The Best 35 Bride Groom Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Bride Groom jokes. There are some bride groom jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these bride groom puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Bride Groom Jokes and Puns

A little girl is attending her first wedding...

And as the priest is reading the vows, she leans over to her mother and whispers, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness," her mother explains, "and today is the happiest day in her life."

The child ponders this for a moment and then asks, "So why is the groom wearing black?"

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."

The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"

There are a mother and child at a wedding.

The child turns to her mother and asks "Mommy, why is the Bride wearing white?" The mother quietly responds "Because, white is seen as the color of happiness, and this is the happiest day of her life!" The child ponders this for a moment, and then turns to her mother again. "Then why is the Groom wearing black?"

Both Golf

"Honey, I have a confession to make," a guy told his bride. "I'm a golf nut. You'll never see me on weekends during golf season. "
"Well, dear," she murmured. "I have a confession to make too. I'm a hooker. "
"No big deal," replied the groom. "Just keep your head down and your left arm straight! "

A little boy was in a relative's wedding.

As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR -- all the way down the aisle.

As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit.

The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit.

When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear"


A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face.

His best man asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The groom replies, "I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me." The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The bride replies, "I just gave the last blow job of my entire life."

The First Night of the Honeymoon

The groom and bride had finally reached their honeymoon suite and both were eager to consummate the marriage as quickly as possible. The groom was a huge man, over 6'6" tall and 250 solid pounds of muscle. The bride a beautiful and diminutive woman.

The groom looked at his beautiful bride, took off his pants and threw them at her feet. "Put those on." He ordered.

She gave him a bewildered expression, but attempted to do as he asked. "They're too big, they won't stay on." She exclaimed.

"That's right, just remember who wears the pants in this family."

She gave him a narrow look and removed her pants and threw them at his feet. "Put those on." She ordered.

The groom could not even get his big toe into his wife's pants. "I.. I can't get into them." He stated struggling.

She declared back: "That's right and until your attitude changes that's the way it's going to be."

A husband and wife grow distressed as more and more uninvited guests swarm into their party.

The husband has a plan.

He moves to the front, manages to get everyone's attention, and calls out, "If you're from the groom's side, please stand up."

About one fourth of the guests stands up.

He calls out, "Those from the bride's side, please stand up."

Another one fourth of the guests stands up.

He smiles and says, "If you are standing up, please leave. This is a birthday party."

What happened at the cannibal's wedding party?

They toasted the bride and groom...

My 7yo told me I had to post this. Enjoy the giggle!

Four nuns about to take their vows..

Four novice nuns were about to take their vows.

Dressed in their white gowns, they entered the chapel for their symbolic marriage to Jesus, making them "Brides of Christ."

Just as the ceremony was about to begin, four Hasidic Jews came in and sat in the front row.

The Mother Superior said, "I am so honored you want to share this experience with us. May I ask why you came?"

"We're from the groom's family."

The groom, waiting in the church for his bride, has a huge grin on his face...

..."What is wrong with you", asks the best man, "don't you know your life is over?" "No it's not", says the groom, "Last night, I got the best blow job in the history of blow jobs, and I'm marrying this girl. My life is set." Meanwhile in the bride's room, she too has a huge grin on her face. "What is wrong with you", asks the bride's maid, "don't you know your life is over?" "No it's not", says the bride, "Last night, I gave the last blow job I ever have to."

You can explore bride groom reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean bride groom dad jokes. There are also bride groom puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A young bride and groom to be

A young bride and groom to be had just selected their wedding rings. As the young lady admired the plain platinum and diamond band she had chosen for herself, she suddenly looked concerned. "Tell me" she asked the rather elderly salesman "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?" With a fatherly smile, the salesman said "One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to soak it in dishwater three times a day.

A man was invited to a wedding...

A man was invited to a wedding. When he reached the hotel, he found two doors written on them:

1. Bride's relatives
2. Groom's relatives

He entered the groom's door and found two doors again:

1. Ladies
2. Men

He entered the men's door and found two doors again:

1. People with gifts
2. People without gifts

He entered the second door (people without gifts) and
He found himself outside the hotel.

A little boy at a wedding...

A little boy at a wedding asks his Mom, "Mommy how come bride's wear white dresses at their wedding." The Mom responds "Well because it's the happiest day of her life." The kid responds "Then how come the groom wears black?"

A young bride and groom-to-be had just selected the wedding ring.

As the girl admired the plain platinum and diamond band, she suddenly looked concerned.

"Tell me," she asked the elderly salesman "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?"

With a fatherly smile, the salesman said,
"One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to dip it in dishwater three times a day."

I went to a cannibals wedding last weekend.

All was going well, until they decided to toast the Bride and Groom.

A man was invited to a wedding

When he reached the hotel, he found two doors with two signs written

1. Bride Relatives

2. Groom Relatives

He entered the groom's door and and found another two doors

1. Ladies

2. Men

He entered the Men's door and found two more doors

1. People with gifts

2. People without gifts

He entered the second door (people without gifts) and found himself outside of the hotel premises

Wearing White ...

A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the bride wear white?"
His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."
The boys thinks about this, and then says, "Well then why is the groom wearing black..."

A child asks his mother

why the bride wears white on her wedding day. His mother responds, "Because white represents happiness, and that's the happiest day of her life!" The child thinks for a while and then asks, "Then why does the groom wear black?"


A man said, "Dad, I just heard that in some countries, the groom does not even know his bride until after he is married."

His dad replied, that is true in all countries.

Two hillbillies got married.

On their wedding night, the hillbilly groom admitted that he was a virgin and didn't really know what to do.

The hillbilly bride, who was much experienced, just giggled and said, "Silly, you just take that thing you play with and put it where I pee." So he got up, grabbed his banjo and threw it in the sink.

kids at wedding

kid: Mom, why does the bride wear white clothes?

mother: because it is the happiest day in her life.

kid: So, why the groom is wearing black?

At the wedding

Priest: Will you love & honor her?

Groom: I will

[Bride whispers to priest]

Priest: And leave your phone unlocked?

Groom: I'm out.

I like weddings in Alabama...

I normally have to ask which side is for the groom and which is for the bride but in Alabama, they're all family!

Profit & Loss Statement

Wife asks:
"Why is it that in all marriages the bride sits on the left side and the groom sits on the right?"

Husband's reply:
"Have you ever seen a Profit & Loss Statement? It follows the same logic. All income is posted on the Right and expenses are on the Left!"...

A bit different, this isn't a joke, but I have an idea for a joke

Basically, in the joke, there's a bride and a groom, and they are planning their wedding. The bride leaves the groom at the altar, and the ceremony goes off *without a hitch*

How can I word this joke to make it the most effective?

A man marries a Chinese restaurant waitress...

On their wedding night, she says to him -

Bride: "Dear husband, I want to give you anything you want! Just name it!"

Groom: "Ooh, that's tough to chose. OK, I really want a sixty nine."

Bride (confused): "You want beef broccoli *now*?"

Why didn't the bride and groom exchange their wedding vows?

TL;DR

Why did the groom want his bride to wear white?

He wanted his new dish washer to match his fridge.

After a wedding

After a wedding, an elderly lady named Enna is nowhere to be found. The groom is frantic and tells his bride the festivities cannot continue. When she asks why, he says,
Without Aunt Enna, no reception.

A groom stood naked in front of a mirror...

and said " 2 inches more, and I'd be a king!"

His bride saw her chance and replied " 2 inches less, and you'd be a *queen*."

As it is Alabama, It wouldn't be proper without the traditional speech...

From the father of the bride and groom.

A joke that only Jews will get.

A Jewish man is getting married to a nonreligious woman. His religion is important to him so she agrees to have a Jewish wedding. The ceremony goes well, and all that's left is for the groom to break the glass. He steps on the glass, and it breaks in such a way that it slices his foot right through the shoe. He's bleeding badly.
The bride screams "Oh no he's hurt! Is anyone here a doctor?"

What does a Russian groom give his bride on her wedding day that's long & hard?

His last name

At a wedding, tapping on the glass makes the groom and the bride kiss. Smashing the glass however..

Clearly got me kicked out of the house.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the bride groom jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working bride groom piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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