Breathing Heavy Jokes
18 breathing heavy jokes and hilarious breathing heavy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about breathing heavy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Breathing Heavy Short Jokes
Short breathing heavy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The breathing heavy humour may include short breathing jokes also.
- I turned back to my little brother and yelled "HURRY, CANE!!!!" And with much heavy breathing he replied "I'm sorry! I'm just not able!!!"
- A boy asked a girl, what about, You and me,
Tomorrow night,
Side by side,
Hot and sweaty,
Breathing heavy.
So, whadya say, wanna go jogging or not? - I breathe heavy whenever I'm around woman's underwear. I guess that's why they call them p**....
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Breathing Heavy One Liners
Which breathing heavy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with breathing heavy? I can suggest the ones about breath so bad and heavy lifting.
- What is Darth Vader's favorite snack? (Breathe heavy for effect)
"Coooo-Keees" - What type of heavy breathing do you hear during yoga? Yoga pants
Breathing Heavy Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about breathing heavy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean holding breath jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make breathing heavy pranks.
I was so exhausted when I went to bed that I slept right through my son and his friends having a r**... w**... and heavy metal party in the yard all thru the night. As the sun came up, the party was still in full swing and my phone had blown up with messages complaining about the noise and the smell.
So I wake up in the morning and I step outside and I take a deep breath and I get real high and I scream from the top of my lungs 'WHAT'S GOIN' ON?'
A man stumbles into his house early in the morning...
after a night of partying and heavy drinking, just as the sun is coming up. His wife is waiting for him at the kitchen table, glaring at him.
"Is there a reason you're coming home at 6 in the morning with alcohol on your breath, lipstick on your collar?" She shouts at him.
"Yes there is," he replies.
"I would like some breakfast"
Little Johnny at it again...
Little Johnny walked into class every morning with a black eye.
After a few days of this happening, the teacher became very worried and asked him about it.
Johnny's answer was: "Our house is very small Miss. Me, my mum and my dad, we sleep on the same bed. Every night my dad asks, 'Johnny are you sleeping?' Then I say 'No' and then he slaps my face and gives me a black eye."
So the teacher says to him, "Tonight when your dad asks again, keep dead quiet and don't say a word".
The following morning Little Johnny comes to school and no black eye, so the teacher breathes a sigh of relief. The day after that, Johnny comes back with a massive black eye again.
"My goodness Johnny, another black eye? What happened?"
Johnny explains: "Miss, Dad asked me again, 'Johnny are you sleeping?.... and I shut up and kept very still. Then my dad and my mum started moving {you know} at the same time. Mum was breathing heavy and k**... her legs all over the place.....
Then my dad asks me mum: 'Are you coming?' Then my mum says, 'Yes I'm coming, are you coming too?' and my dad answered 'Yes'.
They don't usually go anywhere without me, so i said 'Wait for me..."
An Aussie phones an ambulance because his mate's been just hit by a car
Aussie: Get an ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and ears and I think both his legs are broken.
Operator: What is your location sir?
Aussie:On Eucalyptus Street.
Operator: How do you Spell that sir?
Silence..... (heavy breathing) and after a minute or so...
Operator: Are you there sir?
More heavy breathing and another minute later...
Operator: Sir, can you hear me?
This goes on for another few minutes until...
Operator:Sir, please answer me. Can you still hear me?
Aussie: Yes, sorry bout dat... I couldn't spell
eucalyptus, so I just dragged him around to Oak Street.
Did you know? There is a species of frog in Alaska
There is a species of frog in Alaska that freezes during the winter and while frozen, the frog stops breathing, its heart stops beating, its palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, there's v**... on its sweater already, mom's spaghetti.
Beads of sweat were running down her cleavage. Her breathing was hot and heavy.
She moaned as she gained momentum by rocking her hips harder and harder, preparing for the final climactic effort she knew was coming soon. Then, in one final full-body t**..., it was all over, and she breathed a deep sigh of relief and satisfaction. It's always a struggle when the wife gets up off the sofa.
The bottom suddenly falls out of a plane.
All passengers hold themselves up in the conveniently placed assist grips.
The usual jingle is heard through the speakers, as the co-pilot speaks slowly and clearly: "Just now, all of our fuel has been used."
The frightened passengers look at each other.
The pilot speaks again with heavy breathing: "We need to lose some weight to assure a safe landing. If you are unselfish, brave and willing to be a hero, please let go of the assistive grips."
A deep voice pierces the air. "I'm on it" a middle-aged man says, letting go and falling to his doom.
Amused by his empathy and bravery, the rest of the passengers proceed to clap.
A baby boy is born without eyelids
A baby boy is born without eyelids. The parents are distraught, asking the doctor what can be done. "There's a procedure, experimental, but successful in all cases," the doctor explains. "The procedure involves using the f**... removed during circumcision, and using it as the eyelids." "Why, that's wonderful!" exclaims the father. "The tissue actually seems to be quite similar" he ponders.
It seems a perfect procedure.. "But doc," asks the mother, "are there any side effects?
Breathing a heavy sigh, the doctor explains, "Why yes. Your son will be a bit c**...-eyed."
A man offers a woman 100 dollars for s**....
He tells her "Excuse me miss, I will pay you 100 dollars if you have s**... with me."
The woman quickly responds saying "I won't have s**... with you for so little money. My boyfriend would be furious!"
The man then changes his offer "Okay how about this? I will drop the 100 dollars onto the floor. I can do whatever I want with you until you pick up 100 dollars. That seem fair?"
The girl says "Let me call my boyfriend and see what he thinks." The girl calls her boyfriend and tells her the deal he says "Yeah just pick it up, he won't even be able to get your pants off. Call me once you have it." The girl friend hangs up and agrees to the mans offer.
The boyfriend waits patiently at his phone for 15 minutes, then 30, then 40 and his girlfriend hasn't called him back. He calls his girlfriend and hears heavy breathing and yells "Why haven't you picked up the money yet?!"
The girlfriend exclaims "He had it in quarters!"
Two men are hunting in the Forest...
Two men are hunting in the forest by themselves, when suddenly one of them falls down into a huge pit. The other hunter is shocked, and shouts down the hole to see if his friend is okay. He sees him motionless at the bottom of the pit, and gets really worried. He gets out his mobile phone, and calls an emergency helpline. A woman answers.
"Hello, this is the emergency helpline, how can I help you?" she asks.
"I'm in the forest with my friend and he just fell down a pit and I think he's dead, I'm certain! He isn't moving!" the man replies worriedly.
The woman senses the fright in his voice, and says to him "Right, it's okay, calm down, don't worry."
The man breathes heavily.
"Okay, sir? The first thing I'm going to need you to do, is make sure that your friend is dead. Okay?"
The woman can no longer hear his heavy breathing, and instead she hears the crack of a gunshot.
"Sir? Hello?" she asks.
"Okay, I've made sure he's dead, what do I do now?"
p**... phones an ambulance because his mate's been hit by a car.
p**... phones an ambulance because his mate's been hit by a car.
p**...: 'Get an ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and
Ears and I tink both his legs are broken.'
Operator: 'What is your location sir?'
p**...: 'Outside number 28 Eucalyptus Street ....'
Operator: 'How do you spell that sir?'
Silence.... (heavy breathing) and after a minute.
Operator: 'Are you there sir?'
More heavy breathing and another minute later.
Operator: 'Sir, can you hear me?'
This goes on for another few minutes until....
Operator: 'Sir, please answer me. Can you still hear me?'
p**...: 'Yes, sorry bout dat... I couldn't spell eucalyptus, so I just
dragged him round to number 3 Oak Street .'