The Best 18 Breast Feeding Jokes

Breast Feeding

A man is sitting next to a woman who is trying to breast feed her baby on the bus. The baby refuses to eat and the mother warns, "If you don't eat I'll give it to the man next to me." The baby refuses. After 20 mins the mother repeats the threat. The man clears his throat and says, "Hey woman, you better make up your mind. I was supposed to get off the bus 6 stops ago!"

I walked into the living room to find my wife breast feeding our son...

"How long do you have to do that for?" I asked. "When is he going to be too old for it?"

"Well, it's a physical bond between a mother and her child isn't it? It's only society that deems it unacceptable above a certain age."

I replied, "Shut up, Harry. I was talking to your mother."

A man was riding on a full bus minding his own business when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby.

The baby wouldn't take it so she said, "Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I'll have to give it to this nice man next to us."

Five minutes later the baby was still not feeding, so she said, "Come on, honey. Take it or I'll give it to this nice man here." A few minutes later the anxious man blurted out, "Come on kid. Make up your mind! I was supposed to get off four stops ago!"

I'm so sick of people looking at me funny because I choose to breast feed.

If I wanna get my milk straight from the cow, then that's up to me.

My mother never attempted to wean me off of breast feeding. Just cut me off entirely one day...

...as if that first year of college wasn't difficult enough.

Milkin' it.

I walked into the living room to see my wife breast feeding our son.

Being curious, I asked: "how long are you going to keep doing this, honey? I mean at what age is it too old for him?"

"Well, I think it's necessary to have quality bonding time between mother and child, and usually societal norms dictate this age aught to be ..."

I got impatient again: "Shut up son, i was talking to your mother. "

I asked my mom if I could try to breast feed one more time.

It was a trip down mammary lane.

A mom is breastfeeding her baby twins.

One day, one of the twins realized that there is more milk coming from the breast where his twin sibling is feeding on. Because of extreme jealousy, he put poison on that specific breast while everyone is asleep.

The next day, the twins' uncle died.

Little Johnny was talking to a neighbor.

He asked her, "What do you feed your new baby"? The woman replied, "Milk and orange juice". Johnny looked at her breasts then looked up and asked, "which one's the orange juice"?

Newborn baby's first meal

My newborn son is having trouble with breast feeding. For some reason we can't get him to latch on. The lactation specialist, midwife, nurses and doctors have tried everything to help. We're frustrated the baby is hungry so I'm going to give up and let my wife try.

Someone made a rude comment towards me for breast feeding in public recently.

But what am I supposed to do? A mans got to eat.

Breast feeding

I hate when people tell me to stop breast feeding in public.

I mean, whenever a baby does it it's natural but when I do it it's sexual assault

So the woman sitting next to me on a plane with an infant in her lap looks over to me and asks, "do you mind if I breast feed?"

And I respond, "no thanks I already ate." Too harsh of a dad joke?

This hating of people who breast feed in public places has to stop!

I'll raise my dog however I like.

I walked up to a woman feeding ducks in the park and said, "Excuse me, but isn't that a bit weird?"

"No, why would it be?" she replied.

"Because normal people use bread, not breast milk."

When a woman breast feeds in public it's called natural, but when I do it, the woman calls the cops.

When I was a kid my mother stopped breast feeding me.

I asked her why and she says "hey, I just wanna be friends."

Yo mama’s so old, when she breast feeds, people mistake her for a fog machine!