The Best 14 Brezhnev Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Brezhnev jokes. There are some brezhnev premiere jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these brezhnev roosevelt puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Brezhnev Jokes and Puns

An American boasts to a Soviet about the freedom of speech he has.

He says, "I can literally walk up to the oval office and say, 'President Reagan, I don't like the way you are running this country' and I won't get into any problem at all!"

The Soviet replies, "I can do the exact same, too. I too can literally walk up to the Red Square and say, 'Comrade Brezhnev, I don't like the way President Reagan is running this country' and not get into any problem!"

Ancient Soviet joke

Guy turns on the TV and there's Brezhnev making a speech. He changes the channel, there's Brezhnev again, and tries again and on the next channel is a KGB officer saying - 'You'd better stop changing channels'.

Lenin, Stalin, Khrushchev, Brezhnev and Gorbachev are sitting together on a train...

The train breaks down. Lenin tries to rally the workers to work together and get the train running again. When that fails, Stalin lines up all the workers and shoots them. When that doesn't help, Khrushchev tries to reform the workers back to life. When that also fails, Brezhnev pulls down all the curtains in the rail car and says "let's just pretend the train is moving."

After sitting in the dark for a while, Gorbachev breaks the silence and says "Hey, any of you guys wanna pick up some McDonalds?"

Stalin, Kruschev, and Brezhnev are riding a train when it suddenly grinds to a halt.

Stalin says, "I know what to do. We shoot the conductor, the ticket collector, and ten passengers at random. Then the train will run again."

"No, I have a better idea," says Kruchev. "We tell everyone on the train that true communism is just around the corner! Then the train will run again."

"Tovarishi, you're trying too hard," Brezhnev cuts in. "We simply close the curtains, lean back and have a vodka, and *pretend* the train is running!"

Leonid Brezhnev, Soviet General Secretary, calls his head of the KGB, Yuri Andropov, into his office...

Brezhnev: "Comrade, how many Jews do we have in the Soviet Union?"

Andropov: "Approximately five million, Comrade."

Brezhnev: "And how many Jews do you think would leave if we allowed them to?"

Andropov: "Approximately 20 million, Comrade."


Soviet joke my grandpa told me

Brezhnev is showing his mother how well he has done. He shows her his suite in the Kremlin, his country house with a fully stocked kitchen, his Black Sea villa, his limousine. She says: 'This is all really nice...but what will you do if the Bolsheviks come back?'

"Mr. Brezhnev, the Americans just landed on the moon!"

Brezhnev: "If the Americans were the first on the moon, then Russians will be first on the sun!"

Scientist: "But sun is so hot that astronauts will burn alive there!"

Brezhnev: "Are you stupid? We will fly to there in the night!"

Brezhnev joke, "Mr. Brezhnev, the Americans just landed on the moon!"

Another Soviet joke

Nixon is visiting Brezhnev. Brezhnev shows off the newest Soviet technology: a payphone that can call hell. So Nixon puts in a quarter and calls hell, talks to the devil Then he returns to the US and is told that the US als has this technology but it costs $1000 per phone call. He gets angry and asks why does it only cost a quarter in the USSR.*sir, you see in the USSR it's a local call.*

A classic Soviet joke

(Setting: 1980 Olympics)

Leonid Ilyich Brezhnev began reading his opening speech.

"O!" - the crowd applauses.

"O!" - another round of applause and cheer comes from the audience.

"O!" - the entire audience body stands up and begins clapping.

A secretary comes to Brezhnev and says, "Dear Leonid Ilyich, these are Olympic logo rings; you don't need to read all of them!"

A Russian man shouting

A Russian man is walking around on the Red Square and shouting "Brezhnev is an idiot! Brezhnev is an idiot!"


He gets arrested. The sentence comes: 25 years. 1 for disturbing the peace and 24 for unauthorized release of classified information.

The russian general secretary, Leonid Brezhnev, calls in the head of the FSB, Sergey Beseda.

Leonid says "How many Ukrainian born citizens do we have in the russian federation?"
Sergey says "About 5 million."
Leonid says "How many do you think would leave if allowed to?"
Sergey says "About 50 million."

You can explore brezhnev comrades reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean brezhnev siberia dad jokes. There are also brezhnev puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What is the Funniest soviet joke?

What is the Funniest soviet joke?



An old man was scattered on the sidewalk and accidentally fell into the river beside the road, shouting for help! The two policemen heard it, turned a blind eye, and continued to talk and laugh as they walked. The old man became anxious and shouted "Down with Brezhnev"! When the two policemen heard this, they jumped into the river and dragged the old man ashore to handcuff him.

1980s European leaders Mitterrand, Brezhnev and Thatcher were flying around Europe in a helicopter, trying to recognize cities without seeing them.

Thatcher went first. She stuck her ear out the window and stated: "I can hear Big Ben chime. This is London!"

Next was Mitterrand. He stuck his nose out and stated: "I can smell fresh baguette. This is Paris!"

Last was Brezhnev. He stuck his hand out and yelped: "What... hey! Somebody stole my watch! This is Moscow."

How did the Kremlin staff found Brezhnev in the morning?

They found him Lenin' on the bed with heating on Marx.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the brezhnev russia puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working brezhnev ussr piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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