest in that relationship.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the broke collarbone jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working broke smash piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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