British Open Jokes
10 british open jokes and hilarious british open puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about british open that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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British Open Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good british open joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
British teenager Emma Raducanu has just won $2.5m by winning the US open final
Sadly she needed 2 band-aids and a bandage for a cut on her leg in the last game, so she still owes about $25k
Do you think British people judge others on their accent?
I judge people long before they’ve opened their mouths.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A British spy, Irish spy and Scottish spy are captured by the n**...
Just as the n**... are about to open fire, the British spy shouts
"Hurricane!"
and all the n**... run, allowing the British spy to escape
Angered, they return, and prepare to shoot the Scottish spy when he shouts
"Typhoon!"
and all the n**... run, allowing the Scottish spy to escape
The n**... return again, angry, to kill the Irish spy when he shouts
"Fire!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've designed a bathroom stall door that will open for everyone except British detectives.
It's called a No s**..., Sure-Lock.
If the British shortbread company opened up a branch in Austin and then threw a huge party to celebrate...
...it would be a Walkers: Texas rager
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
WW2
During WW 2 a British commando is trained to drop into France and sabotage the enemy. He is given a full training and in his last session he is told where he will be dropped and that a bicycle will be there for him so he will be able to move around easily.
As he gets ready in the plane to jump out, he is told that he has a backup parachute incase the main one doesn't work.
As he jumps out of the plane the parachute doesn't open so he tries to open the backup c**.... That also fails to open. As he's falling down he says to himself " This is just great! With my luck the bike isn't there either."
What do British welcome signs say in front of businesses?
Sorry, we're open!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is it called when foreign girls spread their legs?
I call it the British open.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The French, the British, and the American are talking about submarines.
So there's a French, British, and American submarine engineer, sitting at a café, overlooking the ocean.
The British says "Our new electric submarines can stay underwater for a full two weeks without surfacing," he brags.
The Frenchman replied "Zat is nothing! Our new French diesel submarines can stay underwater for a full month without surfacing!"
The American then says. "Oh h**.... Yeah, well our new American nuclear submarines can stay underwater for a full three months without surfacing."
Suddenly, a submarine rises from the ocean. The hatch opens, a man gets out, raises his arm and says "Hail h**...! Have we won the war?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Olympics / opening ceremony jokes
Credit where credit's due - I got these from Sickipedia. I'm brand new here but I gather these would be appreciated...
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I certainly enjoyed the opening ceremony which displayed the history of the early 20th century Britain.
I can't wait until the games are held in Germany.
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So in the Olympic Opening Ceremony, British athletes can walk behind a bloke carrying the Union Jack and everyone cheers...
...But when the BNP do it it's frowned upon.
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My mate asked me: "What is the shortest race in the Olympics?"
After thinking for a few minutes, I came up with an answer:
"Chinese," I replied.
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I'm entering the m**... Tournament in the Olympics this year.
Very stiff competition though.
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As I watched the woman's football today, my wife proudly quipped, "This just shows you how far the Olympics have come, women excelling at men's sports. What do you think this means?"
I don't think "22 blokes are forced to get a take-away tonight" was the answer she was looking for.
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Well done Danny Boyle. Nothing says "London" better than youths setting fire to stuff.
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7 years the London Olympics have been in the making.
Never has it taken so long for a large number of foreigners to enter the country.
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