broad Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious broad stories

What are the best Broad puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Broad? Well here is a complete list of Broad to have fun with:

Man walks into a brothel...

...slaps down $500 on the counter, and tells the Madam that he wants the ugliest, nastiest, most toothless old broad she has, plus a rotten egg sandwich.

The Madam looks back at him, confused, and says "Sir, for this much money, you could have one of our most beautiful women and a steak dinner."

The man replies "I'm not horny, I'm homesick."

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My friend told me all women are the same.

He always makes broad generalizations.

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Grandpa is becoming more sarcastic.....

I was talking about studying abroad for school to my grandmother. My grandpa looks up from his paper, and in all seriousness said, " I once studied a broad, then I married her." He returned to reading.

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Did you see the Broadway musical about the dictionary?

It's a play on words.

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At a U2 concert..

At a U2 concert in Glasglow Scotland, Bono asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."
From the front of the crowd a voice with a broad Scottish accent pierced the quiet...
"Well, fucking stop doing it , Ya evil bastard!"

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My friend said she was only taking Women's Studies courses this quarter

It sounds like a broad curriculum to me.

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[NSFW] The coal-miner's lust

On his payday, coal-miner Joe wanted to get laid, especially now since he was just paid. He goes to a brothel and asks for the finest broad there. The manger says to him "sorry, we don't have any women right now, but you can have sex with a chicken for free." Wanting sex so badly, Joe thinks for a minute and says "well... alright." So he goes into a room with the chicken and business gets done.

He loved the sex so much that he went to the same brothel the next day. He asks the manager "I'd like to have sex with chicken again." The manager says "Sorry pal, no chickens today, but for 5$, you can watch three guys have sex with a woman.' Joe, thinking about how it was cheap and it would probably be fun to watch, agrees. He enter a room full of people watching and sits next to one of the men. Joe leans over to the man and says "Wow! This is pretty weird." The man replies saying "You think that's weird?! Just yesterday we saw a guy fuck a chicken!"

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During a U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, Bono asked the audience for total quiet.

Then in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands. Once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

From the front of the crowd, a broad Scottish accent pierced the quiet: "Well fuckin' stop doin' it then ya evil bastard!"

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I live in the United States. Upon taking some classes in France I notice a gorgeous bombshell pass me. I check her out hard.

I guess you could say I was really studying a broad.

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My friend is majoring in Gender Studies.

He's been a broad for the past semester.

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what's the difference between a pitbull and a jewish broad?

a pitbull will eventually let it go

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"Hot girl, likes horses" is a pretty broad demographic.

... I'll show myself out.

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Did you hear that actress from Legally Blonde was stabbed?

Me: Yeah. She was stabbed in California, in broad day light. The one from legally blonde. Reese....Something.... with-er... um...with-uh... ..ummm...

Friend: Witherspoon?

Me: No. With a knife.

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What do you call a fat female host of a talk radio show about fishing?

A broadcasting broad casting broad.

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She told me I was a talented lover

I told her I studied a broad.

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I wanted to ask "What's up with women"

But that was too broad of a question.

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Older people have told that my generation is all lazy and irresponsible...

...but at least we don't broad generalizations.

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Is it ironic that the definition of female...

isn't broad?

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LOBSTA

2 guyz get out of prizon

10 buckz each

see a broad , offer her the money for a good time

she declined , then the sob story

ok , she says , what a classy lady


so first guy goes in for a dip comes back and says
to his buddy

Be Careful she has CRABS!!!

she over heard and said

for 10 bucks what did ya want

LOBSTA ?

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Broadening sexual horizons

A guy is fucking his girlfriend and asks her if she can cum in her ear. She replies, "Hell no, asshole, I'll go deaf!"

He looks at her with a straight face and says, "No you wont. I always cum in your mouth and you never shut the fuck up!"

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We can't have sex.

This guy went to a bar...long story short, he met this broad and they went back to his place. Before they got undressed to do the horizontal mambo, he said, "Listen, I'm sorry but I don't think we should have sex right away". "Why's that?" she said.

"Well you see, I'm hung like a baby, and I wouldn't want you to laugh and decide you didn't want to have sex with me. Why don't we get to know each other first, and then when we feel we're ready, we'll do it."

So the girl agreed, but only because he was a good-looking dude and pretty nice.

Several dates later, they make it back to his place again, and after some conversation, they decide it's time. She undresses and slides into bed. He undresses, pulls out his dick, and slams it onto the bed with a thunderous noise.

She stares at his gigantic dick, in complete shock and awe.

"B-b-but I thought you said you were hung like a baby?"

"I am," he replied. "8 lbs, 14 and 1/2 inches."

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What do you call a Women's Studies course to take overseas?

Study a broad.

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Why are women more generous then men in the new economy?

because everything comes from a broad.

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A customer walks into the store

Two employees named Bob and John are in a store when a customer comes in. The customer has long hair and a slender body yet big muscles and broad shoulders. Bob says to John Is that person a male or female. Its really hard to tell. John says, I'm not sure but I think she is a woman. Bob shakes his head and says, I think he is a man. But I will find out. So they make a bet. More customers come in and John leaves to finish his work as Bob walks around the store. When they meet again John asks, What did you find out? Bob says, I asked the person 'Who are you?' and the customer replied 'I am Amanda'. Obviously he is a man, duh!"

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I think everyone can enjoy 2XC being default..

It has *BROAD* appeal.

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How did the gynecologist start his education?

By studying "a broad".

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A teacher asks her class

to use the word "contagious". Roland, the teacher's pet, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my mum said it was contagious."

"Well done, Roland," says the teacher.

"Can anyone else try?"

Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious."

"Well done, Katie," says the teacher. "Anyone else?"

Little Irish Sean jumps up and says in a broad Dublin accent, "Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a two inch brush, and my dad says it will take the contagious."

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Want to hear a broad generalization?

All women are complicated.

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Why did the Broadway star with a tiny butt get evicted?

Because he was a little behind on Rent!

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Grandma said I was handsome

so I says to the broad "know what gam gam? How about you HAND SOME of those cookies over here. I can't live on empty compliments"

I did not have any cookies that day.

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Government Push for Yahoo's User Data Set Stage for Broad Surveillance

Terrorists were using Yahoo to communicate therefore everyone's communication on Yahoo should be made available to the government.

I hope they were not using the English language to communicate because the court will have to say that all English language communications should be available to the governments illegal spying.

And i am too old to learn a new secure language just to protect my old fashioned, unimportant, Constitutionally guaranteed right to privacy.

Thanks judge Walton, you go to the head of the judgeship class just behind Judge Yoo.

It sure seems that not all judges graduated in the top of their class.

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Man, this broad f*cking lied to me

She told me she was thirteen and she was only fucking eleven

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What were Julia Pierson's qualifications to run the Secret Service, other than the fact that she is fat, ugly and female?

This broad could make big sis and Rosie O'Donnel look hot and feminine. Obama is bound to be running out of fat ugly feminists and dykes to fill all of the positions left by his inept appointments

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CONCLUSION

You've read some of the best broad jokes of all time. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise kids not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty broad gags to your kids. These jokes are updated with new ones in December 2019.

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laughs? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter. Some of these broad jokes are funny and some are hilarious.

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