Breath So Bad Jokes
84 breath so bad jokes and hilarious breath so bad puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about breath so bad that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Breath So Bad Short Jokes
Short breath so bad jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The breath so bad humour may include short smell so bad jokes also.
- I met a frail old wizard. He had bad breath and loads of blisters. He was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
- I asked my doctor how bad my breath is. "You see that broccoli over there?" he pointed.
"Yes..." I replied.
"That was a cauliflower before you started talking." - How to tell someone they have a bad breath nicely ? "Oh boy I am bored lets brush our teeth"
- Have you heard about the barefoot frail wizard with bad breath? Well it's the first confirmed case of a super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis
- My wife said it's either her or the dog. ​
So I've got to choose between a hairy, drooling mongrel with bad breath. . . or my beloved canine. - Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away... Too bad we all can't be asthmatics!
- When Moses came down the mountain, he noticed his followers had bad breath. So he gave them the Ten Commandmints
- I thought eating abalone would give me bad breath but it turns out I was just reading the genus wrong.
- I had to break up with my girlfriend because she had bad breathe... ... I guess it just wasn't mint to be.
- What do you call it when you kill someone with your bad breath from a long distance away? No scope
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Breath So Bad One Liners
Which breath so bad one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with breath so bad? I can suggest the ones about breathing heavy and bad breath.
- What do you give an apprehensive person with bad breath? An encourage mint.
- What would you call a store that sold only mints and gum? Bad Breath and Beyond.
- Why do cows have bad breath? Because they breathe dairy-air.
- What do you call an excellent marksman with bad breath? No Scope
- Jesus never had bad breath. At-one-mint
- How you heard about the new bad breath removal strategy? They call it the tic-tac tactic.
- I had bad breath this morning So I exSpeaminted with Wrigleys gum.
- What do you call it when wolves get bad breath? Howl-itosis.
- What do you call a robot with bad breath who's sister lives on its foot? HAL-i-toe-sis
- Why did the Albino pig have bad breath? He has no Pig mints.
- What do you call a blonde upside down? A brunette with bad breath.
- Why do redheads have bad breath? Gingervitis
- You know what's worse than bad breath? h**... addiction.
- How do Zombies get rid of Bad Breath? They Munch on some Flesh Mint!
- Why can't you hang out with bears? Their bad breath is un-bear-able.
Breath So Bad Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about breath so bad you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean breath jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make breath so bad pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Yo momma's breath smelled so bad when she walked by a clock it said, "Tic Tac."
Mahatma Gandhi often walked barefoot which produced an impressive set of callouses on his feet.
He also ate very little, making him rather frail and with his odd diet he often suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis.
A young couple is on their honeymoon.
The husband is sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, "Now how can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she's bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?"
Meanwhile, the wife is sitting in the bed saying to herself, "Now how do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?"
The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, "Darling, I've got a confession to make."
She says, "So have I, love."
To which he replies, "Don't tell me, you've eaten my socks."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
On a Trans-Atlantic Flight, a plane passes through a severe storm.
The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.
One woman, in particular, loses it!
Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane.
"I'm too young to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of s**... in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well, I've had it! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a woman?"
For a moment there is silence.
Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane.
"I can make you feel like a woman," he says.
He's drop-dead gorgeous.
Tall, built, with flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time.
No one moves.
The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches.
He removes his shirt.
Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers: "Here, iron this."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Tatoos of Elvis
A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and asks for a picture of Elvis be tattooed high up on her left thigh.
The tattoo guy complies, but when he's done, the woman looks at the result and says "That doesn't look like Elvis at all!"
The guy says, "I can't do anything to remove it, but I could try again on the other thigh".
The woman agrees, but when all is done, she thinks that the new tattoo looks nothing like Elvis, either and refuses to pay.
The tattoo artist makes a proposal, "Ma'am, I'll ask a customer in the waiting room to come in and have a look at the tattoos. If he can identify Elvis, you pay me. Otherwise, you owe me nothing."
The woman agrees. A customer is called in and the woman, dropping her pants and spreading her legs, says "Do you recognize these famous musicians?"
The guy looks, thinks for a minute, then says "I don't know about the twins, but the one in the middle with the beard and bad breath is definitely w**... Nelson."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ghandi Poppins
I learned some interesting things about Ghandi recently:
He worked a lot in his garden and walked around with bad sandals, making his skin very hard and stiff.
He went on several hunger strikes, making him quite frail.
He was a Hindu spiritual leader, and therefore had many arcane thoughts and teachings.
Also, India didn't have very good o**... hygiene materials in Ghandi's day, so he often had very bad breath.
This all makes Ghandi a "super-calloused, fragile mystic hexed by halitosis".
Mahatma Gandhi...
...walked barefoot a lot, which probably produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. I've heard he also ate very little, which could have made him rather frail. The odd diet he kept leads me to believe he suffered from bad breath. I suppose you could have called him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a really cranky shaman with bad breath and osteoporosis?
A Super-calloused-fragile-mystic-hexed-by-halitosis
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A plane passes through a fierce storm...
In a transatlantic flight, the turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse whenone wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in front of the plane, "I'm too young to die!" she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I am going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of s**... in my life, but no one has ever made me feel like a woman! I've had it! Is there ANYONE on the plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?!"
For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare riveted at the desperate woman in front of the plane. Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He's gorgeous — tall, built with long, flowing balck hair and jet black eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time.
No one moves.
The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and he extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman and whispers: "Iron this."
One my grandmother told me . . .
Little Susie's mother was sending her to the corner grocery store. "Ask for a pound of dried peas," she said. "And don't forget to ask Mr. Jones how his wife is feeling. She had a bad fall last week."
So Little Susie walks to the grocery repeating to herself, "A pound of dried peas, and how is your wife feeling? A pound of dried peas and how is your wife feeling?"
So she finally gets to the grocery store and goes up to Mr. Jones behind the counter.
"Well hello, Little Susie," said Mr. Jones. "What can I do for you?"
Little Susie replied in one breath, "I would like a pound of dried peas, and how is your wife feeling?"
"Split or whole?" said Mr. Jones.
Little Susie's eyes bulged out. "She DID?!"
Thought I'd share a favorite on my cake day
Gandhi used to walk barefoot on most days, neglecting modern footwear, and eventually grew a strong set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather weak and with his odd diet, suffered from very, very bad breath. To others he smelled atrocious, this super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pint, a dog and an old lady
A guy goes into a bar and as he orders a drink he notices a jar at the end of the bar full of money. He says to the barman "what's that about?" to which the barman replies "you pay a tenner and have to complete 3 challenges, if you are successful you win all the money in the jar. Would you like to try it?" The man says he'll think about it and sits down with his drink. After about 8 pints the man staggers up to the bar and slams a tenner on down in front of the barman, "Okay pal, I'll have a go".
So the barman says "ok, challenge number 1, here's a pint of tequila, you have to drink all of that without coughing it up or being sick". It takes the man a couple of minutes but he finishes the drink.
"well done" says the barman. "The next challenge, there's a guard dog outside with a bad tooth, you need to go out there and remove it. After that, there's a woman upstairs, she's 83, never had s**... in her life. I want you go up there and show her a real good time".
So the man goes outside and for about 15 minutes there is a lot of barking, shouting and screaming. Then after a while it goes quiet. The barman walks outside to find out what's happened... The dogs dead. The man who's out of breath turns to the barman and says "Right... Where's this old lady with the bad tooth?"
Psychic
Desperate to know her future, a woman decided to go visit a psychic.
In a dark and gloomy room, gazing at the tarot cards laid out before her, the psychic delivered the bad news...
'There is no easy way to say this so I'll be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year.'
Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the psychic's lined face, then at the single flickering candle and then looked down at her hands.
She took a few deep breaths to compose herself and decided to ask the question she desperately needed to know.
She met the psychic's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked, 'Will I get away with it?'
Mahatma Gandhi wanted to be a babysitter...
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
Nevertheless, in his final years he decided that he wanted to be a babysitter and sent an application to the Babysitter University. Unfortunately they rejected him, stating that they could not accept an applicant that was "A super calloused fragile mystic vexed with halitosis".
Air Force one goes down.
A large jet plane crashed on a farm in the middle of rural Kentucky. Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. By the time they got there, the aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left, smoldering in a tree line that bordered the farm.
The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but could find no remains of anyone. They spotted the farmer plowing a field not too far away as if nothing had happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor. "Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of breath.
"Did you see this terrible accident happen?" "Yep. Sure did," the farmer mumbled unconcerned, cutting off the tractor's engine. Do you realize that is Air Force One, the airplane of the President of the United States?" "Yep." "Were there any survivors?" "Nope. They's all kilt straight out, "the farmer answered. "I done buried them all myself. Took me most of the morning." "President Obama is dead?" the sheriff asked. "Well," the farmer grumbled, restarting his tractor.
"He kept a-saying he wasn't . . . But you know how bad that sumbitch lies.
A large plane crashed...
A large jet plane crashed on a farm in the middle of rural Kentucky. Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. By the time they got there, the aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left, smoldering in a tree line that bordered the farm.
The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but could find no remains of anyone. They spotted the farmer plowing a field not too far away as if nothing had happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor. "Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of breath.
"Did you see this terrible accident happen?" "Yep. Sure did," the farmer mumbled unconcerned, cutting off the tractor's engine. Do you realize that is Air Force One, the airplane of the President of the United States?" "Yep." "Were there any survivors?" "Nope. They's all kilt straight out, "the farmer answered. "I done buried them all myself. Took me most of the morning." "President Obama is dead?" the sheriff asked. "Well," the farmer grumbled, restarting his tractor.
"He kept a-saying he wasn't . . . But you know how bad that sumbitch lies.
Air Force One crashes in a field..
A large jet plane crashed on a farm in the middle of rural Kentucky. Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. By the time they got there, the aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left, smoldering in a tree line that bordered the farm.
The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but could find no remains of anyone. They spotted the farmer plowing a field not too far away as if nothing had happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor. "Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of breath.
"Did you see this terrible accident happen?" "Yep. Sure did," the farmer mumbled unconcerned, cutting off the tractor's engine. Do you realize that is Air Force One, the airplane of the President of the United States?" "Yep." "Were there any survivors?" "Nope. They's all kilt straight out, "the farmer answered. "I done buried them all myself. Took me most of the morning." "President Obama is dead?" the sheriff asked. "Well," the farmer grumbled, restarting his tractor.
"He kept a-saying he wasn't . . . But you know how bad that sumbitch lies.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Since Ghandi walked barefoot, and ate a diet giving him bad breath, he was...
A super Calloused Fragile Mystic Hexed by Halitosis!
Did you hear about the Shaman?
He chose to walk the world barefoot which caused he feet to blister a thousand times over.
He ate only bugs and berries that he found in nature which caused him to became very frail.
This diet also caused him to be plagued with horribly bad breath.
He was known as the Super Calloused Fragile Mystic Hexed by Halitosis.
Three fishermen
Bob, Steve, and Terry are out in the boat, fishing and drinking beer. Terry stands up to pee over the side but falls overboard and sinks right to the bottom.
Steve doesn't hesitate. He kicks off his shoes and dives into the water after Terry. A few moments later, he surfaces, dragging the body behind, and immediately begins mouth-to-mouth.
"Jeez," he gasps. "Terry sure does have bad breath!"
"Yeah," says Bob. "And where did he get that snowmobile suit?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mahatma Gandhi was a good man...
He also had an odd diet which gave him a pretty pungent breath, not only did he have bad breath from his diet but it also made him incredibly skinny. Another thing he did was walk around barefoot all the time so his feet were tougher than most people's.
I guess you could call him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
A guys gets a call from his doctor
The doctor says: "I'm afraid that I have some really bad news for you. Your test results are back and it says here that you only have one more day to live".
The man grasps for breath and cries out: "doctor, that's terrible news, how can that be?".
The doctor says: "I'm afraid I have more bad news for you".
"What, what now? What could possibly be worse than that?" the man, now in total despair, asks.
"I really tried, but I couldn't reach you yesterday" the doctor answers.
Six weeks ago, my brother was deployed by Afghanistan...
And today he called home.
He asked me how things were back here, and so I took a deep breath and told him the truth.
"Your cat died."
My brother was aghast, especially at how coldly I said it.
"Joe, that's not how you break bad news." Miles away, I could hear the frustration in his voice. He sighed and explained:
"You should've started with something innocent and then gone from there. Don't open with the worst news. Say something like 'Well, the cat got on the roof... we tried to get her... then she slipped and we couldn't save her'. Understand?"
I told him I understood and thanked him for the advice.
"Alright," he said, "How's mom doing?"
"Well, she got on the roof..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do n**... do when they have bad breath?
Have some Speer-mint.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a chubby girl who's cranky, has bad breath and doesn't screw?
You don't call her.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ghandi
Ghandi was a mystical prophet of god. He wore no shoes,so he developed many callouses on his feet. He was a fruititarian,eating no protein,so his limbs were very spindly. Also,he never cleaned his teeth,so he was eternally cursed with bad breath. This made him a…"Super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There's no easy well to tell your girlfriend that she has bad breath.
I think I'm just going to stop kissing your girlfriend.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does an onion and a p**... have in common?
They give you really bad breath when you eat them.
A hero named "Super Cal" suffers from a slight weakness that curses his own body. However, he does have a certain strength. It's, unfortunately, his bad breath that makes him fairly unattractive.
So, basically..."Super Cal is fragile-ish except for Halitosis"
So there was a monk...
This particular monk could only eat garlic for his religious diet, which made him EXTREMELY weak, and also gave him bad breath. Also, like most other monks he wore no shoes, which gave him many callouses.
This made him a "super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis."
Old monk
There once was a very old monk that tended to break his bones when he fell down. He always walked barefooted everywhere he went so his feet were more callouses than soft skin. No one talked to him very long because his breath was so bad it could wilt flowers. They called him Super-calloused-fragile-mystic-cursed-with-halitosis
Ghandi
Mahatma Gandhi lived a strange life
Because of his odd diet, he was plagued by a constant case of bad breath. This diet also left him rather thin and frail.
Because he didn't wear shoes, and he walked everywhere, he developed an impressively thick set of calluses on the soles of his feet.
All-in-all, he was a super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Johnny, could you please come up here and count to ten?
The teacher asked Johnny to come up to the front of the classroom and count to ten
Teacher: "What are waiting for Johnny?"
Johnny took a deep breath
Johnny: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5..."
Suddenly Johnny burst out crying and the teacher came running to him
Teacher: What's wrong Johnny, why did you stop at 5?
Johnny: "Because I feel so bad for 6!"
Teacher: "Why do you feel bad for it?"
Johnny: " O-On the news this m-morning it said '6 died in major car c**...'"
The reason I check my hair and my general appearance so often, is because of this one bad day. I can't even say I remember it, but I am told my hair was a mess, I was covered with unspeakable fluids, had trouble breathing, couldn't even stand, and I cried in front of everyone.
I'm still trying to live down the day I was born.
Economy
My friend was helping me understand economics. He asked, what is something that would be good for the economy? I said, Chicken. He says yeah..ok, so what would be bad for the economy?
Me: If they breathed fire!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Johnny Carson Classic
The air quality in Los Angeles is so bad...
How bad is it?
When locals want to breathe fresh air, they s**... the air out of tires from cars with out-of-state license plates.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I feel bad for people who have asthma
Because out of all the things you could be bad at, you s**... at breathing.
Just Kidding
A man gets a call from the hospital telling him his wife has been hurt in an accident. He rushes to the hospital and is met by her doctor.
The doctor says I'm sorry, she's in really bad shape . Husband starts to tear up and asks how bad is it doctor? The doctor tells him that she's a paraplegic and there's little hope of recovery. Husband sits down and starts sobbing. The doctor puts his hand on the husband's shoulder and starts to describe how the wife will have to be fed, bathed, diaper changed etc for the rest of her life.
The husband is inconsolable now, he can barely breathe at this point. Finally the doctor smiles and says Nah, I'm just kidding, she died
Al, Ben, and Carl were fishing in the middle of a lake when Al fell overboard.
Ben jumped into the lake to rescue Al. When he finally found Al, he threw the body onto the boat and Carl pulled him up.
As soon as Ben was safely in the boat, he noticed that Al wasn't breathing, so he quickly gave Al mouth-to-mouth.
"Yuck!" said Ben. "I don't remember Al having such bad breath."
"Come to think of it," said Carl, "I don't remember him wearing ice skates either."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a wizard who walks everywhere on bare feet, has poor bone density and really bad breath?
A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the sickly magician with blisters and bad breath?
He's a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
A man is walking his pet carrot
As he's walking his pet carrot it gets hit by a car. After rushing to the ER the man paces the waiting room as the doctor comes out exhausted from surgery. Doctor, is my carrot alive are they ok? The doctors sighs. I have good news and bad news. The good news is your pet carrot is alive the man breathes a sigh of relief. What's the bad news doctor? The doctor looks him in the eyes and says Well I'm sorry but, your carrots gonna be a vegetable for the rest of its life.
I know it's dumb it was just of favorite of my grandfathers a long time ago and I thought I'd share it.
So a doctor walks into the room
So a doctor walks into the room and tells his patient "Alright, so I've got some bad news"
The patient says "Aw geez, I'm not getting anything named after me am I?"
"No, no," the doctor says, "you're not getting anything named after yourself," and the patient breathes a sigh of relief.
And then the doctor says "It's going to be named after me"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do we know about Gandhi?
Well, he walked barefoot and was a vegetarian.. he ate very little and practiced yoga, and was a minimalist who likely didn't brush his teeth either, giving him bad breath.
He was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.