The Best 90 Bright Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Bright jokes. There are some bright sky jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these bright brighter puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Bright Jokes and Puns

My wife is pregnant and my doctor asked me if I had ever been present at a childbirth before.

I replied, "Yes just once."

The doctor asked, "What was it like?"

I said, "It was dark, then suddenly very bright."

Why does Batman only wear dark colors? Easy. Batman doesn't want to get shot. Why does Robin only wear bright colors?

Easy.

Batman doesn't want to get shot.

Why do asians have such squinty eyes?

Because atomic bombs are pretty bright.

Excuse for speeding

This Middle aged man was going through his mid-life crisis so he went out and bought him a new bright red BMW. So he decided to take his new BMW on a test drive down the interstate one day.

He got up to about 85 mph and all of a sudden he saw this highway patrolman with his blue lights and siren blaring coming toward him. He decided he and his new BMW would outrun the officer. So the man sped up to 95 mph,and then to 105 mph, but the patrolman was still coming.

The man finally came to his senses and said to himself, "This is crazy, I could go to jail for this," so he pulled over.

The patrolman came to the car and told the man, "It has been a long day and I am tired. If you can give me an excuse no one else has ever given me I will let you go."

So the man told the officer, "Last night my wife ran off with a patrolman and when I seen you chasing me I thought you were trying to bring her back."

The officer looked at the man and said, "Have a nice day."

jokes about bright

I love Christmas lights!

... they remind me of politicians.

They all hang together, half the buggers don't work, and the ones that do aren't that bright!

A Chinese woman storms into a bank and up to the front of the line.

She slams her hand down on the counter and demands the teller's attention.

"My stock," she says, "yesterday was worth one hundred dollar a share! Now is ninety five! Why? You try to rip me off?"

The teller smiles and says "No ma'am. Fluctuations."

The lady's face turns a bright shade of crimson and she screams "We'll fluc you white people too!"

penny scales

A woman stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight and put in a coin.

"Listen to this," she said to her husband, showing him a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a great lover."

"Yeah," her husband nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too."

Bright joke, penny scales

Im starting to see the bright side of being single..

..If I tip the bottle towards the ceiling, light shines right through the Vodka. Facinating

Why does light travel faster than sound?

Because some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

A black boy asks his white parents

"Daddy why are your and mommy's faces so bright if mine is so dark?" says the kid. The dad looks at him and goes: "Jimmy the party was so wild you should be happy you're not barking now".

Denise and WHAT?!

A woman falls into a coma as she is giving birth. When she wakes up a few weeks later, the doctor greets her with some news.

"Congratulations! You had twins; a boy and a girl. Since you were in a coma, we gave your brother the liberty of naming your children."

"What did he name them?" she worriedly asked, "he isn't very bright!"

"Your daughter is Denise," replied the doctor.

Slightly relieved she says, "That's not so bad! And the boy?"

"Danephew."

You can explore bright sun reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean bright blue dad jokes. There are also bright puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Father, what causes arthritis?

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick and he had a half-empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading. A couple minutes later, he asked the priest, ''Father, what causes arthritis?''
''Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your fellow man,'' the priest replied. ''Imagine that,'' the drunk muttered. He returned to reading his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, turned to the man and apologized: ''I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?'' ''I don't have arthritis, Father,'' the drunk said, ''but I just read in the paper that the Pope does.''

Two old Jewish women sit down at a local restaurant to catch the early bird special...

Their waiter takes their orders, brings out the food, and then goes to wait on a different table.

Five minutes later, he decides to check in on the two women.

He comes up to their table, and with a bright and chipper smile asks:

"Good evening ladies, is *anything* alright?"

Old Soviet joke - Children in the USSR

Back in Soviet Russia, little Misha is being read to by his babysitter. She reads: 'In the USSR, kindegardens are filled with wonderful toys.'
Misha listens with bright eyes.
'In the USSR, every child has a brand new bicycle.'
Little Misha opens his eyes even wider.
'In the USSR, every child drinks hot cocoa for breakfast.'
Little Misha starts crying his eyes out, bawling:
'I want to go to the USSR!'

Why do Asians have squinty eyes?

because their future is so bright

I bought some blonde paint.

It isn't very bright but it spreads easily.

Bright joke, I bought some blonde paint.

The road was wet, the moon was high, we were alone, just her and I. The moon was bright, her eyes were too, I knew just what she wanted to do.. So with my courage, I did my best, and placed my hand, upon her breast. I knew she was ready, but I didn't know how..

It was my first time ever, milking a cow.

I heard women in this country only get 78Β’ for every dollar a man earns...

On the bright side, we get to keep 22Β’

The vaccine conspiracy

Linda had a heart attack and was brought to the emergency room while in clinical death. The doctors managed to revive her, but during her coma she saw a bright light and God appeared to her. She asked him:

"Tell me, God, is it true that vaccines could cause autism?"

"No, autism is a condition that develops during pregnancy"

After getting well, she met her friends and told them about her experience:

"Girls, I have awful news: the conspiracy goes way higher than we've thought"

Insomnia sufferers. Look on the bright side, only 6 more sleeps until Christmas.

79 million people are without access to drinkable water

Though on the bright side, the number is decreasing!

A class is learning about probability..

Teacher: If I toss a penny, what are the chances that I get a head?

Girl: For a penny? Not very bright.

Why do asians squint all the time?

Because nukes are so bright

I can't see very well in the dark

but on the bright side, I see just fine.

If you have Alzheimer's, look on the bright side…

…at least you can hide your own Easter Eggs.

On the bright side

selfie sticks are also lightning rods.

Bright joke, On the bright side

Did you hear about the man who had his right side cut off

He's dead. Died from blood loss. Poor guy. On the bright side, his family got what's left of him.

With so many Americans upset with the candidates in the upcoming Presidential election, we should look on the bright side ...

... and please let me know what it is when you've found it.

A mother of twins went into labour and passed out.

A mother of twins went into labour and passed out. She woke up hours later to find her (not so bright) sister carrying her twins. Nervously the new mother asked her sister whether the children has been named. To which the sister replied yes. The new mother shocked and scared then asked the sister what she named the children to which she replied she named the niece Denise. The mother feeling a little better then asked what she had name the boy to which she replied Denephew.

At the post office....

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

On the bright side, this is gonna be the most environmentally friendly olympics...

On the bright side, this is gonna be the most environmentally friendly olympics, even the pools are going green.

Baby you are like a white dwarf star....

Extremely hot but not very bright

On the bright side of the election

There hasn't been a presidential assassination in a while.

On the bright side...

We can look forward to four more years of Michelle Obama speeches from our First Lady.

The preacher asked the small boy to show him the way to the post office and the boy courteously obliged

"Thank you", the preacher said. "You are a bright and polite young man. How would you like to listen to my sermon this evening so that I may show you the way to Heaven?"

"You're going to show me the way to Heaven?" the boy said in astonishment."But you don't even know the way to the post office!"

Christmas lights remind me of my friends.

They all hang together, half of them don't work, and the ones that do aren't that bright.

I like my women how I like my light bulbs...

Not too bright, easy to turn on and hanging from electrical wire in my basement.

On the bright side of this United Airlines ordeal.

At least they won't have any more problems with overbooking.

My father always said I was a bright kid...

So bright in fact, he always called me son

since light moves faster then sound..

People may appear bright until you hear them speak.

To this day, the guy who took my lunch money during school still takes my money.

On the bright side, he makes really good subway sandwiches.

I heard when the sun dies it's going to take the human race with it...

I guess the future's not so bright

My dad says I'm so bright

He calls me sun.

I forgot to bring the drinks to my senior prom. But hey, look at the bright side.

No punch line.

Watson found Holmes busily painting the front door bright yellow.

"What on earth is that, Holmes?"

"It's a lemon entry, my dear Watson."

Light travels faster than sound!

That's why some people appear bright until they talk.

The School teacher sent home a note with her student..

The note reads, Your son is an obedient and bright student, but spends too much time talking to girls.

Mother sends a note back the following day, Please advise a solution. Father has the same problem.'

Sadly, my best friend passed away yesterday, so I went to see his wife today...

I said to her, "Look on the bright side, at least he's not suffering anymore."

She replied, "But he wasn't ill, he died suddenly."

I said, "I know, I meant, being married to you."

Growing up, I was so bright

my mom called me Sun.

Did you hear about the new paint called "blonde" paint?

It's not very bright but it spreads easily.

My co-workers are like my Christmas lights…

Half of them don't work and the other half aren't that bright.

I lost my wallet and my identity was stolen.

On the bright side, I got it back in the mail with a note.



It said "It sucks to be you."

Why are all optimists blind?

They're constantly looking at the bright side of life.

A cop just stopped me for jaywalking and then tasered me after exchanging a few words...

Police: Turn around.

Me: Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round...

Police: TURN AROUND!!

Me: BRIGHT EYES, Every now and then I fall apart. And you I need you now tonight, and I need you more than ev--AHHHHHH!

Did you know that light travels faster than sound?

That's why some people look bright until they start talking.

People keep saying that OLEDs aren't bright enough.

Well I think there just being nit-picky.

What do Chinese restaurants do when their lights are too bright?

Dim sum

Light is faster than sound

That explain why some people seems bright until the talk

Look on the bright side anti-vaxxers

You'll never have to have "the talk" about puberty, sex, drugs, or driving.

A Russian enters a bar full of Turkish people.

He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering "Turkish got 3 problems."

Just a few seconds later the Turkishs oppose him and say "Hey, yopu know what you're wearing is insulting?"
The russian responds: "This is your first problem: You're so easily offended."

The Turkish respond: "Okay, maybe we should settle this outside."
The Russian: "That's your second problem: You always want to solve your problems with violence."

The Turkish bring him outside and pull their knives.
The Russian: "And here's your third problem. You always bring knives to gun fights."

I offer my kids $500 for every A on their report card.It sends the message that education is a priority in our household.

And it costs me absolutely nothing since my kids aren't that bright.

Light travels faster than sound.

That's why some people apper bright until you hear them speak.

Why does Batman wear dark colors?

Because Batman doesnt want to get shot.

Why does Robin wear bright colours?

Because Batman doesnt want to get shot.

Why does Batman only wear dark colours? Easy. Because Batman doesn't want to get shot. Why does Robin only wear bright colours?

Easy.

Because Batman doesn't want to get shot.

light travels faster than sound

thats why some people appear bright til you hear them speak.

Change for a $15 bill

An incompentent counterfeiter spent all day making his funny money. At the end of the day he realizes he spent all his time making $15 bills.

He figures that the only way he's going to get anything from this batch of money, is to find a place where the people aren't too bright and change his phoney money for real cash.

He travels to a small town and walks into a small Mom and Pop grocery store. He goes to the old man behind the counter and asks him, "Do you have change for a $15 bill?"

The old man replies, "I sure do...How would you like that? An eight and a seven or two sixes and a three?"

I like my women the same way I like my lightbulbs.

Not too bright, easy to turn on, and suspended from the ceiling with electrical cable.

What's the brightest star in the night sky?

Sirius replies only.

A guy has been chatting to a pretty Chinese girl in a bar and offers to take her home.

At her place things are starting to get hot and heavy, especially when she says "So, anything you really really like?". He decides to go for it and says "I'd love a 69."

She turns bright red, slaps his face and says "You bloody men all the same...

"I'm not cooking beef and broccoli at this time of night!"

Bad news. I broke up with Lorraine. She found out I was seeing Clair Lee

The good news is I can see Clair Lee now Lorraine has gone.



EDIT : I've never heard this but I'm getting tanked for it by my friends

But I can see all obstacles in my way.
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind.
It's gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day.
It's gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day.

Two drunk people are walking down a road.

The first one says, "What a beautiful night...look at that bright, full moon." The second man stops and looks at his drunk friends. "You fool, that's the sun, not the moon", he mumbles. Soon, they start arguing.

As they are arguing, they pass by another drunk man. They both stop his ask him, "Can you tell us wether that thing up in the sky is the sun or the moon?"
The drunk man looks up, and then looks back and says, "Sorry, I don't live around here."

I keep reading about all these patriots, draped in bright colors and repeating exactly what is said to them, though without any real understanding.

Did they maybe mean to write "parrots?"

Two guys in a helicopter are crossing a mountain range when the rotor breaks and the chopper is going to crash.

As they are falling to their certain death, the pilot calmly reaches to his pocket and pulls out a bright red lipstick. He puts lipstick on, then tears the steering wheel out of the dashboard and shoves it up his ass. Passenger looks at the pilot in horror and shouts "what the hell are you doing, we are going to die!" Pilot quietly answers "there's nothing we can do, I'm just giving the crash investigators something to think about."

A man is eating at his local dumpling shop.

The waiter comes over and asks if everything is OK with his meal today. "Meals wonderful! But these lights are so bright" he says.
Waiter asks "would you like us to turn them off?".
Man says "No, but maybe Dim Sum."

Batman and Robin get ready for patrol

Batman: You ready Robin?

Robin: I'm not sure about this costume Batman. It's so bright and red. And why do I have to wear a silly yellow cape?

Batman: Well, we're superheroes Robin. We got to dress the part.

Robin: I'm still not sure about this Batman. I mean, you aren't dressed in any bright colors at all!

Batman: Well, if I did that then they'll be shooting at me and not you now wouldn't they? And didn't I train you to be the greatest acrobat in the world? So why all the worrying? The other ones never complained about this, they loved being heroes, god rest their souls.

I hit a cat backing out of my driveway

I'm surprised I didn't see it. It was bright yellow, 50 feet, and weighed 40 tons.

Robin said to Batman...

"Batman, why do you wear dark colors?"

"Easy Robin, it makes me less likely to be shot"

"Then why do I wear bright colors?"

"It also makes me less likely to be shot."

So a guy was making counterfeit money and accidently prints $21 bills.

He decides he could go to a small town gas station where the cashier isn't too bright and see about exchanging them for real cash. He gets there and asks the cashier for his change and the cashier responds "Not a problem. Do you want 7 - $3 bills or 3 - $7 bills?"

Sushi too bright

My friend bought a sushi lamp for his room, it's too bright, how does he make it dim some?

There's a crippled old beggar on a sidewalk in El Paso with a sign and a paper cup..

A businessman stops, reads the sign that says 'Disabled Vet' and decides to give him a few dollars.

"Look on the bright side," he says. "Things could be worse- you could be blind!"

"I know what you mean.." says the beggar, "When I was blind, people only gave me pesos!"

How many Cowboys fans does it take to change a light bulb?

Zero. They don't change it, they just talk about how bright it used to be.

Went for a Chinese meal last night.

Great ambiance, but the lights were too bright in the restaurant.
So, the manager decided to dim sum.

did you know light travels faster than sound?

That's why people look bright until they talk

Lottery

Guy is sitting alone in his house watching tv and envious of the latest person who just won the lottery.

" God, I wish I could win the lottery"

Another few weeks goes by and again someone else wins the lottery.

"God, I wish I could win the lottery"

Another month goes by and still another person wins the lottery.

"God, I wish I could win the lottery"

That same minute a loud clap of thunder and the Heavens open up. In this bright angelic light comes a voice....... " Dude, work with me. Buy a damn ticket"

Hall pass

My wife is really not too bright. We have this system where we have what's called a "hall pass" where you get to have sex with any two people in the whole world, as long as your spouse agrees to it.

Now, I picked Angelina Jolie and Christie Brinkley. But my wife, she picked the Mexican guy that mows our lawn and his brother! Out of all the people in the world.

Co Workers are like Christmas lights...

They hang together, half of them don't work and the other half aren't so bright.

The Sun Names His Two Children After Himself

He calls them Bright and Early

The speed of sound is much slower than the speed of light.

This is why some people seem bright before you hear them talk.

You can tell the speed of light is much faster than the speed of sound.

Some people appear bright until you hear them talk.

Why did the teacher wear shades in school?

Because her pupils were too bright!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the bright brilliant puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working bright squint piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes