Brian Jokes
74 brian jokes and hilarious brian puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about brian that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Get ready for a laugh-filled journey through the life and afterlife of Brian! We've got funny Brian jokes from Stewie and Brian, Brian Regan, Brian FM, Chandler Fitzpatrick, and Benjamin. So grab a seat, grab some popcorn, and join us for some hilarious Brian jokes!
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Funniest Brian Short Jokes
Short brian jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The brian humour may include short crush jokes also.
- I've been cheating on my girlfriend with her twin, but it's OK because I can tell them apart. Brian has a moustache.
- I told my girlfriend I was named after Thomas Jefferson. She said, "Your name is Brian."
I said, "Right. But I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson." - Following the recent anti-Islam film made, there will be a film made to mock Jesus Christ. It will be released in 1979 and will be called Life of Brian
- Our boss just banned overly specific nicknames and the whole office is staring at rat Snitch Brian The Good Time Ruiner
- CEO Brian Krzanich sold his stock, and it might be considered insider trading... You could say he had certain Intel about the situation.
This could turn into a total Meltdown. - At an AC/DC concert... Brian Johnson: You guys ready to rock?
Crowd: YESSSSSS
Brian Johnson: I can't hear you! - I am an IT expert with 7 years in the industry. Here is my CV, I hope you'll consider me for the position. C:\Users\Brian\MyDocuments\Work\CV\Resume4.docx
- We gave our children old-fashioned names... Our little boy is Hunter and our little girl is Gatherer. - Brian Kiley
- Today my son asked, "Can you lend me a book mark?" I immediately burst into tears.
12 years old and he doesn't know my name is Brian. - My friend Brian is having a rough time of it this Halloween. He was attacked by dyslexic zombies.
Happy spooky day!
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Brian One Liners
Which brian one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with brian? I can suggest the ones about builder and elope.
- RIP to my good friend Brian... ...eaten by a pack of dyslexic zombie :(
- Did you hear about the dyslexic zombie? He only eats Brians
- Brian Williams and Bill O'Reilly walk into a bar Or do they?
- What did the dyslexic zombie say? Brian.... Brian.... Brian.....
- Dyslexic Zombie What does a dyslexic zombie eat?
Brians - Dyslexic Zombies Really like guys named Brian.
- What do zombies with dyslexia eat? Brians.
- What does a dyslexic zombie eat? Brians..
- What did the dyslexic Zombie crave? Brians
- What does a dyslexic zombie say? Brian's ... Briiiiiiiiian's!!!
- Did you hear about the homosexual dyslexic zombie? He was totally gay for Brians.
- What did the gay Zombie crave? BRIANS.
- An Irish gay wedding Brian Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzbrian
- Poor Brain... It got to named itself, but was dyslexic, so Brian it was not.
- Can the queen play the guitar? No but Brian May
Brian Regan Jokes
Here is a list of funny brian regan jokes and even better brian regan puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- As told by Brian Regan's offspring. Child- "Why don't dinosaurs talk?"
Brian- "I don't know, buddy. Why don't dinosaurs talk?"
Child- "Because they're all dead." - If you were to second guess your decision to stay at a hotel on a native american reserve... ....that would be a reservation reservation reservation
-credit to Brian Regan - What do you call it if you were to second guess your decision to book time at a native american community? That's a reservation reservation reservation.
(Credit to Brian Regan) - What do you call it when you second guess your decision to book a stay at a Native American resort? A reservation reservation reservation.
Credit to Brian Regan, this is my favorite joke of his! - If you were to second guess your decision to book some time to visit an Indian community... that would be a "reservation reservation reservation"
~ Brian Regan
Life Of Brian Jokes
Here is a list of funny life of brian jokes and even better life of brian puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did anyone else think that... Mel Gibson's remake of the 'Life of Brian' wasn't nearly as funny as the original?
Cheeky Brian Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about brian you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make brian pranks.
If someone...
If someone is having second thoughts about booking a trip in native American territory, you could say they are having a reservation reservation reservation.
...
Good thing self posts don't grant negative karma >.>
Woah! Brian Williams' fly is wide open!
Newsflash.
Joke from a 5 year old
kid: how come dinosaurs don't talk?
me: ...why?
kid: because they are all dead.
source: stolen from Brian Reagan's standup.
My dad's better than your dad...
Three kids are in an agruement about who's dad is better.
"My dad's a fireman" said Billy.
"My dad's a marine!" said Johnny.
"My dad's invisible." said Brian.
I want to start a coffee shop that only plays ambient/electronic music...
and call it Brian Beano.
My Brian Williams's helicopter jokes have been going great!
None have been shot down so far!
My wife and I rented Black Hawk Down last night.
Or, as Brian Williams likes to call it, the Brian Williams Story.
Hilary Clinton, Bill O'Reilly and Brian Williams walk into a bar
Well not necessarily a bar per se and they didn't actually walk in and they weren't together...Ok I made it all up
Losing game pieces s**......
Especially when it's hide and seek...
I'll never forget you, Brian..
My buddy Brian had a kid a few years ago. He comes to me this summer and he goes...
"Man, my son just flunked the third grade. I don't know how to tell him he will be held back a year."
I was like, "I guess you better tell him slowly so that he will get it."
my wife got mad at me after picking out baby names...
she like it for the first week then it clicked for her... i said Peter Brian Johnson for a baby boy and Veronica Jessica Johnson for a baby girl...
You know Brian De Palma's The Untouchables (1987)
It didn't do well in India.
My mate told me yesterday that he's started dating twins!
I asked how he could tell which one is which.
He said, 'Well, Andrea is really, really attractive - she has long blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes and plump red lips. Plus she's got a really nice body. Pretty much a perfect ten.
And Brian has a c**....'
She Left Him
A man's wife left him because he couldn't stop counting.
She's not sure what he's up to now.
(Credit to Brian & Ron Boychuck)
Counting with Fingers
TEACHER: Brian, what's one plus one?
(The kid holds up his fingers and counts two.)
BRIAN: Two
TEACHER: Good job, what's three plus three?
(The kid holds up his fingers and counts six.)
BRIAN: Six
TEACHER: Good job, now put your hands in your pocket and tell me what's five plus five?
(The kid put his hands in his pocket and starts counting in his head and tells the teacher.)
BRIAN: Eleven.
I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson…
He said, But dad, your name is Brian.
I said, I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.
People keep telling me that concussions are really bad for my health.
I can safely say that after three years of playing high school football, my Brian is working just fine!
A newly wed couple on their honeymoon night are in the bedroom getting undressed
A newly wed couple on their honeymoon night are in the bedroom getting undressed when she says.
"Darling, now that we are married, I have a little confession to make, I was a h**... before we met, are you OK with that"
He replies "Of course I am darling, we hadn't met then and to be honest it turns me on,so tell me more
She says "Well, my name used to be Brian and I played for St. Helens"
Butting in
Me: So Tom what do you think your biggest flaw is?
Brian: Probably butting into other people's conversations
Mom, how come I still didn't get my period? I mean I'm already 19 and....
"Mom, how come I still didn't get my period? I mean I'm already 19 and Janet got hers when she was just 13!"
"Listen to me, Brian, you're NOT getting a period ever!"
Why did Brian Christopher Lawler get thrown out of the hardware store?
He kicked the bucket.
Why did Brian c**...'s telescope break when he looked at Saturn?
...because he didn't Titan his lens enough.
Have my buddy, Brian, a glue stick instead of chapstick...
...he has stopped talking to me
Brian May reminds looks a lot like Sir Isaac Newton..
..except that a guitar fell on his head.
I'm not impressed by Brian May's degree in astrophysics.
I heard he worked for years to make Mercury a star.
Brian May tried to get Freddie Mercury interested in space
But he was only interested in Uranus
I just proposed to my best friend of 25 years
My wife got a bit angry, and Brian also seemed a bit confused
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?"
I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
My kid just asked "can I please have a book mark?"
11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian
A Proctology exam.
A man is sitting over the counter with his pants down at the doctors office.
The doctor comes in and sits down and starts working the gloves onto his hands.
Alright Brian, it's your first proctology exam, just sit back, relax, and try not to get an e**... the doctor says.
The patient awkwardly looks back and says but my names Dan.
Doctor responds oh I know, my names Brian.
Did you know that Brian May, the guitarist from British rockband Queen, has a PhD on Astrophysics?
Yeah, he started his schooling before Queen formed, and achieved his PhD in 2007. One of his dissertations is heavily criticized by the science community though, and it's because he has an odd theory of what causes the Earth's rotation.
You see, he thinks that 'Fat Bottomed Girls make the Rockin World go round.'
Why did Britain change its name to Brian?
Because those dang colonists got rid of their tea.
Went to my first fight club last night
I got there a bit late so I missed the orientation but wow it was amazing. If anyone wants more information, let me know!
\- credit to my friend Brian who popped this one off last night. He's not a very original sort so I'm sure he stole it from somewhere.
