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Brits Jokes

47 brits jokes and hilarious brits puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about brits that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Brits Short Jokes

Short brits jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The brits humour may include short export jokes also.

  1. Attention America! We Brits have your president! If you do not send us £50M by Sunday morning.... We'll return him back to you.
  2. Why do The Brit's still use 'u' in words like colour and armour ? Because Rick Astley is British.
  3. I don't see why we Brits don't celebrate the 4th of July. Surely 239 years of being officially separate from America is something to be happy about.
  4. Dear Brits: We have received your ultimatum and have scrounged for the ransom... ...but we could only come up with half.
    Feel free to him back halfway and we'll wire the funds. Thanks, the US
  5. If I had a nickel for everytime I didn't understand how Brits keep track of money... I'd have 4 bob, 6 shillings, 2 quid, a crown, a sovereign, and 5 thripince.
  6. What is the most unrealistic part of the newest james bond movie? A Brit with a full petrol tank.
  7. you really have to admire brits who voted to leave They were so worried about immigrants ruining their economy than they preempted it by doing it themselves.
  8. Now I understand why the British population was on a steady decline these past few years... Brits are really good at pulling out.
  9. Why do Brits always look wealthier on T.V. and in movies? Because the camera puts on 10 pounds.
  10. how many Brits does it take to change a lightbulb? none, they'll keep saying that they will, but they wont

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Brits One Liners

Which brits one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with brits? I can suggest the ones about referendum and immigrants.

  1. What do Brits call a fleshlight? A blowtorch.
  2. Why do brits pronounce water with a silent "t"? They drank it
  3. As a Brit, I can't get into American football They rugby the wrong way
  4. What type of tea is the only type Brits don't enjoy? Penaltea.
  5. What's a Brit's favorite baked good? £ cake.
  6. Why are Brits good at chess? Because the queen never dies
  7. What do you call a person who is half-british? A brit....-ish.
  8. Why do Brits pronounce British as Bri'ish? They drank the t
  9. If you have a flat, and need a lift Are you a stranded american or a lazy brit.
  10. What are two letters a Brit can't live without? T and Qs.
  11. Why are rich brits so fat? Because they measure their wealth in pounds
  12. Why do vultures make good Brits? Because they eat common carrion.
  13. If you punched a random Brit today... There would be a 52% chance they deserved it.
  14. What does a Brit do to a perfectly fine economy? He Brex it...
  15. Why did the Geometry major marry a Brit? Because she was a cute angle.

Brits joke, Why did the Geometry major marry a Brit?

Great Brits Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends

What funny jokes about brits you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pronounce jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make brits pranks.

A dutch joke about the Brits and their love for queues, don't know if it translates well

A Brit walks down the street and sees two queues. He gets behind one of them, and asks the woman in front of him:
What is this queue for?
Just for fun says the women.
But what if I don't want to stand in the queue? The Brit asks.
To which the woman replies that's what the other queue is for

A farmer has a new handsome assistant

A farmer has a new handsome assistant. One morning they want to go out into the fields to work. At the garden gate the farmer sees that the roads are muddy and realizes that he forgot his rubber boots (Wellingtons for the Brits ;)
He tells his assistant to go get the boots from the house. The assistant returns and finds the farmers very pretty wife, along with the equally pretty daughter sitting in the kitchen. He tells them: "The farmer just said it would be alright if I had s**... with you right now!" The women look sceptical, so the assistant opens the window and shouts to the farmer: "Both?"
Farmer: "Of course both of them, what do you think?!"

Two british men are sitting at a bus stop...

When a man, clearly not from their town, comes up towards them.
"Parlez-vous Français?" The man asks the two Brits.
Confused, they stare blankly at the foreigner.
"Hablan ustedes Español?" The man tries again - still no reaction from the two men.
Frustrated, the foreigner tries one more time.
"Sprechen sie Deutsch?"
but the two men at the bus stop still have no clue what he's saying, and the foreigner storms off in a huff.
A couple seconds later, one of the men sitting on the bench turns to the other and says, "We should probably learn a language."
The other man turns to him and says, "Why? He knew three, and it didn't do him any good!"

Brits

They drive a German Car
They go to Irish Pubz
To drink Belgium beer
They get a Chinese Takeaway on the way back
They sit on Swedish furniture
They watch American films
On a Japanese TV
Most of all though they are suspicious of all things foreign
Courtesy of Rick Wakemam who I'm doing lighting for tonight. (super chill guy btw)

Brits have more reason than most to celebrate 4th of July

Surely 241 years of officially being separated from America is something to be happy about

Leaders show the way....

Indians are *MODIfied*
Brits are *disMAYed*
Americans are *TRUMPed*
And the French are *Macarooned*
And Canadian are *Justified*
While Russians just stay _*Put in*_..!!

Everyone gets what they want out of brexit

The Brits get their blue passports and the average iq of the European Union goes up by 10 points.

Brits are pounding their fists at Brexit.

Whilst Brexit is really f**... the Pound.

Brits, Aussies, and Kiwis will most likely only get this:

Remember Bill and Ben, The Flowerpot Men?
One day, Bill says to Ben, "Flobadobglibglobbloobleglob!"
And Ben say, "If you loved me, you'd s**... that....."

I heard Brits want to move to Canada

Please don't. We can't have immigrants steal our jobs!

70% of Brits would rather eat a nice meal in a restaurant than have s**....

That's because they worry it might disturb the people at the next table.

Since yesterday, more than 2 million Brits have called for a new EU referendum...

That's what you get when Donald Trump says you made the right choice.

How many brits are needed to change a light bulb

None they just terminate their apartment contract.

I now understand why the Brits have leftenants instead of lieutenants

Otherwise they'd be renting bathrooms during combat.

How many Brits does it take to change a lightbulb?

Manual work ? That's what underpaid Eastern immigrants are for pff

Apparently 1 in 3 Brits are conceived in an IKEA bed

which is nuts coz those places are really well lit.

3 Canadians, 5 Americans, 2 Franks, 1 Arab, 6 Brits, 4 Aussies and 2 Chinese are in line to board a plane from Texas to New York.

Who gets randomly searched?

Brits joke, 3 Canadians, 5 Americans, 2 Franks, 1 Arab, 6 Brits, 4 Aussies and 2 Chinese are in line to board a

jokes about brits