Fun-Filled Broke Jokes to Boost Your Mood
I broke my finger yesterday...
... on the other hand, I'm okay.
My bullies broke my MP3-Player at school. Luckily, my parents bought me an MP4 for my birthday, but these idiots destroyed it again.
Tomorrow, I'll bring an MP5.
My girlfriend broke up with me so I took her wheelchair
Guess who came crawling back
A m**... was having an affair with a 15 year old girl who had lied about her age, when he learned the truth he broke it off and over the next few week guilt set in and he confessed to his wife. She screamed at him,
"How could you cheat on me like that with an older woman!?!?!?".
"What are the broken condoms doing on the couch?!"
"Our children have names, Harold!"
My girlfriend broke up with me because she says I'm too 'controlling'.
Funny thing is, I don't remember giving her permission to speak.
I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend but she keeps calling me
Seems like I have to drop the bomb twice.
I broke up with a Japanese girl last week...
It s**..., because I had to drop the bomb twice before she got the message.
I told my doctor that I recently broke my arm in two places.
He told me to stop going to those places.
What do you call the drummer that just broke up with his girlfriend?
Homeless.
My telescope broke the other day and I was hoping the local observatory could repair it
They said they'd look into it.
You can explore broke unbreakable reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean broke shatter dad jokes. There are also broke puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.
It's ok though, she always comes crawling back.
I don't know why I broke up with my girl at the gym...
I guess we just weren't working out.
What did Mario tell his girlfriend when he broke up with her?
...It's not a you, it's a me, Mario!
"Push harder" I shouted at my wife while she was in labor...
"Push harder" I shouted at my wife while she was in labor.
"Screw you" she screamed back at me.
Bit harsh I thought...... it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to the hospital!
I broke my finger today...
But on the other hand I am completely fine.
A thief
A thief broke in to my house last night........He started searching my house for money so I woke up and searched with him.
I just broke up with my girlfriend who had a lazy eye.
Turns out she was seeing someone on the side.
My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday ..
My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday because of my obsession.
She said, "I'm sick of it. You actually believe that you're a Transformer. It's s**.... I've had enough and I'm leaving you."
I said, "But, Baby, I can change."
She said, "There you go again!"
An 18 y/o boy getting a BJ from and 80 y/o woman and a tightrope walker have the same thought...What is it?
Don't look down!
My Dad broke this one out this morning thought I would share.
Broke up with my girlfriend today
It's cool though, she said we can still be cousins.
If I had a dollar for every time I read "OP is a racist"
I'd still be broke. Because I am black and can't read
What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?
It was given two consecutive sentences.
My girlfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much...
What a s**... thing to Fallout 4.
If I had $1 for every time I read a racist comment on the internet
I'd still be broke. Because I am black and can't read.
My girlfriend just admitted she used to be a Christian, so I broke up with her.
It might seem judgemental, but I have only known her since she was Christine.
A man went to visit his doctor because his arm is hurting.
"Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?" the man pleads.
The doctor rolls up the man's sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk.
"Hello, Doctor," says the arm. "Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I'm desperate!"
"Aha!'' says the doctor. ''I see the problem. Your arm is broke!"
An ugly, broke, single man stood in my way
So I moved the mirror
My girlfriend broke up with me cause I stole her wheelchair
But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.
My sister sat on my glasses and broke them...
I suppose it's my fault for not taking them off first
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to beat the room for being black and one to arrest the bulb for being broke.
My in-laws couldn't cope when their cat unexpectedly had 9 kittens, so my wife told me to put them in a sack and throw them in the river…
I did it but it broke my heart.
I quite liked her dad…
I dated a girl in a wheelchair
She broke up with me because I kept pushing her around.
I said, "why don't you stand up for yourself?"
How many LAPD officers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They shoot the room for being black and beat up the bulb for being broke.
Yo mama so fat...
I pictured her in my head and broke my neck.
What happened when the escalator broke down?
Everyone stopped and staired! 🥁
If someone broke into my house and stole all the lights...
I'd be absolutely delighted
Growing up, my dad said we should treat him like a god...
...so we pretty much ignored him until we were sick, hurt, or broke.
I waved the waitress over to our table.
I said, "Could you get the bill for us?"
She said, "Absolutely."
I said, "Thanks. We're kind of broke."
My girlfriend broke up with me because she said I was too mysterious
Or did she?
So I broke my waterproof speaker, by throwing it into a pool.
I filed a request for a new speaker, but the company responded "it's not our fault the pool was empty".
My friend told me that onions are the only food that makes you cry
So I broke his nose with a coconut.
My girlfriend broke up with me for stealing her wheelchair
But I'm not bothered, I know she'll come crawling back any day now
I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places...
He said to stop going to those places.
What did Mario say to Peach when they broke up?
It's not you, it's a me a Mario!
When I was in the army, I broke my rifle and had to pay 600$.
I guess that's why the captain always goes down with the ship.
Why did Elon Musk go broke?
Because his car insurance rates were astronomical.
My girlfriend and I broke up today
Her: "I just need time."
Me: "Okay. Yeah, I understand."
Her: "And distance, as well."
Me: "Fine. But can I ask you one last question?"
Her: "Go ahead."
Me: "What are you calculating the velocity of, anyway?"
A robber broke into my house last night looking for money
So I woke up to look with him.
My wife broke up with me yesterday because I'm a compulsive gambler and ever since, all I can think about is...
...how to win her back.
My roommate's cellphone broke
He wants me to let you guys know he's vegan
During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?"
He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now."
I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."
He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."
Someone broke into my house last night and stole my Limbo stick..
How low can you get?
I broke one of my fingers at work today.
On the other hand, everything is OK.
I used to date my english teacher
but she broke up with me due to incorrect use of the colon
My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women, I think she is overreacting.
She asked why I broke up with the last girl and I said
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific so I said
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."
I am broken when my name is spoken. What am I?
McDonald's ice cream machine
Can't believe someone broke into my shed and stole my limbo stick
How low can ya go
My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!
It's not my birthday but a scary looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house
Last week someone broke into my house and stole 20% of my couch.
Ouch.
Your Girlfriend Is Pregnant !
Guy: But doctor that can't be right. We use condoms everytime we have s**....
Doctor: Well, the test result would suggest otherwise. Maybe the c**... broke?
Guy: No I'm sure it didn't.
Doctor: Alright then. Let me tell you a story. A guy was wandering in the forest where he encountered a tiger. The tiger looked really ferocious and the guy knew that he was doomed. Cornered, the guy then points his umbrella's tip at the tiger and shouts Bang at the tiger. The tiger died.
Guy: That can't be right. Someone else must have shot the tiger.
Doctor: Exactly.
I broke up with my girlfriend after 5 years, after I found she was a communist.
I should have known, there were red flags everywhere
A guy is having a check up at the doctor's...
"Do you think I will have a long and healthy life?"
"I doubt it" sais the doctor shaking his head "Mercury is in Uranus right now"
"I don't believe in that astrology c**..., doc"
"Yeah, neither do I. My thermometer just broke"
How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a lightbulb?
The real question is: who broke the lightbulb and why are they keeping us in the dark?
I lost my watch at a party
I lost my watch at a party once. An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing some woman at the party. Infuriated I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.
My girlfriend broke up with me for being too un-American
I saw it coming from a kilometre away
My career as a street fighter didn't last very long...
I broke my hand punching a curb.
How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a light bulb?
The real question is that who broke the light bulb and why are they keeping us in the dark?
edit.. thanks for the award kind stanger.
Me and my wife recently started using Only Fans.
Because our air conditioner broke.
And this will definitely help pay for a new air conditioner.
My car broke down this morning, so I looked under the bonnet and saw a bat sitting on the engine. Amazingly, he said, Hello Dave! You're a handsome fellow and very nicely dressed, too!" I realised the problem straight away.
Bat flattery
My girlfriend just broke up with me for sleeping with her Grandmother
Turns out I can't have my Kate and Edith too.
I dated a blind girl and she broke up with me.
Guess who's back with a different voice
I broke up with my girlfriend because of Zodiac signs incompatibility
She is a Pisces, and I don't believe in b**....
I broke up with my girlfriend via walkie talkie
She didn't get it, no matter how many times I said it was over.
I lost my watch at a party once.
An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing some woman at that party. Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch
My girlfriend just broke up with me for being too unamerican..
..but honestly I saw it coming from a kilometer away.
Doctor, please help, my friend broke his leg.
Sorry, but I'm a vet, I specialize in horses.
Come on, please, it can't be that big of a difference?
Ok fine, just let me get my rifle from the car.
Pregnant girlfriend
Guy: Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant, but we always use protection, and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?
Doctor: Let me tell you a story: There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped in front of him. To scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!
Guy: Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion.
Doctor: Good! You understood the story. Next patient please.
Fire broke out at a local m**... farm, and the smoke began to drift to a nearby cattle ranch.
The steaks were high
My brother just broke the record by downing 22 Russian jets in Ukraine
He'll forever be remembered as the worst mechanic in the Russian Air Force
Someone broke into my place and stole all my fruit...
... I'm peachless!
I broke up with a guy years ago due to his obsession with counting...
.... I wonder what he's up to these days.
Broke up with an ex years ago because she had a weird obsession with counting…
I wonder what she's up to nowadays
I broke up with a girl once because she was having hallucinations.
She said "Carl, I.. can't see you anymore"... That was weird. I was like- "Babe, I'm standing right here." then she said "No, you don't understand... I'm seeing someone else" which was really bizarre because it was just the two of us in the room. I had to break it off after that.
I just found out that my friend broke all his fingers in a freak accident.
I can't even imagine how he feels.
My girlfriend broke up with me because she said I referenced video games too much.
That's such a ridiculous reason to Fallout 4.
Someone broke into my house and stole 20% of my couch.
Ouch
My girlfriend broke up with me because I am a compulsive gambler
Ever since, all I can think about is how to win her back
Thieves broke into my shop and stole 15 cases of Red Bull
I don't know how these people sleep at night
I think my ex girlfriend fell into poverty since we broke up.
Every time I call her, she says, Please leave me a loan.
Hey Siri! My girlfriend broke up with me.
Oh no, I'm so sorry! Do you want a joke to cheer you up?
Sure.
What is the difference between you and a calendar?
What?
The calendar has dates.
What do you call a Mexican guy who's car broke down?
Joaquin
After I broke up with my short girlfriend, she started a YouTube channel dedicated to trashing me.
I said "well that's a little ex stream"
I broke up with my girlfriend because she was a communist.
To be honest, there were a lot of red flags
So I broke up with my handicapped girlfriend and stole her wheelchair..
But guess who came crawling back!!?!
Someone once told me, GO FOR BROKE!
I'm unhappy to report that I succeeded.
