Brexit Jokes

What are some Brexit jokes?

How many Brexiteers does it take to change a light bulb?


One to promise a brighter future and the rest to screw it up.

Brexit's Worst-Case Scenario:

Brexit to be followed by Grexit. Departugal. Italeave. Fruckoff. Czechout. Oustria. Finish. Slovlong. Latervia. Byegium.. until EU reach the state of Germlonely.

The E.U has said that Scotland could end up as a Third World country after Brexit.

I don't know if things will improve to that extent, but you never know.

Big vote today in England. If Leave wins I predict :

Brexit to be followed by Grexit. Departugal. Italeave. Fruckoff. Czechout. Oustria. Finish. Slovakout. Latervia. Byegium

Why is India surprised by the Brexit vote?

They didn't know you could get Britain to leave by voting.

The year is 2192. The British Prime Minister visits Brussels to ask for an extension of the Brexit deadline.

No one remembers where this tradition originated, but every year it attracts many tourists from all over the world.

I'm going to go on a Brexit diet

The pounds will drop fast.

What happens when a British guy makes a promise?

He Brexit

When Brexit happens, how much space will the EU lose?

Exactly 1GB

With the Brexit vote being compared to the Presidential election, I have only one thing to say

Make America Great Britain again!

My approach to sex is like the government's approach to Brexit

I go in hard and pull out when I realise I have no clue what I'm doing

GB: Brexit was the dumbest thing in the last years!

USA: hold my drink!

I found this great new dieting plan that's sure to make you lose a lot of pounds

It's called Brexit

I regret falling in love with my British girlfriend.

You give your heart to her and she Brexit into a million parts.

What happens when Nigel Farage makes a promise?

He brexit.

Brexit fallout: my French Toast has just surrendered to my English Muffins. Germany is sending in the Luftwaffle... these events could engulf the entire continental breakfast.

and my Irish coffee is drunk. Again.

What is the longest game of Deal or No Deal?

Brexit.

Hey there's this new diet that can help lose pounds fast!

Its called the Brexit

If Britain has Brexit...

Did the Czech Republic check-out?

They said Brexit would let us get closer to non-EU countries.

They were right, we now have more in common with Zimbabwe than ever before.

I got a new cat yesterday and have decided to name it Brexit

He always meows loudly to be let out but when I open the door, he refuses to go through it.

Theresa May has asked to delay Brexit until June

It makes sense, June comes after the end of May.

Best exercise to lose a few pounds...

So my friend who is a fitness instructor just came up with a new exercise to lose pounds in just a matter of days. He calls it the "Brexit".

Whats the french version of Brexit?

adiEU

How many Brexiteers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only two: One to promise a new bulb before Christmas and another one to screw it up.

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An Englishman, a Frenchman and a German walk into a bar...

... and they all order a drink. The barman pours a glass of beer each for the Frenchman and the German, put provides a plastic cup of beer for the Englishman.

The other two ask him, "Why do we have glasses, and he has a plastic cup?"

The barman replies, "Because he Brexit."

Have you heard about the Brexit Christmas dinner?

It doesn't have Brussels

Looks like the UK didn't read the fine print when cutting off ties with the EU...

You Brexit, you bought it.

My dad, contemplating Brexit and the board game Risk,

"Well, Europe has always been hard to hold."

One could say that Brexit has been ...

... quite secessful.

UK and USA are in a contest to destroy themselves.

The UK edged ahead with Brexit, but the US just played their trump card.

Do you wanna hear a brexit joke?

Actually.. yeah sorry I'll tell you in a few months.

How much space do you free after the Brexit?

1 GB

What do brexit and my dog have in common

They beg to be let out but just sit at the door when they finally are

What's the future tense of England?

Brexit.

I heard that the Brexit may not make such a big mess after all

But Theresa May

Brits are pounding their fists at Brexit.

Whilst Brexit is really fisting the Pound.

With the brexit news, they say the pound is failing.

They're calling it the ounce, now.

Brexit

There is a new slimming product in town.

It is called Brexit. It'll help you lose a lot of pounds.

Brexit walks into a bar.

Barman: Why the long farce?

Now that Brexit is over

we can expect

1. Nexit
2. Frexit
3. Grexit
4. Departugal
5. Italeave
6. Czechout
7. Outstria
8. Finish
9. Slovakout
10. Latervia
11. Byegium
12. Polend

Just bought one of these new Brexit calculators..

..nothing seems to add up, it just takes away and does division

In a speech two days ago, Prime Minister Theresa May has announced that she plans to delay Brexit, in the hopes that the UK leaves with her deal on 22 May

May wants to leave at the end of May.

Brexit, for France

AdiEU

What is all this #Brexit going around?

When did Bromine decide to leave the periodic table?

Brentry

In anticipation of Brexit many British politicians have unfriended their EU counterparts on Facebook.

I guess now they will have to referiend'em...

what do Brexit and facebook have in common?

Both seem to have been caught up in a fishing scam

United Kingdom: Brexit is the stupid most self destructive act a country could take.

USA : lol, hold my beer

I dont want to denigrate any brexiters for voting brexit...

And to any brexiters, denigrate means to put down.

What's the most British accident?

No-deal Brexit

Apparently the Brexit is inspiring other countries to hold their own referenda, and could lead to the breakup of the EU.

Could this be The Final Countdown for Europe?

Finally the English did it, without the meddling of the politicians

BREXIT.

Every single time I give my heart to a girl...

She Brexit.

UK vs USA

The UK and the US are having a battle to see who can ruin their country the fastest.
We were winning with Brexit but the US had a Trump card.
However Thereisa chance we May yet still win.

What's the most important meal of the day to help you lose pounds?

Brexit

I'm a Polish student in the UK

Today the cashier in ASDA asked me if I needed help packing my bags. The Brexit is worse than I thought...

Brexit

stay, slamming the door.

British archaeologists have issued an exciting new Brexit update today.

By digging 96 feet below the Westminster.

Arsene Wenger to be named new Brexit Minister.

Since he led Arsenal to another quick European exit.

Jose Mourinho has been brought in to help Theresa May with Brexit negotiations.

He made leaving Europe look so easy.

What is the main reason people are voting for Brexit?

When asked if they want to be economically joined with Greece, all they can say is "eeeeuuuuuuu"

What will happen to the EU's computers when Brexit happens ?

They'll have an additional 1 **GB** of free space.

Scroll down for some positive Brexit news!!

Scroll down for some positive Brexit news!!
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What, you didn't seriously expect to see some did you?

What comes after Brexit ?

BREICH

I asked a pharmacist "do you stock multicoloured tampons?"

"Not since Brexit, they were made for brighter periods."

Brexit must have impacted Game of Thrones' budget really badly… (spoilers)

I heard yesterday they fired half of the cast.

In a way, I'm happy that Brexit happened.

Now I don't need to correct people when they refer to the UK as England.

While everyone was busy talking about Brexit

nobody anticipated the Mexit to come.

Led Zeppelin predicted the Brexit!

Baby I'm gonna Leave EU

Leave EU when the summer comes

Leave EU when the summer comes a-rolling.

To keep both Leavers and Remainers happy , why don't we go for the only thing that will keep us IN and OUT of the EU.

Schrodinger's Brexit.

I honestly prefer Brexit over being bullied in school day after day

Atleast I'd get pounded less

Theresa May's Brexit deal just lost for a third time in parliament.

Didn't she ever learn that no means no ?

Too soon? For me too.

If I had a nickel for everytime Brexit happened...

I'd have £2.

Q- Do you know how much weight would Great Britain lose if it went through with the Brexit?

A lot of pounds.

Why did the UK have to get a new Prime Minister after Brexit?

Because David Cameron wouldn't do it, but Theresa May.

The US is waking up to news of Brexit 'Vote Leave' win...

Bill Clinton leads 'BJ for Prime Minister' calls.

The good news is that I placed a safety bet on Brexit...

the bad news is my winnings are in pound sterling.

The bright side of no deal Brexit

Is that we might get a new song from U2

Why did Boris Johnson Brexit?

Because just imagine the baby he'd have made if he hadn't pulled out of Angela Merkel!

With the way the value of the pound took a nosedive today...

... Instead of Brexit, they should have called it the Great Brecession.

The Brexit situation

Britain: Down with the EU!

*Next Day*

Britain: I meant I'm down with the EU.

Why is the new Brexit diet so popular?

All you gotta be is a little more than halfway into it and the pounds will start falling.

Ever wonder why Britain's currency dropped so quick after the Brexit compared to everyone else's?

Because paper money weighs like a gram but Britain's is a pound.

What is brexit called in europe?

Bruck off

Brexit to the rest of the world.

This is neutral. This joke could be taken to mean how slow Brexit is or that it's a bad idea, just saying that so I don't get murdered.

What do you call the divorce between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie?

a Brexit

I keep fixing my door every time my British friend leaves

He always brexit.

I read that Theresa May delayed MPs' vote on Brexit again.

Parliament will now vote on March 12th instead. I hope they vote against it. I don't like Tuesdays.

The weather will be nicer after brexit

Since we import 50% of our water from the EU, so after Brexit we will have 50% less rain.

How to make Brexit jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Brexit to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Brexit? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Brexit pick up lines to share with friends.

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