The Best 39 Brits Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Brits jokes. There are some brits deutsch jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these brits british puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Brits Jokes and Puns

Brits, Aussies, and Kiwis will most likely only get this:

Remember Bill and Ben, The Flowerpot Men?

One day, Bill says to Ben, "Flobadobglibglobbloobleglob!"

And Ben say, "If you loved me, you'd swallow that....."

A farmer has a new handsome assistant

A farmer has a new handsome assistant. One morning they want to go out into the fields to work. At the garden gate the farmer sees that the roads are muddy and realizes that he forgot his rubber boots (Wellingtons for the Brits ;)
He tells his assistant to go get the boots from the house. The assistant returns and finds the farmers very pretty wife, along with the equally pretty daughter sitting in the kitchen. He tells them: "The farmer just said it would be alright if I had sex with you right now!" The women look sceptical, so the assistant opens the window and shouts to the farmer: "Both?"
Farmer: "Of course both of them, what do you think?!"

Two british men are sitting at a bus stop...

When a man, clearly not from their town, comes up towards them.

"Parlez-vous Français?" The man asks the two Brits.

Confused, they stare blankly at the foreigner.

"Hablan ustedes EspaΓ±ol?" The man tries again - still no reaction from the two men.

Frustrated, the foreigner tries one more time.

"Sprechen sie Deutsch?"

but the two men at the bus stop still have no clue what he's saying, and the foreigner storms off in a huff.

A couple seconds later, one of the men sitting on the bench turns to the other and says, "We should probably learn a language."

The other man turns to him and says, "Why? He knew three, and it didn't do him any good!"

American, English and Russian governments...

American, English and Russian governments passed laws about mandatory raping of every citizen on Saturdays.
Americans made a revolution, Brits reelected their parliament and Russians began queing on Fridays evening not to waste the whole weekend.

jokes about brits

Why don't Brits like revolving doors? A: Because they can't hold it for the next person.

What do Brits call a fleshlight?

A blowtorch.

I don't see why we Brits don't celebrate the 4th of July. Surely 239 years of being officially separate from America is something to be happy about.

Brits joke, I don't see why we Brits don't celebrate the 4th of July. Surely 239 years of being officially separ

How many Brits does it take to change a lightbulb?

Manual work ? That's what underpaid Eastern immigrants are for pff

you really have to admire brits who voted to leave

They were so worried about immigrants ruining their economy than they preempted it by doing it themselves.

How many brits are needed to change a light bulb

None they just terminate their apartment contract.

Now I understand why the British population was on a steady decline these past few years...

Brits are really good at pulling out.

You can explore brits anglo reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean brits norwegians dad jokes. There are also brits puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

I heard Brits want to move to Canada

Please don't. We can't have immigrants steal our jobs!

Since yesterday, more than 2 million Brits have called for a new EU referendum...

That's what you get when Donald Trump says you made the right choice.

In every soap opera we've ever watched, we are taught that running away and leaving doesn't solve our problems

Didn't stop the Brits from trying

3 Canadians, 5 Americans, 2 Franks, 1 Arab, 6 Brits, 4 Aussies and 2 Chinese are in line to board a plane from Texas to New York.

Who gets randomly searched?

Why do vultures make good Brits?

Because they eat common carrion.

Brits joke, Why do vultures make good Brits?

This girl kept saying how Brits drank too much tea and how she hated it.

But she didn't seem too happy when I took her tea shirt off.

Apparently 1 in 3 Brits are conceived in an IKEA bed

which is nuts coz those places are really well lit.

Why do brits pronounce water with a silent "t"?

They drank it

Leaders show the way....

Indians are *MODIfied*

Brits are *disMAYed*

Americans are *TRUMPed*

And the French are *Macarooned*

And Canadian are *Justified*

While Russians just stay _*Put in*_..!!

Did you hear about the Russian nuclear poisoning?

I think the Brits are overreacting.

Brits have more reason than most to celebrate 4th of July

Surely 241 years of officially being separated from America is something to be happy about

Attention America! We Brits have your president! If you do not send us Β£50M by Sunday morning....

We'll return him back to you.

Dear Brits: We have received your ultimatum and have scrounged for the ransom...

...but we could only come up with half.

Feel free to him back halfway and we'll wire the funds. Thanks, the US

I now understand why the Brits have leftenants instead of lieutenants

Otherwise they'd be renting bathrooms during combat.


They drive a German Car
They go to Irish Pubz
To drink Belgium beer
They get a Chinese Takeaway on the way back
They sit on Swedish furniture
They watch American films
On a Japanese TV

Most of all though they are suspicious of all things foreign

Courtesy of Rick Wakemam who I'm doing lighting for tonight. (super chill guy btw)

Brits joke, Brits

What do you call the largest mammal on Earth that lives in a palace?

The Prince of Wales!

Saw this old joke and thought the Brits would enjoy it.

Two Brits are lounging on the deck of a boat.

The first Brit says, "Good God sir, have you read Marx?"
The second Brit says, "Why yes, sir, I believe it's the wicker chairs."

Doctor, doctor I keep thinking I'm a French floating water marker.

Eau Buoy !
(This only works for Brits, as Americans say it like it's boo-ee)

Brits are pounding their fists at Brexit.

Whilst Brexit is really fisting the Pound.

how many Brits does it take to change a lightbulb?

none, they'll keep saying that they will, but they wont

Why are rich brits so fat?

Because they measure their wealth in pounds

70% of Brits would rather eat a nice meal in a restaurant than have sex.

That's because they worry it might disturb the people at the next table.

A Dutch joke about the Brits and their love for queues, don't know if it translates well

A Brit walks down the street and sees two queues. He gets behind one of them, and asks the woman in front of him:

What is this queue for?

Just for fun says the women.

But what if I don't want to stand in the queue? The Brit asks.

To which the woman replies that's what the other queue is for

Why are Brits good at chess?

Because the queen never dies

Everyone gets what they want out of brexit

The Brits get their blue passports and the average iq of the European Union goes up by 10 points.

Why do Brits pronounce British as Bri'ish?

They drank the t

What type of tea is the only type Brits don't enjoy?


Why do Brits always look wealthier on T.V. and in movies?

Because the camera puts on 10 pounds.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the brits sprechen puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working brits foreigners piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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