Following is our collection of funny Britain jokes. There are some britain brussels jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these britain only in britain puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
A: 1 GB
1GB
After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.
The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.
The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."
They're scared of Wales.
This is during the time the Mad Cow disease ravished Britain. A man and a woman are sitting at a table when the waiter approaches them, asking "what would you like for dinner?"
The man replies, I'll have a fat juicy steak, medium rare with all the trimmings. Gravy and roast potatoes please. The waiter asks "what about the mad cow?"
To which the man replies
"Nahh she'll just have fish"
A young woman was applying for a teaching position in Britain and, while talking to an HR guy asked him:
Am I supposed to wear a skirt all the time or shall I sometimes wear pants?
After a few seconds of silence the HR guy responded:
If you mean pants that are trousers then yes. Of course you can wear them to work. If you mean pants that are underwear⦠Well⦠It's up to you.
P. S. That really happened to a friend of mine.
Britain had sent Stuart Hall, Rolf Harris and Max Clifford.
The weather called for *Heil*
An Israeli man visits Britain. The customs officer asks "Occupation?"
"No, just visiting."
I suppose it's understandable given that our national airline is called British HΓ©roes.
It's called the civil servant - it doesn't work and it can't be fired.
You can explore britain czechout reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean britain serbia dad jokes. There are also britain puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Cremation will be held at 12PM on Wednesday.....
and Thursday.....
and Friday.
Britain: "What happened to the T?"
America: "We threw it in the Harbor!"
Grea Briain
I notice these two women, both cute but a bit chubby.
I approached the girls and asked "Are you two ladies from Scotland"?, to which the heftier one replied "It's Wales you idiot"!
Taken a bit aback by this, I replied "Oh, sorry. Are you two Whales from Scotland"?
But at least they have a liver pool.
See eu later
you always lose a few Pounds after a breakup.
Half of the US is moving here soon anyhow.
"It's not EU, it's me"
They didn't know you could get Britain to leave by voting.
...Its pull out game is strong!
Did you see that Boris Johnson might be the next Prime Minister of Great Britain? I remember when the U.S. had a BJ in the top office!
...for everything else, there's Mastercard.
Because tea leaves.
Those on Team Great Britain, because they'll leave.
Make Britain grate again.
When one votes, it changes something, making things worse. When another votes, it doesn't change anything, making things worse.
All we need is Clarkson and we've got Top Gear back again.
He lost 10,000 pounds! But it didn't work
I was asked to name a parasite currently living in Britain.
Apparently 'Muslims' isn't the correct answer.
Great Britain and the USA are having a contest about who can mess up their country the most. Britain is leading, but the USA have a Trump card.
BRITAIN: "Hey, America, watch this!"
*BRITAIN SETS ITSELF ON FIRE*
USA: "Cool. Can I borrow your lighter?"
Make America Great Britain again!
Pound Town
I mean I can see it in the weather, I mean.. sometimes it's Sunni sometimes it's Shi'ite.
Its not like we mind Taxation without representation anymore.
You loose pounds everytime you eat
For example:
In Britain, people drive on the left
In America, they drive on the right
In Britain, you watch the TV
In America, the TV watches you
I'm sorry! I apologize.
Half of the population are not fools.
1 GB
...all the other Poles are in Britain.
I've always wanted to live in a live recreation of 1984.
(β’_β’)
( β’_β’)>ββ -β
(ββ _β )
In *da* pendent
Did the Czech Republic check-out?
Because they gave Britain the L in 1776
In a single day during the Battle of Britain he was responsible for the destruction of 8 German aircraft killing 32 German airmen.
Easily the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe had ever had.
Spain had thousands of colonists, Britain had millions, but Portugal had BRAZILIANS.
And sees two overweight women sitting at the bar. He approaches them, and asks Are you two girls from Britain? . To this, one of the women reply sternly It's Wales you idiot! . So, the man excuses himself, and asks them again: Sorry, are you two whales from Britain?
So what's he still doing in the white house?
A centimeterlada
Because America gave Britain that L in 1783
Vladimir Putin gave Great Britain 24 hours to explain the death of Stephen Hawking.
Try with free speech in Britain.
America: No u.
In Britain, prisoners would climb a treadwheel that turned a fan.
In Russia, prisoners would break rocks in the Siberian wasteland.
And in Germany, prisoners are forced to fit the blinkers to BMW cars.
Teatowel.
Sorry if you've heard or seen this before on here; I've not and I'm unable to search because I'm using the mobile sitem
Well, they used to hire smart people, but those would go to Great Britain, capitulate and stay there to live.
...So he decides to learn the british way of spelling things. So he spoke to a Brit he knew and he was told the following:
"So: Color turns into colour. Harbor turns into harbour. honor becomes honour. Starting to notice a pattern?"
So he writes an e-mail to his new boss:
"Good mourning sir....
A lot of pounds.
A Russian man is travelling across Britain , he pops to a corner shop and buys some British Snacks to try. He takes the food to the Till and the cashier says: that'll be Β£12,50 please. To which the Russian replies Vat?
Oh that's already taken care of mate.
...The German doctor says: "That's nothing, in Germany we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for a job."
The Russian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we took half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for a job."
The American doctor laughs: "You are all behind us. A few months ago, we took a man with no brain, no heart, and no liver and made him President.
Now, the whole country is looking for a job!"
Cos you're uncomfortably wet and can't decide if you want to be in or out
The platform for the Eurostar to Paris.
In America they have shooting ranges
Note: this 'joke' was told to me today as a 'true statistical fact' and I just wanted to get your opinion not meant to offend anyone
1 GB
1 GB
Sometimes I hear people from Great Britain talk about how bad the education is in The US. I do get a little offended, but then I realize they are just salty because we beat them in The Civil War.
We started omitting the t after we threw it in the ocean
Because theyre scared of Wales
It was their way of telling Great Britain that they don't need u.
...pound for pound.
Sorry if that's a sweeping generalisation.
British doctor says: "In Britain, medicine is so advanced that we cut out a man's liver, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for a job."
The German doctor says: "That's nothing,
in Germany we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for a job."
The Russian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we took half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for a job."
The American doctor laughs: "You are all behind us. 4 years ago, we took a man with no brain, no heart, and no liver and made him President.
Now, the whole country is looking for a job!"
It's the year 2022, WWIII has started. 1st world countries vs 2nd world countries and Middle East. Britain asks for reinforcement from Australia. The Australian regiment arrives and next morning starts preparing while the British Commander enters and starts increasing the army's morale:
British Commander: Did you came here *to die*?
Australian Soldier: No sir, we came here *yester-die*.
First, God created Britain, then the British.
After Britain, God created Spain, then the Spanish.
After Spain, God created France. The British and Spanish objected because France was much more beautiful than their countries.
Then God created the French.
...Pound for pound.
And when you turn 16, you get a text from Prince Andrew.
Independence days
Would the Prime Minister be known as Loseton Churchill?
Pound town
Queen to G7
Because America destroyed their T
One day, in Great Britain, two Muslim schoolgirls were chatting away to each other in a foreign language on a public bus. The man sitting in front of them turned around and said, "This is England. Speak English." The woman in front of him turned around and said, "Actually, this is Wales and they're speaking Welsh."
I guess we're just raised differently.
The 11-12 year olds were quizzed on European capitals. Teacher asks boy:
What is the capital of Germany? "Berlin!"
What is the capital of France? "Berlin!"
What is the capital of Great Britain? "Berlin!"
Teacher: No son, you failed and were wrong on 2 out of the 3, what was your name again?
"Adolph!"
Because those dang colonists got rid of their tea.
When the Romans landed in Britain,
The weather proved a teaser!
The emperor asked "Could this be rain?",
But the answer was "Hail, Caesar"
In India they're called Cyclones
In Japan they're called Typhoons
In Britain they're called Wednesdays
He calls the Queen of Great Britain for advice.
Putin - "Queen Elizabeth, I'd like to have Russia be a Kingdom. I feel it would give it the gravitas it deserves"
The Queen - "But Vladimir, you need to have a king to be a Kingdom"
Putin - "Well what about a Principality then?"
The Queen - "No Vladimir, you need a prince to have a Principality"
Putin - "Then I'm at a loss, what should Russia be"
The Queen - "I think you are quite suited to be a Country, wouldn't you agree"
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the britain brexit jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
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