Breath Jokes
172 breath jokes and hilarious breath puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about breath that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the best breath jokes to share with your friends! From hilarious jokes about the effects of bad breath to funny puns about popular breath mints, there's something for everyone. Put your friends to the test with amusing breath tests and watch them wheeze with laughter. Whether you're out of breath from a good laugh or just need to fluff up the conversation, these breath jokes are sure to inspire much needed exhales.
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Funniest Breath Short Jokes
Short breath jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The breath humour may include short breeze jokes also.
- SCUBA is an acronym for "Self contained underwater breathing apparatus". Tuba is also an acronym. It stands for "terrible underwater breathing apparatus"
- A baby roach asks his dad what happens if they get sprayed with Raid. Papa Roach said, Suffocation, no breathing.
- A joke my 4 year old came up with today... Him: "What's the only mammal that can breathe under water?"
Me: "I dunno, what?"
Him (loudly): "An elephant sticking his trunk up!" - "Hey son, what has 4 legs and doesn't breathe?" "Haha you can't fool me again, dad. A chair!"
"Not this time. Our dog died." - A teacher is explaining the concept of statistics with an example: "Statistically, every time I breathe out, someone dies." Student: "Have you tried antiseptic mouthwash, sir?"
- The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild was originally intended to be for Wii U But mid-way through development they made the switch.
- My dad was so Competitive that on his death bed, as he breathed his last He said, "Staring contest... GO."
- I've got a pretty long Police record.... It's a full 44 minutes long and contains "Every Breath You Take"
- When people go underwater in movies, I like to hold my breath to see if I would have survived the same situation... Almost died in Finding Nemo
- When I asked my friend how he's doing, he said "man, I'm just happy to be breathing". I told him he should have bigger aspirations.
Share These Breath Jokes With Friends
Breath One Liners
Which breath one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with breath? I can suggest the ones about smell and gasps.
- Fun fact: You can't breathe correctly while smiling Just kidding, I made you smile :)
- Why do people in Beijing smoke so many cigarettes? To get a breath of filtered air.
- I got Inside a vacuum chamber once. It was breath taking.
- If you miss your ex Steady aim, control breathing, and fire again
- What do cannibals use to freshen their breath? Men toes
- How do cannibals freshen their breath? Men toes.
- What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breathe!
- What's fast and can breathe underwater? Not a toddler, I can tell you that
- How do scientists keep their breath fresh? Experamints
- Are you a cop from New York? Because you take my breath away.
- What did the mesothelioma patient say to his doctor? I'm breathing asbestos I can!
- A cat eats a slice of swiss cheese... and sits by the mousetrap with baited breath.
- My vampire girlfriend doesn't give me any space She's always breathing down my neck.
- This chick was beautiful so I asked her if she was a cop Because she took my breath away
- It is a myth that you cannot breathe underwater You can breathe out, just not in.
Your Breath Jokes
Here is a list of funny your breath jokes and even better your breath puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I met a frail old wizard. He had bad breath and loads of blisters. He was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
- A girl is at the doctor. The doctor is about to use the stethoscope and says "Big Breath" The girls says "Yeth, and I'm only thixteen"
- People hate the police so much these days... ...that even Sting has stopped performing "Every Breath You Take."
- Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. "Some, I assume, are good people"
- My ex broke up with me My ex broke up with me because I , apparently , was too immature ...
I took a deep breath and calmed down.
Then I went to her house , rang the doorbell and ran away. - A children's museum SOUNDS like a good idea... ...but I would imagine it's hard to breathe inside those little glass cases.
- A teenage girl went to visit the doctor for her cough complaint. The doctor examined her with his stethoscope. 'Big breaths' he said. 'Yeah, and I am only thixteen' she replied.
- When you're going somewhere And someone asks are you coming
Try replying with no, just breathing hard - Baby Roach: "Papa, what happens if the humans spray us with Raid?" Papa Roach: "Suffocation. No breathing."
- I had a dream about a breath freshener left on my pillow. I ate it and it tasted like a fig. Then I woke up. Guess it was just a fig mint of my imagination.
Bad Breath Jokes
Here is a list of funny bad breath jokes and even better bad breath puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I asked my doctor how bad my breath is. "You see that broccoli over there?" he pointed.
"Yes..." I replied.
"That was a cauliflower before you started talking." - What do you give an apprehensive person with bad breath? An encourage mint.
- How to tell someone they have a bad breath nicely ? "Oh boy I am bored lets brush our teeth"
- Have you heard about the barefoot frail wizard with bad breath? Well it's the first confirmed case of a super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis
- What would you call a store that sold only mints and gum? Bad Breath and Beyond.
- My wife said it's either her or the dog. ​
So I've got to choose between a hairy, drooling mongrel with bad breath. . . or my beloved canine. - Why do cows have bad breath? Because they breathe dairy-air.
- What do you call an excellent marksman with bad breath? No Scope
- Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away... Too bad we all can't be asthmatics!
- When Moses came down the mountain, he noticed his followers had bad breath. So he gave them the Ten Commandmints
Breath So Bad Jokes
Here is a list of funny breath so bad jokes and even better breath so bad puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I thought eating abalone would give me bad breath but it turns out I was just reading the genus wrong.
- I had to break up with my girlfriend because she had bad breathe... ... I guess it just wasn't mint to be.
- Jesus never had bad breath. At-one-mint
- What do you call it when you kill someone with your bad breath from a long distance away? No scope
- How you heard about the new bad breath removal strategy? They call it the tic-tac tactic.
- I had bad breath this morning So I exSpeaminted with Wrigleys gum.
- What do you call it when wolves get bad breath? Howl-itosis.
- What do you call a robot with bad breath who's sister lives on its foot? HAL-i-toe-sis
Holding Breath Jokes
Here is a list of funny holding breath jokes and even better holding breath puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Look, people... Trump is going to be President, so let's just hold our breath for the next four years. With any luck, we'll turn blue.
- how to get rid of hiccups Hold your breath for 15 minutes
- I asked my brother how long he could hold his breath underwater for. I'm amazed. It's been three hours and he's still going.
- My wife was having trouble breathing last night. I think I wasn't holding the pillow down tight enough.
- My son threatened to hold his breath until he got ice cream He passed out on the floor.
I don't negotiate with terrorists. - Whats pink and fluffy? Pink fluff. Whats blue and fluffy? Pink fluff holding its breath
- What's small, round, and blue? A cranberry holding its breath.
- Lung cancer has done a real number on me; I don't have long left. Doc said he's going to get me a donor lung.. …but I'm not holding my breath.
- A King and Queen are having trouble conceiving a child... So the king starts holding his breath. When the Queen asks him why he says, "How can I breathe when there's no heir?"
- As a purple faced man, one day I hope to meet a purple faced women... They tell me I shouldn't hold my breath
Breath Mint Jokes
Here is a list of funny breath mint jokes and even better breath mint puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do Hogwarts students keep their breathe fresh? enchant mints
- I once amputated a man's toe and replaced it with a prosthetic made from a breath mint. I gave him a Tic Tac toe.
- What kind of breath mints do dyslexic military officers use? Tac-tics
- What do houses eat when their breath stinks? Apart Mints
- My boy asked me how to get a kiss on the first date. I told him to plan ahead and get some breath mints. Tac Tics my son, Tac Tics
- What do you call two breath mints that were turned into humans by a scientist? Ex-pair-a-mints.
- What do you call sugar-free breath mints from California? "Sacramentos."
- Did you hear about the guy who overdosed on breath mints? He had to be admitted to the Mentos hospital.
- The Guy who invented Breath Fresheners ... must have made a Mint.
- How do you defend your breath mints? Tic-Tactically.
Hilarious Breath Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What funny jokes about breath you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean blow jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make breath pranks.
You're coughing all the time and it's hard for you to breath, what happend?
It's a lung story
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
CPR
I popped my head over my s**... neighbour's fence today to see her lying in her bikini.
"Wow, you're gorgeous!" I burst out, "I hope you know how to do CPR."
"Why?" she asked with a giggle, "Because I've taken your breath away?"
"No," I replied. "I've just run your son over out front."
Mahatma Gandhi...
...walked barefoot a lot, which probably produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. I've heard he also ate very little, which could have made him rather frail. The odd diet he kept leads me to believe he suffered from bad breath. I suppose you could have called him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a really cranky shaman with bad breath and osteoporosis?
A Super-calloused-fragile-mystic-hexed-by-halitosis
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Irish priest was transferred to Texas.
Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a j**... lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.
The conversation went like this:
"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"
"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann 's Catholic Church. There's a j**... lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the foreign accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"
There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.......
Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye,'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A soon-to-be-wed couple are snuggling in bed after s**... one night...
...The man suggests that they come clean about any straying that they may have done since they got together.
"It`s best to get this stuff out in the open before the wedding," he explains.
The woman replies, "Oh darling. Don`t you remember? We went through all this a month ago."
The man takes a deep breath and says, "Aah...yes...But that was a month ago..."
A man stumbles into his house early in the morning...
after a night of partying and heavy drinking, just as the sun is coming up. His wife is waiting for him at the kitchen table, glaring at him.
"Is there a reason you're coming home at 6 in the morning with alcohol on your breath, lipstick on your collar?" She shouts at him.
"Yes there is," he replies.
"I would like some breakfast"
The MI5 are watching every move I make and breath I take...
It seems it's a sting operation
A man enters a pet shop...
...and wants to buy a polar bear. The shop assistant takes the man to the bear's cage and says: "The polar bear is absolutely tamed, but whatever you do, don't touch his nose."
The man goes home with his new pet and everything is OK. Until the man can't no longer withstand: "I have to try what happens, when I touch his nose!" So he touches the nose and the polar bear leaps towards him and chases the man throughout the house.
Finally the man runs out of breath and the polar bear catches him. With his paw the bear taps the man's shoulder and says: "You are it!"
The referee
I refereed a women's football match yesterday. It was brilliant.
I booked two for muttering under their breath, one for the silent treatment and I sent one off without explanation and left her wondering what she'd done wrong.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hair Fragrance
Every day at the office, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants to file a s**... harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks, "So what's s**... threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"
The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A father takes a deep breath and says "Son, I think it's time you and I talk about s**...."
His son took a deep breath as well "Sure dad, what do you want to know about it?"
A wife sits with her husband, who is on his deathbed...
The husband says, "Darling, I think it's time... I have one last wish before I pass."
"What is it, dear?"
"About six months after I'm gone, I want you to marry Joey, ok?"
She sat dumbfounded for a second. "But, I thought you *hated* that man?"
The husband grabbed her hand and with his last breath whispered "I do."
My friend says his new girlfriend takes his breath away
..but that's because she is inflatable
So my son came home drunk at 2am.
I said, "excuse me, but you are out past curfew and I distinctly smell beer on your breath." "No dad, I'm sorry I'm home late but I wasn't drinking. My buddies and I were eating froglegs." So I looked at him and said, "I have been around for a while I know what beer smells like." He started to panic and said,"dad you're just smelling the hops."
EDIT : Apostrophe
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hey baby, you're just like a plastic bag...
You take my breath away.
Husband's night out
An angry housewife met her husband at the front door and immediately noticed he smelled of alcohol and perfume.
"I assume," she said with her most acidic sarcasm, "That there must be a very good reason for your coming home at six o'clock in the morning with booze on your breath and another woman's perfume all over you."
"There is," he said. "I'd like breakfast."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There's no easy well to tell your girlfriend that she has bad breath.
I think I'm just going to stop kissing your girlfriend.
I breathed a sigh of relief when I typed the letter "y"...
...when I had to type "analytics" into the search bar during a presentation at work.
The Old Man and his wife
A couple were celebrating 60 years of marriage, the old man kissed his wife's neck and then said: "Of our six kids the last one didn's look anything like his brothers and sister, did he have a different father?"
After a moment she took a deep breath and answered yes.
The old man sighed. "Who was he?"
"You.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
People who use drugs are pathetic. I'm high on life!
Side effects of life are include depression, anxiety, pain both emotional and physical, shortness of breath, physical and mental deterioration, weariness, sleepiness, insomnia, thought of s**..., and misery. Prolonged use may result in death.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A soldier is running from Military Police. He runs up to a nun, and asks, out of breath: "Please... may I hide under your tunic?"
..."I'll explain later."
The nun nods in agreement.
A moment later, two Military Police officers show up and ask:
"Sister, have you seen a soldier here?"
The nun shakes her head. MPs run off, and the soldier crawls out from under her tunic and says, "I can't thank you enough, sister. You see, I don't want to go to Syria. I want to return to my family..."
The nun nods and smiles.
The soldier, relieved, adds jokingly: "I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!"
The nun smiles, and replies in a deep voice "Well lad, if you had looked a bit higher, you would've seen a great pair of b**...… guess we're both not going to Syria."
Mahatma Ghandi never wore shoes...
Gandhi never wore shoes, and so his feet were always covered in loads of callouses and blisters. And because he never ate food, he was always very frail. Furthermore his fasting caused him to have horrible breath. So...
I guess you could say he was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Your breath is so n**.......
That people look forward to your farts
So there was a monk...
This particular monk could only eat garlic for his religious diet, which made him EXTREMELY weak, and also gave him bad breath. Also, like most other monks he wore no shoes, which gave him many callouses.
This made him a "super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis."
A dying grandma tells her grandchild....
A dying grandma tells her grandchild, "I want to leave you my farm. That includes the barn, livestock, the harvest, the tractor, and other equipment, the farmhouse and $24,548,750.45 in cash." The grandchild, absolutely floored and about to become rich says, "Oh grandma, you are SO generous! I didn't even know you had a farm. Where is it?" With her last breath, Grandma whispered, "Facebook..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Me to My Neighbour
we get it. you can hold your breath (*looks at watch*) for 19 days. Quit showing off and come out of that pool.
An airline employee makes the final boarding call for a flight.
After she finished the announcement, she spots a man running down the concourse towards the gate. He runs through the boarding area, hurdles a row of empty chairs, and stops at the podium, almost out of breath.
"You just made it!" she says. "Do you have your boarding pass?"
"Oh, this isn't my flight," the man says. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm vegan."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does it mean when your boyfriend is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Breathing heavily, she asked me what I can give her.
Me: "I'll give you a hint, it starts with a D"
Her: "Oh yess, I can't wait!"
Me: "That's right, get ready for some disappointment!"
Ghandi
Mahatma Gandhi lived a strange life
Because of his odd diet, he was plagued by a constant case of bad breath. This diet also left him rather thin and frail.
Because he didn't wear shoes, and he walked everywhere, he developed an impressively thick set of calluses on the soles of his feet.
All-in-all, he was a super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call prostitutes that are out of breath?
p**... h**...
Mahatma Gandhi was a strange person.
He walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He often went on hunger strikes, and even when he wasn't on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. He also was a very spiritual person. Finally, because he didn't eat much and when he did his diet was peculiar, he developed very smelly breath.
He eventually became known as a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
An Irish priest is driving along a country road when a police man pulls him over.
He immediately smells alcohol on the priest's breath and notices an empty wine bottle in the car.
He says: "Have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The cop replies: "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says: "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.
Going to a singles bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away. "I'm just an ordinary man" he said, walking up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." The woman went home with Charles, and the next day she became his stepmother.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Last night a man attacked me.
Last night when i was coming home from work a man attacked me. He silently put the knife to my t**... with his hand covering my mouth.. I think that's it, I'm done. He takes out his business card, gives it to me and leaves. With a pounding heart and shortness of breath, I read it.
It said : *Self-defense courses.*
I have a new recipe that's gluten free, sugar free, no-fat, non-GMO, pesticide free, low-calorie, vegan, kosher and paleo-friendly.
It's a real breath of fresh air.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A deer walks out of a gay bar
He curses under his breath and says can't believe I blew 30 bucks in there
I've invented a new game. You use small breath mints as playing pieces in the old-fashioned match-3-in-a-row game. I'd be happy to teach you my strategy for winning this game, but I'll have to charge you a small fee:
Call it a Tic Tac Tic-Tac-Toe Tactics Tax.
Julie Andrews withdraws her endorsement
Julie Andrews will no longer be endorsing Revlon Vibrant Shades lipstick, as she claims it breaks too easily and makes her breath smell.
In a statement she said, "The super color fragile lipstick gives me halitosis."
A fisherman is fishing by the river shore when a man rushes towards him, catches his breath and says:
Man: "Excuse me, have you seen a woman pass by this area?"
Fisherman: "One with a white dress with black stripes?"
Man: "Yes, exactly! She must not be very far away, right?"
Fisherman: "I don't think so, the current isn't very strong today."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wife: "Why are the dishes still in the sink?"
Husband: "Because if I let them soak for long enough, getting them clean will be effortless.
\**Wife rolls eyes*\*
Wife: "Oh forget it. I'll do it myself."
\**Wife goes to wash the dishes*\*
Husband (under his breath): "See? Effortless."
A husband is admitted to the hospital...
He has fallen very ill and his future is unsure. He says to his wife, "honey, if I die, I think you should marry Hank from down the street."
"Hank?" the wife questions, "I thought you hated him?"
With his last breath the husband replies "I do"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hey Tommy why're you so out of breath?
Well I was just having the best s**... of my life!
Wow it was so good it took your breath away?
Oh nah, I had to run - I heard a door open on the other side of the morgue
Our grandpa was running away from the operation theater ...
We stopped him and asked what was wrong.
He replied that the nurses in the operation theater were saying "Don't worry, everything will be alright, we are all with you" and that made him uncomfortable.
We said "They were trying to calm you down. This is common. They probably say this to all the patients before the surgery"
Our grandpa took a deep breath, looked deep into my eyes and said "They were telling that to the surgeon"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I breathe heavy whenever I'm around woman's underwear.
I guess that's why they call them p**....
I surprised my friend with a brand new car, it really took his breath away
He never saw it coming
A trucker stops at a red light and a blonde catches up to him.
She knocks on the window and says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker just ignores her, the light changes, and he proceeds down the street.
At the next light, the blonde again catches up and says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load."
He ignores her again and continues down the street.
At the next red light the blonde catches up, all out of breath, knocks on the window and says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker looks at her and finally, he says, "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's snowing, and I'm driving a salt truck."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bride
The night before her wedding, the bride-to-be talked with her mother. "Mom," she said, "I want you to teach me how to make my new husband happy."
The mother took a deep breath and began, "When two people love, honor, and respect each other, love can be a very beautiful thing..."
"I know how to f*c**..., mother," the bride-to-be interrupted.
"I want you to teach me your lasagna recipe."
A blonde was walking down the street with headphones in
A friend of hers stops her, and tries to talk to her
The blonde just stares at them, keeping the headphones in her ears, so the friend removes them for her and the blonde stops breathing
The friend quickly puts the earbuds back in and she starts breathing again
The friend tries it again, and the blonde stops breathing
The friend takes out only one ear bud, and sticks it in their ear and hears,
Breathe in, breathe out, breath in...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a s**... harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?
The woman replies: It's Frank, the midget.
Why couldn't Henry VIII breath?
He had no heir.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This hideous woman came stumbling up to me in a club with whiskey breath. She leaned into my ear.
"s**...?" she asked.
"Male," I replied.
Dad on his death bed: Son, I have to tell you something
Son under his breath: I bet I'm adopted
Dad: You were ado...
Dad dies
Son: Knew it
Dad wakes up: You were adorable as a baby
Dad dies
Son: Awww, thats so sweet
Dad wakes up: That's why we adopted you
A guy goes into a grocery store.
He sees a pile of potatoes, and asks the store keeper:
"What are those?"
"Those are potatoes"
"Can I have a kilo of potatoes individually wrapped?"
The store keeper shakes his head and start wrapping potatoes.
"What are those?"
"Those are plums..."
"Can I have a kilogram of plums all individually wrapped?"
The store keeper cusses under his breath and starts packing plums.
"... and what are those?!
"Those are poppy seeds and they are NOT for sale!"
My girlfriend got really mad at me today, screaming about how I always have to be right about things and how I'm a complete monster like Frankenstein or something.
Luckily she paused for breath so I was able to point out Frankenstein was the doctor's name.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine
He inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a s**... harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?
The woman replies: It's Frank, the midget.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two friends are eating at a pub when a woman next to them begins to choke...
Two friends are eating at a pub when a woman next to them begins to choke. Quickly and without hesitation, one friend quickly lifts up the woman's dress, bends her over, and licks her right and left b**... cheeks. Immediately, she spits out her food enabling her to breath again before slapping him.
As the man returned to his seat, his buddy exclaimed, Wow! I've heard of the hine lick maneuver, but I've actually never seen it done before.
A man goes to the therapist and says...
"Doctor, you got to help me. My wife is unfaithful to me. Every night, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up a man. She sleeps with anybody who asks her. I can't take this anymore!"
The therapist says: "Relax. Take a deep breath, sit down, and tell me exactly: where's Larry's bar?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a wizard who walks everywhere on bare feet, has poor bone density and really bad breath?
A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
What is another term for a lung transplant?
Breath Implants
Supercalifragilisticexpialodocious.
Now, we all know that Mahatma Gandhi didn't wear shoes when he walked, so he had rather large calluses on his feet. He also did not eat much, making him rather frail, and due to his diet, his breath was unpleasant, to say the least.
He was a super-callused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis.
