Bricks Jokes

What are some Bricks jokes?

Which is heavier, 200 pounds of brick, or 200 pounds of feather?

The feathers, because 200 pounds of bricks is just 200 pounds of bricks, but with the feathers, you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds.

What's heavier, a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers?

A ton of feathers. Because you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds.

What are they going to use to build the wall?

The bricks that were shat by people when Trump became president.

What do fat women and Bricks have in common?

They're both eventually laid by Mexicans

Bricks have a frustrating sex life.

They're hard all the time, but only get laid once.

What colour bricks?

Not sure if this has been posted before but oh well.

My Granddad told me this when I was smaller (Yes, he is still alive) .
Sorry for the horrible (Grand)dad joke!

If a red house has red bricks , a yellow house has yellow bricks, what colour bricks does a green house have?

None, a green house is made out of glass.

Little Johnny is walking down the street and sees a construction site building new houses

He has a look at what's going on and he's amazed and in awe of it all. He rushes home as fast as he can. He runs in and shouts ''Dad, dad, can we play builders?'' His dad says ''Sure Johnny''

Johnny runs to the top of the stairs and shouts ''Oi, get them bricks up here now you cunt''

Two bricks of salt visit a meat factory...

And while they are looking down at one of the bone grinders, one of the salt brick accidentally falls down into the machine. The other salt brick watches in panic as his friend gets sucked into the blades and gears. After a while, the salt brick comes out from the other side of the grinding machine, all ground into pieces and powder.

"Oh my god! Are you okay Jimmy?" The salt brick on the top asks.

"Oh yeah I'm fine."

What do fat girls and bricks have in common?

They both get laid by Mexicans.

I'd be very scared if I swallowed a cup of cement

I'd be shittin' bricks

What's the best thing about owning a car in Liverpool?

You'll eventually end up with enough bricks to build a free garage.

Friends are like bricks

it's kinda funny when you throw them through a window

How do you put an elephant in a fridge joke

A plane carries 500 bricks. 1 falls out. How many bricks are left?
499.

How do you put an elephant in a fridge in 3 steps?
Open the fridge, put in the elephant, and close the fridge.
How do you put a deer in a fridge in 4 steps?
Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the deer, then close the fridge.
The Lion King is having a party. All the animals are there except for one; who is it?
The deer: He is still in the fridge.
An old lady is crossing a swamp, but it is a crocodile swamp. How does she cross? Normally, all the crocodiles are at the Lion King's party
Mary dies at the edge of the swamp. How?

A brick falls from the sky and kills her.

Knock knock Who's there?



Not Mary

There are 500 bricks on a plane...

- There are 500 bricks on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

499

- What are the three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?

Open fridge, put elephant in, close fridge

- What are the four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?

Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge

- The Lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend but one. Which animal is it and why?

Giraffe. He's stuck in a refrigerator.

- Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across and makes it to the other side safely. Why?

The alligators are all at the birthday party.

- Sally dies anyways. Why?

She got hit in the head by a flying brick

If there are 500 bricks on a plane and one falls off, how many are left?

499.

What are the 3 steps of putting an elephant into a fridge?
Open fridge, put elephant in fridge, close fridge

What are the 4 steps of putting a giraffe into a fridge?
Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge.

The lion king is hosting a party. All but one of the guests show up. Who is missing?
The giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.

Sally wants to go to the party, but she has to cross a crocodile-infested river to get there. She successfully swims across, how?
All the crocodiles are at the party.

Sally dies anyway, why?
She got hit in the head by a falling brick.

100 bricks are on a plane and one fell off, how many bricks are left?

99

How do you fit a giraffe in a fridge?

Open the fridge, take everything out, put the giraffe in and close the door

How do you get an elephant in a fridge?

Open the fridge, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door

The lions hosted a party and all the animals came, except for which one?

The elephant

A man swims across a man-eating crocodile infested river and survives, how?

The crocodiles are at the party

Then he dies. How?

The brick hit him

Well, I know it's childish, but me and my girlfriend have just had a great time having a pillow fight and I won!

The secret is to stuff a few bricks in there..

Falling Bricks

A man is starting his new job at a skyscraper construction site and he is a little nervous. He introduces himself to the other workers.
"H-H-Hello... M-My name is Peter." The Men grunt and continue working. When it's time for lunch, all the men sit on the edge of the building. the man walks over and sits next to them.
"W-What do you do around here for fun?" he asks. A rather large man turns around and says:
"Falling Brick."
"W-Well what's that?"
"Take a Brick and throw it off the edge. while it's falling yell falling brick. It's hilarious watching all the people below scatter."

The man reluctantly takes a brick from the pile. He tosses off the edge of the building.
"F-F-F-F..."

"F-F-F-F..."

"Fffffff..."

"F-F-Fucking got him."

There's been a local bloke called Carl going around breaking into people's houses for months...

The Police couldn't catch him. The weird thing is he was breaking into people's houses just to ruin their washing machines by putting bricks in them and turning them on!

Anyway, just heard that he was found dead in an alleyway because of a drug overdose... now it's never nice hearing of a death but on the bright side, washing machines live longer with Carl gone

How many bricks do you need to screw in a lightbulb?

Just two, but you're going to need a lot of patience and light bulbs.

There is a boy that went to school after 3 weeks of absence...

The teacher asks him:
-Why didn't you come to school in your first week of absence?
Boy:A brick fell on my grandma and we had to burry her.
Teacher:But second week?
Boy:A brick fell on my grandpa and we had to burry him.
Teacher:And the last week?
Boy:A brick fell on my dad and we had to burry him.
Teacher:But what were you doing all this time??
Boy:I was on the roof of my house playing with bricks.

Your mom reminds of bricks

She's constantly getting laid by Mexicans.

If there are 1000 bricks on a plane and one falls off, how many are on the plane?

999

How many steps does it take to put a alligator in a fridge?

3 steps:
1. Open fridge door
2. Put alligator in fridge
3. Close fridge door

How many steps does it take to put a giraffe in a fridge?

4 steps:
1. Open fridge door
2. Take alligator out of fridge
3. Put giraffe in fridge
4. Close fridge door

The Lion King is having a birthday party. The giraffe doesn't come. Why?

He's still stuck in the fridge

Sally is trying to cross an alligator-infested river, yet she managed to cross it unscathed. How?

All the alligators were still at the Lion King's birthday party

Sally died anyway. Why?

A brick fell on her head

What does a pile of bricks and a fat chick have in common?

They both probably gonna get laid by some Mexican

Q. 500 bricks are on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

A. 499

Q. What are three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?

A. Open Door, put elephant in refrigerator, close door

Q. What are four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?

A. Open door, take elephant out of refrigerator, put giraffe in refrigerator, close door

Q. The lion throws a huge birthday party. All the animals but one go. Which is it and why?

A. The giraffe: he's still in the refrigerator

Q. Sally swims across an alligator infested river and doesn't get eaten. How?

A. The alligators are at the lion's birthday party

Q. Sally is found dead within the next 5 minutes: why?

A. She was hit by a brick falling from the sky

The long haul

an airplane is shipping a large amount of bricks, when suddenly the pilot yells over the intercom "the plane is going down we need to lower the weight" what do you do?

*throw out one brick*

how do you fit an elephant in a freezer?

*open the door, let him in, shut the door.*

how do you fit a giraffe in a freezer?

*open the door, take out the elephant, let the giraffe in, shut the door.*

the king of the jungle is holding a party and all the animals show up except one, who is it?

*the giraffe*

a woman is trying to cross a deadly river filled with deadly crocodiles, but survives. how?

*all the crocodiles are at the party.*

but then she suddenly dies. why?

*she got hit by the brick......*

What do a pallet of bricks and a fat girl have in common?

Sooner or later they will get laid by a Mexican

These days my boss has been getting on my nerves. See I'm a brick layer and he is always yelling to layer the bricks faster and faster...

These days everyone wants instant stratification.

There's 500 bricks in a plane. How many are there if you throw one out?

"499"

There are three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator. What are they?
Open the fridge, put the elephant in, close the fridge.

There are four steps to putting a deer in the fridge. What are they?
Open the fridge, take the elephant out, put the deer in, close the fridge.

The Lion King is having a birthday party. All the animals are there but one. Why is that?
The deer is in the fridge.

A woman wants to cross an alligator infested swamp. How does she do it?
She crosses normally because the alligators are at the Lion King's party.

She dies anyways. Why?
She gets hit in the head with a brick.

Your mom is like a pile of bricks.

Constantly getting laid by Mexicans.

What do a load of bricks and a 300 lb woman have in common?

At some point they'll both be laid by a Mexican.

Dead babies

What's the difference between a truck full of dead babies and a truck full of bricks ?

Only one can be emptied with a pitchfork.

If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?

Glass

What do you call a dinosaur made of plastic bricks?

A legosaurus!

Randomly made up this the other night, thought I'd share.

Would you rather eat 100 bricks or a matter baby?

What's a matter baby?
Nothing, I'm fine sweetie. How are you?

What weighs more a pound of bricks or a pound of feathers?

The answer is feathers.

200 pounds of bricks is just a bunch of bricks, but if you try to carry 200 pounds of feathers, you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds.

The red house is made of red bricks. The blue house is made of blue bricks. What is the greenhouse made of?

Glass

What do fat white girls and bricks have in common?

Chances are they were laid by a Mexican

A long series of jokes

503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?

_502._

How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

_Open door, put elephant in, close door._

How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?

_Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door._

The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?

_The giraffe. He's in a fridge._

Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?

_The gators are at the party._

Sally dies anyway. Why?

_She got hit in the head by a flying brick._

---

**

What's heavier? 200kg bricks or 200kg feathers?

The feathers of course.

200kg bricks it's just some measure of bricks. But, if you want to lift 200kg feathers you need also handle what you've done to all these poor birds.

My buddy told me he fantasizes about being made of bricks and having a chimney.

He'd really be stoked if he was a fireplace.

What's heavier 10 lbs of bricks or 10 pounds of feathers

The 10 pounds of feathers is heavier. Because you have to carry the burden of what you did to those poor birds.
You monster!

Which weighs more, a tonne of feathers or a tonne of bricks?

The tonne of feathers, because not only do you carry the feathers, you have to carry the burden of what you did to those poor birds.

Justice has been served [long, English humour]

Justice has been served!
There's been some scumbag called Carl going round breaking in to people's houses near me for months, but the police can't catch him. The weirdest thing about it all, is he was breaking into people's houses and ruining their washing machines by putting bricks in to them & turning them on while helping himself to whatever he wanted!!!!! Really weird if you ask me... Anyway, just read that he was found dead in an alley coz of a drug overdose.. It's never nice hearing of someones death, but on the bright side, washing machines live longer with Carl gone.

Lego bricks are being used to help people with dementia and alzheimers...

They are being put at the side of their beds to remind the old folks to put their shoes on when they get up...

I forgot my hard hat when I went to the building site...

Health and safety came down on me like a tonne of bricks.

Castration doesn't hurt at all

you just need to make sure your thumbs aren't between the bricks when you slam them together.

here is a self depreciating joke.

**Q: What is the difference between me and a brick?**
A: Bricks get laid

Which is faster to unload, a truckload of bricks or a truckload of dead kittens?

Dead kittens. Can't get a pitchfork into the bricks.

Worst Business Idea Ever

Biodegradable Bricks

Did you hear about the Lego store Manager who was told his store would have to move?

he started shifting bricks

Doctor: "*I have some pressing news...*"

Me: "*Lay it on me Doc*"

Dr: "*I'll put this as lightly as I can, You have a mild blunt-force-trauma allergy*"

Me: "*Well, that hit me like a ton of bricks!*"

Dr: "*Don't let this hold you down...*"

Me: "*I's it congenital - because if it is, my kids'll be crushed*"

3 men were in a contest...

Three men were in a contest to find out which of them is the most hardheaded.
The first man is called to the stage and sees a jackhammer. He proceeds to use the jackhammer on his head, miraculously ending up unharmed. The audience is silenced and so are the other two men.
The second man, not wanting to be beaten, prepared a stack of bricks and told everyone he was going to smash the bricks with his head. Surprisingly enough, he was able to do it and leave the bricks into bits and pieces, while staying safe and uninjured.
The last man, who apparently didn't know what to do to beat his competitors, was called next into the stage. Still unsure with what he was gonna do, he refused to enter. They called him again, but still to no avail.
Everyone fell silent and the third man was proclaimed as the winner.
The other two competitors complained because he did nothing.
"WELL, he is the MOST HARDHEADED"

How to make Bricks jokes?

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