Breed Jokes

97 breed jokes and hilarious breed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about breed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Make your next party or event more fun with these hilarious breed jokes! Share a laugh with your friends, family and even your canine companions with breed-related puns and jokes about spaniels, mutts and more. Get ready to breed and proceed with laughter!

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Short Breed Jokes
Breed One Liners
Breed Dog Jokes
Dog Breed Jokes
More Breed Jokes

Funniest Breed Short Jokes

Short breed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The breed humour may include short bred jokes also.

Give a man an egg and he'll eat for a day Breed a man that can lay an egg and suddenly you're taking science too far.
List if 10 worst dog breeds 1. There
2. Are
3. No
4. Bad
5. Dog
6. Breeds
7. Only
8. Bad
9. Owners
10. Chihuahuas
The population of the countryside were almost wiped out entirely by a rare breed of ticks that live and breed inside the mouths of Alpacas. The survivors now live in a post Alpaca lip tick wasteland.
It's always weird to come across an anti-vaxxer nowadays... ...they seem to be a dying breed
The man who cross breeds labradors and poodles will be adequate for the job at hand. The labradoodle dude'll do.
What do you get when you breed an elephant with a rhino? A visit from the university board of ethics.
What do you get when you cross-breed a shark and a cow? I have no idea but I wouldn't try milking it.
What are the two biggest fears of Russian military? That the Chinese learn how to fight like the Finns, or that the Finns learn how to breed like the Chinese.
I saw a man dragging a loaf of bread along the floor so I asked him: 'What breed is it?' He replied: 'It's pure bread.'
I want to open a Reserve to breed, arm and train West Lowland Gorillas to fight Jihadists. I'm going to call it Boko Harambe

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Breed One Liners

Which breed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with breed? I can suggest the ones about herding dog and puppy.

TIL there is a rooster that lays eggs. The breed is Himalayan.
They say revolution breeds revolution. Resistance is fertile.
What breed of roosters lay eggs Himalayan.
I've been breeding racing deer Just trying to make a quick buck
What breed of horses are nocturnal? Nightmares.
What dog breed always arrives in 2nd place? Silver retrievers.
What happens when you try and breed a cow with an octopus? You lose your funding.
What would you get if you cross breed a Borg with a Ferengi? A scientologist.
Did you know that it is wrong to breed eels with eagles? It's because it is eel-eagle.
It's so nice to meet so many anti-vaxers here It feels like we're a dying breed
I inherited my uncle's deer breeding business worth 50 million bucks That's a lot of doe
What breed of dog can jump higher than buildings? Any dog, because buildings can't jump.
What breed of dog can jump higher than buildings? Any dog, buildings can't jump
I had to stop breeding rabbits... I found it to be a hare raising experience.
My hairdresser friend has started breeding dogs. He calls them shampoodles.

Breed Dog Jokes

Here is a list of funny breed dog jokes and even better breed dog puns that will make you laugh with friends.

[OC] I have a friend who breeds hound dogs and I'm trying to get into the business myself, but I don't know where to start. Maybe I should get some pointers from him
The most loyal, kind and noble of all dog breeds is the hot dog... He's the only one who feeds the hand that bites him
Top 10 most aggressive dog breeds 10: You
9: can't
8: Rank
7: Dog breeds
6: Based on
5: Their aggressiveness
4: As every
3: Dog breed
2: Is different.
1: Chihuahuas
How many different dog breeds can jump higher than a skyscraper? All of them. Skyscrapers can't jump!
Did you know that there's a breed of dog who loves science? You can tell which one it is because they're always wearing a lab coat.
My friend told me her dogs breed was Havanese And i told her, of course your dog has knee's, how else would it be able to walk?
What are scientists favorite breed of dogs? Labs.
Apparently Jesus had a dog... It was a cross breed.
Tell me about yourself 1: Well uhh.. I like dogs
2: Oh, what's your favourite breed?
1: Any breed is good, they all taste the same anyway
What breed of dog is magical? The Labra-Cadabrador

Dog Breed Jokes

Here is a list of funny dog breed jokes and even better dog breed puns that will make you laugh with friends.

What dog breed will always leave you behind? A ciao ciao
What breed of dog is the most depressing...? A melancholy.
What dog breed do Jewish pet owners desire most? A Golden Retriever
Achilles had an affinity for large breed dogs Mostly because he couldn't stand ankle bitters.
What's Donald Trump's favorite dog breed? A close-the-border collie.
What is a Persian person's favourite dog breed? Pomiranian
What is Jeremy Wade's favorite dog breed? BICHON! BICHON!
What breed of dog does Spanish drug lord have? Coker Spaniard
What breed was Karl Marx's dog? A proleterrier.
[OC] What's Fred Flintstone favourite dog breed? The Labradabradooooor

Breed joke, [OC] What's Fred Flintstone favourite dog breed?

Hilarious Breed Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter

What funny jokes about breed you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean herd jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make breed pranks.

Farmer tries to breed pigs

A farmer bought some breeding pigs, but after several weeks, not one was pregnant. He called the vet for help. "Why don't you try artificial insemination" said the vet.
The farmer didn't have an inkling of what artificial insemination was, but, not wanting to appear ignorant, he said, "Okay, Doc, but how will I know when the pigs are pregnant?"
"Easy. When they lie down and wallow in the mud." The farmer hung up and came to the conclusion that artificial insemination must mean that he has to impregnate those pigs himself.
So he loaded them onto his truck, drove them out into the woods, had s**... with each of them, brought them back to the farm, and then went to bed. The next morning he woke up and checked the pigs.
Since they were all still standing around, he concluded that his first attempt didn't take, so he loaded them into the truck again, drove them into the woods, had s**... with each of them, brought them back to the farm, and went to bed. The next morning he woke up and checked the pigs. They are still just standing around.
"Once more," he told himself, and loaded them onto the truck, drove them into the woods, had s**... with each of them, brought them back to the farm, and went to bed.
The next morning, he can't even lift himself off the bed. He asked his wife to see if the pigs are wallowing in the mud yet.
"Nope," she said. "They're all in the back of the truck and one of them is honking the horn!"

A slightly translated Dutch joke

This is a Dutch joke where the dialog is spoken in English:
A Dutchman and an Englishman are sitting next to each other on an airplane. They start to make small talk and the Englishman asks the Dutchman what he does for a living.
The Dutchman proudly says "I f**... horses!" (f**... == breed)
Shocked, the Englishman exclaims "Pardon?!?"
The Dutchman smiles and replies, "Yes! Paarden!" (Paarden == horses)

I wanted to open a place where people could drink and go dancing. A portion of all proceeds would be donated to a nature reserve where threatened species could breed and raise their offspring in peace. But I had to close it down.

I really thought Club Baby Seals was going to be a bigger hit.

Why did the hipster salmon not get to breed?

He didnt use the main stream

What's the smelliest breed of dog?

A p**...-dle

s... b...

They're a dying breed.

Sea World announced they're not going to breed Orcas in captivity anymore...

So now the only whales you'll see in a theme park are the American women

Why can't owls breed in the rain?

It's too wet to woo.

A farmer was asked why he specifically breed satanist Yaks on his farm..

...he said he simply enjoys the yakult.

I used to breed rabbits.

Then I realized that they pretty much know what to do.

What did the man say when his nose was too stuffed up to have s**...?

I can't breed.

Hey, check out my new dog!

"He used to be police dog down in Florida."
"Oh, what breed is he?"
"He's a m**... lab."

Earlier the Rich had cars and the poor had horses. Now the Poor have cars and the Rich breed horses

Oh how the stables have turned

3 dogs met at the park

The Husky mentioned that God has blessed Huskies as the superior breed.
The Rottweiler snapped quickly and replied that God said Rottweilers are the absolute best!
The German Sheppard turned and asked, I said what ?

Did you know that Zonkeys can't breed?

Press F1 to pay respects.

I always have nightmares

I found a breed of female horses that's up all night

What do you get when you breed a Bulldog and a Shih Tzu?

A mutt.

Most popular dog breed in New Mexico?

The m**... Lab.

What is El Chapo's favorite dog breed?

A m**... Lab

I breed some of the worlds best thoroughbred race horses

They are absolutely outstanding in their field

My neighbor has a 15 acre farm, he breeds dogs to do work on them. He grows cantaloupe, and come harvest time the dogs sniff out the ripe ones and bring them back to the barn.

He says the breed are Melon Collies

p**... took two stuffed dogs to the Antiques Roadshow

"Ooh!" said thew presenter, "This is a rare breed, do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?"
"Sticks." replied p**....

How does Santa choose which female reindeer to breed with his prized stud?

By choosing the one that's the best bang for the buck.

[Long] A r**... was walking with its dog...

A r**... was walking with his dog, when another dog starts to pick a fight with the r**...'s dog, the r**...'s dog with just one bite kills the other dog.
A lot of people get scared, cause there's a lot of blood and carnage, them a guy asks the r**... "What is your dog's breed?"
To wich the r**... responds "Before we cut the tail it was a gator"

Dog Show Hair Remover

A young woman had entered her dog in the dog show in the smooth-haired breed category. To give it an advantage, she went to the pharmacist for some hair remover. The pharmacist gave her the product requested and advised, "Just remember to keep your arms up for at least five minutes." "Errr... it's not for my armpits," she flustered, embarrassed, "it's for my Chihuahua" "Oh well, in that case," said the pharmacist, "don't ride a bike for twenty minutes."

My dog died. He exploded.

He was a mixed breed. Half golden lab, half m**... lab.

What do you get when you breed an elephant and a duck?

A dead duck with gaping a**...

One Jamaican strolls up to another Jamaican in the park.

'Aright man, nice puppy ya gat there,' said the first Jamaican. 'What's it breed?'
The second Jamaican replied, 'Dis ting breed air like all da other puppies, man.'

The pug

A guy tells his buddy, "I got my wife a dog for her birthday."
His buddy asks, "What breed?"
"It's a pug, the guys says. "And, despite the squashed nose, the bulging eyes and the rolls of fat, the dog really seems to like her."

A zookeeper couldn't get his snakes to breed

The vet said he had a reptile dysfunction

What do you get when you breed a snake with a hedgehog?

Barbed wire

What dog breed is the funniest?

Pit bulls, they leave everyone in stitches.
Disclaimer: I am a pit owner, and I still found this funny. Please don't inundate me with pro-pitty rebuttals, I already know.

I've never been through anything scarier than that time I tried to breed rabbits.

It was a hare-raising experience.

Breed joke, The population of the countryside were almost wiped out entirely by a rare breed of ticks that live