British People Jokes
89 british people jokes and hilarious british people puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about british people that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest British People Short Jokes
Short british people jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The british people humour may include short english people jokes also.
- What's the difference between watts and ohms? Watts are a unit of electrical energy. Ohms are where British people live.
- Why don't British people pronounce the t in Bri'ish? Because they already drank all the t
- When British people pronounce words like Water they say it like Wuh-er . So what happened to the T? They drank it
- A British Cop and an American Cop are talking in a bar The British cop says "they might take away our tasers because they sometimes kill people"
The American Cop says "sometimes? seems inneficient" - Why do british people pronounce water as wa ah? They don't want to have t in the water again
- I was wondering why British people pronounce it as Bri-ish. Then I realised that they drank all the tea.
- Do you think British people judge others on their accent? I judge people long before they’ve opened their mouths.
- Why do British people pronounce it "bri'ish"? Because after the incident in Boston, they always hide the t
- British people only started calling themselves "bri'ish" in 1773 After they saw what happen to the Ts in Boston
- British people are like coconuts Hard on the outside, but sweet once you crack us.
Also often found full of alcohol and holding an umbrella.
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British People One Liners
Which british people one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with british people? I can suggest the ones about great britain and british english.
- My favorite rapper is 50 cent Or as the British people now call him, 10,000 pounds.
- Why do British people say British like Bri ish? Because they drank the t.
- Why do British people say, "I'm Bri ish"? Because they love to drink the t.
- British people be like I'm Bri ish It's because they drank the t
- Why do British people pronounce it bri'ish? Because the Tea fell in the harbor.
- Why do British people call themselves Bri ish Because they drank the t
- The British Prime Minister resigned today. I guess the people lost their Truss.
- British people are always recording their finances because the camera adds ten pounds.
- Why do British people put milk in their tea? It's not clear.
- What vegetable is the favourite of British people? Queuecumbers.
- What's the most favorite day of British people? Summer
- British People Be Like I'm Bri ish
But I thought they loved T - Why don't British people pronounce their T's? They left them in the Boston Harbor
- Why do exactly British people pronounce it "Bri'ish"? Because they drank all the T.
- What do British people call a line of customers waiting for Pho? Pho queue
Hilarious Fun British People Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about british people you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean british empire jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make british people pranks.
This is Captain Sinclair speaking.
On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London.
We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic.
If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.
If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off.
If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you.
That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses.
This is a recorded message.
Have a good flight!
Two smart jokes
What does a scientist call it when they're A/B testing and they find a third variable?
An emergent C
What element do British people like early in the morning?
Strong-tea-um
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There's a plane crashing down...
On the plane are The President of the United States, The British Prime Minister, the smartest man in the world, a priest and a boy scout. The pilot announces over the intercom: "People, we regret to inform you that we are going to c**.... Fortunately, there are 6 parachutes available."
Before anyone can respond, the pilot and copilot dash out of the cabin, each grabs a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The 5 passengers look at each other, realize there's only 4 parachutes left, then make a mad dash for them. A giant fight ensues as everyone struggles to grab a parachute.
The President snags one and declares, "I *must* live! I'm the President of the United States!" before jumping out of the plane.
The Prime Minister grabs a c**... and yells, "*I* must live! I'm the Prime Minister!"
The Smartest Man in the World and the boy scout get into a tussle, ending with the Smartest Man in the World shoving the boy scout to the floor. Hugging the parachute to his chest he yells, "I'm the Smartest Man in the World! It is imperative that I survive!" and leaps out the door.
The priest helps the boy scout to his feet. "You go ahead, son," he says, "Take the last parachute. I've made my peace."
"We can each have one, father," The boy scout says, shaking his head, "The Smartest Man in the World took my backpack."
The leaders of the Big Three after the conference in Yalta
After WW2 in 1945 the leaders of the Big Three(USA, UK and the Soviet Union) respectively Roosevelt, Churchill and Stalin met in Yalta for a conference to decide the fate of the world.
After the conference they wanted to have some fun. They decided to try and make the Persian cat in the residence to eat mustard.
Churchill started first. He took a silver spoon with some mustard and tried his best to feed the cat but failed.
-You british people don't understand, it should be done with democracy - said Roosevelt.
He took some chicken and put some mustard on it. The cat sniffed for a moment but walked away with no interest in the food he offered.
Without any hesitation Stalin took the cat and started to spread mustard on the fluffy tail. The cat started meowing loudly and lickеd the tail to wash out the mustard. Meowed and licked, meowed and licked... Then Stalin said wisely:
-That's how we do everything in our country, voluntarily and with a song.
Supposedly this joke was rated the funniest joke in a survey of British people...
Patient: Doctor, last night, I made Freudian slip. I was sitting at the dinner table next to my mother-in-law. I turned to her and I meant to say,"Please pass the salt", but instead I said "You fat cow, you've ruined my life".
4th of july
British people say that we as Americans go overboard with the 4th of July.
When really the only thing that went overboard was their tea
Terrorists hijack a plane flying into London. They tell everyone to raise their hands over their heads if they are British or American.
They wanted French people too but they already had their hands up.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I wish people would stop giving british royalty such ill repute.
They are merely guitar enthusiasts.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend told me he lost 87 pounds and he's really mad about it.
British people be crazy
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What o**... do only British people have?
The Eng gland.
There are no people who eat nothing but british food...
Tell a joke that is well-known in your country
Even jokes that are poorly translated are normally funny because they're so bad.
An example of a well-known British joke is:
'Knock knock'.
'Who's there?'
'Doctor'
'Doctor Who?'
'You just said it'.
It has to be one that if you asked 100 random people in your country most would know it.
*SERIOUS ANSWERS ONLY PLEASE*
British people must really like Leia in the new Star Wars movie.
Stiff upper lip!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why can't British people go to North Korea?
Nobody at the ticket counter knows what "north career" means
What if weight loss supplements ads are just made by British people really transparently trying to scam you?
You'll lost 30£ for only $42.82! Guaranteed.
What do you get when you mix T and C?
Angry British people!
What do British people call concrete?
Arsephalt
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
British people have trouble making declarative statements...
Dun they?
As a foreigner, for years, I didn't understand why some Americans and British people often use "there" and "their" interchangeably...
...then I learned that they have identical pronunciation.
Gorbachev, Reagan, and Thatcher all meet God.
God says "I'll answer one question from each of you."
Reagan asks "How long will it be before the American people are happy, healthy, and living in prosperity?"
God replies "50 years."
Reagan starts to weep, and says "I won't live long enough to see it!"
Thatcher says "What about the British people? How long until they're all happy?"
God says "100 years."
Thatcher starts to weep as well, saying "I won't live long enough to see it!"
Gorbachev asks "What about the Soviet people?"
God starts to weep, and says "I won't live long enough to see it!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Don't think people will get this but how do you trigger an American ?
You tell them that the country is still a British colony
People in England must be really strong
I knew a British guy that said his necklace was 100 pounds, but he talked about it like it was nothing.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Probably one for British people
A man and his wife were on their honeymoon and about to do the deed. The wife stops the husband unexpectedly.
"Darling," she says. "I am afraid I have a dark secret to tell you, and I haven't been entirely honest with you."
"Sweetheart, no matter what you have done in the past I will forgive you."
"Well," she starts. "I used to be a h**...."
"My dearest," he replies. "That is no problem for me. To be honest I'm a little turned on. Tell me more."
"Ok then, my name was Brian and I played for Wigan."
I was sitting in my house in England, looking at the news
I was sitting in my house in England, Looking at the news.
Hearing about what was being done to people on british soil by Russians infuriated me. I took it upon myself to write a long scathing article about Putin, and how we should stand up to him and not takes these shenanigans any more from him.
I was about to post it online and share it with my Russian friends, but then my nerves got the better of me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call two British people having s**...?
Great British pound.
British people be like...
...today is chewsday
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You know how the British used to exile people to Australia?
Seeing how everything there wants to kill you, I'm pretty sure the animal kingdom did the same
Why can British people lose weight faster?
Because every time they buy something, they lose some pounds!
What do British people do with K's?
They unlock doors with them
Do British people.....
Tea Pose?
They say us british people like to join queues
We dont and i will be first in line to tell you that
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Fat British people can be considered golems...
They measure their weight in stone
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why Americans don't need to feel bad when they are criticized by the British
Sometimes I hear people from Great Britain talk about how bad the education is in The US. I do get a little offended, but then I realize they are just salty because we beat them in The Civil War.
Why did people keep asking a British genie for medical advice?
Sir Djinn
Sometime, British people be like,"Hi, I'm Bri ish"
Its probably because they drank the "t"
Why do British people struggle with getting a good night's sleep?
Because the sun never sets.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
3 people are fighting
An American,British, And Chinese are fighting over who is the best swordsman. They say whoever can slice that fly on half wins.
The American slices in half with ease.
The British does 2 slices, and it's in 4 pieces.
The Chinese does one swipe. The American and the British are like, what is that? It's still flying.
The Chinese responds, it's s**... life is over.
I was at a hospital, talking to some patients.
I tried to lighten the mood with a coronavirus joke. Barely anyone reacted at first, but eventually everyone got it. However, the Chinese guy got it right off the bat. Some people have called my joke tasteless, however. It really killed the mood. But I bet the British variation of this joke will spread much quicker!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a British man who sets fires to people's behinds?
An arsenist.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do British people pronounce the word Bri'ish like they do?
Because they drank all the T.
(Told to me by my 11yo)
British people like to make fun of Americans for not using the metric system.
But I've never heard of a single British person walking into a pub and ordering a half liter…
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three British people were arguing about who drinks the hottest tea.
The first person says: "The moment my tea is ready, I pour it into the cup and drink it all up".
The second person laughs and says: "That's it? I drink my tea straight from the Kettle".
The third person scoffs and says: "You both are amatuers. I just put all the ingredients in my mouth and sit on the stove".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
why do british people love staring at fake news?
they want to take a p**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do British people pronounce British as Bri'ish?
Because they drank the T
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Now we know
Why do British people pronounce British as Bri'ish?
Because they drank the tea.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I know what a p**... is
It's when British people take a really good look at things
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When British people do c**..., they don't do lines
They do queue.
I'm tired of hearing people say British food tastes awful. In fact, British food is the third most delicious food in the world
The first being French food, and the second is food from all other countries.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is chess so difficult for British people?
Cause they just lost the queen.
