Bridge Jokes

What are some Bridge jokes?

Engineer and Anti-vaxxer come to the bridge

Anti-vaxxer says to the engineer: Is it safe to cross the bridge?

Engineer: It is 99,97% safe to cross that bridge.

Anti-vaxxer: I'd rather swim.

So, Jesus is going over the bill for the Last Supper...

So Jesus is going over the bill for the Last Supper when the apostles notice he has closed his eyes, and is rubbing the bridge of his nose. Exasperated, he asks: "Why... WHY would anyone order wine?"

Poker is like sex

If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand

Edit 1: when you cheat in poker you have a partner

Edit 2: this is getting more upvotes than I thought it would get but before someone calls me out on it. This was a Mae West quote about bridge and several Internet memes put poker instead of bridge because more people play poker than bridge and when you cheat in poker you have partners(the poker strategy is called collusion)

Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton and Jeb Bush jump of a bridge. They do a race who hits the ground first. Who wins?

Society

A blonde stands on the bank of a river

There is no bridge in sight. She sees another blonde across the river and shouts:

How do I get to the other side of the river?!

The other blonde shouts back:

Why? You already are on the other side!

A couple of guys at the start of a bridge with signs

The sign reads **"THE END IS NEAR. TURN YOURSELF AROUND NOW BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE."**

A car speeds through yelling at them *"F*** off you religious nuts!"*

The two guys turn around just in time to see the car disappear into the water.

*"Ya think we should just have our signs say BRIDGE CLOSED instead?"*

A homeless guy sees a lady about to kill herself.

He walks up to her standing on the edge of a tall bridge and says, hey I know what you're about to do, and I won't pretend to understand or stop you, but before you do, can we please have sex? It's been a really long time.

She replies, no you sicko!

So he says it's cool. I'll just go wait at the bottom.

I'm not saying you are old...

but the candles cost more than your cake.

(I heard this one at a bridge club today)

What did the physicist say to the suicidal guy on the bridge?

Don't do it! You have potential!

Authorities fear that the collapsed bridge in Genoa was made with 'Mafia' concrete.....

....they've found 6 more bodies than there were people missing.

a Homeless guy saw a pretty woman standing on the railing of a bridge determined to kill herself...

immediately he saw his chance, he walked up to her and asked, "Lady, before you end your life, would you consider doing me a favor and have sex with me?" Disgusted and crying the woman replied, "No, of course not you pervert!" the homeless guy said, "Fine, I'll wait at the bottom."

Why could no one hear Helen Keller cry for help when she fell off a bridge?

She was wearing mittens

Sex is like playing a game of Bridge...

If you don't have a good a partner, then you better have a good hand.

A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge

When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."

A cop parks at the bottom of a bridge, waiting for a speeder. He pulls a man over for doing 40 over the speed limit, and says, "Son, I've been waiting for you all day."

The man quickly responds, "Well, I got here as fast as I could!"

What do you call a green bat that walks across a yellow bridge?

I don't know, but at least it isn't a repost

I bumped into an old school friend today...

He said "life is great! I live in a $2 million mansion!"

I said "that's nice, I live under a $5 million bridge!"

If I was a cop, I would write the word 'Influence' on a bridge, and pull over anyone that drives under it.

I was walking across a bridge...

and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!"

"Why shouldn't I?" he asked.

I said, "Well there's so much to live for."

"Like what?"

"Well, are you religious or atheist?"

"Religious."

"Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?"

"Christian."

"Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"

"Protestant."

"Me too! Are you Baptist or Episcopalian!"

"Baptist."

"Me too! Are you Baptist Church or God or Reformed Baptist Church of God"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God."

"Reformed Baptist Church of God Reformation of 1893 or Reformed Baptist Church of God Reformation of 1917?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God Reformation of 1917."

To which I said, "Die, heretic scum!" as I pushed him off the bridge.

Once I was walking along the Golden Gate Bridge

Once I was walking along the Golden Gate Bridge and I saw this guy about to jump.

I said, "Don't jump."

He said, "Nobody loves me."

I said, "God loves you. Are you a Christian or a Jew?"

He said, "A Christian."

I said, "Me too! Protestant or Catholic?"

He said, "Protestant."

I said, "Me too! What denomination?"

He said, "Baptist."

I said, "Me too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"

He said, "Northern Baptist."

I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."

I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist, Great Lakes Conference, or Northern Conservative Baptist, Eastern Conference?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist, Great Lakes Conference."

I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912."

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912."

I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him off.

--Emo Philips

3 blonde girls is at the side of a river

And they're trying to get to the village on the other side

1 blond girl ask god to make her smart,so god turn her into a brunette and she swims across the river

the other girl ask god to make her smarter than the girl that just swam,so god make her into a redhead and she built a raft and paddle across

The last girl ask god to make her smarter than the other two girls,so god make her a man and he uses the bridge

A Politician wanted to build a bridge

A Politician wanted to build a bridge.

So, he calls 3 engineeering firms. One is Chinese, other is American and the last one is Brazillian.

The politician calls the heads of all the 3 firms to his office.

He asks the Chinese head, "How much do you take to build the bridge?"

He says, "3 Million Dollar. 1 Million for the workers, 1 Million for materials, 1 million for the profit."

The Politician asks the American head, "How much do you take to build the bridge?"

He says, "6 Million Dollars. 2 Million for the workers, 2 Million for materials, 2 million for the profit."

Finally, the Politician asks the Brazillian head, "How much do you take to build the bridge?"

He replies, "9 Million Dollars."

Suprised, the Politician asks him, "Why? Why so much?"

To which he replies, "3 Million for me, 3 Million for you, and 3 Million for the Chinese guy to build the bridge."

Heresy

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I immediately ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!"

"Why shouldn't I?" he said.

I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"

"Like what?"

"Well ... are you religious or atheist?"

"Religious."

"Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?"

"Christian."

"Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"

"Protestant."

"Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"

"Baptist."

"Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"

"Baptist Church of God."

"Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God."

"Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!"

To which I said, "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.
~Emo Philips

Girl about to jump of a bridge.....

A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stopped. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, What are you doing?

I'm going to commit suicide, she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity. He asked Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a blow job? So, she does and it was a long, deep and slow blow job.

After she's finished, the biker says, Wow! That was the best blow job I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?

My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl.....

A man is standing on a bridge over a dangerous river,

constantly saying "63, 63, 63..." over and over. Suddenly a tourist comes by and asks why is he just standing there repeating that number. The man didn't answer, instead he just pushes the tourist off the bridge into the river and says: "64, 64, 64..."

Cr

Homeless man and a Suicidal Woman.

A woman was standing on the edge of a bridge ready to jump, a homeless man approached her and the woman said "NO! NOTHING YOU CAN SAY WILL STOP ME FROM JUMPING, I AM WORTHLESS!!"

The homeless man replied "Okay, fine. But before you do, will you have sex with me? I haven't had sex in 25 years."

The woman replied "No, you're disgusting."

The homeless man turned and began to walk away when the woman said "WAIT! THAT'S IT? YOU'RE NOT GONNA TALK ME OUT OF THIS?"

The homeless man turned, smiled and said, "I'm going to the bottom, if I hurry, you'll still be warm."

An Unlikely Friendship

John is driving north on a highway after a sporting event when he comes to a single lane bridge. He checks the road and begins to cross the river, only to be hit head-on from the oncoming direction. The two cars are completely mangled, but the two drivers are completely fine. John notices that the man who hit him is wearing a jersey from a rival sports team.

The man who caused the accident said, "Hey man, sorry about your car... And even though we represent different teams, I think this is a sign that we should put our differences beside us."

John replies, "I think you're right." He goes and checks his trunk and remarkably pulls out an undamaged bottle of Jack Daniels. "Amazing! How about a drink to celebrate our new friendship?"

The driver agrees and takes a few swigs of the whiskey. He passes the bottle back to John who promptly throws the bottle over the bridge and into the river below. "Oi! What did you do that for? Weren't you going to have some for yourself? What about our new friendship?"

John smirks. "Tell that to the cops when they show up."

What do you get when you cross a bridge with a car?

You get to the other side.

One of my grandpa's better jokes

An old man is walking along the beach one day when suddenly God appears and says to the man, "You know, you've been a good man and faithful to me all your life. I'm going to grant you one wish. What would you like?"

The man thought about it and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive there any time I want."

God said, "I can't do that, there would be too many problems. Where would I even get all the steel from? Think of something else."

So the man says, "Lord, I've been married and divorced 4 times. All 4 of my wives made me feel like I was doing everything wrong when I thought I was right. Help me understand women."

God replies, "You want two lanes or four?"

A man is walking on a beach...

And he trips over something. He looks down, and it is an old bottle. He picks it up, and out pops a genie. "I will give you one wish, and only one. What will it be?"

The man thinks, and thinks. He lives in California, but really loves to visit Hawaii, but he despises flying. So he asks the genie, "I want a bridge from California to Hawaii, over the Pacific ocean."

The genie looks at him for a bit. He says "No, no, no. Sorry, but a bridge over the Pacific? That is too much! Please think of something else". The man is pretty angry. He really wanted that bridge, and that was really the only thing on his mind. So he thinks, and thinks, and thinks for days. He had to get the right thing. He sleeps on it, and the next day comes returns to the beach.

The genie is still there, so the man asks him, "I want to understand women."
The genie's eyes widen, and he asks him "How many lanes do you want on that bridge?"

One wish

A man is walking down the street when he stumbles upon an old lamp. Giving it a rub a genie appears and says to him, "I will grant you one wish, what will it be?"

The man thinks then says "Well, I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I get sea sick and I'm too afraid to fly over all that water. I wish there was a bridge there so I could just drive over!"

The genie replies "No way! Think of how much material that'd be! How about something else?"

The man thinks again and comes up with another idea. "You know, I've always wanted to know how women think. What they feel and their emotions and dislikes. I wish I could understand women!" He grins and looks at the genie expectantly.

"Two or four lanes?"

The man that desired to understand women

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish."

The sunny California sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, and the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The man thought for a while, and said, "I want a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges and environmental consequences that kind of undertaking would create. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel would take over thousands of miles! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honour and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say "nothing!", and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four?"

Suicide

A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stopped. The leader, a big burly guy, gets off his bike and says, "Hey, honey, what are you doing?"

"I'm going to commit suicide," she says. While he did not want to appear insensitive, he also didn't want to miss an opportunity so he asked... "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?" So she does... And it was a long, passionate, deep-tongued, lingering, thrilling kiss. After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are going to waste. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?" "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"

Gambling on the news

A man and a ***blonde*** woman are sitting next to each other at a bar. The news plays out on one of the TVs nearby. Both of them turn their attention to it when a story comes on about a man threatening to commit suicide by jumping off a bridge.

The man turns to the woman and says "I'll bet you five dollars that he jumps"

"He won't jump. You're on." She replies.

They continue to watch until eventually the man jumps.

The woman reaches for her purse to retrieve five dollars, but the man stops her.

"I can't take your money, I saw the same segment an hour earlier. I knew he was gonna jump."

"Oh, I saw it earlier too. But I didn't think he'd do it twice!"

A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news.

A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge.

The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!" Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned.

The redhead said, I can't take this, you're my friend. The blonde said, No. A bet's a bet. So the redhead said, Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money.

The blonde replied, Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman...

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all builders working on a bridge. The Englishman opens his lunch-box and says, "If I get one more tuna sandwich, I'm going to jump off this bridge." The Scotsman opens his lunch box and says, "If I get one more ham sandwich, I'm going to jump off this bridge." The Irishman then says, "If I get one more egg sandwich, I'm going to jump off this bridge."

The next day, all three get the same lunch, all three jump off the bridge, and all three die. At their funeral, the Englishman's wife says, "If only I'd known he didn't like tuna." The Scotsman's wife says, "If only I'd known he didn't like ham." The Irishman's wife says, "I don't understand it. He made his own sandwiches."

a blonde and a redhead are at a bar

Enjoying a few drinks after work. The local news on the television is showing a guy a bridge threatening to jump. The redhead turns to the blonde and says "I bet you 20 bucks that he jumps". The blonde thinks about it for a second and agrees to the bet. They continue watch the program and the guy indeed does jump off the bridge. "a bet is a bet" the blonde says as she hands the redhead 20 dollars. Feeling guilty, the red head says "I'm sorry, I cant take your money. The same story was on the 6 o'clock news. They just re-showed it at 8. I knew the guy was going to jump."
The blonde replies " I watched the 6 o'clock news too! I just didn't think he would jump twice!"

So a man and a blonde are sitting in a bar and watching the news at 6pm

The newscast shows a man standing on a bridge threatening to jump. The man says to the blonde, "I bet you five dollars he's gonna jump.". The blonde replies, "You're on."
The man on the bridge then jumps and is killed on impact.
The blonde pulls five dollars out of her wallet to give to the man.
But he says, "I can't take your money. I saw this on the 4 o'clock news."
She says, "I did too. I just didn't think he would jump again.

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!"

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!"
He said, "Nobody loves me."
I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"
He said, "Yes."
I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?"
He said, "A Christian."
I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?"
He said, "Protestant."
I said, "Me, too! What franchise?"
He said, "Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912."
I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.
- Emo Philips

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde visit a magical bridge.

The sign reads "Magical bridge: Jump off the bridge and shout out what you want to land in and so it shall be."

The brunette goes first, she climbs on the rail, jumps off and yells "Pillows!" She lands safe and sound in a pile of pillows.

The redhead jumps next. " Hundred dollar bills!" She yells and lands in a huge pile of money.

The blonde goes last. She climbs up, jumps off and gets scared. She yells "Oh shiiiiiiiit!"

A woman is about to jump off a bridge.

A physicist walks by and says, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

Barack Obama was out jogging one day...

When he tripped, and fell over a bridge railing and landed in the river below. Before secret service could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted in return for saving his life. The first kid said, "I want to go to Disney world!" To which Obama replied, "not a problem, I'll even fly you there in Air Force one." The second kid then says, "I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's!" "You got it." Said Obama. "I'll even have Michael Jordan himself sign them." Then the third kid says, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in big screen tv and headset." Obama seemed a bit confused at this. "You don't look like yore handicapped." He said. To which the kid replied, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved you from drowning.

Bridge to Hawaii

Greg is in his car driving on the highway by the ocean in California when he stops and asks God for just 1 wish for being a super faithful and good human being. God instantly appears and tells Greg that he has earned right for one wish.


Greg: I wish for a bridge from here to Hawaii so that I can drive there and have a great time.

God: Ehhhh…. your wish is too materistic! I would have to get the concrete, carefully think about the design, along with pipes and suspensions for balance and aesthetics. It would be quite a bit to handle on my part! Wish something else and I will grant it.

Greg: Alright…Hmmm OK I wish to be able to read women's minds. I want to know exactly what they're thinking at all times, what they mean when they say nothing . Basically, I want to understand women inside out.

God: So you want 2 lanes or 4 lanes on that bridge?

Two men are fishing from a bridge...

When one man notices a funeral procession. He quietly sets down his fishing rod, takes of his hat and bows his head. When the procession is out of sight he picks up his pole and continues fishing. The other man turns to him and says, "wow. I never knew you had a feely side in you" to which the first man replies, "it's the least I could've done, afterall, we have been married for forty years."

3 blondes trying to cross a river

3 blondes are trying to cross a river.

The first blonde prays to god and asks to be more intelligent so she can cross the river. God agrees and makes her a brunette so she swims across the river.

The second blonde prays to god and asks to be even smarter than the last so she can cross the river faster. God agrees and makes her a redhead so she builds a row boat and crosses the river.

The last blonde prays to god to be even smarter than the last so she can cross the river even faster.

God agrees and turns her into a man and she uses the bridge.

Some years ago...

...a small rural town in Spain twinned with a similar town in Greece. The Mayor of the Greek town visited the Spanish town. When he saw the palatial mansion belonging to the Spanish mayor he wondered how he could afford such a house. The Spaniard said; "You see that bridge over there? The EU gave us a grant to build a two-lane bridge, but by building a single lane bridge with traffic lights at either end this house could be built".

The following year the Spaniard visited the Greek town. He was simply amazed at the Greek Mayor's house, gold taps, marble floors, it was marvellous. When he asked how this could be afforded the Greek said; "You see that bridge over there?" The Spaniard replied; "No."

A blonde and a redhead..

A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said "I can't take this, you're my friend". The blonde said "No. A bet's a bet".
So the redhead said "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money".
The blonde replied "well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!" Β ΰ² __ΰ² 

A Man meets a Genie, Is granted 1 wish.

A young man is going about his regular day when a genie stops him and grants him one wish.

The man stops to think about it for a minute, then says, okay i got one.
He tells the Genie for his wish he wants to build a bridge from Los Angeles to Sydney so he could drive whenever he wants.

The Genie immediately said no, its not possible. The Pacific is just too deep, their are currents, the bridge will never hold up. Its impossible, wish for something else.

A little upset that he can't have his bridge the man comes up with another wish. He asks the Genie to understand how a women's mind works.

The genie replied, do you want the bridge to be 2 lanes or 4 lanes?

A man finds a magic lamp...

He rubs it and a genie comes out and say "hello! You have found my lamp and I shall grant you one wish. Perhaps the one thing you want most in life." The man thinks and responds "well, I've really wanted to go to Hawaii so I want you to build a bridge from San Diego to Hawaii." The genie responds "that's impossible! Think about the logistics! How would the supports reach the bottom on the ocean? Who would maintain it? No, ask for something else." So the man thinks again and says "well, I've been divorced 4 times and my current marriage isn't going well so I just want to be able to understand what is going on in my wife's mind, just to be able to understand her more." The genie responds "do you want a two lane highway or four."

A driver crosses a big, new bridge and is stopped by a police officer as he reaches the other side

"Congratulations!" says the officer with a smile "The town decided to award the millionth person to pass this bridge a prize of 1.000 dollars, and you just won the award! Say, do you already have an idea what you're going to spend the money on?"

"Yeah" says the driver "Imma gonna get me a drivers license!"

His wife quickly butts in "Oh, don't listen to him, offficer. He always jokes around when he's wasted."

Old Gramps on the back seat also chimes in "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car. I knew it!"

And from the trunk a muffled voice asks "Guys, are we across the border already?"

The jumper ....

A Truck driver sees a girl about to jump off a bridge so he stops.
"What are you doing?" he says.
"I'm trying to commit suicide," she says.
Sleazy driver says with sly grin "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a blow job."
So, she does.
After she's finished, the trucker says, "Wow! That's a wasted talent. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl....."

One Wish

A man encounters a genie one day while walking through the woods and the genie says: "I will grant you a single wish."

The man thinks for a little bit and says: "I really like my job but my commute is terrible. I have to take a ferry every single morning because I live on an island off the coast of the city. It takes way too long. Can you build a bridge between the island I live on and the city where I work so I can drive there every morning?

The genie says; "I don't know about that. Bridges are really complicated to build and one that long is likely to be unstable or dangerous. Do you have any other wishes that are a little more realistic?"

So the man thinks for a little bit and say: "My whole life I've never understood how women think. Can you help me understand women?

The genie then says: "So when do you want me to start building that bridge?"

Three blondes want to cross the Nile. A Golden Fish offers each of them a wish to come true

The first one wishes to swim fast. She gets to the middle of the river and the crocodiles eat her. The second one wishes to swim faster. When she gets to the middle the crocodiles eat her. The third blonde wishes to become a man. The Gold Fish turns her into a man and she says: -Thank God there's a bridge here.

There were three blondes going on a walk when they come across a river....

They don't know how to get across, but they decide to go to God for help. The first blonde says "please God, make me twice as smart as I am so I can get across this river" God hears this and decides to help, so God turns her into a brunette and she swims across the river. The second blonde then says "please God make me ten times as smart so I can get across the river." God hears this and he turns her into a red head and she finds a boat on the river bank and goes across the river. The third one says "God, please make me one hundred times as smart so I can cross the river." So God turns her into a man and he uses the bridge.

What does your sex life have in common with a highway bridge?

If you have weight limits you aren't going to see as much traffic.

A string of jokes I heard a while ago

How do you get four elephants in a mini cooper?

Two in the front, two in the back.


How do you get four giraffes in a mini cooper?

You can't because of all the elephants.


How do you get two whales in a mini cooper?

Same way you get to Wales in any other car, down the M4, over the Severn Bridge.


How can you tell if there's an elephant in your fridge?

Footprints in the butter.


How can you tell if there are two elephants in your fridge?

You can hear them giggle when the lights go out.


How can you tell if there are three elephants in your fridge?

You can't *quite* get the door closed.


How can you tell if there are four elephants in your fridge?

There's a mini cooper parked outside.

If you jumped off a bridge in Paris

You'd be In seine

A guy wants to commit suicide

A guy wants to commit suicide but he has tried in the past and failed. This time he is ready and has a failsafe plan. He decides that he is going to swallow poison, shoot himself in the head and hang himself at the same time. He goes to the local bridge and ties a rope around the railing. He places the noose around his neck, puts the gun to his temple and takes a mouthful of poison and jumps. The gun goes off and he misses his head and the bullet cuts the rope in half. He screams as he falls into the water below. The water rushes into his mouth and washes the poison away. He swims to shore and says " Thank God, if I hadn't been able to swim I might have drowned."

The Greek Prime Minister visits the Spanish Prime Minister.

The Spanish PM invites the Greek PM to his house.
"Wow! This is magnificent! How can you afford this amazing household when your country is in so much debt?? I see you've even added on so much to it!" says the Greek PM.
"Look out that window. Do you see that bridge? I had a 10 million euro budget to build a four lane, two way bridge. Instead, I built a one lane bridge with traffic lights on either end, for half as much" responded the Spanish PM.
"And the other 5 million?" asked the Greek PM.
The Spanish PM gestured to the add ons to his house.
The next week, the Spanish PM was invited to the Greek PM's house.
"This....this is amazing....how can you afford such a gorgeous mansion with so much debt in Greece??" asked the Spanish PM.
"Look out te window. Do you see that bridge?" asked the Greek PM.
"No." Said the Spanish PM.
The Greek PM just smiled.

I wanted to make a joke about a bridge

but I thought I might need to build the suspense first

A story of two blondes

Two blondes were in a bar watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge that was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said Betty.

"Bet you $10 he won't," replied Amber. Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second blonde hands the first her money.

"I can't take your money," said Betty. "I cheated you. The same story was on the five o'clock news."

"No, no. Take it," said Amber. "I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"

A blonde and a red head met in a bar after work...

...for a drink, and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge.
The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, I'll take that bet!
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said, I can't take this, you're my friend. I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money.
The blonde replied, Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!

A man goes to a fortune teller...

..., where she, in horrified voice, tells him that he'll make the world miserable in the near future. The man, down as f**k, starts walking home, where he sees a small boy standing on the edge of a bridge. He quickly runs to him and saves him from suicide. Happy that he did something good for humanity asks the boy what's his name. Adolf Hitler, the boy replies.

How to make Bridge jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Bridge to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Bridge? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Bridge pick up lines to share with friends.

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