The Best 72 Breaking Off Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Breaking Off jokes. There are some breaking off breakin jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these breaking off breaking up puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Breaking Off Jokes and Puns

Breaking News: Bill Gates has agreed to pay for Trump's wall

On the condition he gets to install windows.

How do you break up two blind guys fighting?

Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"

Why are ships' portholes round?

So that if they break, water doesn't hit you square in the face.

Breaking Off joke, Why are ships' portholes round?

My doctor wrote me a prescription for "dailysex"...

But the wife had to break it to me that it was actually for "dyslexia".

What's the hardest part breaking up with a Japanese girlfriend?

You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets it.


Where do admins go for summer break?

Banned camp.

BREAKING NEWS: A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.

Breaking Off joke, BREAKING NEWS: A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost hi

So a finch asks his mother...

"Mom, why does my beak look different than yours?"
She replies, "Well son, I hate to break it to you, but you're adapted."

Barack Obama is having a race with Joe Biden around the white house.

After finishing the race Obama says "Whew, just under 10 minutes. Did I break the record?"

Biden replies "No, Bush did 9:11."

I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl friends.

She said "Yes!". I said "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."

Three burglars break into a building and are confronted by a soldier, a cop, and a politician.

The politician tells the soldier to kill Burglar #1, and the two stab each other to death.

The politician then tells the cop to arrest Burglar #2, and the two beat each other unconscious.

The politician then walks up to Burglar #3 and says "I just saved your life, your freedom, and tripled your share of the loot. I think 20% is a fair cut."

You can explore breaking off fracture reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean breaking off burglary dad jokes. There are also breaking off puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet,

but only for like 20 seconds...

From how high can you drop an egg onto a concrete floor without breaking it?

Higher than you would think, the structural integrity of a well laid concrete floor renders it virtually indestructible towards an incoming egg, even at terminal velocity.

My wife said she's breaking up with me, because of my obsession with rhyming,

I nearly choked on my tea, what terrible timing!

Why do baby boomers like fracking so much?

Because figuratively breaking the country apart isn't enough.

Hey girl, are you the SAT?

Because I'd do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes, with a 10 minute break in between for snacks. Then I'd stare at you for another 5-10 minutes thinking, "Wow, I really hope I don't screw this up."

Breaking Off joke, Hey girl, are you the SAT?

Break ups are the worst in China...

You see her face everywhere.

My buddy just came to me all depressed and said My son flunked the third grade, and I just don't know how to break it to him.

So I said well…probably better tell him pretty slowly, so the little dumbass will get it."

In breaking news, Trump's personal library has burned down

The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist he hadn't even finished coloring the second one


I had to break up with my cross-eyed girlfriend...

Apparently, she was seeing someone else on the side.

Breaking News: A movie theatre has just been robbed of over two thousand dollars

The theives took a large soda and two bags of popcorn

Breaking News: In a press media briefing, United Airlines CEO Oscar Munoz has stated...

"Since we cannot beat our competitors, we have resorted to beating our customers".

Husband takes his wife to a disco.

Husband takes his wife to a disco. There's a guy on the dance floor dancing like a king –moonwalking, break dancing, head spins, the works. The wife turns to her husband and sighs: "You see that man? 25 years ago he asked me to marry him and I said no."

Husband says: "Yep, it looks like he's still celebrating!!"

So a prison break was happening...

And I happened to be walking around when it happened. It had a huge wall, and I saw someone climbing down from it. Turns out I knew the guy, he's a famous midget con artist that I ratted out. As he climbed down, he gave me this wretched look.

It was a little condescending.

Did you hear about the crematorium employee who took a nap on a gurney during his break?

He got fired for sleeping on the job.

Break a mirror, 7 years of bad luck.

Break a condom, your bad luck will probably outlive you.

I rode to the liquor store yesterday on my bicycle...

I bought a bottle of Rum and put it in the bicycle basket.

As I was about to leave I thought for a moment. If I fall off the bicycle, the bottle might break.

To avoid that, I drank all of the rum before I left the store.

It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off the bike seven times on my way home

i went to the liquor store on my bike.

i went to the liquor store on my bike and bought a bottle vodka and put it in the basket on the front...then it occoured to me that if i fall or something happens then the bottle might break. so i drank it all right there and its a good thing i did cause i fell 7 times on the way home

apparently this was posted before...i had no idea. a friend sent me a voice recording of someone telling it and i posted it ..sorry

I witnessed the break up of an obese couple

I guess they didn't work out.

My girlfriend texted me that the relationship cannot continue because I played too much video games.

Looks like it was my Destiny 2 break up with her.

I came up with this joke during lunch break: What do you call a jewish obstacle course?

Shlalom

I went to the local liquor store on my bicycle the other day

I bought a nice bottle of scotch and put it in my basket.. I was afraid that if I fell over the bottle might break so instead of risking it I drank the bottle right there.

Turned out to be a smart thing to do because I must have fallen 12 times on my short way back home..

Santa and Mrs. Claus have decided to break up

However, finding a divorce lawyer at the North Pole is next to impossible, so instead they got a semicolon.

They're great at separating independent Clauses.

What's the hardest part about breaking up with a Japanese chick?

You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.

A schoolboy rescues President Trump

A schoolboy walking home from school see Donald Trump* drowning in a pond. He dives him and saves him.

The president is very grateful and offers him a gift as a reward.

"All I want is a wheelchair" says the boy.

A wheelchair? Why do you need a wheelchair? the president asks.

Well, the boy explains, when my old man finds out I rescued you from drowning, he's gonna break both my legs.

*(

What happens when the thermometer breaks during your rectal examination?

Mercury is in Uranus

A beer bottle, a mirror, and a condom are all talking to each other....

Beer Bottle: You break me, you get 1 year of bad luck!

Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get 7 years bad luck!

Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)

I find it strange how everyone suddenly cares about straws killing dolphins...

They've been breaking camels' backs for years.

I went to the liquor store on my bicycle and bought a bottle vodka, put it in the basket on the front and then it occurred to me that if I fall or something happens, the bottle might break, so I drank it all right there and it's a good thing I did...

...'cause I fell 7 times on the way home...

I had to break up with my tennis player girlfriend

Love meant nothing to her

"This is the hardest part of our job," said the police officer after Adam was pronounced dead in the accident.

"Yeah, but break the news slowly. His wife is a very sensitive person."

The police officer knocks on the door and Adam's wife opens it.

"Are you Adam's widow?" said the police.

A guy visits his favorite dominatrix

He puts his money on the bedside table and says I've been bad, mistress. I need to be punished.

She makes him strip and bend over as she whips his quivering bottom.
Next she makes him crawl into bed and ties him securely to the bedposts.

She runs her whip over his flesh and, as he wriggles in anticipation, the bed posts break and his arms come free.

Don't worry, I can fix this he says, as he runs out to his car. He returns in a few minutes with some tools and gets to work.
In a few minutes the bedposts are fixed.
He looks admiringly at his handiwork and beams.
Good as new, mistress!

She says This sub really loves reposts.

Two thieves break into a house. Once inside, they sneak into the master bedroom and tie up the naked woman they find in there.

A startled, naked, man comes out of the bathroom, sees what's happening and says, "Please, please, take whatever you want, I will even give you the combination to my safe. Just, please, untie her and let her go."

The thieves were surprised by how heartfelt the pleas from the man were. One of them says, "Wow, you must really love your wife in order to beg like that."

The man replies, "I do, and she will be home any minute!"

A boy knocks his father down the stairs in a freak accident.

The father breaks his neck and dies, leaving his son to mourn for days. However, one night, the boy wakes up to see an apparition of his father before him. All at once, he breaks down crying, and screams out, "I'm sorry!"

His father responds, "Hi Sorry, I'm dead!"

Whats the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl

You have to drop the bomb twice before she finally gets it

BREAKING: North Korean leader in a vegetative state following surgery.

They've begun calling him Kim Jong Un-Responsive

If Elon Musk's space company establishes a Mars colony, and you have a girlfriend on mars, but later break up because of long distance, she'd be your....

Space x.

A fortune teller told me I'd suffer awful heart break in 12 years.

To cheer myself up I bought a puppy.

A crow was caught recently breaking quarantine laws.

They charged him with attempted murder.

When my girlfriend and I break up and she screws 10 guys, she's an "empowered woman"

But when I do it I'm "gay".

A little girl runs up to her mother and says "mummy, daddy hanged himself in the basement!"

Upon hearing the news the mother breaks down in tears and, shakily, makes her way into the basement.

When they get there, the woman cannot see the father's corpse.
The little girl then exclaims "April fools! Daddy did it in the garage"

Breaking News: Local Kindergarten reports major Peek-a-Boo accident.

All involved were rushed to the ICU

A husband and a wife over their marriage had eight kids.One day the husband notices that their sixth kid, Billy, looks very different from the other seven.

The husband goes to his wife and asks her, Honey, I noticed that Billy looks different from the other children, did you have an affair?

The wife starts to break down into tears and nods her head.

The husband, heartbroken, quietly asks his wife, So who is Billy's father?

You.

Breaking: Donald Trump has just won another state.

Denial.

Breaking news: Germany is advising people to stock up on sausages and cheese.

This is starting to look like the Wurst KΓ€se scenario.

Anybody caught breaking rule will be fined....

The first day of university and Dean addressing the students, pointing out some of the rules: The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.

He continued, Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: How much for a season ticket?

Hitler dies and goes in front of a hell gate...

St. Peter is waiting, judging him.

They stand in silence when Hitler breaks it:" St. Peter, where am I?"

"Hell, Hitler." he responds.

"Ya, ya, Heil Hitler, but where am I?".

Mike Tyson said he was going to convert me to atheism

At least I'm pretty sure that's what he meant by "I'm gonna break your faith!"

My friend was telling me about a salmon that could break into safes...

Turned out to be a lox myth.

Two blind men.

This morning I had to break up a fight on the sidewalk. Two blind men going at it with their canes.
I said: "Break it up guys,What the hell is going on here!"
Blind man 1:"You owe me fifty dollars!"
Blind man 2: "I don't understand what the hell his problem is!, I told YOU! ,"I WILL PAY YOU THE NEXT TIME I SEE YOU!"

My girlfriend has an onlyfans account and it's doing really well

I just have to figure out how to break the news to her

My girlfriend told me she would break up with me if I kept telling jokes about the USSR

Soviet

I've been trying really hard to break up with my optician girlfriend.

Every time I tell her I can't see her any more, she moves a bit closer to me says "How about now, is that any better?"

A man was driving on the highway in the US when suddenly he was hit by a drunk driver, breaking his right arm, puncturing his lung, and putting him into a short coma

Despite not having insurance, he left the hospital without any financially crippling debt that would haunt him for the rest of his life and compromise his future savings.

Proud Dad momemt

My 10 year old daughter just asked me "Dad, what do you do when you break your arm in several places?" I was in the middle of going over some work and said " I'm not sure" her reply was " You stop going to those places."

***Happy tear follows***

My ex girlfriend was a beautiful woman...

... olive skin, green eyes, snakes for hair.

But I had to break it off with her because she was constantly objectifying me.

BREAKING: Russia has struck its own submarine with an underwater torpedo in the Black Sea, killing all 69 aboard

Whoops wrong sub

How do chemical compounds cry?

They break down

My girlfriend told me that it was either her, or my career as a news reporter

I'm afraid I had some breaking news for her

Breaking News: Legal alien lived a lavish lifestyle for years by impersonating music icon Sting.

Today he finally turned himself into the police.

BREAKING: The US Senate has unanimously approved a bill that would make Daylight Savings Time permanent!

If you ask me, it's about time!

I don't always make Titanic jokes

But when I do, I use them to break the ice

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the breaking off breaking bad jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working breaking off breaking news piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes