British Open Jokes

13 british open jokes and hilarious british open puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about british open that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest British Open Short Jokes

Short british open jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The british open humour may include short british museum jokes also.

  1. British teenager Emma Raducanu has just won $2.5m by winning the US open final Sadly she needed 2 band-aids and a bandage for a cut on her leg in the last game, so she still owes about $25k
  2. A British engineer just opened a buisness in Afganistan. He is selling landmines that look like prayer mats. When asked how buisness was going he said that prophets are going through the roof.
  3. Do you think British people judge others on their accent? I judge people long before they’ve opened their mouths.
  4. If the British shortbread company opened up a branch in Austin and then threw a huge party to celebrate... would be a Walkers: Texas rager
  5. I've designed a bathroom stall door that will open for everyone except British detectives. It's called a No s**..., Sure-Lock.

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British Open One Liners

Which british open one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with british open? I can suggest the ones about british english and british people.

  1. What do British welcome signs say in front of businesses? Sorry, we're open!
  2. What is it called when foreign girls spread their legs? I call it the British open.

British Open Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about british open you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean british accent jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make british open pranks.

A British spy, Irish spy and Scottish spy are captured by the n**...

Just as the n**... are about to open fire, the British spy shouts
and all the n**... run, allowing the British spy to escape
Angered, they return, and prepare to shoot the Scottish spy when he shouts
and all the n**... run, allowing the Scottish spy to escape
The n**... return again, angry, to kill the Irish spy when he shouts


During WW 2 a British commando is trained to drop into France and sabotage the enemy. He is given a full training and in his last session he is told where he will be dropped and that a bicycle will be there for him so he will be able to move around easily.
As he gets ready in the plane to jump out, he is told that he has a backup parachute incase the main one doesn't work.
As he jumps out of the plane the parachute doesn't open so he tries to open the backup c**.... That also fails to open. As he's falling down he says to himself " This is just great! With my luck the bike isn't there either."

The French, the British, and the American are talking about submarines.

So there's a French, British, and American submarine engineer, sitting at a café, overlooking the ocean.
The British says "Our new electric submarines can stay underwater for a full two weeks without surfacing," he brags.
The Frenchman replied "Zat is nothing! Our new French diesel submarines can stay underwater for a full month without surfacing!"
The American then says. "Oh h**.... Yeah, well our new American nuclear submarines can stay underwater for a full three months without surfacing."
Suddenly, a submarine rises from the ocean. The hatch opens, a man gets out, raises his arm and says "Hail h**...! Have we won the war?"

Olympics / opening ceremony jokes

Credit where credit's due - I got these from Sickipedia. I'm brand new here but I gather these would be appreciated...
I certainly enjoyed the opening ceremony which displayed the history of the early 20th century Britain.
I can't wait until the games are held in Germany.
So in the Olympic Opening Ceremony, British athletes can walk behind a bloke carrying the Union Jack and everyone cheers...
...But when the BNP do it it's frowned upon.
My mate asked me: "What is the shortest race in the Olympics?"
After thinking for a few minutes, I came up with an answer:
"Chinese," I replied.
I'm entering the m**... Tournament in the Olympics this year.
Very stiff competition though.
As I watched the woman's football today, my wife proudly quipped, "This just shows you how far the Olympics have come, women excelling at men's sports. What do you think this means?"
I don't think "22 blokes are forced to get a take-away tonight" was the answer she was looking for.
Well done Danny Boyle. Nothing says "London" better than youths setting fire to stuff.
7 years the London Olympics have been in the making.
Never has it taken so long for a large number of foreigners to enter the country.