Brian Jokes
71 brian jokes and hilarious brian puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about brian that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Get ready for a laugh-filled journey through the life and afterlife of Brian! We've got funny Brian jokes from Stewie and Brian, Brian Regan, Brian FM, Chandler Fitzpatrick, and Benjamin. So grab a seat, grab some popcorn, and join us for some hilarious Brian jokes!
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Funniest Brian Short Jokes
Short brian jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The brian humour may include short crush jokes also.
- I've been cheating on my girlfriend with her twin, but it's OK because I can tell them apart. Brian has a moustache.
- I told my girlfriend I was named after Thomas Jefferson. She said, "Your name is Brian."
I said, "Right. But I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson." - Following the recent anti-Islam film made, there will be a film made to mock Jesus Christ. It will be released in 1979 and will be called Life of Brian
- Our boss just banned overly specific nicknames and the whole office is staring at rat Snitch Brian The Good Time Ruiner
- CEO Brian Krzanich sold his stock, and it might be considered insider trading... You could say he had certain Intel about the situation.
This could turn into a total Meltdown. - At an AC/DC concert... Brian Johnson: You guys ready to rock?
Crowd: YESSSSSS
Brian Johnson: I can't hear you! - I am an IT expert with 7 years in the industry. Here is my CV, I hope you'll consider me for the position. C:\Users\Brian\MyDocuments\Work\CV\Resume4.docx
- We gave our children old-fashioned names... Our little boy is Hunter and our little girl is Gatherer. - Brian Kiley
- My friend Brian is having a rough time of it this Halloween. He was attacked by dyslexic zombies.
Happy spooky day! - As told by Brian Regan's offspring. Child- "Why don't dinosaurs talk?"
Brian- "I don't know, buddy. Why don't dinosaurs talk?"
Child- "Because they're all dead."
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Brian One Liners
Which brian one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with brian? I can suggest the ones about builder and elope.
- Did you hear about the dyslexic zombie? He only eats Brians
- Brian Williams and Bill O'Reilly walk into a bar Or do they?
- Dyslexic Zombies Really like guys named Brian.
- What did the gay Zombie crave? BRIANS.
- An Irish gay wedding Brian Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzbrian
- Can the queen play the guitar? No but Brian May
- You know Brian De Palma's The Untouchables (1987) It didn't do well in India.
- Woah! Brian Williams' fly is wide open! Newsflash.
- If I had a dollar for every Brian my ex doesn't have.
- Brian, a patient at the hospital, got tested for hepatitis... He was appositive.
- What's Brian David Mitchell's favorite movie? Get Smart
- What does Brian Johnson say on the beach? I see the sea...
- Who do you call about stray cats walking around your yard? Brian Setzer
- Brian abnormalities identified in dyslexics
- Michelin, Triangle Shirtwaist, and Brian Williams. "Name a tire, a fire, and a liar."
Brian Regan Jokes
Here is a list of funny brian regan jokes and even better brian regan puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If you were to second guess your decision to stay at a hotel on a native american reserve... ....that would be a reservation reservation reservation
-credit to Brian Regan - What do you call it when you second guess your decision to book a stay at a Native American resort? A reservation reservation reservation.
Life Of Brian Jokes
Here is a list of funny life of brian jokes and even better life of brian puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did anyone else think that... Mel Gibson's remake of the 'Life of Brian' wasn't nearly as funny as the original?
Cheeky Brian Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about brian you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make brian pranks.
Deadly eight iron.
Two buddies were playing a round of golf and off the seventh tee Brian sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine. He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball.
After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was an eight iron in hands of a skeleton!
Joe immediately called out to his friend, "Jack, I've got trouble down here!"
"What's the matter" Jack asked from the edge of the ravine.
"Bring me my wedge," Brian shouted. "You can't get out of here with an eight iron!"
If someone...
If someone is having second thoughts about booking a trip in native American territory, you could say they are having a reservation reservation reservation.
...
Good thing self posts don't grant negative karma >.>
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Poor Brain...
It got to named itself, but was dyslexic, so Brian it was not.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
RIP to my good friend Brian...
...eaten by a pack of dyslexic zombie :(
My dad's better than your dad...
Three kids are in an agruement about who's dad is better.
"My dad's a fireman" said Billy.
"My dad's a marine!" said Johnny.
"My dad's invisible." said Brian.
I want to start a coffee shop that only plays ambient/electronic music...
and call it Brian Beano.
My Brian Williams's helicopter jokes have been going great!
None have been shot down so far!
Brian Williams was a Roadie for Ozzy!!
My wife and I rented Black Hawk Down last night.
Or, as Brian Williams likes to call it, the Brian Williams Story.
What's the big deal about Brian Williams lying?
Fox news does it every day.
First Jon Stewart retires, then Brian Williams gets suspended.
What's happening to fake news?
Hilary Clinton, Bill O'Reilly and Brian Williams walk into a bar
Well not necessarily a bar per se and they didn't actually walk in and they weren't together...Ok I made it all up
The gift
"Brian, what's wrong with you? You've been sitting at your desk looking depressed for the last five minutes!"
"Oh Dan", responded Brian "I don't know what to do! I got in a big fight last night with my Suzie, she claims I never buy her gifts, so I must not care about her!"
"Brian, that's horrible!" said Dan putting his arm around Brian. "What type of a gift does she want already?"
"Well, right before she closed the door on my face she said to me: Why don't you show me how much you care about me? Why can't you get me something that goes from 0 to 175 in seconds!"
"Dan what should I do? I don't have that kind of money? I can't go out and buy her a car!"
"A car? Asked Dan. Who needs a car? Just stop by Target and buy her a scale!`
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Losing game pieces s**......
Especially when it's hide and seek...
I'll never forget you, Brian..
My buddy Brian had a kid a few years ago. He comes to me this summer and he goes...
"Man, my son just flunked the third grade. I don't know how to tell him he will be held back a year."
I was like, "I guess you better tell him slowly so that he will get it."
my wife got mad at me after picking out baby names...
she like it for the first week then it clicked for her... i said Peter Brian Johnson for a baby boy and Veronica Jessica Johnson for a baby girl...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My mate told me yesterday that he's started dating twins!
I asked how he could tell which one is which.
He said, 'Well, Andrea is really, really attractive - she has long blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes and plump red lips. Plus she's got a really nice body. Pretty much a perfect ten.
And Brian has a c**....'
Brian raises his hand and says, He's in Heaven.
A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, Where is Jesus today?
Brian raises his hand and says, He's in Heaven.
Susan answers, He's in my heart.
Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, He's in our bathroom!
The teacher is surprised by this answer and asks Little Johnny how he knows this.
Well, Little Johnny says, every morning, my Dad gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'
She Left Him
A man's wife left him because he couldn't stop counting.
She's not sure what he's up to now.
(Credit to Brian & Ron Boychuck)
I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson…
He said, But dad, your name is Brian.
I said, I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.
People keep telling me that concussions are really bad for my health.
I can safely say that after three years of playing high school football, my Brian is working just fine!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A newly wed couple on their honeymoon night are in the bedroom getting undressed
A newly wed couple on their honeymoon night are in the bedroom getting undressed when she says.
"Darling, now that we are married, I have a little confession to make, I was a h**... before we met, are you OK with that"
He replies "Of course I am darling, we hadn't met then and to be honest it turns me on,so tell me more
She says "Well, my name used to be Brian and I played for St. Helens"
Butting in
Me: So Tom what do you think your biggest flaw is?
Brian: Probably butting into other people's conversations
Mom, how come I still didn't get my period? I mean I'm already 19 and....
"Mom, how come I still didn't get my period? I mean I'm already 19 and Janet got hers when she was just 13!"
"Listen to me, Brian, you're NOT getting a period ever!"
Why did Brian Christopher Lawler get thrown out of the hardware store?
He kicked the bucket.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did Brian c**...'s telescope break when he looked at Saturn?
...because he didn't Titan his lens enough.
Have my buddy, Brian, a glue stick instead of chapstick...
...he has stopped talking to me
Brian May reminds looks a lot like Sir Isaac Newton..
..except that a guitar fell on his head.
I'm not impressed by Brian May's degree in astrophysics.
I heard he worked for years to make Mercury a star.
Brian May tried to get Freddie Mercury interested in space
But he was only interested in Uranus
Classic Family Guy Joke
Peter: Brian, Look! There is a message in my Alphabet Cereal. it says, "oooooo"
Brian: Peter! You are eating Cheerios.
I just proposed to my best friend of 25 years
My wife got a bit angry, and Brian also seemed a bit confused
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Proctology exam.
A man is sitting over the counter with his pants down at the doctors office.
The doctor comes in and sits down and starts working the gloves onto his hands.
Alright Brian, it's your first proctology exam, just sit back, relax, and try not to get an e**... the doctor says.
The patient awkwardly looks back and says but my names Dan.
Doctor responds oh I know, my names Brian.
Did you know that Brian May, the guitarist from British rockband Queen, has a PhD on Astrophysics?
Yeah, he started his schooling before Queen formed, and achieved his PhD in 2007. One of his dissertations is heavily criticized by the science community though, and it's because he has an odd theory of what causes the Earth's rotation.
You see, he thinks that 'Fat Bottomed Girls make the Rockin World go round.'
