The Best 84 Brin Jokes

Bring me back a nice Italian girl

A man is dropping off his wife, who's being sent on a business trip to Italy, at the airport. Before saying his goodbyes, he quips "Now be sure to bring me back a nice Italian girl." A week later, he's back at the airport to pick her up. After kissing her hello, he says "So did you get me that nice Italian girl?" to which the wife responds "Well I did my best, but we're going to have to wait 9 months to find out if it's a girl."

You know what really brings people together?

Gangrape.

What happens when you bring beer to a BYU party?

All the girls put on their panties and go home.

o they're bringing in £100 fine for bad driving...

How sexist is that?

(via Jimmy Carr)

You know what always brings me down?

Gravity.

I always bring a condom with me on a night out.

Unfortunately, it's always the same one.

When are they going to bring slavery back?

I am tired of looking for a job.

What can bring The Beatles back together?

Two more bullets.

I bring my Epipen everywhere

It's my greatest treasure. I think my friend really wanted me to have it. He gave it to me right before he died.

Why should you never bring your Pokemon cards into the washroom with you?

They might Pikachu.

Why did everyone bring a quiche to Sean Connery's party?

It was leave your keys at the door.

I couldn't bring myself to shoot my own turkey for thanksgiving

... So I dressed one up in baggy sweat pants and gave it a bag of skittles and a cop shot it for me

Why should you always bring an iPhone to Mos Eisley Cantina?

Because droids can't get service.

When I bring you breakfast in bed, why can't you just say "thank you"?

...instead of all this "how did you get in to my house?" calling 9-11 business.

What brings a Jewish family closer together?

The bristles

They say that you should never bring your work home with you.

Especially if you're a boxer.

If I bring my own male prostitute to a brothel

is there a cockage fee?

Bring Me the Horizon gets thrown into the ocean...

Do they sink or swim? Or simply disappear?

Why should you always bring charmander along when camping?

Because he's the fire starter.

Bring the fingers.

A man working with an electric saw accidentally cuts off all of his fingers.

At the emergency room, his doctor says, "Give me the fingers, and I'll see what I can do."

The injured man repies, "But I don't have the fingers!"

"Why didn't you bring them?" the doctor asks.

The injured man responds, "Doc, I couldn't pick them up."

How do you bring up a Syrian child?

Ram your arm down a shark's throat.

^^^Joke ^^^so ^^^dark, ^^^cops ^^^are ^^^shooting ^^^at ^^^it.

Why should you never bring a fat person to see a dramatic movie?

They will ruin the suspension.

Every now and then I see something that brings a little tear to my eye.

Last night it was my wife wearing her strap on.

Why should you bring two pairs of pants when you golf?

In case you get a hole-in-one

(stolen from some girl at school)

Y'know what really brings out the inner child in you?

Abortion

What can bring out your inner child?

A coathanger.

What's the best way to bring out your inner child?

A coat hanger

Bring your nsfw jokes. You down?

Anything that makes parents cry when their kids say it.

(Can we bring back the good old Chuck Norris short jokes people?-I'll start first)

Chuck Norris is the first guy to have made a knot out of a diamond.

Which do you want me to bring in first?

Yesterday my parents are preparing dinner and my mom wanted me to get the chicken. When she opens the fridge and notices the egg carton is empty, she ask me to get the eggs as well. So then I asked her...

"Which one do you want me to bring in first, the chicken or the egg?"

If I could bring three items to a desert island I would bring a trapping guide, a water purifier, and a car door.

With the trapping guide I could lay snares so I wouldn't go hungry, with the purifier I could have a source of clean water so I wouldn't get thirsty, and with the car door I could roll the window down so I wouldn't get hot.

To bring a girl home,I just whisper in her ear "You know,if i get excited,It can touch the bottom of the Pringles Can"

I can see her eyes light up with excitement and thank the Pringles company for introducing the new Snack size cans.....

Whenever you go to do something, bring a hammer and a screwdriver...

the first time it doesn't work, hit it with a hammer. If it doesn't work after that, screw it.

Always bring a rogue with you when you go to Thailand

They're good at detecting traps

Who do they bring in if the stand up comedian dies during the show?

A stand in comedian

Why did I need to bring a shovel on my first date?

Clearly the chloroform wasn't enough.

I always bring a second pair of pants when I go golfing

just in case I get a hole in one.

Never bring a knife to a gun fight...

Unless you're John Wick, in that case bring a pencil.

Please bring me a glass of water.

Boy: mum, could you please bring me a glass of water.

Mum: get up and get it your self.

Boy: mum, please.

Mum: repeat and I will slap you.

Boy: when you come to slap could you bring a glass of water as well?

I'm bringing sexy back.

Saved the receipt, the original packaging and everything.

What brings out the child in all women?

A miscarriage

If I bring you breakfast in bed, just say, "Thanks."

Not "Who are you?" and "How did you get in my apartment?"

Why shouldn't you bring your feminist girlfriend to a football game

Because you'll have to mansplain everything

Always bring a polar bear on a date.

They're great at... _breaking the ice_!

Why should you bring two Muslims with you when you go fishing?

Because if you only bring one, he'll drink all your beer.

I can't bring myself to steal someone else's drink.

It's just not my cup of tea.

If you could bring one person to a deserted island who would it be?

I would take one for the team and bring Donald Trump

You know what really brings me down?

Gravity.

They say bringing your bike to work is better for the enviorment

Why not
I have a roof rack anyways

I can't bring myself to get rid of my broken grandfather clock...

It's such a timeless piece.

Everyone brings joy to this house. Some when they enter, and others when they leave.

A sign I saw at my parents friends' place.

Could we bring YOLO back?

No. It only lived once.

Bringing her home to meet mother

I told my new girlfriend that my mother was very hard of hearing and that she should speak loud and slow. I told my mother that my girlfriend was mentally challenged and to please be polite.
I'm looking forward to Christmas dinner.

Why should you always bring money to LBGT pride parades?

Trans-action fees

You should always bring two pairs of pants golfing.

Just in case you get a hole in one.

Always bring a cane to a first date.

You never know, it might be blind love.

Should I bring you a ladder or can you reach it yourself?

Let me know if it's the former or the latter.

I tried bringing some shrooms on holiday with me in my hand luggage...

...I couldn't in the end as I didn't have mushroom.

We'll help you bring out your inner child...

Come to Midtown Abortion Clinic

Nothing can bring brothers in law closer than a mother-in-law.

I would bring you to the movies,

But they don't let people bring in snacks

I Want To Bring Joy To The World

But she refuses to leave the house.

How do you bring a female mathematician to climax?

Find the right angle.

I'm bringing sexy back!

Apparently there was a misunderstanding and I should have never been allowed to take it in the first place...

How do you bring beer to perfect serving temperature by angrily yelling at it?

I - SCOLD - BEER !

If you bring a condom

You come prepared.

I was bringing home some tongue from the butcher...

...when a cat jumped into my arms and took it.

I was speechless.

Some bring joy wherever they go...

Others whenever they go.

Who brings Purell and wet wipes to all the good little OCD girls and boys?

Sani Claus.

Don't bring your smartphones inside a hospital.

Because an Apple a day, keeps the doctor away.

When someone brings up Hurricane Harvey even though that meme's been dead for a year now.

It was bring your pet to school day

I brought my desert eagle

Why do you never bring toilet paper when going on vacations.

Because you can always make some out of your toiletries

And out, I go.....

Why can't you bring milk to a KKK meeting?

They're all blacktose intolerant.

What brings out your inner kid?

A coat hanger.

I went to bring my stripper girlfriend a birthday present at work, but she was busy adding up her earnings for the day.

It's the thot that counts.

Me: Please bring me a screwdriver.

Wife: Flat heads, Phillips, or Vodka?

And that was when I knew she was the one.

What really brings out the child in me?

A miscarriage

I can bring a Lady to complete ecstasy with one hand

To be clear, Lady is my cat's name, and the hand in question operates the electric can opener

I always bring a bomb with me on an airplane

Because the probability of there being *two* bombs on an airplane is nearly zero.

If I bring breakfast to the bed, a simple "thank you" would suffice.

Not the whole "What are you doing here? How did you get into my house!?"

Why do I always bring 2 pairs of pants when I go golfing?

Because I always get a hole in one

I like to bring a booklet of jokes whenever I sit down to join a conversation at a table,

because as soon as it is my turn to start talking,
I can lay my booklet down and begin my statement by saying:

"Jokes aside, ..."

Why did you bring your cat to school?

A little boy goes to school but bringing in a cat with him. Teacher asks him why did you bring your cat to school?

The little boy replies, Well, I heard my daddy telling mommy when the kids leave I'm gonna eat that pu**y up.