Bright Jokes
168 bright jokes and hilarious bright puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bright that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
What's the bright side of life? Enjoy the light that radiates from these Bright Jokes! From white teeth to a bright idea, read these jokes that will lighten up your day and illuminate your mood. With a mix of bright colours, a bright future, and the dim faced sun, these jokes will leave you feeling as bright as ever.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Bright Short Jokes
Short bright jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bright humour may include short beautiful jokes also.
- Why does Batman only wear dark colors? Easy. Batman doesn't want to get shot. Why does Robin only wear bright colors? Easy.
Batman doesn't want to get shot. - On the bright side of this United Airlines ordeal. At least they won't have any more problems with overbooking.
- On the bright side... We can look forward to four more years of Michelle Obama speeches from our First Lady.
- Did you hear about the new paint called "blonde" paint? It's not very bright but it spreads easily.
- I live in North Korea and I'm ready to tell the world what it's really like! [Edit]: The sun shines brightly on our smiles and future as our glorious leaders bring us joy with their mighty military.
- I heard women in this country only get 78¢ for every dollar a man earns... On the bright side, we get to keep 22¢
- I keep reading about all these patriots, draped in bright colors and repeating exactly what is said to them, though without any real understanding. Did they maybe mean to write "parrots?"
- A class is learning about probability.. Teacher: If I toss a penny, what are the chances that I get a head?
Girl: For a penny? Not very bright. - Christmas lights remind me of my friends. They all hang together, half of them don't work, and the ones that do aren't that bright.
- People keep saying that OLEDs aren't bright enough. Well I think there just being nit-picky.
Share These Bright Jokes With Friends
Bright One Liners
Which bright one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bright? I can suggest the ones about blue and dark.
- Light travels faster than sound! That's why some people appear bright until they talk.
- Baby you are like a white dwarf star.... Extremely hot but not very bright
- What do Chinese restaurants do when their lights are too bright? Dim sum
- Why are all optimists blind? They're constantly looking at the bright side of life.
- Why did the winter solstice start a fashion blog? It had a "bright" sense of style.
- My father always said I was a bright kid... So bright in fact, he always called me son
- How many ChatGPTs does it take to change a light bulb? None, it's already bright enough.
- Growing up, I was so bright my mom called me Sun.
- I can't see very well in the dark but on the bright side, I see just fine.
- On the bright side selfie sticks are also lightning rods.
- Why do asians squint all the time? Because nukes are so bright
- My dad says I'm so bright He calls me sun.
- I bought some blonde paint. It isn't very bright but it spreads easily.
- Why did the teacher wear shades in school? Because her pupils were too bright!
- Why do lighting bugs get A's in school? They are very bright.
Bright Side Me Jokes
Here is a list of funny bright side me jokes and even better bright side me puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- With so many Americans upset with the candidates in the upcoming Presidential election, we should look on the bright side ... ... and please let me know what it is when you've found it.
- On the bright side of the election There hasn't been a presidential assassination in a while.
- 79 million people are without access to drinkable water Though on the bright side, the number is decreasing!
- I forgot to bring the drinks to my senior prom. But hey, look at the bright side. No punch line.
- On the bright side, this is gonna be the most environmentally friendly olympics... On the bright side, this is gonna be the most environmentally friendly olympics, even the pools are going green.
- I asked my crush out and got rejected. My friend was shot in a school shooting on the same day Well on the bright side, atleast I wasnt the only one that got shot down.
- Look on the bright side would be horrible advice to someone trapped in a tanning bed
- I went paintballing last weekend and it didn't go very well. I got hit by every single paintball that came my way. On the bright side, it was an overall colourful experience.
- A man calls over a waiter during his meal 'There is a fly swimming in my soup!' 'Look on the bright side Sir' replied the waiter 'If the portions weren't so generous he'd be wading'
- All my life, I tried to look on bright side of everything... Now with my cornea damaged, I'm legally blind.
Bright Side Jokes
Here is a list of funny bright side jokes and even better bright side puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Well, look on the bright side... At least they won't be talking about that gorilla anymore.
- I heard due to the pandemic jobs of all types have been affected. Even employment rates for hitmen are down 75 percent... On the bright side, demand for ninja assassins is through the roof!
- Look at the bright side of being dyslexic. You would have a very good password.
- I was in an awful chemical accident that turned my skin blue, but on the bright side I was finally accepted into the Smurf community after many years of trying. it was quite cyandipitous.
- My grandfather with Alzcheimers was always looking on the bright side. I remember him once saying to me, Hey, I may jave Alzcheimers but at least I don't have Alzcheimers.
- Look on the bright side With net neutrality repealed, at least we won't be able to view all these reposts
- You know it may upset people that Matt Lauer is no longer on the Today show But look on the bright side, Now everyday is where in the world is Matt Lauer.
- Look on the bright side of a Trump presidency... There won't be an America to have this drama four years from now.
- The bright side of no deal Brexit Is that we might get a new song from U2
- I've been drawing some astronomical objects, but they haven't come out the way I'd hoped on the bright side, I guess they could be messier.
Bright Light Jokes
Here is a list of funny bright light jokes and even better bright light puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My co-workers are like my Christmas lights… Half of them don't work and the other half aren't that bright.
- How many Cowboys fans does it take to change a light bulb? Zero. They don't change it, they just talk about how bright it used to be.
- Went for a Chinese meal last night. Great ambiance, but the lights were too bright in the restaurant.
So, the manager decided to dim sum. - I'm so down on my luck right now, that I can't even afford to change out light bulbs when they burn out... Things don't look so bright
- Why are the Eiffel Tower lights so bright ? French resistance is low.
- I failed my course in Photography Lighting Teacher said I wasn't bright enough.
- It works...you should try it out Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
- I just got hired at a light bulb factory. The boss told me I have a bright future.
- An intelligent young lady, Miss Bright She travelled far faster than light,
Leaving one day in a relative way,
Arriving home the previous night. - I saw some tiny yet super-bright lights -- so pretty I wanted to eat them! But I didn't. I was afraid I would get LED poisoning.
Bright Future Jokes
Here is a list of funny bright future jokes and even better bright future puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I heard when the sun dies it's going to take the human race with it... I guess the future's not so bright
- I wished my friend a bright future... ...so that he has the best of lux.
- What do you think of wind and solar energy? I am a big fan, I believe they have a bright future.
- What did the fortune-teller say to the lightbulb? "I see al bright future."
- Our President of Operations at work has a bright future with the city He is exceptional at garbage management
- I looked up "my future as an electrician". It was very bright.
- Did you hear about the buddhist monk who lit himself on fire? I was told he had a bright future
- My lights went out frequently as a child. I didn't have a very bright future
- The future seems pretty bright for millennials. Must be because everything's lit.
- What do you call a Cryptocurrency that has bright future? MythCoin.
Bright White Teeth Jokes
Here is a list of funny bright white teeth jokes and even better bright white teeth puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Teeth are not supposed to be a bright white; they should be oplaque.
Cheeky Bright Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about bright you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean loud jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bright pranks.
My wife is pregnant and my doctor asked me if I had ever been present at a childbirth before.
I replied, "Yes just once."
The doctor asked, "What was it like?"
I said, "It was dark, then suddenly very bright."
Excuse for speeding
This Middle aged man was going through his mid-life crisis so he went out and bought him a new bright red BMW. So he decided to take his new BMW on a test drive down the interstate one day.
He got up to about 85 mph and all of a sudden he saw this highway patrolman with his blue lights and siren blaring coming toward him. He decided he and his new BMW would outrun the officer. So the man sped up to 95 mph,and then to 105 mph, but the patrolman was still coming.
The man finally came to his senses and said to himself, "This is crazy, I could go to jail for this," so he pulled over.
The patrolman came to the car and told the man, "It has been a long day and I am tired. If you can give me an excuse no one else has ever given me I will let you go."
So the man told the officer, "Last night my wife ran off with a patrolman and when I seen you chasing me I thought you were trying to bring her back."
The officer looked at the man and said, "Have a nice day."
penny scales
A woman stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight and put in a coin.
"Listen to this," she said to her husband, showing him a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a great lover."
"Yeah," her husband nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Im starting to see the bright side of being single..
..If I tip the bottle towards the ceiling, light shines right through the v**.... Facinating
A black boy asks his white parents
"Daddy why are your and mommy's faces so bright if mine is so dark?" says the kid. The dad looks at him and goes: "Jimmy the party was so wild you should be happy you're not barking now".
Denise and WHAT?!
A woman falls into a coma as she is giving birth. When she wakes up a few weeks later, the doctor greets her with some news.
"Congratulations! You had twins; a boy and a girl. Since you were in a coma, we gave your brother the liberty of naming your children."
"What did he name them?" she worriedly asked, "he isn't very bright!"
"Your daughter is Denise," replied the doctor.
Slightly relieved she says, "That's not so bad! And the boy?"
"Danephew."
Father, what causes arthritis?
A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick and he had a half-empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading. A couple minutes later, he asked the priest, ''Father, what causes arthritis?''
''Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your fellow man,'' the priest replied. ''Imagine that,'' the drunk muttered. He returned to reading his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, turned to the man and apologized: ''I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?'' ''I don't have arthritis, Father,'' the drunk said, ''but I just read in the paper that the Pope does.''
The ladder to success
A broke young woman is walking down the road. She happens to come across a very large ladder in the middle of road. So she asks a man standing nearby what its there for, he replies saying "well, its the ladder to success!". She then proceeds to climb the ladder very eagerly. She then finds her way to the top. There stands a bright red door, so she knocks on the door. And suddenly a very large man comes out with a big grin saying " Hey there, my name's Sess"
Old Soviet joke - Children in the USSR
Back in Soviet Russia, little Misha is being read to by his babysitter. She reads: 'In the USSR, kindegardens are filled with wonderful toys.'
Misha listens with bright eyes.
'In the USSR, every child has a brand new bicycle.'
Little Misha opens his eyes even wider.
'In the USSR, every child drinks hot cocoa for breakfast.'
Little Misha starts crying his eyes out, bawling:
'I want to go to the USSR!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The road was wet, the moon was high, we were alone, just her and I. The moon was bright, her eyes were too, I knew just what she wanted to do.. So with my courage, I did my best, and placed my hand, upon her breast. I knew she was ready, but I didn't know how..
It was my first time ever, milking a cow.
The vaccine conspiracy
Linda had a heart attack and was brought to the emergency room while in clinical death. The doctors managed to revive her, but during her coma she saw a bright light and God appeared to her. She asked him:
"Tell me, God, is it true that vaccines could cause autism?"
"No, autism is a condition that develops during pregnancy"
After getting well, she met her friends and told them about her experience:
"Girls, I have awful news: the conspiracy goes way higher than we've thought"
TIFU by listening to adults when I was a kid.
They kept saying "Don't get any bright ideas." Sure enough, I never did.
I was wondering why it gets bright even before I see the sun rise in the morning. Then it dawned on me.
My girlfriend is like the sun...
She's bright, cheerful, and she goes down every night.
A mother of twins went into labour and passed out.
A mother of twins went into labour and passed out. She woke up hours later to find her (not so bright) sister carrying her twins. Nervously the new mother asked her sister whether the children has been named. To which the sister replied yes. The new mother shocked and scared then asked the sister what she named the children to which she replied she named the niece Denise. The mother feeling a little better then asked what she had name the boy to which she replied Denephew.
At the post office....
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Feminists: Look on the bright side...
There will be more women in the White House than ever!
The preacher asked the small boy to show him the way to the post office and the boy courteously obliged
"Thank you", the preacher said. "You are a bright and polite young man. How would you like to listen to my sermon this evening so that I may show you the way to Heaven?"
"You're going to show me the way to Heaven?" the boy said in astonishment."But you don't even know the way to the post office!"
The flash from the hiroshima bomb was so bright...
...that even today, people there walk around with their eyes in a squint
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do I use to brighten my mood when it's dark?
A fleshlight.
Why did the blonde try to screw a lightbulb?
Because she thought it would make her bright
An O-5, a Foundation Agent, and Doctor Bright walk into a bar.
[DATA EXPUNGED]
Watson found Holmes busily painting the front door bright yellow.
"What on earth is that, Holmes?"
"It's a lemon entry, my dear Watson."
The School teacher sent home a note with her student..
The note reads, Your son is an obedient and bright student, but spends too much time talking to girls.
Mother sends a note back the following day, Please advise a solution. Father has the same problem.'
My girlfriend is really supportive but she's not very bright. One time, during a fight, I asked her "What's your IQ, anyway?!"
She shouted back defiantly "20/20!"
Sadly, my best friend passed away yesterday, so I went to see his wife today...
I said to her, "Look on the bright side, at least he's not suffering anymore."
She replied, "But he wasn't ill, he died suddenly."
I said, "I know, I meant, being married to you."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I lost my wallet and my identity was stolen.
On the bright side, I got it back in the mail with a note.
It said "It s**... to be you."
A cop just stopped me for jaywalking and then tasered me after exchanging a few words...
Police: Turn around.
Me: Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round...
Police: TURN AROUND!!
Me: BRIGHT EYES, Every now and then I fall apart. And you I need you now tonight, and I need you more than ev--AHHHHHH!
I'm so bright....
....my mom calls me son.
Pale Tomatoes...
Two women are talking while gardening. "Oh, I am SO jealous of your tomatoes. Mine are so pale and yours are bright red.".
"It's easy, just walk out in your nightgown early in the morning and flash them. They'll be bright red after a couple of days."
They meet again a few weeks later.
"Hey, did my hint about your tomatoes help?"
"Huh. The tomatoes are still pale, but my cucumbers are like five feet...".
A guy moves to a new neighborhood and sees his neighbor playing chess with his dog
A guy moves to a new neighborhood. The next morning, he sees his neighbor playing chess with his dog. Tries to be friendly, he asks: wow you have an incredibly smart dog, he can even play chess, how'd you train him?. Bothered, his neighbor replies: Nah, not that bright, we've been playing 10 games, and he lost like 7 of them!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Look on the bright side anti-vaxxers
You'll never have to have "the talk" about puberty, s**..., drugs, or driving.
A friend messaged me some encouraging words today...
What a thoughtful friend I thought as I read the words he wrote to me. It wasn't until I finished that I realized what he wanted in return...
"See The Bright Side.
Everyone Has Some Good In Them.
Never Go To Bed Mad.
Distrust Will Kill Any Relationship.
New Things Won't Make You Happy.
Understanding Is Half The Battle.
Do What You Can.
Even You Can Find A Hidden Meaning.
Surely You Didn't Miss It..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Russian enters a bar full of Turkish people.
He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering "turkish got 3 problems."
Just a few seconds later the Turkishs oppose him and say "Hey, yopu know what you're wearing is insulting?"
The russian responds: "This is your first problem: You're so easily offended."
The Turkish respond: "Okay, maybe we should settle this outside."
The Russian: "That's your second problem: You always want to solve your problems with violence."
The Turkish bring him outside and pull their knives.
The Russian: "And here's your third problem. You always bring knives to gun fights."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I offer my kids $500 for every A on their report card.It sends the message that education is a priority in our household.
And it costs me absolutely nothing since my kids aren't that bright.
Wow you're as bright as the sun!
When I stare at you my eyes hurt.
Misplaced stuff
After nearly breaking my neck on a pair of bright pink roller skates on the stairs, I shouted at my son, "Are these yours?!"
He said, "Well, obviously they're not mine."
"Oh yeah, of course they aren't," I replied. Then laughed at him in his little wheelchair.
I heard this joke at a new museum opening in DC, told by a five year old:
Knock knock
Who's there?
Donut
Donut who?
Donut ask me, it's a secret.
That kid has a bright future of dad jokes ahead of him
Change for a $15 bill
An incompentent counterfeiter spent all day making his funny money. At the end of the day he realizes he spent all his time making $15 bills.
He figures that the only way he's going to get anything from this batch of money, is to find a place where the people aren't too bright and change his phoney money for real cash.
He travels to a small town and walks into a small Mom and Pop grocery store. He goes to the old man behind the counter and asks him, "Do you have change for a $15 bill?"
The old man replies, "I sure do...How would you like that? An eight and a seven or two sixes and a three?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like my women the same way I like my lightbulbs.
Not too bright, easy to turn on, and suspended from the ceiling with electrical cable.
What's the brightest star in the night sky?
Sirius replies only.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy has been chatting to a pretty Chinese girl in a bar and offers to take her home.
At her place things are starting to get hot and heavy, especially when she says "So, anything you really really like?". He decides to go for it and says "I'd love a 69."
She turns bright red, slaps his face and says "You b**... men all the same...
"I'm not cooking beef and broccoli at this time of night!"
I went to the doctor to get a cognitive test.
The cardiologist told me You're not very bright but your hearts in the right place.
Bad news. I broke up with Lorraine. She found out I was seeing Clair Lee
The good news is I can see Clair Lee now Lorraine has gone.
EDIT : I've never heard this but I'm getting tanked for it by my friends
But I can see all obstacles in my way.
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind.
It's gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day.
It's gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day.
Two drunk people are walking down a road.
The first one says, "What a beautiful night...look at that bright, full moon." The second man stops and looks at his drunk friends. "You fool, that's the sun, not the moon", he mumbles. Soon, they start arguing.
As they are arguing, they pass by another drunk man. They both stop his ask him, "Can you tell us wether that thing up in the sky is the sun or the moon?"
The drunk man looks up, and then looks back and says, "Sorry, I don't live around here."
