Following is our collection of funny Breathe jokes. There are some breathe fluff jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these breathe breathing blonde puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
A blond walk into a hair salon with headphones on and sits down in a chair. The blonde asks the woman working there for a haircut. The woman takes of the headphones and cuts the blondes hair. After she is finished she looks down and to her surprise finds the blonde dead. The woman puts on the headphones and hears this "Breathe in.....Breathe out.....Breath in.......Breath out"
The Nostrils. So she can breathe while giving me a blow job.
*My 10 year old brother told me this today
...but I would imagine it's hard to breathe inside those little glass cases.
...you could say he sucks at life.
... and told them:
-I am tired of mankind's sins! In two weeks I'll unleash a great flood that will kill all humanity!
The Christian said:
-We have only two weeks to appease Him!
The Muslim said:
-We have only two weeks to change our ways!
The Jew said:
-We have only two weeks to learn how to breathe underwater!
Summoning his last strength, he says: "Is my wife Sarah here with me?" And she says "Yes, I am here." He then says :"Are my children here with me?" And they reply "Yes father, we are here with you to see you breathe your last." And he smiles and says:"Is my father and siblings here with me?" And they too tell him that they are here. So the Jew lays quietly for a while and replies "Then who is the light on for in the kitchen?"
What does a red grape tell a purple grape? Breathe, you idiot! Breathe!!
Then if it does not look like it is breathing, give it mouth to mouth.
A green grape is on a vine next to a purple grape. It looks over, gasps, and says "BREATHE!"
The doctor says its the mace.
Being a bit nosy, they search around the room to see if their son is hiding anything "naughty." The father checks under the bed and, in shock, sees *tons* of BDSM and bondage tapes, DVDs, and magazines.
The mother couldn't breathe. It took her a while to say "*Oh my god!* What should we do about this?!
The father replied "We shouldn't spank him, that's for sure."
You can explore breathe inhalation reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean breathe wheeze dad jokes. There are also breathe puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I let the red wine breathe when I'm having sex with it.
The other 10% didn't respond to the survey.
...when I had to type "analytics" into the search bar during a presentation at work.
I backed out with cold feet
Breathe.
. . I told him "your mom is ugly and your breathe stinks"
"Honey, what are you doing?"
"I tried to hang myself, but when I put the rope around my neck I couldn't breathe."
If it doesn't look like it is breathing, then give it a mouth-to-mouth
Not a toddler, I can tell you that
he breathes helium because it is a noble gas.
Him: "What's the only mammal that can breathe under water?"
Me: "I dunno, what?"
Him (loudly): "An elephant sticking his trunk up!"
An elephant hiding in your fridge
She shoots him again.
One day a priest came to visit the boy in the hospital. The Priest sat on the boy's side to comfort him and pray. Soon, the boy was unable to breathe. Acting quickly the priest grabbed a pen and paper to gather the boy's last words. Days later at the funeral, the priest read the boys last words and it read " Dear Father Dave, you are on my oxygen tube."
My apple watch reminded me to take a minute to breathe right after my grandfather let one rip.
"Some, I assume, are good people"
"Haha you can't fool me again, dad. A chair!"
"Not this time. Our dog died."
Aquatic.
It's horrible. You can't breathe, it's all sweaty, and your scoutmaster is covering your mouth.
Studies show that 100% of humans that have died have inhaled oxygen at least once in their life.
Breathe dammit, BREATHE!
You could say he has high aspirations.
On the floor was a note saying, "I can't stand the critism anymore."
I quickly cut him down, gave him CPR and he started to breathe.
As he lay in my arms I saw his eyes slowly open and I said, "That's not how you spell criticism."
Oxxgen
Because they breathe dairy-air.
(Breathe heavy for effect)
"Coooo-Keees"
Breathe
You can breathe out, just not in.
I told her it's all in her head, but that made things worse.
I said "You're not fooling me again dad, a chair"
He answered "No, your dog died"
Congratulations you're now a milionAIR!!!
One of the first dad jokes I came up with after becoming a father :)
Jokes about asthma
"How do you breathe out of that thing?"
My Uncle with whom I share a love of bad jokes told me that.
A blond woman is fed up with life, so she goes out into the woods and hangs herself. A man walks through the woods, and sees the woman hanging from her waste on a rope tied to a tree.
"What are you doing?" - He asks.
"Hanging myself," she replies.
"Shouldn't the rope be around your neck?" he asks.
She replies, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."
While the bottle of red was passed out, he shouts "Everybody get back! OK, now let it breathe a little."
BREATHE YOU IDIOT
I made a trip to the local dump yesterday and while I was there, I noticed that one of the employees was coughing and struggling to breathe, trying to heft a bag into a dumpster. So I went over to him and asked "excuse me sir, are you alright? Do you need a hand?" And he just replies "Nah I'm used to it, it's just miasma."
... I guess it just wasn't mint to be.
Adam was taking a naked stroll through the Garden of Edan, naming the animals. He found a large creature with a long nose and big ears. He said "I think I'll call you Elephant." The elephant replied "How do you breathe through that thing?!"
enchant mints
He stopped breathing for 10 minutes and died. I owe him 20$.
So that they can breathe in filtered air.
The air quality in Los Angeles is so bad...
How bad is it?
When locals want to breathe fresh air, they suck the air out of tires from cars with out-of-state license plates.
The spotlight!
Tay moves away from the mic to breathe in.
I can't even breathe without it going off.
I guess that's why they call them panties.
Through its british airways, of course
With iron lungs.
Lindsey Graham can barely breathe in there.
Just kidding, wanted to make you smile.
So the king starts holding his breath. When the Queen asks him why he says, "How can I breathe when there's no heir?"
If they continue eating the Amazon rainforest we won't be able to breathe.
A filet mignon
Breathe now, Vent later.
They don't breathe
How do you breathe through that trunk?
A friend of hers stops her, and tries to talk to her
The blonde just stares at them, keeping the headphones in her ears, so the friend removes them for her and the blonde stops breathing
The friend quickly puts the earbuds back in and she starts breathing again
The friend tries it again, and the blonde stops breathing
The friend takes out only one ear bud, and sticks it in their ear and hears,
Breathe in, breathe out, breath in...
They don't let you breathe.
I can't breathe.
How do you breathe out of that thing?
I said, Sometimes, you just got to stop and breathe in the air.
He said, Yeah, like all the time.
I had a girl in my basement for seven months wearing a ball gag and she's fine
Because people that can't breathe turn blue.
Just kidding, I made you smile :)
Man: *looks at store items without wearing a mask*
Shop Keeper: Hey sir, you can't shop hear without a mask on.
Man: Nah I have a Medical condition that makes it hard for me to breathe.
Shop Keeper: Oh, what condition?
Man: Covid-19
The fellow turns to him and says "have you tried mouthwash?"
Breathe idiot! Breathe!
it gasped and said said how do you breathe through those?
A 90 year-old Jew is on his deathbed. Summoning his last bit of strength, he lifts his head and whispers: "Is my beloved wife Sarah here with me?" And Sarah says, "Yes, I am here."
He then says: "Are my children -- my wonderful children -- are they here with me?" And they reply, "Yes father, we are here with you to see you breathe your last."
And he says: "Are my brothers and sisters here with me as well?" And they too tell him that they are here.
So the old man lays back quietly, closes his eyes, and says, "If everybody is here ... why is the light on in the kitchen?"
How do you breathe through that?
white, anti-vax Republicans are finally saying I can't breathe .
My 7 yr old: dad, I made up a joke and it's really funny.
Me: ok hit me.
Her: what do turtles say to themselves to calm down?
Me: mmm I dunno, what?
Her: in through your nose, out through your butt.
Me: …
Her: …
Me: …
Her: turtles breathe through their butts, dad.
Me: oh! Haha nice one. Wow. You're smart.
Hank, we're astronauts.
That's cute but can you breathe through it...
"sure, if it will make you stop laughing and tell me how I look in it" I replied
Because it doesn't breathe
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the breathe inhale jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working breathe showerheads piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.