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British People Jokes

90 british people jokes and hilarious british people puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about british people that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest British People Short Jokes

Short british people jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The british people humour may include short english people jokes also.

  1. Why do British people pronounce the word Bri'ish like they do? Because they drank all the T.
    (Told to me by my 11yo)
  2. What's the difference between watts and ohms? Watts are a unit of electrical energy. Ohms are where British people live.
  3. Why don't British people pronounce the t in Bri'ish? Because they already drank all the t
  4. When British people pronounce words like Water they say it like Wuh-er . So what happened to the T? They drank it
  5. A British Cop and an American Cop are talking in a bar The British cop says "they might take away our tasers because they sometimes kill people"
    The American Cop says "sometimes? seems inneficient"
  6. Why do british people pronounce water as wa ah? They don't want to have t in the water again
  7. Now we know Why do British people pronounce British as Bri'ish?
    Because they drank the tea.
  8. I was wondering why British people pronounce it as Bri-ish. Then I realised that they drank all the tea.
  9. why are pyramids located in egypt? they were too heavy for british people to steal and put in british museums
  10. Do you think British people judge others on their accent? I judge people long before they’ve opened their mouths.

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British People One Liners

Which british people one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with british people? I can suggest the ones about great britain and british english.

  1. Why are rich british people fat? because they measure their wealth in pounds
  2. My favorite rapper is 50 cent Or as the British people now call him, 10,000 pounds.
  3. Why is chess so difficult for British people? Cause they just lost the queen.
  4. Why do British people say British like Bri ish? Because they drank the t.
  5. Why do British people say, "I'm Bri ish"? Because they love to drink the t.
  6. British people be like I'm Bri ish It's because they drank the t
  7. Why do British people pronounce it bri'ish? Because the Tea fell in the harbor.
  8. Why do British people call themselves Bri ish Because they drank the t
  9. Why don't British people cry at funerals? They are used to Casual Teas
  10. The British Prime Minister resigned today. I guess the people lost their Truss.
  11. British people are always recording their finances because the camera adds ten pounds.
  12. Why do British people put milk in their tea? It's not clear.
  13. British people be like im bri ish . get it? cause they drink the T ?
  14. Why are british people good at chess? Because their queen can't die.
  15. why can't the British people pronounce "T"? They drank all of it.

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about british people can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of british people puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Hilarious Fun British People Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about british people you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean british empire jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make british people prank.

Two smart jokes

What does a scientist call it when they're A/B testing and they find a third variable?
An emergent C
What element do British people like early in the morning?
Strong-tea-um

I hate it when British people talk about the big pile of trash in the ocean.

They shouldn't talk about their country like that.

There's a plane crashing down...

On the plane are The President of the United States, The British Prime Minister, the smartest man in the world, a priest and a boy scout. The pilot announces over the intercom: "People, we regret to inform you that we are going to c**.... Fortunately, there are 6 parachutes available."
Before anyone can respond, the pilot and copilot dash out of the cabin, each grabs a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The 5 passengers look at each other, realize there's only 4 parachutes left, then make a mad dash for them. A giant fight ensues as everyone struggles to grab a parachute.
The President snags one and declares, "I *must* live! I'm the President of the United States!" before jumping out of the plane.
The Prime Minister grabs a c**... and yells, "*I* must live! I'm the Prime Minister!"
The Smartest Man in the World and the boy scout get into a tussle, ending with the Smartest Man in the World shoving the boy scout to the floor. Hugging the parachute to his chest he yells, "I'm the Smartest Man in the World! It is imperative that I survive!" and leaps out the door.
The priest helps the boy scout to his feet. "You go ahead, son," he says, "Take the last parachute. I've made my peace."
"We can each have one, father," The boy scout says, shaking his head, "The Smartest Man in the World took my backpack."

The leaders of the Big Three after the conference in Yalta

After WW2 in 1945 the leaders of the Big Three(USA, UK and the Soviet Union) respectively Roosevelt, Churchill and Stalin met in Yalta for a conference to decide the fate of the world.
After the conference they wanted to have some fun. They decided to try and make the Persian cat in the residence to eat mustard.
Churchill started first. He took a silver spoon with some mustard and tried his best to feed the cat but failed.
-You british people don't understand, it should be done with democracy - said Roosevelt.
He took some chicken and put some mustard on it. The cat sniffed for a moment but walked away with no interest in the food he offered.
Without any hesitation Stalin took the cat and started to spread mustard on the fluffy tail. The cat started meowing loudly and lickеd the tail to wash out the mustard. Meowed and licked, meowed and licked... Then Stalin said wisely:
-That's how we do everything in our country, voluntarily and with a song.

Supposedly this joke was rated the funniest joke in a survey of British people...

Patient: Doctor, last night, I made Freudian slip. I was sitting at the dinner table next to my mother-in-law. I turned to her and I meant to say,"Please pass the salt", but instead I said "You fat cow, you've ruined my life".

4th of july

British people say that we as Americans go overboard with the 4th of July.
When really the only thing that went overboard was their tea

Terrorists hijack a plane flying into London. They tell everyone to raise their hands over their heads if they are British or American.

They wanted French people too but they already had their hands up.

My friend told me he lost 87 pounds and he's really mad about it.

British people be crazy

Tell a joke that is well-known in your country

Even jokes that are poorly translated are normally funny because they're so bad.
An example of a well-known British joke is:
'Knock knock'.
'Who's there?'
'Doctor'
'Doctor Who?'
'You just said it'.
It has to be one that if you asked 100 random people in your country most would know it.
*SERIOUS ANSWERS ONLY PLEASE*

Why don't British people pronounce their T's?

They left them in the Boston Harbor

Why can't British people go to North Korea?

Nobody at the ticket counter knows what "north career" means

What if weight loss supplements ads are just made by British people really transparently trying to scam you?

You'll lost 30£ for only $42.82! Guaranteed.

What do you get when you mix T and C?

Angry British people!

What vegetable is the favourite of British people?

Queuecumbers.

British people have trouble making declarative statements...

Dun they?

As a foreigner, for years, I didn't understand why some Americans and British people often use "there" and "their" interchangeably...

...then I learned that they have identical pronunciation.

Don't think people will get this but how do you trigger an American ?

You tell them that the country is still a British colony

What's the most favorite day of British people?

Summer

People in England must be really strong

I knew a British guy that said his necklace was 100 pounds, but he talked about it like it was nothing.

I was sitting in my house in England, looking at the news

I was sitting in my house in England, Looking at the news.
Hearing about what was being done to people on british soil by Russians infuriated me. I took it upon myself to write a long scathing article about Putin, and how we should stand up to him and not takes these shenanigans any more from him.
I was about to post it online and share it with my Russian friends, but then my nerves got the better of me.

What do British people wear?

Tea-Shirts!

In the 1600s people in the islamic states invented the c**... by using a goat intestine.

A few hundred years later the British refined the process slightly by taking it out of the goat first.

You know how the British used to exile people to Australia?

Seeing how everything there wants to kill you, I'm pretty sure the animal kingdom did the same

Why can British people lose weight faster?

Because every time they buy something, they lose some pounds!

What do British people call a line of customers waiting for Pho?

Pho queue

Do British people.....

Tea Pose?

They say us british people like to join queues

We dont and i will be first in line to tell you that

Fat British people can be considered golems...

They measure their weight in stone

Why Americans don't need to feel bad when they are criticized by the British

Sometimes I hear people from Great Britain talk about how bad the education is in The US. I do get a little offended, but then I realize they are just salty because we beat them in The Civil War.

Why did people keep asking a British genie for medical advice?

Sir Djinn

Why do British people say Bri-ish ?

Cuz they drank all the t

Sometime, British people be like,"Hi, I'm Bri ish"

Its probably because they drank the "t"

Why do British people struggle with getting a good night's sleep?

Because the sun never sets.

The British are very strange people.

They call pants 'trousers', shopping carts 'trolleys' and 6.7 raccoons in a human suit 'Prince Phillip'.

3 people are fighting

An American,British, And Chinese are fighting over who is the best swordsman. They say whoever can slice that fly on half wins.
The American slices in half with ease.
The British does 2 slices, and it's in 4 pieces.
The Chinese does one swipe. The American and the British are like, what is that? It's still flying.
The Chinese responds, it's s**... life is over.

British People Be Like

I'm Bri ish

But I thought they loved T

I was at a hospital, talking to some patients.

I tried to lighten the mood with a coronavirus joke. Barely anyone reacted at first, but eventually everyone got it. However, the Chinese guy got it right off the bat. Some people have called my joke tasteless, however. It really killed the mood. But I bet the British variation of this joke will spread much quicker!

What do you call a British man who sets fires to people's behinds?

An arsenist.

Why do exactly British people pronounce it "Bri'ish"?

Because they drank all the T.

Why do British people say bri'ish

Because they drank the t

Why do British people pronounce it "bri'ish"?

Because after the incident in Boston, they always hide the t

British people like to make fun of Americans for not using the metric system.

But I've never heard of a single British person walking into a pub and ordering a half liter…

[OC] Three British people were arguing about who drinks the hottest tea.

The first person says: "The moment my tea is ready, I pour it into the cup and drink it all up".
The second person laughs and says: "That's it? I drink my tea straight from the Kettle".
The third person scoffs and says: "You both are amatuers. I just put all the ingredients in my mouth and sit on the stove".

why do british people love staring at fake news?

they want to take a p**...

Why do British people pronounce British as Bri'ish?

Because they drank the T

I know what a p**... is

It's when British people take a really good look at things

British people are like coconuts

Hard on the outside, but sweet once you crack us.
Also often found full of alcohol and holding an umbrella.

When British people do c**..., they don't do lines

They do queue.

I'm tired of hearing people say British food tastes awful. In fact, British food is the third most delicious food in the world

The first being French food, and the second is food from all other countries.

British people only started calling themselves "bri'ish" in 1773

After they saw what happen to the Ts in Boston

jokes about british people

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these british people jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.