The Best 17 British English Jokes

Following is our collection of funny British English jokes. There are some british english anglo jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these british english spanish puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest British English Jokes and Puns

Color vs Colour, Favorite vs Favourite, Neighbor vs Neighbour

British English: I think you're having problem understanding these words.
American English: no u

The French and the British decided to have two cats swim a race across the English Channel...

They named the French cat "un deux trois cat" and the British, "one two three cat."

Which cat made it across first?

The British cat, because everyone knows that un deux trois cat cinq.

British English will have only 3 vowels now A I O

They left E U

Two German spies came to English pub during WW II.

One German said to another: "Be careful. Let's pretend that we are British. We should order martini this time, not schnaps". So they requested barman for two martinies.

- Dry martini? - asked barman.
- Warum drei? Zwei!

A British man and an Indian man were talking about arranged marriage.

English man: How could you marry a woman
before knowing her?

Indian man: How could you marry a woman
AFTER knowing her?

A British ship is sinking.

The radio operator is sending out a distress call saying "Mayday, mayday we are sinking. Please help."

A few kilometers away, a German ship hears the call, and the radio operator, who doesn't speak English very well and is new on the job, answers

"uh hello, we hear you. Um, what are you sinking about?"

In a British bar,

a discussion about arranged marriages took place as follows:

English gentleman: How could you marry a woman before knowing her?

Indian man: How could you marry a woman AFTER knowing her?

End of the discussion.

The English Cat and the French Cat

There were two cats. One was British and one was French. The name of the British cat was One-two-three and the name of the French cat was Un-deux-trois. They decided to have a race to see which cat could be the first to swim across the English Channel.

Obviously, the cat named One-two-three won. Why? Because Un-deux-trois cat sank.

What's the difference between British English and Australian English?

British English: bloody hell!


Australian English: ยกllวษฅ สŽpoolq

A french, an english and a german general are talking about submarine technology

The French general tells them their submarines can stay underwater for three days.

The British says theirs can stay submerged for 180 days

Suddenly a submarine comes up. A man comes out and shouts: "SIEG HEIL. Wir brauchen Sprit!"

If communism would adapt English, they would adapt to British English.

ColOURs, FlavOURs, FavOURite and humOUR.

You can explore british english german reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean british english england dad jokes. There are also british english puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

British & French cats swim across the channel

A British cat called "one two three" swims across the English Channel. At the same time, a French cat called "un deux trois", swims from the opposite direction. Which cat makes it? "one two three" because un deux trois Cat Sank.

An American and Australian are arguing over the spelling of 'jail'

Aussie says, 'Look mate, it's spelt G-A-O-L, that's the original correct spelling used by the English.'

The American looks over to their British buddy, 'Sort this out for us will ya, how did you learn to spell it?'

'A-U-S-T-R-A-L-I-A'.

Did you hear about the kinky whelk?

It pulled a mussel.

This doesn't work in American English.

In British slang, if you chat someone up and they like you, you have *pulled*.

Sorry I failed!

If the British empire spoke queens English does that mean..

The Americans spoke rebels tongues.

How does an english airplane breathe?

Through its british airways, of course

What do you call a British woman with a yeast infection?

An English muffin

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the british english brits puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working british english irish piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes